toughmomof4

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Well I had my second fill on 10/26/06.  I now have 2cc's in the band.  I can REALLY feel the restriction as of now anyways.  With my first fill I was like that and then after about a week it went away.  So...time will tell.  I weighed in this morning at 259 so thats 28 lbs since I started the liquid diet 2 wks before surgery.  I am ok with that as long as it keeps going downward.  I found I gain at least 5 lbs during the monthly thing.  ICK!  I have SAD as well and its here full swing.  Going to the Dr on Halloween to get a light and try light therapy this year.  Never have done it so we will see how that goes.  I took some pictures yesterday...still too soon for me to see the changes.  But hopefully soon I will see it for myself. Depressing.  BIL is doing great and ds is now getting ready for hers november 30th.  Our own little support group is kinda nice.  I wanted steak last night so bad and got it and then could only eat about an ounce.  I cried and was so frustrated that here i am at 37 and had to have surgery in order to diet correctly and it was also i think a case of mourning for food.  But i am out of the kick now and just wanting to see the scale move. Nothing else really happening....daycare is full as of today ...2 interviews.  We will see how it goes.  One day at a time.  Take care for now...I will write more soon.  I tend to forget this site from time to time.  I update on yahoo more.  Take care.  bye for now. If you are reading my posts  drop me a line.  I would be happy to hook up with a buddy or answer any questions you have about the lap band. 

I have been heavy all my life and as i get older I worry about different issues in my health.  I am the mom of 4 kids and need to be here as long as I can be as they need me...and I need them!

Aug. 6,2006 Wght 284
I am starting to FREAK OUT!  Surgery day is Sept. 1, 06 VERY nervous about this whole thing.  Yet I want surgery day here TODAY!  Weird.  Nothing going on much really.  Just testing out the Carnation Instant Breakfast things.  So far they all seem to taste ok.  Course in the presurgery diet I bet they wont! LoL  I will be back again soon to update.

 Aug. 7,2006
Well, yesterday we stopped drinking ALL pop in the house.  I had a BAD Diet Pepsi habit and the DH a bad Pepsi habit.  I never thought I would see the day that he would quit drinking pop but he said if it helps me then he would do so.  I miss it but yet I have a craving now for Diet Lipton Citrus Tea.  And its expensive so I have settled for Crystal Light instead. I seem to be pretty crabby today as the stop smoking is going good other then the ornaryness  lol  Not craving one though.  Just irratable. Onward and Downward (pounds wise).  See ya soon!

Aug. 16,2006
Went to see the Dietician and she explained the liquid phase I have to go thru for the next month basically.  I start the liquid diet this Friday.  UFFDA!  Its gonna be a challenge...however...I am going to do this text book style so that I benefit on the greater end of this lifestyle change.  She also went through the RN part of the meeting before surgery....where to check in to hospital...how long of a stay etc etc.  I am excited.....but now the nerves are kicking in BIG TIME!  Now I am at the phase..."well what if I dont wake up" deal for the surgery part.  I know I will.......just makes me scared.  So the emotional rollercoaster will be on full throttle for a while now I think.  But I can do this!  I am DETERMINED to do this and make it work.  I will update more later.  Bye for now. :o)

 Aug. 17th,2006
Well..its here.  The eve of my liquids until Surgery.  I am determined.  And I hope that the food devil dont come and try to push me into eating.  I want and have to do this the way the Dr says.  And if I cant do this now...I will NOT succeed after surgery.  I am getting quite scared really.  All the things you think about in the end of the journey to surgery.  2 Months ago I would of beat the surgeon to the operating room.  Today...slow this ride down a bit.  Scarey as it is....I will make it I am sure. DH is going to cook for me these next two weeks so I am not as tempted.  How lucky was I to find this man.  VERY! Well..I am off to bed...and tomorrow....carnation instant breakfast all day long and jello and soups!  Here we go Kari....the journey has begun officially.  Night all.

Aug. 18th, 2006 Wght 281
Well today I start liquids.  Not too worried about it so far.  I weighed in today and found I have lost 3 lbs in the last couple weeks.  Not sure how I did that seeing how I was eating at every food place I like in the last 2 wks.  Today I am a little upset as I should be going to a funeral but havent decided if I will wake DH up as he didnt get home til 5 am this morning from picking up his Mom at the airport.  So I dont know what to do.  Its gonna be a hellish two weeks here.  But I am worth it and a email I got from a support group memeber said..."the dr and my liver will thank you".  So here we go.  Write more later. 

Aug. 27th,2006
All I can say is that.  "The liquid diet sucks rotten eggs!"  I hate it and I am hungry.  I am so mad at the world its unreal.  The DH and kids are learning just to stay away from Mom by the look on her face.  I feel bad for them.  Its not their fault.  I made this choice to do this and I knew I would have to go through this.  Its not that I am STARVING!  I just want to "tatse" and "chew" REAL food!  I know I am not coming even close to what the dr wants me to drink etc.  We went camping for one night and that was way too hard on me let alone on my back.  Feeling a bit "anxious" as well.  Went to the dr on the 24th for my pre-op and she said I was good to go.  Said she wants to see me about 2 wks after surgery to check on me as well.  She did give me some Xanax to help with the anxiety I have been having. Hoping that will help. Today I am pretty onary and have things to do such as clean the house etc. but I think that I will take some of the Xanax that the dr gave me to calm the nerves a bit.  I also have a interview for daycare this afternoon.  So a cleaning I am gonna go.  I also have a pretty busy week planned so that will also make Friday come sooner even though the thought of Friday coming scares me to death.  I will update again before Friday. 

