Carol M.
And so it begins.
Jan 12, 2010
January 13, 2010I guess I should start with some background about me. I am 34 years old, married, and Mom to 3 boys ages 7, 6, and 3. I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was about 18 months old. It started in my right ankle and quickly spread throughout all of the joints in my body before I was the age of 6. Back in the 70's the treatment for my type of arthritis was severely limited. Basically I lived on massive doses of aspirin and prednisone. One side effect was weight gain, and boy, did I gain it.
While already dealing with a body of an old person with aches, pains, and swelling, I was still a kid who wanted to be 'like everyone else'. Kinda hard to do when you can't run, you can't jump, and your face is puffier than the Stay Puf Marshmallow man. Kids are cruel, there's no two ways around it. I was called all sorts of interesting names, "carol the barrel" being the one that still sticks a knife in my heart when I remember it. I was told that I had a "brain disease" by the boys on the bus. Everyday I was tortured physically by my body and emotionally by my peers. So to deal with it, I ate. I would sneak food, I would eat seconds or thirds. I would just eat.
By the time I reached the end of highschool I wasn't the 'largest' girl in the school, but I wasn't a good weight either. My freshman year of college I was depressed. I didn't know I was depressed, but looking back on it, I so was. I made up a little diet of my own. I worked out 3 hours a day on a Nordic track and only ate tuna fish, crackers, plain pasta with parmesan cheese. I would starve myself for days at a time only drinking diet pepsi. I somehow managed to loose quite a bit of weight this way, going from 200 to 150 pounds. But I was far from happy. I was miserable, well heck, I wasn't eating enough of the things my body needed! Sure enough I fell off the deprivation wagon, but I was happy. I got out of a horrible relationship, made new friends, and transferred schools.
Then my arthritis kicked into overdrive. I dropped out of school because of the pain I was in I couldn't keep up with my classes. I worked jobs here and there. Eventually I moved and met my husband, we were planning the wedding when I found out I needed my hip replaced. After that surgery I gained more weight. A year later, I needed my other hip replaced, I gained more. Then I had my 1st son, more weight. 2nd son, even more weight. 3rd son I hit my highest weight, 235lbs. I tried Weight Watchers, I tried Jenny Craig. I would lose a little (at most 20lbs) and then gain it back faster than ever.
I finally hit my limit when I realized that there were times my kids were in danger of falling or getting hurt and because of my weight, I couldn't move fast enough to help them. I had to depend on people standing nearby to protect or help MY child. NO WAY, I could not let this continue. I started thinking about all the things I do for other people, wether it was at home, or at work I usually will do whatever I can to help other people, but I won't do that for myself. Why not? I'm worth it. I'm smart, I'm strong, and gosh darn it I like myself!
I started attending WLS seminars. The 1st seminar they looked at my insurance card first and said, nope, we don't take public aid. Fair enough. Then I found a seminar that said that they did take public aid. I went to the seminar, read up on the subject of lap band and was scheduled for my first consult. Went to my first consult only to find out that they do take public aid, just not MY public aid. I have Medicare and Medicaid. If I only had Medicaid, they would do the surgery, but since I ALSO have Medicare, they aren't a center of excellence, so they wouldn't be covered by Medicare.
I was devastated. I cried in the elevator ride down to my car. I wanted this so bad. Now it wasn't just so I could move better, I was tired of the pain from all of the extra weight on my joints. My joints are already so screwed up from the arthritis, a disease that I have no control over. But weight is something I COULD control given the right tools. My body had betrayed me already when I was a child, now as an adult I can take that control back at least in this one way. I have suffered enough I DESERVE to have this chance. I called my husband from the car, still crying uncontrollably. He said "I know you, this isn't the end. We will get you what you need." God I love my husband. By the time I was home he had already searched online and found out all about these Centers of Excellence and called and found out which hospitals in our area were elgible. Turns out that the hospital where my rheumatologist is has a bariatric program accepted by Medicare. I called and was able to go to their seminar the next day.
I always believe that things happen for a reason. As painful as it was to be denied by the other hospital I think there was a reason. Dr.Nagle was the speaker at the seminar and I was impressed by the way he presented the facts and information about not only lap band, but laprascopic RNY surgery. Citing the statistics and pros/cons of each surgery I felt more informed than ever. I filled out my initial paperwork and decided on pursuing the lap-RNY. I discussed it with my Rheumy who supports the idea and is able to work with me and my medications as we go along. Currently I am not on any NSAIDS, I am on injectable Enbrel and Methotrexate. My pills are Vicodin for pain, Omeprazole for acid reflux, Folic Acid (methotrexate causes malabsorption of this so I need more), Lexapro for generalized anxiety disorder and Micardis for highblood pressure. My BMI is 40.9 close enough to 41, and I have enough comorbidities to qualify for surgery (at least in MY opinion I do!).
I see the Nutritionist and Nurse Practioner this friday (1-15-2010). I simply cannot wait. I am hoping that this process goes smoothly and quickly. Not only am I stubborn, I lack patience. So now I'm impatiently waiting, reading the entries on the message boards here and of course looking at the Before/After photos eagerly thinking about when I will be able to post one of my own. I go to Walmart for errands and catch myself looking at the smaller sizes and thinking, just wait, one day I'll be able to wear something like that. I told my husband he may have to watch out so I don't develop a shopping addiction.
Besides the outer 'beauty' of it all, I'm looking forward to playing with my kids without huffing and puffing or having to sit after 5 minutes because my knees are screaming in agony. I know that this surgery will NOT resolve my arthritis. I know this. But I do know that in my mind I will feel more at peace with dealing with the disease if I know that I have done EVERYTHING I can to help my joints. Losing this excess weight will do that. I look forward to knowing when I am at the park with my kids I will be able to keep up with them and if a situation arises I feel more confident about my abilities to protect my kids than I do now.
Looking forward to friday!
