springsicle

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So i have been using this one scale that will not go below 315. I don't know why or how, but i feel like i broke it. lol. And it sucks because i really want a scale that works. But today i tried it out again and it was being so funny. and is said i was finally down 100 pounds. I want to be excited because i have hit onederland. But at the same time i am afraid that if my scale is just being stupid then when i have the money to but one that works it will just make me feel like i gained weight. I dont know what to do or how to feel about the situation. So apparently i am down 100 but i might be wrong. hopefully not. I would love to feel so accomplished. Love you all for letting me rant.

Katie

I have so many things in  my life that have treated me well. I love school and I love my sisters and brothers. I have found church again and I am so excited about that. But when drama happens i don't quite know how to keep a hold on myself while i am trying to take care of everything else. These last few weeks i feel like i have lost who i am and who i want to become. I know it sound trivial but i haven't lost weight in the last two weeks at all. My mother keeps asking me for a "magic number" however much i have lost since i talked to her last. It is so hard to not be able to tell  her anything because i havent been taking care of myself. I havent been eating well beause i havent had the time. I havent been working out because all i want to do it finish my horrendous amount of homework and go to sleep. Not that i have time to. School is very hard this semester. I know i can handle it and I am even sure i will be getting good grades, i just have to work harder this semester than i ever have before. Luckily its all on things i love so that helps.

My sisters and brothers are amazing i dont know what i would do without them. I have no idea who i would lean on or go to with all of these crazzy problems. But at the same time they are the source of most of my stress. I am a huge worrier and I want everyone to be happy, but i cant fix anyones problems when mine are so out of wack. Being an officer is a great experience and i love my job. But all of it put together is insane.

And church. Its probably the only thing keeping me grounded when i have enough time to go. The weight that lifts from my shoulders just by going to God is amazing. Simply put, my faith is keeping me strong and I thank God everyday. I just wish i had a better solution to my stressed out life than to just schedule everything more and hope i can handle it. Then there is the fact that in all of this i feel lost. I had surgery for a reason. and to just forget about it and fall into the same habits is not one of them. Failure is not an option for me. I need to figure out the rest of my life to make sure i have time for myself. My sanity and my health. And then out of all of this, i have a stupid silly crush that i need to get over. A boy who doesnt look at me that way isnt worth the stress. Though having someone to go to when i cant take it anymore would be nice. Having someone to hold me when i feel alone would be amazing. Having someone who loves me and cares for me while i am going through this change in my life would be totally worth any time i would need to give up for it. Having someone to go to that hasnt heard all of my problems last year or millions of times over, as far as my best friends go, would be very helpful. I just dont know if this is the time to show myself to this person  that doesnt really realize where i am coming from. and may reject me when i am at  a strange new low in my life. I wouldnt say my lowest point because i am not sad in the least. My surgery has been the best thing i have ever done, and i havent been happier. I just have never been  this stressed either. You dont need to be sad to be stressed. Thank God i get to go home this weekend! Thanks for letting me rant. I needed it to be written down and understood in black and white. 

Katie

So it has been 4 months and a couple of days since my surgery. I am officially 90 whole pounds down. I' m so excited about this tremendous loss and I can't wait until i hit ONEDERLAND!!!!! exercise has been ok, a little slow since school started, but now that i have my schedule down i am hoping to get it all fit in so i can keep up all my success.  Life has been amazing these last few months, i am feeling so much more confident and i feel great about myself, even a little flirty at times . Its fun... Anyway, im down about 2 whole sizes plus a little more, i dont fit in the next ize just yet but where i am is a little big.  I am so excited i chose to do this, and i thank God everyday for the blessing he gave me. Thanks for all your support, i dont know what i would without OH. love you all!

Katie

I will put up some pictures when i get a chance to take some.

So in the last week i have lost about 7 pounds. Moved into a new place, and i am exercising in my super cool new pool. I completely lucked into an awesome new place with 4 other friends. A two story house with a 3 car garage, pool, jacuzzi and 5 rooms. Its amazing. and now that i have a pool in my own backyard i am swimming everyday getting in my exercise. It's hot here in Fresno and walking can be torturous, so swimming has been very helpful. since 4th of july i have lost 13 pounds and i am very excited about it. thats a total of 63 down in two months and about 3 weeks. its awesome. and i am so excited with t he start of my new life. YAY!

