Tara D.
| Tara Davis-Burnham Conway, AR, USA Post Op - BMI: 45.4 Surgery Type: RNY Member ID: Davis978552838 Contact: Click here to send a Personal Message Web Site: http://www.webspawner.com/users/tled Surgeon: John W. Baker M.D. |
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Today I talked with my friend Phyllis. She told me of her cousin Carla who had this by-pass surgery that I checked into a few years back. I didn’t do it then because I looked it all over and I just didn’t think it looked like they had it all worked out. So now here I am five years later, bigger and older. I think I will see what I can find out.
January 1, 2001
Happy New Year! Well, I am very impressed with my findings. I learned of a site called www.obesityhelp.com and went there to check it out. I was amazed! I looked over the before and after pictures of about one hundred people and my god, the difference is incredible. They look like totally different people! I am really thinking that I may have this operation. From what I understand they have made some real advancements in the last few years. Now the mortality rate is very low, and those are people that had pre-existing serious health problems. From what I can tell, so many people are so happy with it!
January 2, 2001
Talked to Phyllis’ cousin Carla today. She is so nice! She has lost 108lbs! She gave me the name of the clinic that she went to, and told me that she would do it a million times over if she had the chance! What an endorsement! I am actually getting a little excited about the prospect of having this. I mean it would hurt I am sure, but I the long run? My gosh, I could be so much happier slim.
January 3,2001
Well, I called the St. Vincent's Hospital Bariatric Clinic today and talked to a nice nurse named Madelyn. She told me a few more things about what I now know as the Roux N Y Gastric Bypass. I have an appointment for a seminar on the subject for the 16th of this month. She told me that I have to get my Doctor and my counselor to draft letters recommending this for me. I don’t think it will be hard to get that. I am just hoping that my insurance will cover it! I am really starting to think about the idea of being slim… really slim! My God I really need this. It will change my whole life. To be free of this prison of flesh once and for all would be a miracle. A true miracle in my life.
January 4,2001
I called Susan Shaeffer today. I asked her to write a letter on my behalf to the effect that I have had and completed at least a year of counseling and that she feels like I am well adjusted and fully prepared for this surgery and the things that will follow. She completely supports me and said she would have it faxed as soon as possible. I also called Dr. Robert Rook. He is my General Practitioner. I made appointments with both for the sixteenth so that I can take care of all them before I go to my seminar that day.
January 16, 2001
Well today is the day! I am so happy that my mother is able to come with me today. She is so close to me and I really wanted her to be a part of all of this. No one has loved me like she has in my life and she deserves to be the person to see me finally beat this. I Called Susan and she said she didn’t have my letter ready but would very soon. I guess that is ok, but I really wish she’d had it ready. Of course, I am not anxious at all!!! (smiling) She is a wonderful person that has helped me in so many ways and has been a great friend. I am not going to give her grief!
(11am the same day) Just got out of Dr. Rook’s office. We are so happy! Mom and I can only laugh and cry at the same time. He approved me having it and is going to write me a letter of recommendation too! Now all I have to do is wait for them to make it to the bariatric clinic and into Madolyn’s hands and I hope that I will be home free!
(5pm the same day) The seminar was so interesting! The surgeon that opened the clinic gave it. His name is Dr. Ozment. He is one of the pioneers of the open RNY surgery. He is so smart! I learned so much today and I am so encouraged. I found out that I am much heavier than I first thought. I am 478lbs of woman…wow I am big. Oh well, I will be small sooner than later now with God’s blessing and a surgeon’s brilliant hands! Paid my fees for them to file my insurance and came home happier then I have probably been in my life! Now I have to get my GP and Psychologist to FAX the papers I need to Madelyn. I can’t wait to have this…yippee!
January 18,2001
Called over to my psychologist’s office today and checked on the letter’s progress. The lady in medical records said she had been expecting my doctor to be in her office all day with the letter, but nothing yet. She said she would try to get with her about it. So I am going to call tomorrow. I checked to make sure she had the FAX number and told her to just have her send it directly to them by that.
I also called my GP’s office and asked them if he had the letter from his office done. She said not yet but that she would check with him and try to get it done and typed by this weekend. So I am looking at Monday from both of them. I sure hope they get on with it. I am so anxious to get my paperwork together so that I can get approved soon. I want this operation soon. I am so tired of being like this. I want to start my new life!
January 20,2001
Well here I sit. Writing away and worried. I talked to Madelyn today and she was very informative. She is going to send me the paper that shows what the requirements are for my insurance to approve me. I can use it to check off the things that I need to do. She told me though. I think I have it all except I learned that I will probably need to have the medical records showing my reasons for being disabled. So Monday I call them to request they send THOSE to the clinic! Oh well, it will all be there soon. I just have to hang in there. Monday is going to be a busy day for Madelyn with my papers! I am hoping that is. I hope that she gets three different sets of faxes!
Oh God please let me have this. I deserve it, I have worked so hard to lose this weight. I have dreams of being thin. It is so depressing to wake and find myself lying heavy in my bed. To realize all too soon that I am still so large. I cannot convey to you how much that hurts. How much it kills the soul to feel so unaccepted by the people around you in society. I move carefully, as to not injure myself. Sometimes I have to stop cause my hip feels like it might come out all together or my knee shoots pain up my leg or my ankle pops and nearly knocks me off my feet. My life is a series of pains and humiliations. I mean sure I have people around me that I love and that love me, but I never forget it. I am never totally relaxed save my time alone. I never really feel totally at ease with anyone. I am constantly making sure that I am covered up. Being in public is a real ordeal. I just try to ignore people but sometimes I just can’t stand it. I have been in many a confrontation with people over rude looks and comments sent my way. What is worse than that is the people who do it that are supposed to be above it. Doctors can really be horrible. I have been mistreated by more than one. I had a gynecologist be really rough with me once. When I finally protested after he had bruised my stomach and been just all the way around rough with my exam, he sat and told me that I had to lose weight. That if I didn’t I would be dead in five years. Now this is without any tests of any kind. He told me this based solely on stereotypical prejudice. Well, ten years later I hate to tell him that I am still healthy. Another doctor told me that I didn’t have asthma that I was just short of breath because I was so obese. He went on to ask me in a very snotty way, “ have you ever even TRIED to lose weight?” Well, I do have asthma and finally found treatment with another doctor. These are just a few instances of real abuse in the medical field. Life can be a nightmare for a person of real size. Everywhere I go things are too small. Seating is very bad most everywhere. I don’t go to theaters anymore because the seats are just so small for me. I can’t tell you how many times I have been embarrassed to death by this factor. I had to sit on the floor in an emergency room once because there wasn’t ONE chair in the place without arms that I could sit in. And the nurse on duty checking people in was very resentful of the fact that my mother made her give me her seat to check in. I guess I was expected to stand, with a temperature of over 103 while she took my vitals. I don’t know exactly what the woman expected.
