toccaralynn

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Being a year out from surgery, I'm treating myself to a vacation to go visit my family. My mom was here for my surgery last year, but haven't seen my dad or sister in 2 years. Monday will be my real test as I sit my "no butt" in a seat that I used to squeeze in. Thats right I'm getting on that airplane proudly!!! 

So, after awhile now I went for the plunge and finally got all my hair chopped off. I have ALWAYS had LONG hair, but sick of dealing with the constant hair loss and thinning hair that I went and had it cut up to my shoulder and since I have natural curly hair it looks like ringlets. Just called me Curly Starley aka Curly Sue hahaha

http://youtu.be/dKGwgEqMxMQ

This past week was my 28th birthday....I know getting older isn't any fun. However, everyone sent me money so I could splurge and buy some new clothes. I couldn't believe a few months ago I was wearing 4x and 3x but today I got 1x stuff and it fit. Amazing I couldn't believe it I actually found a baseball jersey I've been wanting but it never fit right well today I was at the mall and saw it and thought okay let me try it and 1x fit perfect and since it was on sale even better. I used to be stuck with what was in my size but not anymore I get to choose and pick...felt nice. However I still need to work on my legs and thighs for sure. Also, earlier this week I ran into my old crush and he noticed that I have lost weight...AMAZING FEELING! But, I don't think anything will come of it because who knows LOL. I just wish I could find someone who liked me before and accepted me thru these changes. 

I usually was working out at my YMCA or what I call it the "Y", but was getting results I wanted...I know I expect alot lol. So, after working out at the gym I stopped at Wal-Mart and found me some workout dvd's from The Biggest Loser which I love to watch. Just started it today and love it so far, I feel more of a sweat and burn just from 10 mins then I do after 30 mins working out at the GYM. Guess I wasn't doing the right exercises...just need to get me one of those yoga balls now. Also, watching someone else do it as I 'm doing it helps. Being at home also is a benefit too nobody stares at me in my own living room, which makes me feel like I can do it! 

A little over a week left before I return back to work. It hasn't been even a month yet since surgery and I'm dealing with my mind playing tricks on me. I know I have lost almost 35 pounds since surgery which is great but I'm still a little scared that not even getting this tool to help me lose weight is going to work. I know I have to get that out of my head but it's a little crazy thinking that if I put forward everything I have to offer example exercise, eating right, etc. that I could lose almost 100 pounds in 6-8 months at least thats what I'm hoping to be able to do. Glad that right now food isn't something I 'm craving it's water and crystal light. However, scared of returning to work because I will be around FOOD all day. So, knowing that I'm planning on packing my lunch and snacks. It will certainly be nice to be around people at work again, but after awhile I know I will be annoyed with the daily grind. But what can I do, gotta keep a roof over my head at least. Best of Luck everyone!

So, my mom has been here for the past 2 weeks helping me before and after surgery and this morning she had her flight back to Texas. I've always get so depressed saying goodbye even when I go to visit her. She and my dad both mean so much to me so living all the way in Ohio when they live in Texas makes it very hard. However, I did have a wonderful visit with her and will be planning on going to see them both hopefully really soon. Last year, after she visited it was even a week and I had to book a emergency flight out to texas to help deal with my anxiety. Let's hope it doesn't get that bad or else my mom won't think I can handle life on my own in ohio. Sorry I know this isn't anything to deal with my wls but I just don't want it to affect my recovery since it's only been a lil over a week ago I had surgery.

I have finally finshed my pre-op classes and all of my pre-admission testing. I will tell you this I have been working out at my local gym and that killer stress test still had me feel like I was dying lol. When that was over I was thrilled, til today I had to do blood work and I didn't know the hospital was going to take 13 vials of my blood to test everything know to mankind. Less than 2 weeks now, still have to meet one more time with my surgeon and family doc and then we are all clear for my surgery. My mom is flying in from texas to help me out after wards and I think she is just scared and wants to be here for herself more than anything lol, my mom is so cute. I know she can't help it because I'm her baby girl.  

I finally got under 380, I have been struggling with that for off and on for 2 weeks. Also the office decided to go ahead and submit to insurance the sooner the better. Still, working on losing more before I get a surgery date, off to work I go.  Going to start my pre-classes July 1, can't wait it's just one step closer to surgery. Still working on losing as much weight as possible, getting stronger every day!

I know this will sound selfish but I'm starting to even doubt myself I feel like I can't lose these last 15 pounds and I was actually hoping to lose more than just 30lbs. I've been more careful about everything I've eaten, and I've been working out guess I just gotta hit the gym harder. You would think since I have ALOT to lose that it would melt off but it isn't and starting to feel discouraged. I have even been getting over 10,000 steps a day. Guess I just had to vent because I was hoping to have a surgery date by now. However I did tell my ex about it and he sounded really supportive...but it doesn't matter what he thinks. I used to think the only thing standing in my way was finding a way to pay for it now its just 15 POUNDS. I wish I was on the other side of this and starting my recovery.