Leslie D.

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It's funny how before surgery I thought I'd be writing on here every week. Then life happens!  It's been about 2 1/2 months since surgery already. Wow, what a great ride!  I'm down 82 pounds total, I think the phrasing is:  HW 309/SW 286/CW 227/GW 150.
The pounds are one factor, but the difference in how I feel is starting to sink in. 

First of all, my surgeon's office is amazing! A big shout out to North Valley Surgical Associates and their staff in Chico CA. They rock!  
One of the coolest things they've done is this thing called the "Weekend Walk" where patients and their families/friends (& dogs) are invited to walk at Bidwell Park on a Saturday morning once a month. Well, I didn't know how far I'd be able to make it or if I'd be able to keep up, or what to expect, but I went in August anyway.  It was awesome. We did a moderate paced 3-mile walk and I got to chat with the staff, even my surgeon, Dr. Simchuk and his wife were there. Get this- he was only 10 days out from emergency back surgery!!! To me, that was so incredibly motivating!  I don't know for sure, but I would venture that there aren't many surgeons who care enough about their patients to show up for something like this!  By the way, I did make it the whole 3 miles, and I was not at the back of the group!  ~and no more shin splints! yay!  mine used to be crippling, cry-your-eyes-out-just-try-to-breathe painful!

I was so inspired that I've stepped up my walking (except for the 100+ degree weather) and the following weekend, Labor Day, set off to hike to the top of Mt. Lassen. I made it most of the way, but at about 10,000 feet, I got altitude sickness and had to turn back; even though I only had a half mile to go, it was another 500 feet in elevation and I didn't have any desire to meet a park ranger THAT way! My son completed the hike to the peak & returned with some awesome photos. I thought I'd be disappointed that I didn't make it to the peak, but I really wasn't. I'm so excited that I tried and made it sooo far! The views were awesome, the day with friends was great, I even met a new friend on the trail. All that AND I have goal for next year as well. (figure if we camp out around 8,000 feet for a few days prior to the next hike, I should be able to make it. Unfortunately, the trail is closed until Spring)

This past weekend was another monthly walk, I brought a friend and her daughter along this time. It's really hard for me to get up on a Saturday morning and leave my house at 7:15am (walk is at 8am & I'm about 35 mins away), but again, it was so worth it. There is something about the "fellowship" with others who are on this journey - whether they are a few weeks out from surgery or 9 1/2 years out, or the staff at the practice committed to their patients as humans - that it just becomes fun. After the walk, they have a little raffle thing and I won a bottle of Vitamin D!  and we gave the balloons from our meeting table to my friend's daughter. I even went for a quick swim in the "pool" (a large area where they've dammed the creek that flows through the park). Brrrrrrrisk!

It just feels good to have this part of my life back - they more physical part. I've never been athletic or anything remotely near that. 25 years ago I lost a bunch of weight and was into bike riding, but did so mostly to lose the weight, not to enjoy the ride. Now, I'm planning more walks & hikes and exploring. I've always enjoyed tackling challenges - as a single mom I had to either attack or retreat and I'm not the retreating type! 

I've hit two major goals lately and have two more coming up in probably the next month:  I actually weigh less than what my driver's license says!  and I've lost over half of the weight toward my goal weight of 150 pounds!
The next two: Onderland, which I'll hit at 209, and then the big ka-klunk of the scale when I get to below 200 pounds. I haven't been under 200 since I was in grad school, so that would be around 1997 I think. . .wow. . .

I know I've gone on and on, but I'm on a roll. . . so bear with me!