Seatbelts are horrible. On airplanes, in cars, everywhere. I was in the truck with my baby niece one day and she is learning to wear her seatbelt. Well, she is very close to me and noticed that I didn’t have mine on. She told me quickly to put it on so that I wouldn’t fall out of the car. (She is three) I had to explain to her that I was too big to wear them. It made me feel so ashamed to have to put that thought in her head. I never want to be different to her. I cry at the though of her ever being made to feel ashamed of me. I pray that this never happens. Maybe if I can have this operation she won’t have to face that humiliation and neither will I. OH please God… please give me this one thing. I need this thing so much. Well, I have rambled enough I guess. I will go for now. I am waiting for Monday now.
January 22,2001
Well, I talked to the nurse at Dr. Rook’s office and she took some more information and told me that she would call me just as soon as she faxed the letter from Dr. Rook. She is going to work on it tonight and try to fax it in the morning. My psychologist office called and let me know that they faxed her letter for me over this morning. That is one down… and one to go.
January 23,2001
Eureka! Today Donna from Dr. Rook’s office called me and told me that they had gotten his letter for me faxed off! HOORAY! I am on my way. Talked to a great lady on the phone last night. Her name is Melissa and she lives here in Conway. I met her through the chat room at the site I have been going to: www.obesityhelp.com This is a great place to get information and meet people that have been through the same things you have. Not only that, they can answer many of your questions as well, having been through it themselves. Melissa told me to call Dr. Baker’s office, the surgeon that I want to do my operation, and talk to the nurse there and see what, if anything, I need to do at this point to make my process go faster. I talked to a very sweet lady by the name of Michelle there and she told me that if I had my letters in that the next step was to get my blood work done. She told me to go to Dr. Rook’s office and have them done as soon as possible. So, I called right then and got an appointment for in the morning at ten! I am all over this! I am so happy! Michelle told me that it was as good as in the bag! I will be so thrilled the day that I get a surgery date! Ha! It is so funny to be so thrilled about surgery! Most people would be scared to death, but not me. I am so ready for this! On the other side of this is my new life! It will be the life that I deserve one of freedoms that I don’t have now. I don’t expect it to make my life all peaches and cream of course, but I know that this will finally free me to make MY OWN life what I want it to be. I know it is up to me, I am just finally going to be allowed to do it. I will finally be FREE FREE FREE!
I can finally have friends again! So many times my friends don’t include me in plans they make because they know or assume that I can’t do the activity because of my weight. So, I have become someone that they love and go and visit from time to time like a grandmother. I hate that! My own brother, bless his heart has done this. Because he just didn’t feel like I could handle the active end of the invite. But look out! I am so ready to do everything! I want to run and play and skate and go to the mall and everything!!!! I can’t wait! I am so lonely now. I mean I have my family, but I want FRIENDS! I want to go dancing and be able to sit in any kind of chair. I want to be in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by people and having a great time like everyone else. I want to go camping with a beautiful man that thinks I am a goddess! I want it ALL… and I will have it all! Because I have the self-esteem and the drive and the personality to be a FORCE in this world! As soon as I get free, look out!
January 25,2001
Well, I called Madelyn today and found out that I have to have a referral from my primary Care physician. I am not sure if Dr. Rook is or not. I also have to have more specific information from him. And it looks like I am headed for a sleep apnea test. OH well, whatever it takes.
January 26, 2001
I have an appointment with Dr. Rook for Monday at nine thirty. I am going to try to get a more specific account of my weight loss efforts with him. And also get the referrals I need for the surgeon and the sleep apnea clinic.
I find myself really upset a lot. I couldn’t figure out why I would be depressed with such a promising proposition at hand. With much soul searching I have finally figured it out. I have carried around with me so much pain for so long. Now that I have a real hope of being released from this handicap I am allowing myself to let go of the defense mechanism that I have used for so many years to not feel my true feeling about my weight. For so long I have just done what I call filing my feelings. I can easily do this. I just don’t address it. I have had a lot of practice. But now I am so close to being free that I am all of a sudden feeling it all. I am desperately afraid that something will happen to keep me from realizing this dream of freedom. It is like being kept in a dark tunnel away from the light of a happy life for you whole adult life and then suddenly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, only then to realize that it may not stay there. I feel like someone might slam the door shut all of a sudden. I am just frantic inside. Meanwhile I am feeling all the desperation of being in this miserable life. It is like the possibility of being helped in a real way has caused me to thaw out my feelings and now I am so frazzled. I understand from people that I have talked to that this is normal. But I hate it. I can’t wait until the day that I have a date so that I can finally relax and be happy without worrying about having the rug jerked out from underneath me. I think I am going to go back to counseling until this is over…laughing…I know when I am upset!
January 28,2001
Talked to my mom about how I feel. She told me not to worry; the she wouldn’t let anyone slam the door shut on me. She said she would help me get a loan if she had to. That made me feel so much better. I love her so much. I couldn’t have gotten a better mother. Have an appointment with Dr. Rook again tomorrow. The surgeon needs more information and I have to have some referrals. So, back I go.
January 29, 2001
Well, I just got back from Dr. Rook’s office. He was very understanding and said he would get me all the stuff together as soon as possible. I really like him. He is a nice man. Keeping my fingers crossed.
January 30, 2001
Well, Dr. Rook’s office called today and told me that I have an appointment Thursday night at the sleep clinic. That is one more thing that will be checked off the list. I have developed a complication though, that makes this surgery needed just that much faster. I have developed a small hernia in my belly button. It isn’t too painful, but bad enough. I hope my surgery is soon. Dr. Rook says they can fix it then.