Aug. 29th,2006
Ok...well I am starting to sweat.  I am a big baby when it comes to surgery.  I want this sooooo bad...but yet here I sit saying to myself.  OMG! I will go thru with it.  But I will be lucky if I dont have a panic attack or get an ulcer in the next 3 days.  lol  I just want it overwith.  The liquids are still on track.  I have lost 13 lbs so far from my highest weight.  It feels good to see the numbers go down.  It will be nice for the first time in my life to see then "keep going down".  I am struggling emotionally BAD!  The rollercoaster of emotions just plain SUCKS!  My pcp asked me..."can you imagine yourself a 100lbs lighter??" and I said...um...no i cant.  I have only been under 200 lbs one time in my adult life and that was after I had my first baby.  I weighed 197 and teetered there for only a few months.  I felt I looked sick but I was also in an abusive relationship and I had ZERO self esteem.  I have a closet full of clothes that everyone here probably has....you know the ones "someday I will fit them" clothes.  Well I have quite a few of those waiting for me.  So I am gonna dust them off and get them ready to actually put on.  My sister and brother in law are now approved for lap band and have their dates.  BIL is Sept. 27th and My sister is Nov. 27th.  What a nice little support group we have.  I am SO happy they too chose to do this.  I worry alot of my BIL as he has high blood pressure and is only in his late 20's.  Well today my other sister is coming to help with the kids while I and the DH are at the hospital for the day and night.  Had the talk with the kids about "what if..." yea.  they didnt care to hear it.  But I made it a point TO talk about it.  Well I am not sure if I will update yet again before surgery....so for now...this is my choice...I want this bad.  I will be fine and come home sore and ornary....only difference between then and now is that I will be sore.  LOL I am TOO ornary FOR anything to happen.  I will look at these posts even after I come home from surgery and think...good grief...worried for nothing.  Until later......

Sept 2nd, 06
Well I am home.  It went pretty good.  I am sore and my back is killing me!  I have this "burpy sensation" sometimes i can burp sometimes I cant.  I am hungry from time to time.  Course for the things i cant have.  lol Same liquid diet for 2 more weeks.  Today I am sticking to clear liguids though.  DH is making burgers for himself and boy do they smell good.  My nose is working overtime I know that much.  I was shocked when i weighed in yesterday.  From the time I seen the dietician 8/14 til 9/1 i had lost 17 lbs.  WOOHOO!  So here we go.  Hoping to feel more comfy tomorrow.  I am sore today.  Port spot is the worst.  But really........for all that I worried about........I worried for nothing.  But I figured that would happen anyways.  Well I am off to lay down again......the meds have kicked in so i am wobbly.  lol  Until later.......

Setp. 15,2006
Wow...Been 13 days already since I last updated.  Time goes faster then you think.  Well I am doing GREAT!  Went to my post op appt with Dr Medlin and all was good.  He was happy with how I am doing and progress.  It is quite frustrating though...I like many others are wanting to see the scales drop a tad faster...but as Dr said..."you have the band...but it isnt turned on yet".  So I am just being patient.  I was at 265.5 yesterday morning and 265 this morning so 22 lbs total.  I did gain 6.5 while in the hospital with all the fluids 5 bags mind you in 24 hours.  Dr laughed and said..."yup...the water weight was a gift from us here....but it will go away fast".  Well it did.  So now on the road again for loss.  I am eating soft/mushy foods.  Fish is my thing and also mashed potatoes and acorn squash.  Other then that....I feel good.  Got myself a treadmill....so will be cleaning out a spot to put that today.  I am SO happy I did this...ABSOLUTELY NO REGRETS!  BIL is on liquids now as his surgery is 9/27...helping him with emotions and thoughts as he goes too......DS is on her way as well...11/27...we really should of gotten a buy 2 get one free on this deal.  LOL  Well if you are reading this and want to talk...just email me...I will gladly return.....Have a good day! 

Sept. 26th, 2006
Well Nothing has changed...my weight, life NOTHING!  How frustrating!  I have been doing alot of thinking in the last few days.  And I have come to a conclusion.  I never have time for ME....I dont take the time to get on that treadmill I got 10 days ago...I have been on it one time and that was to "check it out" and then off I went.  I do daycare so I seem to think that I have to make supper for the family and make sure I am in bed by 8 pm.  Last night I realized that I think I need to be in bed by that time so that I at least get "alone time" with my husband.  We watch tv, talk etc.  But I have not found it in the daily schedule for ME! I read online in my support group or on OH all these people that are able to focus on themselves after they have had surgery to lose weight but yet where is it in my life where I can focus on myself?  I have kids from 730 am til 630 pm and by the time I get up in the mornings I am dragging my feet and when I get done at night I feel like its a race to get the kids fed...nightly chores done and then I want to be in bed to relax.  There is no physical way I could even get up earlier to do things as I dont sleep well at night so therefore when the alarm goes off at 630....the snooze button and I are friends for about 15-20 minutes.  I have enough time for coffee and then BAM kids are here.  I think today I will try to just hand over responsibility to Matt at some point and tell him I am going to walk and thats that.  But I sure hope I have it in me to keep it up.  Tomorrow is Brians surgery...going with for that.  Excited for him.  Flying to WA in November so excited for that too.  But scared to death.  But anyways.  Kids are here so must get off the internet and take care of them.  Matt slept in today.  So yes...today...HE will take care of kids for an hour while I walk and then shower.  Until later........