staceylerae

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Ok so life is getting better (kinda)
My mother in law moved out which I have mixed fellings about. I guess my house wasn't good enough for her. I fear my food addiction is back. I eat all the time it seems. I strated smoking and drinking and coffee is my new best friend. speaking of coffee I could go for a cup right now. But I am trying to let go of my anger and be ok with life( my life). I go on vacation in 6 weeks yeah I am super excited. I just can't wait until I get to spend some time with mark.

Ok so it is so strange that things can turn in an instant. My life was going great and suddenly everything crumbles to peices. My Father in law had lap band surgery on January 21 he weighed 409 lbs and had copd and some other heart conditions. It took 5 full years fighting with blue cross and blue shield. Before his heart conditions before his heart attack. Finally they approved him after he asked them if they were waiting for him to die before they approved it. Well two days after his surgery He died. We knew that he was in poor health but it was so unexpected because we thought he was going to loose the weight and get better. The autopsy  said he died from congestive heart failure due to morbid obesity. If only the insurance wasn't such assholes and had approved him 3 years ago he would be alive today. It just pisses me off so bad to think of them taking his money every month but not providing the services he neede to save his life. I guess the were waiting for him to die. I miss him my heart aches for my husband and my son. ok so that is where everything fell apart. Then three weeks later my mother in law moved in with me. We have a bad history. She hates me. She has always been mean and abbusive towards me so it is very hard to live with her. well she stayed for a few weeks and then went to Alabama to live with her sister. She was homesick and decided to come back and I faileed to mention that my husband is a huge mamas boy and was like a walking zombie when she left. Well she came back on thursday and was sick and because her husband died and she hasn't worked in 20 years she is basicly blind and can't really do much for herself. welll anyways she didn't have health insurance and her medicare doesn't kick in until july. Also when her husband died they had so savings and she was left with nothing.  well I took her to the Dr. Friday and the sent her for a chest xray by monday we were having a ct  done paying cash for everything. well by wednesday we were told she has lung cancer. We prayed hard and by the grace of god they allowed her to get on cobra through her husbands work. well so now we spend our days working and going to the doctors radiation and soon chemo. She has stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to he brain in mets.  So because of all this I am falling off the wagon. I am stress eating. I can't seem to get full. I have gain 9 lbs and I am not even a year out. I am so worried that I have streched my stomach and fed up my surgery. I hate the person I am turning in to. Is it too late what do I  do? I can't see the light and the end of the tunnel anymore and I am drowning in my own anxiety