I haven't posted in awhile but i have been working hard towards my goal. I have lost 25 pounds before surgery and 29 pounds after. for a total loss of 54 pounds. I am so excited!!!! I had a stall for awhile but it was just my body getting used to its new attachments. lol. Now i am working on getting in enough protein and keeping up with my vitamins. The exercise is the easiest for me to get in but can be a struggle on some days. I will just be trying my best to do everything correctly. hope you all are doing well.

I'm starting to get really frustrated and sad and i don't know where else to put this. I haven't checked the scale in a few days in hopes of a welcome surprise when i do. when i got on it today i had gained weight. What the FUCK! seriously i don't know what to do. its pissing me off. I am mad and upset and starting to become depressed about it. there is no way that this isn't going to work, but what is the problem  now? I feel defective. and i have no oneout here to talk to... i miss my home, i miss my friends from high school.  I miss my best friends in New York. i think i am summer home sick or something. i dunno.  I wish this was more magical, but i know i shouldn't expect anything. I guess i just couldn't help it. what i really don't want is to go into my next doctors appointment with no loss. that would completely depress me. I am only a month in but i haven't lost any weight in the last two weeks. it feels like i am doing something wrong. Maybe i am dehydrated. i dunno i feel like i am drinking enough but maybe not. I never seem to go to the bathroom. And maybe i am eating too many carbs. I really like crackers with my tuna. i dunno. i guess i should just cut back a little and drink more water. hopefully it would work itself out. writing my thoughts down seem to really help, even if they don't make much sense.

The stall that i had a few days ago has finally stopped. lol. i am bak on track with weight loss. I have also started swimming as well as walking so i am hoping that makes the difference.

These past few days have been really weird for me, i am working on making sure i have a place to live and all of that as well as working and working out.

recently though i have been feeling really lonely and i really dont like it. My friends are supportive enough its just i dont feel comfortable at all. I am just going through my days. its strange i am surrounded by people and i am always seeking out friends to be with so i am not alone, and yet i feel all that much more alone. maybe its the change in my life or maybe i just want to go home and not be at school. i dont know. but as long as i am doing good what i need to and staying healthy and on the losers bench i guess i cant complain. i wish i understood my feelings more...

So i had my surgery 20 days ago...

I really haven't been on here in some time.

Anyway, now i am eating soft foods, and trying to exercise as much as possible, but i am currently at a plateau. Its kind of pissing me off. Maybe i should blame it on the fact that i am no longer on a liquid diet, but i am not sure what else to do. my mom suggests a food diary  and talking to my nutritionist. Maybe i am doing something wrong. I really hope not.

other than that i am doing well. i feel full of energy and i am really happy.

my favorite thing has definitly been my follow up appointment with Dr. Q. the first thing he said to me was " oh good you're alive" .

yes i am alive, good job dr. obvious. lol

i only have 5 days until my surgery. i am honestly freaking out. i don't know what else to do but wait. i am trying to prepare but i don't know how well i am doing. i have a couple more days at home before i have to drive back to Fresno to take finals, and then i drive back to LA again on Wednesday for surgery.  i am worried about both my surgery and my finals.  i don't know which is worse worried about grades or worried about being in the hospital and freaking over surgery. its like i have no time to worry for either so i am freaking out over both. it sucks. but i guess only a few more days it will all be over anyway. wish me luck i take my finals on Tuesday and Wednesday.  hopefully i will be able to pull out some good grades and pass all of my classes. sigh. i sure hope so...

So today i started my liquid diet. I am at the moment eating a yummy yogurt. lol. But last night my big big sister in my sorority said she was taking me out to dinner. just the two of us. I was of course very excited. We decided to go to BJ's because i really wanted a pazookie. heehee. Anyway. she picked me up and we drove to the restaurant and i started noticing other sisters cars. When i got into the restaurant there was a surprise party with a bunch of my friends. It was so fun. We stuffed our faces and laughed all night. I got to explain what i was going to be doing more clearly to some who didn't quite understand. And it was just a good night overall. I totally loved it.

Today i am "eating" with a plan. I have all the stuff i need today to succeed and i think that is all i can really do. hopefully i like to protein i brought i haven't had a chance to try it yet. and when i get home i am totally making s/f Jello.