February 2, 2001
Well, last night I did my sleep study. It wasn’t that great. They say that I have really bad oxygen deprivation. The technician that helped me was a guy named Mikah. He was really cool. Answered all my questions and never made me feel uncomfortable. We had a fun conversation about numerous things including the paste that he was putting all over me in different spots to attach the electrodes for my EEG. First he had to take some kind of little abrasive pads and slough off all the dead skin on the spots where the electrodes were to be attached. This was a little uncomfortable especially on the soft skin of my neck and face, but nothing that is too bad. Then he wired me up! I felt like the bionic woman in transition…LOL! Sleeping was a real demand…considering I was about as uncomfortable as I have ever been. You are wired up one side and down the other…LOL! Anyway, I go back Sunday to do another study with a C-Pap machine on me. This is designed to increase the amount of oxygen in your system by forcing air into the passages when they become blocked and a lower level of oxygen is recorded. I will more than likely have one of these for a few weeks until my surgery is done. They also told me that oxygen deprivation could cause many long-term problems like high blood pressure and heart problems. They said that I was very very healthy to have been able to maintain such good health with such high levels of deprivation. God, I wonder how healthy I will be when I get Oxygen!? Ha! I talked to Dr. Rook’s office today and they are going to try to get my additional paperwork from their office done by Monday. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I am going to a breakfast meeting of the people in Conway that have had or are hoping to have this surgery. My new friend Melissa is coming to take me. I really like her. She is sweet. I am beginning to really enjoy the little things that are already changing in my life. I am making friends for one thing, and finally the anxiety has eased up on me. I am beginning to really believe that this is going to come off. I am still keeping my fingers crossed though. Till later… bye!
February 7, 2001
Well, I did go and do the sleep study on Sunday the 4th. I was unable to use the C-pap machine because for some reason, my asthma they think, I would have pain in my lungs and my nose would stop up over and over. So, I was told that after I lose all my weight to come back and take another sleep test. That way I could make sure that my sleep apopneas were getting better and that my health wouldn’t be bothered any longer. Had another really nice tech to help me. His name is Dale. His wife Rebecca is just about ready to have their first child together and he told me all about how cute their four cats are and how he hopes they will love the baby. It was fun to talk to him. He also took plenty of time with me to explain all the stuff that I wanted to know. I am very happy with the service I received from their business. It is called Sleep Telemedicine. They are located here in Conway.
I called Dr. Rook’s office yesterday and they said they would call me today and let me know how the blood work and paperwork was coming along. I will give them most of the day, but I am going to call about four if I don’t hear from them by then. I have to get this show on the road…I want to lose some by summer…LOL!
February 7, 2001
Well, I talked to all my significant caretakers today! Madelyn is saying she will call me very soon to go over the papers. She told me today, but I guess she got too busy to call me back. Dr. Rook’s office said that they would fax my paperwork and blood work over this afternoon, and so did the sleep clinic. So! That is about it! I should get the green light soon! Oh my goodness…I am so excited! I could have this surgery done by the end of the month! Ahhhh! Wish me luck!
February 9, 2001
Well, I am about to lose my mind! I thought I had it all together. Turns out that I HAVE to be on the C-pap machine and get some kind of pressure reading for Dr. Baker. He requires it. So I have to have a machine brought to my house and try to get used to it. I have no choice. It is mandatory. Also, my PCP can't seem to get the letter of referral right. He keeps leaving out the specifics on my weight loss. Finally today Madelyn called his office and talked to them herself. ALSO, it seems that I need more co-morbidity! So, I have contacted my old doctor in the hopes that somewhere in the confusion of their storage building they will be able to find the files on my exam that was done about six years back that showed the problems I was having with my legs because of my weight.
I am getting so worried that I will never get what I need for this. I am so anxious and about to lose my mind. Add to that the nagging constant pains of my new friend the HERNIA and you have a great day!!! I hope that things look up soon. It has crossed my mind that I might have to get my feelings back together and go back to the way I used to cope. I don't want to do that. And it worries me cause it means I am losing hope. Oh, God, please help me to keep going.
February 10, 2001
Ok, I have made my mind up about something. I am not going to continue to be a victim! I have been sitting around for all this time waiting for this operation to save my life.
I CAN SAVE MY OWN LIFE!!!!
I am NOT going to do this anymore! I mean I lost hundred and ten pounds on my own! I can do anything I WANT! And now that I have gotten a taste of what life could be like with all this gone and let out all my emotions about how I feel about being this size, I WANT IT! BAD! There is no way I can go back to pushing down the feelings I have inside of me. They are OUT and they are staying out! SO, I have to do it on my own if they decide that I don’t meet the criteria for this damn operation. I have decided to keep working toward it, but if they tell me that I have to wait a year to have it that will be fine cause I am going to take ACTION as of TODAY! I am not going to let ANYONE tell me that I have to stay fat for another year. To HELL with THAT! I am going on MY diet plan NOW. Now if I get approved so be it… wonderful, tremendous. But I am NOT waiting any longer to change my life no matter what happens. I am getting on that C-Pap machine and make it work so that my body has the oxygen and the sleep it needs to be strong and healthy and I am not going to overeat anymore PERIOD! I am going to start on my protein supplements just as I would with the operation, and as soon as I can I am going to start going to aerobics. I am tired of being this way and I AM NOT GOING TO LET ANYONE KEEP ME THIS WAY!!! Today is the day… not tomorrow or next week or the week after that. TODAY!!! RRRRRRRRAHHHHH! LOOK OUT LIFE HERE I COME!!!
February 10, 2001
Hey it is the same day and I have some good news! After I wrote that last entry, I went to a lunch with some of the ladies from WLS Arkansas. What a nice bunch of people! I met some of the most inspiring and uplifting and supportive women I have run across in years! And… Good news! Rebecca told me that not just one or two people have had their surgery paid for by Arkansas Rehabilitation Services! YAHOO! I am already registered with them! They paid for my school! They all think I could be a shoo in to have it paid for by them! Oh my Gosh I am so happy and hopeful now! I am calling my caseworker on MONDAY! YIPEE!