My final? topic here is about clothes.  I finally went through my closet and purged most of my "big" clothes. For me that's everything 3X & 4X, and almost all of my 2Xs. It was so HARD!!!  I love those clothes. Even though they don't serve me in a practical way any more, they were my friends. People complemented me on my clothes. My body was huge, so I found a nice way to cover it and now they're all boxed up. (Mom may put a bunch on eBay. I was going to just donate, but she said this may be a great way to fund a new wardrobe!) So, I think we'll try some eBay, but if stuff doesn't sell quickly, I'll donate to my next month's local Bariatric Buddies clothing swap!  The next part was sorting through all the smaller clothes from my former life. I kept some of my favorites from back in the 90s! and unpacked them into my closet. So my closet is full again. a few 2Xs that I'm just not ready to part with, but mostly 1Xs, 22s and 18/20s. I have a bunch of clothes that I've yard saled in 14/16/Large that I sorted & boxed up & put away in the bottom of my closet for "later". I'm still having troubles adjusting to the belief that I am actually getting smaller.  ?? and staying that way ??  I think that's part of the reason it's hard to let go. In the past, I've never stayed "small" very long. I was a size 14 for about 6 months in 1995. Loved it, looked great, and then. . .so I guess it still doesn't feel real yet.  I know that makes sense to more people on here than anywhere else in my life.  I mean there are several gals at work who struggle when their size 0s get tight. And one can squeeze her body into a size 8, but should probably stick to 10s or 12s which would look much more flattering on her body type! I don't find it attractive to wear clothes with buttons and seams pulled to their max!

Ok, I said that would be my final topic and it basically is. I also wanted to add that my hair has thinned a bit, but nothing major. My fingernails are going crazy. I have to trim them at least twice a week. and my shoes fit again! I've probably dropped a size.

Good night for now! hopefully I'll post a little more regularly, because I want to be able to look back on this to remember and to keep motivated!
Thanks for "listening"!

When I realized I was down 50pounds (omg!) I looked at the big bag of dog food for reference; it's only 40 pounds and it is HUGE!  Wow!  I lost 23 prior to my official pre-op appt on July 7th, surgery was July 18th and have lost 27 in just 3 weeks! Holy crapola!!!!   I'm not sure what my expectations were, but they are definitely being met!  I get frustrated when I enter my height on the BMI charts & it shows my weight at a max of 142 to be considered in the "normal weight' range. I haven't weighed that little since I was in 9th grade - around 1980!  But rather than focus on that number I am choosing to celebrate the 50 I've lost instead. but HOW???  I don't want to/need to buy any new clothes or any other "stuff", I don't even want to celebrate with food, oooh I think I may have figured it out - a pedicure or a massage. I've never had a pedicure & definitely need one!  Wow. I can barely grasp it. Maybe because I still have about 120 pounds to go. . .

I do think this will help me "push through" the frustrations I've been having around having to wait 30 mins before and 30 mins after (plus the 20-30 minutes to actually eat) meals-that I can't have liquids. It's been so hot and I need more fluids, but it's hard to get them in with the 1.5 hour gaps around meals. And I've been frustrated with it.

Well, thanks for celebrating with me!!!

ps- I do plan to write about my surgery and recovery experience at some point soon, I will cut & paste selections from messages w/a friend who had surgery the same date so it will be accurate. I'm calling it my "wild ride" like Splash Mountain at Disneyland - lots of emotions, pushing through the fear and the pain, and just doing it!!

Wow, it seems like it has taken forever to get here and yet it also feels like no time at all. Full range of emotions and thoughts today. . . should I really do this?  Just because my doctors think it's the right thing for me doesn't mean it actually IS the right thing for me, does it?  The whole "you've lost over 35 pounds on your own, why don't you just keep doing what you're doing instead of something so drastic?" questions from friends/coworkers/family ar well meaning, but what it feels like is as if they are questioning my judgment/decision. Believe me, I question my decision every day. And I also know that this really is the right decision, the right choice at the right time. And for those who say that surgery is the "easy way out" - screw you; You have no clue how hard this is! 
So - what's left to do?  prepare. Change my sheets, clean the bathroom, pack my pjs, re-organize the linen closet, relax?, call my sister in Oregon who's moving to Hilo, HI next week, shower & use the Hibiclens prep, put on my anti-nausea patch, read some Dean Koontz, & sleep. . . & cuddle with my dogs!