February 13, 2001
I talked to my Rehab counselor, Zach Binns yesterday and he said since I had already started with my Medicare and Medicaid that I should just follow through with that because the guidelines were so similar. But, he also told me that if things didn’t work out for me to come see him.
I am going to call Dr. Rook’s office today and see how things are going with them. I am also going to call the sleep clinic and see what gives with the Cpap machine. They were supposed to be here already. I am also going to ask them about an adjustable bed.
(Later the same day.)
Well, talked to Dr. Rook’s nurse and asked her to see about him writing me a prescription for an adjustable bed. She said they had the letter done with the revisions and would be faxing it out soon. I also have the C-pap machine coming tomorrow at one in the afternoon. The paperwork didn’t make it over until this morning. So… looks like things are still moving along. Let’s just hope that Dr. Rook’s letter has all the information that it needs this time and I can get this operation finally.
February 15,2001
Well, Dr. Rook did get the third letter to Madelyn and she said she wasn't sure about it. She is going to talk to Dr. Osment and see if he thinks it is sufficient to pass the criteria set by my insurance. I have to get documentation on the exam that was done a few years back which is taking a nurse going through a storage house...so that could take a bit.LOL! But she is trying. I got my C-Pap machine yesterday and have been working on getting used to it. I am getting much better fast. MY nose isn't stopping up today. So maybe soon I will have a pressure reading for them on it. Keep your fingers crossed yall. I am hopefully getting closer. Pray that the doc's letter is good enough.
February 19, 2001
Well, it has been a few days! I just haven’t had much to report until today. I slept a full five hours last night with the C-pap machine on. I would have slept longer if the phone hadn’t awakened me. I am very happy about this. Means I can possibly get a reading the next time I go to the sleep clinic to do a study. I need one to have this surgery. Madelyn called this morning and left me a message on my machine. Said that she was going to call and talk to Medicare and Medicaid about whether or not I had to have BOTH lists met to have this surgery or if meeting the criteria set down by one of them would be sufficient. I hope she gets some results.
On the upside I feel really good and not really worried about my surgery being done. I am pretty confident in my own abilities and I trust my mother will help me if I don’t get Medicaid and Medicare to pay for this. It must be that we have been having spring like weather… Ha! It is hard to get me down when that old spring fever hits me! Wish me luck!
February 26, 2001
Well, turns out that I do have to satisfy both criteria lists. But I think I might have it licked. I finally found proof of my joint degeneration in the form of the exam they did to start me on disability. That took some looking to find I tell ya! But thank goodness for red tape pushers, my rehab counselor had a copy in his file for me! YEAH! I went and got copies for me and for my PCP. They are in turn instructed to fax it to the clinic with a formal referral. So, now I just have to get a cpap machine reading and I should be on my way!
March 7,2001
Well, I just got home from my second attempt at getting a pressure reading on the Cpap machine at the sleep clinic, and thank goodness, I was finally successful! He said I am a ten, which is a pretty middle of the road setting. I told him to note on there that the setting was to be sent to the doctor as soon as they could get a print out of all my results ready. So, I am hoping that will take care of everything I need. I just have to call today and make sure Dr. Rook's office sent the medical records and my referral to the surgeon.
March 20, 2001
Well, looks like the reading didn’t go through so I have another appointment with the sleep clinic on the 25th. Wish me lucked. This time a technician is gonna manually adjust it and get one that way.
March 27, 2001
I had another sleep study on the 25th and they finally got a reading on me. It took a technician-assisted study but my friend Dale finally got one on me. Yeah it has been so long that I have made friends with the technicians at the sleep clinic. It is pathetic. I am watching my friends get surgery dates all around me and I am still waiting. I am gonna die if Dr. Rook’s office doesn’t get on the ball. As of yesterday it has been a month since I dropped of my medical records at his office with the instructions to have them faxed over to the clinic as SOON AS POSSIBLE! I called yesterday and they have STILL not gotten them faxed. She said they had and that she would refax them, but I don’t believe they ever got faxed. Why would they have done it this time? I have had to give them hell about every step so far! I put this in here not to be unkind but to show you the reader how this can go, if you don’t stay on these people. THEY DON’T CARE if you get this or not. Always double and triple check everything. You will be WAY ahead. I will be so glad when this is all over and I can start the process of getting my life back in order. I am so anxious! Anyway, now I have all my paperwork in order, pray for me that there are no other complications. I just need to get on with this.
April 3, 2001
Well, I called Madelyn yesterday and she said that the medical records were STILL not there. The C-Pap reading was faxed so at least they did what they were supposed to do. But then THEY always do! So, I called over to Dr. Rook’s office and very politely asked again to have them faxed over. She had to ask me again what was supposed to be sent. This just confirms my suspicion that they never did get it faxed. Anyway, she said they would right away. I am gonna wait until tomorrow which will be Wednesday. If it is not faxed by then I am gonna go up to the office and gather not only the documents and the referral that I need, but a copy of my file there. Then I can FAX them myself. I will be at that time finished with dealing with their office. As soon as I am through with this I am changing my doctor. I mean I like Dr. Rook and I am very thankful for the help he has given me, but this has shown me that they have a very inefficient system over there and I don’t have faith in them anymore.
April 19,2001
Thank God. Today I got a call from Madelyn. I am approved! Not only that…My surgery is going to be done by Dr. Osment himself. I am so happy. I was told that I will go in the second or third week in may. I am so excited I don’t really know how to express it. To know that soon I will actually realize my dreams of being free of this enormous weight on me and be able to be normal once again. I just can’t wait. Thank God.
April 26, 2001
Hooray!!!!! I got the call yesterday… my surgery is scheduled for the fifteenth of May!!!! It is going to actually happen. I am so excited!
May 11, 2001
Well, change of plans has happened. Just about the time I got my self psyched up to have this surgery, my brother went up to see our cousin in little rock and found out that he is the surgical technician for Dr. John Baker. Well, I had changed my surgery over to Dr. Ozment in order to have it sooner because of my hernia, but with more discussion I have decided to go with Dr. Baker’s team. I think I will do much better. From what I understand Ozment is probably going to retire soon and I want a doctor that is gonna be around. I also prefer to have the procedure done by Baker. Having my cousin in there with me assisting is comforting as well. I like the idea of having someone in there that loves me. So, now I am set for August 7th with a possibility of being moved up if they get a cancellation. Wish me luck!!!
May 14, 2001
Well, this would have been the day that I did my preop testing. I have strange feelings on this day. Even though I am sure I will be able to have surgery with Dr. Baker, I still feel as though I am missing my chance. I know this is just my anxiety and my fear of bad luck. I just have to pray and hope that things go well. Stay away Mr. Murphy…No one here needs you to enforce your law.
May 16, 2001
Well, eureka! I have been moved up already! Michelle from Dr. Baker’s office called me this morning. I have been moved up to June 11th. I am so so so so so happy! Pray that everything goes well. Byeeeeeee!
May 17, 2001
Well, today was my fist time to meet Dr. John Wilder Baker. He is quite an interesting man. I did feel a little looked through but I can tell that this is gonna be a very important and valued person in my life. I liked him very much overall and have complete faith in him. I can tell an intelligent man that knows what he is doing when I see him. I got to meet Michelle and Becky and was delighted with them. They are such nice ladies. I was impressed with the way I was handled as a patient. I was always treated with the utmost respect but he didn’t pull any punches. He is direct and to the point and as I have heard, and now have experienced, he makes sure to ask some really hard questions to make sure that you are really ready for this life change. I guess I passed muster because I am approved and everything is set to go. I received my first physical exam from him while I was there and got my before picture taken. I went from his office over the hospital to have my pre-op tests done. I had blood drawn of course and my favorite thing to have done so far in my life… blood gasses… NOT! But again, I was treated just wonderfully. They also did a chest x-ray and a pregnancy test and an EKG. So, once again I have gotten a clean bill of health from yet another health institution. (smile) My arm is nice and sore now, but hey small price to pay. (Note: something interesting that I learned today is that drinking while you eat can cause overweight. It flushes part of the food out of your stomach and keeps you from feeling full as quickly so you eat more. I had no idea about that!)
May 18, 2001
I want to stress very much that you should really research your surgeon. I did with baker but then was going to switch to Ozment at the last moment to get this done more quickly. I had done no research on him or talked to any of his patients. This was foolish. I now know that his technique is not what I prefer and that he is probably going to retire soon and won’t be around to do follow-ups with me. Now there is nothing wrong with this… he just doesn’t satisfy my specific needs as a patient. And I am so glad that my cousin talked with me. He allowed me to have the best possible experience by showing me that my first choice was the best one for me. So, research your doctor and make sure he is the right one for you.
June 9,2001
Well this is my last day to eat anything I want! I am so full... lol! I have eaten everything in sight in the last few days. My favorite ice cream, Mexican food, my favorite soul food, you name it I have eaten it. Until I didn't want any more.. lol! Saying goodbye to my old self required a little eating of the things I had deprived myself of for so so so long. Tonight my family is throwing me a small pool party to celebrate my transition. I am going to have my favorite wine coolers and have a wonderful time before I go on my clear liquid diet at midnight. THEN THINGS CHANGE. From midnight tonight I will be my diet self. I have always had great will power. That is how I lost 110lbs... that I have gained 15lbs of back! LOL! Nothing but exactly what my doc says will go in this mouth from now on. I am going to follow that diet to the letter. I hear so many people just go back to eating and have a lot of problems. I am not going to do that. And I start pool aerobics after I get healed up. And LOOK out when I get enough off of me to walk around a lot again... I am going to be hard to catch!!!!!
June 20, 2001
Well, I am back. It was hard but I am on the other side of this surgery. It seems like a dream. I went in on the morning of the 11th of June as scheduled and had surgery at about three that afternoon. I was happy to see my cousin there and felt comforted by his presence, but I was a little scared. The room was very small but well equipped and they all moved very quickly and knew exactly what they were doing. I never once felt like I wasn’t going to be ok. I did feel anxiety when I began to go out. What a deal…to be in a room that is so busy and knowing you are the center of attention and be going to sleep! Ha! To a woman who has never liked to sleep for fear of what she might miss this was hard. Ha! Three hours later I awoke in the post op in more pain than I have experience in my life. But not so much from my surgery, but from my back. I had been lying flat too long and my lower back was KILLING me! Add to that the fact that once again the anesthesia wasn’t sufficient to keep me under until they had removed the breathing tube from my throat. So ONCE AGAIN in my life I was awake with no lung function! BUMMER! I was gagging on the tube and had to be restrained to keep from pulling it out. BUT I WAS OK! AND I WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE! HALLELUHIA! I was slowly brought back to full consciousness and taken to my room. I made them sit me up on the bed so that I could relive my back some but I was miserable for the first day. I won’t lie… it was horrible. But I did walk ten minutes out of post op so I was a trooper even in my worst moment. I am proud of that! It was hard, but it was so worth it. Anything worth having is. From that day on I have gotten progressively better. I left that Friday having already lost 17 pounds! I suspect that I may have lost to the day about 30 pounds. I won’t know for sure until I am weighed at my two-week check up. But I tell you one thing; I am SHRINKING LIKE ALL GET OUT! My clothes are beginning to hang on me and I am so far yet to be physically ill. I had three drains; one for my bypass which I will have for the next few weeks, one for the gallbladder removal and one for the hernia repair, both of which were removed the day I left the hospital. I have to make sure that the drain I have left is kept emptied on a regular basis, but this is a small thing that I do when I go to use the restroom. All in all I am doing wonderfully and tolerating food well. I cannot eat meat yet, but I am sure that will come with time. I have had my dear friend Jett with me to help me and my Parents have been so good to make sure that I have all I need. SO! VIOLA! I DID IT! Look out world here I come!!!!!
June 22, 2001
Well, today I took a leap and did wonderfully. I ate half a ham sandwich! No problem! I even put tomatoes on it and mustard! I also ate a small shrimp cocktail so I feel so happy that I am at least able to eat a little meat! My drain is a little infected but I called the doctor and he said not to worry that it happened a lot and would be ok. I was very relieved. I am shrinking dramatically! I feel so great! My legs are getting much smaller as is the rest of me. I can’t wait to be weighed and see how much I have officially lost. I am very happy to see that I am probably going to be one of those people who can tolerate moderate amounts of sugar and fat. I am glad of this because that was never my problem and it will afford me more normal eating habits. I will still shrink though because I am full on such small quantities and have the mal-absorbtion factor. Woohoo!