Wow. already survived 5 days without any "food". only "fake food" as the Enloe nurse refers to it. 3 more work days, Saturday to the IMAX to see Harry Potter, Sunday maybe a movie with my mom to help her relax & laugh, then Monday's the big day. Gastric-day. Found some clothes buried in my closet that I not only hadn't seen in a few years, I haven't been able to fit into in a few years, even if I'd known they were there. Wore a cute dress today, even though it's a size 26/28, that's okay because it is pretty and I felt happy wearing it!  Yes, I have a ton of clothes size 20-24, and I'm getting into some of them.  I have faith that it will all happen in time. It's weird. I'm starting to feel a little peaceful about this (probably the lull before the storm!)

Well, day 1 was easy, day 2 not bad; I'm not sure what today will hold for me!  I woke up really hungry, but a stop on the scale helped to motivate me to stay "clean" - I'm down 6 pounds since Thursday! ~that wasn't my goal, and yes, I know the scale is a very fickle friend. I use it as feedback, not as a judgement or "fact".

My 20 yr old son & I are driving 90 miles to go see a movie today => Transformers 4, in the IMAX 3D. (His reward for helping me attack, and make a boatload of progress on, a major project.)
It's pretty hot, the dogs can't come with us, and I'll be in a theater for 3 hours smelling popcorn & sugar. I'm taking an extra protein shake with me and bottled water/crystal lite stuff to help stay true to the liquid diet. My son is super supportive so I know I can do this.  Not a huge challenge, but a challenge nonetheless. 

I'll let you know how it goes!

I've never written a blog before. the closest I've come would be a couple of sentences on Fb! so here goes.
I've thought about WLS for a few years, since my doctor recommended it in 2007 or 2008. I was insistent on the band if I was going to have it, because it is more "temporary". He felt I needed the Gastric Bypass (Roux en Y) and did not recommend the band because of such a high BMI. I finally decided, to myself, that I needed the surgery. The first person I talked to about it was my big sister (in age, not in size)-that was in October of 2009. It took me over a year
 
to tell my doctor that I was ready and ask for an actual referral. Calls were made and in January 2011 I spoke with my surgeon's office the first time. Yes, I was a good candidate; yes, my insurance accepted their practice and the hospital. Whew! I was so excited! Ahhhh, but you see, we have a "program fee" of $3500.00 that has to be paid up front before surgery can be scheduled. .  .   I cried, was amazed, frustrated, depressed. Contacted my insurance company and although they didn't understand what the fee was for, it was something they didn't cover. The office staff was friendly & helpful, but firm about their policy. I didn't qualify for "Care Credit" and was/am financially strapped, despite decent income.  I gave up (and gained another 10 pounds, what a surprise). 

In March I had lunch with my mom and told her about my decision process and that it wasn't something I could do and that I was starting to rebound from it. (she had noticed my depression/frustration)

About a week later, my parents asked me over and offered to pay for the program fees & hospital copays if I still wanted the surgery.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to go on that emotional roller coaster again so started just putting one foot in front of the other and "see how it goes". Attended an orientation class & scheduled a consult with the surgeon and nutritionist. I pored over my insurance policy and started to deal with that frustration. All the hoops they required seemed insurmountable at the time, especially that candidates have to participate in 3 months of supervised weight loss!
Hello!  that's why I need the surgery!  I can lose weight for a while, but as soon as I stop "actively" dieting, I gain what I've lost and then some more. . .

What can I say now?  I've been able to jump through every one of those seemingly unsurmountable hoops one at a time, I've lost 25 pounds along the way while waiting, and now my surgery is in just 9 days!

I run the full gamut of emotions about it every day it seems - not anything hysterical, just a lot of thinking and being excited, scared, and mostly hopeful.  I'm Sooooooo greatful I have a lot of friends & family who are supportive of me in this journey.
I just pray I don't let them (and truly, myself) down!

I just want to be healthy!!  Thanks for reading my LONG rant, but it feels good to have it all in one place! I promise to be shorter in the future.