June 26, 2001
Well, Good news! I was still concerned about my drain site and the possibility of it being infected so I went today to Doc Baker’s office and had him check it out for me. He said it looked fine and that when I come back next week for my regular check up that we could take it out! WOOHOO! That is wonderful! I am healing fast I guess because I am getting it out about two weeks earlier than I heard I would. They weighed me and I have lost 28lbs and feel wonderful! That is an average of 14lbs a week! WOW!!!! If I can lose like that all the time I will be smaller in no time! Heck if I can just lose five pounds a week I will lose over a hundred pounds by Christmas! That is a sure thing! I am so happy! It is finally going to happen! I am shrinking! Soon I will be able to go to water aerobics and then I will really start to shrink! Oh, God I thank you so much for letting me come through this so well and with such ease. Blessed be your holy name! Halleluhia!
June 27,2001
Good Morning! Feeling good and on my way out soon. I wanted to come and write today about my friend Jett. She has been with me since the day that I came home from the hospital and I think I would have been dead if she hadn’t been here! LOL! She has done things to help me that I can’t even go into because of the personal nature of them, but suffice to say that she has more than earned the badge for best friend in the world. I love you so so so much Nadine! (she knows who she is) LOL!
Also, to Elise McNew. My “Gee” I love you so so so much. She came to the hospital and cried when she saw me laid up and on my breathing machine. You are the laughter in my life, my Special K, my one and only chicki LoniMissconi and I would be lost without you. Thank you for loving me so much.
To Phyllis and Carla, thank you so much for encouraging me to do this. I would never have done this now if it hadn’t been for you. You are wonderful friends and I am so inspired by you Carla. I know that Phyllis was going nuts when she couldn’t come and see me in the hospital. She had a stomach virus and has to stay away until she was well. But she called and kept up with me. I love you girls, you are good friends.
Also I want to give props to the night nurses at Baptist Medical Center on floor six that took care of me at night. I love them so and hope that we can all hang out more in the future. Especially close to me is Veronica Simpson. I don’t know what I would have done without her. She was a Godsend. Never once did she make me feel like I was bothering her or that she didn’t have time for me. And has continued to keep up with my progress and make sure that I know that she and the other nurses are thinking of me and wishing me all the best. She is to have this very same surgery in the morning and Jett and I are going to visit her at the hospital probably day after tomorrow to see that she is doing ok! I know how she is going to be feeling tomorrow so we are going to give her a day to collect her pain and get a handle on it! I know I didn’t need visitors that first day… whew!
I also want to say how much I appreciate my friends at WLSARK. (weight loss surgery arkansas) My friends there have been so nice to me and checked on my progress as I have gone along. I am so blessed to have such wonderful support from them and the people at obesityhelp.com
Last but not least my family. My Mom, De the light of my life and my Stepfather, Steve, the prince that saved her heart from despair. What a pair! I am so thankful for them in my life and want everyone to know how much I love them and appreciate their continued support and unwavering love. My Father, Gran, who is always there to help me when he can and was so supportive and helpful when I needed him. Thanks for the fan daddy it was so needed and thank you for being so behind me on this. I love you very much and am so glad that you could share this most important thing in my life with me. Also I want to thank my wonderful new grandmother, Steve’s mom, Edith. She is a wonderful nurse and was so sweet when I was in the hospital. She buzzed around me like a loving honeybee making sure that I had everything I needed and never whimpered without her making sure that I was ok. What a lady, words cannot describe her adequately… so I will just say, I love you Edith, you are the best!
Well, that is about it. I have many friends that couldn’t be here and many that have supported me from afar. But If I write them all down I will be going on forever, for you see I am blessed beyond description. I have so many people that love me and take care of my heart. Thank you God…
June 3, 2001
Well, today is the day that I go to the doctor and have my tube taken out!!! I am so excited to get it out! Finally I will be normal again. It is not great to have a tube sticking out of your belly. But it is worth it… all of it is! I am sure I have lost about 35lbs or so. In three weeks! You can’t beat that with a stick! Anyway, I will write more when I get back. Gonna run.
Later: Getting that tube out hurt! LOL! But it was quick!
July 17, 2001
Well, friends I have great news! As of two days ago when I weighed on a digital scale, I have lost 78lbs! AMAZING! I am now able to put on a pair of jeans for the first time in many years and I am feeling better by the day! EVERYTHING is so much easier. I am eating very well and tolerating many types of food with ease. I can hardly believe that I have come so far in a little over a month since surgery! Now I am so excited that I am impatient to find out what I will be after three months! I have had a small infection on the top of my incision, but it is getting better with antibiotics. I am no longer plagued with back pain and am experiencing an ease of movement I had forgotten. I can only imagine what life will be like in the near future! As soon as my infection is totally healed up I will begin water aerobics at the university. That will give me back the strength in my legs that I have found has diminished over the years that I was so immobile. But I am getting stronger everyday and feeling more and more like a new me with each new stage of renewed health and vitality.
August 4, 2001
Well here I am again. I have been doing very well and am feeling great. I have had some problems with the infection on my incision. But I am on my second round of antibiotics and hope that this will kick it on out and get me over it. Things are really changing for me…even though I have been on a plateau for about three weeks, because the doctor says my body is taking a breather, I feel so much better and for the first time in years I shopped without a wheelchair. I didn’t do Wal-Mart but I did do Kroger and I felt ok!!! My legs are still a bit weak but I hope soon to get to water aerobics and remedy that. I am also getting more male attention. I am experiencing more flirting and more talking when I do things like get gas and stuff. It is nice but I realize that I am not sure how to handle it. I mean how do you know when a man is flirting or being nice? It has been so, so long since I have been a girl that men flirted with that I am not sure anymore. This is why I am going to see Susan, my counselor. I knew that I would have issues and I want to be ready for it. What a transition…Ha!
August 7, 2001
Well, I think I am losing again. I feel smaller all of a sudden. I went to my brother’s practice session the other night and a couple of the guys in the band were very complimentary to me. They told me that I looked really good and that they could really tell that I was getting smaller. It made me feel so good. I love this so much. I am realizing an impossible dream. My infection is getting better by the day, I think these antibiotics are going to do the trick. I certainly hope so! Anyway, Talk to you later… bye!!!
August 17, 2001
Well, some interesting things are happening to me lately! I met a lady the other day named Rebecca. My mother saw her in Wal-Mart and approached her to tell her about me in the hopes that she might be interested in getting the surgery like I did. She said the reason that she was so compelled to do this is that she looked like I did two years ago and she just couldn’t let her go without trying to tell her how this had helped me. She told me that the woman looked like she was in so much pain and misery that she just had to talk to her. So she did and a few days later she was in my living room getting information from me and becoming friends with me. I told her how to get started and she was so grateful to talk to someone that was on the other side and who understood where she was coming from. I am going to continue to help her all I can!!! The most amazing thing about meeting her was that I regained my perspective. I had forgotten where I came from and how miserable I had been until I saw myself in her. I am so thankful to be able to help her and thankful for the clarity that she gave me. Then yesterday I was in Wal-Mart… ha ha. Seems that all our things happen there. lol.. oh well! Anyway, this nice man caught my eye and winked at me! I ran into him a few times and he finally asked me OUT! Can you imagine that?! I am blown away! Things they are a changin’! I am still on a plateau but I am going to start aerobics soon since my stomach is finally all healed up. That should get me going again. Well that is about it for this installment…more later. Tara
August 18, 2001
Sitting here at my desk feeling so thankful and blessed by God. I just had to put this in here. I woke up this morning feeling so good and jumped out of my bed without pain and just feel like a new person these days! I am in a full hormone flood right now…so I am really surprised that I feel so good. Most people have told me that they went through a very difficult time when they experienced the hormone releases as they lost weight. See Estrogen is carried in body fat and large women have more than normal because they have more fat than normal. When we start to lose our weight it releases this abnormal amount of hormone into our blood and we go through a real PMS type reaction. So far all I have gotten is finally I am starting, after about 10 years without it, to have spontaneous menstruation. BUT I feel GREAT! But then I am always in a good mood for the most part why should now be any different? Anyway, woohoo for me!
August 25, 2001
Hey there it is me again. I have lost two more pounds! I am hoping against hope that this marks the end of my first plateau. Woohoo!!! I talked to Rebecca, the lady that I told you came to my house, and she is doing so wonderfully. She is following a very sensible diet plan that I gave her, and is planning to join water aerobics with me on October 1!!!! I can’t wait. Her mother is making up bathing suits!!! Really cool ones like something out of the fifties with the shorts underneath and the halter dress top. I LOVE that. I am going to make my top RED and my bottoms black. I want to look so hot. lol
September 10, 2001
Hey yall! I am doing well. I started water aerobics on Tuesday of last week and have been going strong ever since. I do feel tired… but hey I haven’t worked out in ten years! So, I am sure it will take a little time for my body to adjust. I go every day and do two classes most days and three on the days when they offer the upper level class. I HANG all hour! I can do it! I feel so so so good! I am having so much fun being active again. I also am beginning to notice that people are making more physical contact with me. Isn’t that strange? MY friends are touching me more. So are strangers. I am getting more arm touches and arms around the shoulder and the other day a man that I know casually that I always kind of hug caressed my back very affectionately!!! I think he was finding me attractive in a whole new way. He commented on my weight loss and said I was “Looking GOOD” I feel so wonderful when things like that happen! I am getting cute again! Also I am noticing that I don’t get stared at like I used to. I seem to have left the circus sideshow stage of heaviness. Excuse my harshness here, but that is how I felt sometimes. People are looking me in the face more and not so much just checking out my body and seeing if they can figure out how I got so big. Anyway, there are some definite changes going on. Socially and physically!
September 30, 2001
Well, here I am again. I have had a busy few weeks! My family has three birthdays in this month and on top of that I have two friends that do! I have birthday partied out! I have had a really good time though. I think I may have figured something out about this physical attention I am getting all of a sudden. I think that when you are heavy like I was, really heavy, that you have a large personal space because people aren’t quite sure how to approach you. I am sure also that there are those who don’t WANT to touch a woman or man that is six hundred pounds. Some people find us disgusting unfortunately. But now I think I have moved into a new level of acceptance. I am feeling so much more validated and acknowledged these days. People don’t seem concerned about me breaking chairs and stuff like that anymore. So, I am hoping that I have broken my plateau and will see a significant weight loss when I go to see doctor baker on the fourth. Wish me luck… I am hoping that I am finally in the three hundreds!
October 11, 2001
Well, my date with Dr. Baker on the fourth went very well. My friend Mark Brelish took me to see him. I really appreciate the help he was in getting me to the office for my checkup. He is post op only about two weeks and is doing very well. I am very proud of him. Well, I have good news! I broke my plateau! I had been stuck at 412 for eight weeks and when I got weighed at the Dr. Baker’s office I was finally down ten more pounds, weighing in at 402! I have lost five inches in my waist and seven inches in my hips! I am so happy to be losing again. I am losing quite a bit of hair now, but It is ok cause my hair is so thick anyway. I grew it out thick for this reason. I just hope that it stops falling out before it gets too thin! Dr. Baker seemed very pleased with my progress and asked me how I was coping with all the new attention. I explained to him that I was dealing with it fine, that it was just odd to me to be in a new smaller personal space. He asked me if there was anything that he should change about his initial consultation… basically was there any questions or statements that I thought he should change. I thought about it for a minute and had to say no. I WANTED to say yes and tell him how he had made me feel angry and upset and defensive. But looking back now I realize that he has to do that to make sure that you understand that you have to CHANGE the way you are living and to tear down all the EXCUSES that you have convinced yourself are true. He has to be REAL with you like no one else has ever been. So I looked at him with tears in my eyes and said… “No, Dr. Baker, don’t change a thing.” He smiled that knowing smile of his and said, “ok.” I went on to cry and tell him that I was so happy and thanked him so much for helping me to help myself. He shook my hand and said that it was his pleasure. Then going out I had to explain to the nurses that I wasn’t upset… but happy! I am happier than I have been in so long and it will only get better and better. Thank you God for answering my prayers and making this possible.
November 6, 2001
Well, here I am again and I am feeling so hopeful now. I am being told all the time how much better I am looking and getting all kinds of attention these days. It is so nice. NO one stares at me now and I am beginning for the first time in so many years to BLEND. I have gotten down to about 389 now. My weight loss seems to be leveling off to a more steady slow pace, which is fine with me, as long as it keeps coming off! I continue to take my vitamins and drink my protein shakes and am now doing more walking for exercise than anything else. I don’t use a motorized wheel chair to shop hardly at all now and I have been walking about a block every morning and hope to walk more as I progress. I enjoyed my water aerobics but for now that isn’t something I can afford so I am lifting at home and walking. I feel wonderful and my self-esteem is at an all time high. Hooray!
November 19, 2001
Hello again, just thought I would come and update again. Doing very well, more and more people are really treating me differently. I am amazed at the difference in the ways that people react to me now. Men that I have known for years that always wanted to be my “friend” now are paying attention to me in a whole new way. My first reaction to this was to feel like I wouldn’t ever date a man that was not accepting of me for a partner at my heavier weights. But if I am real I have to understand that sometimes people just aren’t able to be sexually attracted to people of size. That doesn’t mean that they are bad people or anything it just means they have a certain preference. I saw one of the ladies from my weight loss group WLSARK (weight loss surgery arkansas) the other day at walmart and she was so complimentary of me. She looked wonderful too! Approaching thin even! I am proud of her and all my friends that have gone thru this. It takes a lot of courage and determination to go through it and come out the other side. I know it did for me. I still have one more surgery to go too. I am looking forward to the effect but not to the hospitalization! Surgery is a hard thing to go though. I will have one advantage this time though, no internal work. I will be having my excess flesh removed. Wow, imagine that… to be Flat in my stomach. I won’t know what to do with myself! Well, I guess I will go for now. I am going shopping… ON FOOT!
January 21, 2002
Well, here I am again. I know it has been a while. But believe it or not I have been so busy! LIVING! I have now lost 230lbs and feel great! I had a wonderful holiday season and am now back to working out full force. I decided to give it a rest for the holidays… partly because I knew it would be hard because I travel so much in that time and partly because I just couldn’t afford to keep my club membership. But as usual my mother came through again! She gave me the money to pay for my membership at the club I go to. Thanks Mom! Now I am so happy today! I have good news! I did a work out on land today for the first time in over ten years! I did a weight training class before my water aerobics! WOOHOO! And I did WELL! I had to stop a few times because I was so unused to this type of activity and I did get fatigued… but all in all I did great! Also today I met a very large woman named DeAnn. She was so nice and was obviously worried about being in her bathing suit in the pool area. I told her not to worry and got her going and she had a great time! I am going to take her my weight loss plan tomorrow. I have given that to so many people lately! I feel so nice being able to help others to do what I have done! Now I sometimes feel as though I was drowning and was saved and I am still looking and seeing people drowning in the water where I was. I want to help so many people. I can’t wait till I can open a weight loss center someday! I am going to do that for sure! I am going to call it something really cool and gear it toward people like me and help people more and more! I hope this book will do that some! My friend Jett is moving back to New York, I am so unhappy for me. but happy for her. She is homesick. but said that she would come down when I have my surgery in June to remove my excess flab! I am so thankful for her! She is such a good friend to offer to once again take care of me! I am dreading that and looking so forward to it at the same time! LOL! To have such cuts in such places is going to be so hard… but I will be FLAT so I will do it for sure! I go to see Doctor Baker in February and I am hoping I can start the process for that then and get it scheduled. Wish me luck! At present just for the record my weight is 365lbs. Later Taters!
January 22, 2002
Well, I went to see Rebecca at Sleep Telemedicine today before my stretch class and she showed me my results! (I had another sleep study on Friday of last week) There is a DRAMATIC difference in my results! On the first one… my episodes were 117 episodes an hour with quite a few incidents of obstruction. This one showed only 16 an hour with NO obstructions!!!! That is incredible! Soon I think I will not have to use it at all! I feel so happy! I am so sore from that weight training class yesterday! I think I will be more easy next time… less weight. I am going though… I will never quit…LOL!
February 13, 2002
Well, hey there! I have more to report! On the 7th I went to see Doctor Baker and he said I was doing well and told me we could probably do my body lift in June. So, I have another appointment with him in June. Today I called back and talked to Michelle and she referred me to Doctor Moffett’s office. I talked to a really nice lady named Chris there and we really hit it off. I asked her about my chances of having my insurance pay for the lift and she sounded very confident that they would. Evidently they are good to do that. She told me that he wouldn’t do arms. But that we could do that with anther surgeon later. He won't want to do it all at once anyway to avoid too much trauma to my body. But the good news is that the reason he doesn’t do them is because he is such a perfectionist that he hates the way they look because of the scarring. So that shows me that he is going to do a really good job on my stomach and legs, oh! And he sometimes does the breasts if he thinks that it is needed! So I could wind up getting my breast job paid for!!!! WOOHOO! Anyway, Chris just told me to keep losing as much as I can and as soon as I get close to let her know about a month in advance and they would get me in there and I could set up my surgery!!! I am so stoked! I am probably going to wind up with a whole new look! I just have to get my weight on down! OH also, I am not on my Cpap any longer! I am now free of it!
Well, hey folks! It is now September of 2002! I am over a year post operative and feeling wonderful having achieved that TWO at the front of my weight! I will never forget what it was like to have a SIX there instead. I am now less then half the woman I was when I started my weight loss journey!
On October 21st I will have the first of two reconstructive surgeries to remove excess tissue and lift things back in to their correct places! I am very excited! I was recently married to a wonderful man that is so supportive of my endevors and is someone that has been with me thru thick and thin literally! So I am doing wonderfully!!!! If you want to see what I look like now go to my site... http://www.webspawner.com/users/tled and check me out! I am really liking what I see these days!!! God Bless! Tara
September 7, 2003
I did have my surgery in
About Me
Conway, AR
Location
54.8
BMI
Surgery
09/07/2001
Surgery Date
Jan 03, 2001
Member Since