Solangedc
● 5/4/03 - I am well over 300 lbs and 35 years old. I have lost more than 500 pounds over the past 8 years. - I'm somewhere between amazed and terrified. I'm amazed I haven't had a huge battle with my insurance company and worried they'll change at the last minute and terrified that I have no idea how I'll feel and what if something goes wrong? I'm not changing my mind, but I'm still terrified.
Thank you for all of the nice messages I've received. I don't know what to say about the kindness of people I've never met.
● 6/1/03 - Why did I read the memorials page? I felt like crying and now I'm wondering if I am making the right decision? I think my family would be devastated if something tragic happened during the surgery. I'm trying to remain calm - but I'm beginning to be a little terrified. I don't see my surgeon for pre-op until mid July and already I am wondering how I can prevent blood clots and reduce my risks. I wish it were already August, but also I'm glad I still have 2 months - I hope I can muster enough strength to continue to go through with this.
● 6/13/03 - I'm 48 days away! Goodness! I'm feeling a little more positive than my last posting, although I can tell I'm way anxious - as the date gets nearer. I wish it were August 2nd - that way I'd be out of surgery instead of waiting! :o) LOL! I have started to focus on the positive - I've been buying clothes in a 2x and 1x instead of the 3x I am now in anticipation that I will want some things to aspire to fit into. Looking in my closet I have clothes ranging from size 10 to 28 - wow - a testament to my 10 years of yo-yo dieting! I have 3 trips I have to take for work before August - I look forward to not having to hope I fit in the seat or dread being uncomfortable. Thank you to everyone who has written positive notes to me - I greatly appreciate it! :o)
● 7/08/03 - Aaaacccckkk! I'm 23 days away! WOW - time is flying by fast! Speaking of flying - I only have one more business trip to take where I barely fit into the seat. Unfortunately it's a coast to coast trip which means for 6 hours I will be so uncomfortable :o( I did finally break down and buy a seat belt extender - I pray that I'll have the courage to actually use it rather than squeeze that belt so tight it cuts off my circulation! Goodness! :o)
Thank you for all of the notes of encouragement. It's so nice to talk to people going through the same wild range of emotions! :o)
● 7/13/03 - My nerves of steel have turned into nerves of Jell-O! I'm so grateful for all of the positive notes (and humor!) laughing definitely helps calm the nerves! :o) It's not the surgery itself that is making me anxious - it's not knowing how I'll feel afterward and not totally knowing what to expect. I see my surgeon this week so I'm looking forward to having all of my questions (so far) answered so I can take a deep breath and calm down a little. :o)
Thank you again for all of the support. I'm overwhelmed by the kindness of people I've never met :o)
● 7/21/03 - WOW - 11 days away! My pre-op meeting with my surgeon went really well. One thing I'm glad to know in advance - that I'll wake up with a tube coming out of my nose (yuck!) and possibly one in my side, in addition to the catheter and various IV’s and possibly a ventilator. I'm so relived to know in advance, I would panic if I woke up and didn't know what to expect. So, I'm relieved.
I had a horrible plane ride on my last business trip before my surgery date. 6 hours squeezed in the most uncomfortable seat - I'm looking forward to not having to be terribly uncomfortable while traveling, but wish the travel industry would realize that not everyone is less than 12 inches wide. :o)
I can't say thank you enough to everyone for all of your kind words.
● 7/29/03 - I'm 72 hours away - WOW! I did the hospital walk through, I'm not quite in panic mode, but check back tomorrow and I might be in quite a different state of mind! ;o)
I returned home from my business trip out West. Everything for the most part went okay, except for the last leg - I couldn't get the seat belt closed - so I hid it from the flight attendants and pretended that it was buckled hiding both ends under a blanket. I was too embarrassed to ask for an extender, I would be absolutely mortified if she had loudly singled me out so I hid and prayed no one would ask me to show that I was buckled in. Thank GOD that trip is over!
Thank you to everyone for their support - especially my family and most importantly my Mom! :o) Love, Solange
● 7/30/03 - I'm about 30 hours away and a mess! I'm nervous and really terrified and anxious all at once! Thank you to everyone for all of your support. I'm going to try and get some sleep and then begin the pre-op routine tomorrow morning (yuck!) :o) Solange
● 8/7/03 - I'm home (finally!) First let me be brief - more later - but I have to say that anyone considering GW Hospital - they were awesome! My surgeon, Dr. Lin, his team, the residents, students, nurses, physicians assistants - everyone was just outstanding. Second - the discomfort and pain was indescribable. The first 84 hours was the most uncomfortable, awful recovery process for me. It's not pinpoint able pain - but if you can imagine the most uncomfortable feeling ever! That being said - I survived so that's a testament of sorts. I had minor complications involving the j-ring tube (gross) which required that my hospital stay be extended. I was there almost 7 days! I planned on 4, maybe 5. Fortunately, I'm home and continuing recovery. I'll update more next week. Oh - I could not have done this without the support of my mother! There are just some things that happened that I was so glad my Mom was there to help me - enough said on that for mow! ;o)
Thank you to my close friends and family and to everyone for their warm wishes and prayers! - Solange
● 8/10/03 - Well, so far so good. I'm one week and two days on my way. Mostly, I'm tired. :o) I've been walking, trying to resume my regular life as much as possible. The hot and cold flashes are incredible - these are caused by the after effects of the anesthesia I'm hoping that these extremes will go away (but since I'm only 35, this is a good glimpse at what to expect!) goodness!. I'm taking the antibiotics for an infection from the catheter :o( I can't say I have cravings or anything, mostly I'm just tired of the Boost and Ensure, but I know these restrictions are only temporary. I'm so glad to be home and with my friends and family, the monotony of protein drinks seems minor. :o) Oh - I cheated and DID get on the scale :o) I'm weighing in at 308 (down 12 pounds) :o) Solange
● 8/16/03 - Hello! I'm now 2 weeks post-op and feeling much better. I'm on pureed foods - and grateful - if I never see another can of Boost or Ensure... :o) I had my first appointment with the surgeon's office yesterday - and the scale displayed 300.8! Wow - 22 pounds since surgery. Overall, I am healing well, although I am having little problems - like small blisters over my incision site and a rash. I think I am allergic to the tape, but I have to go see them again on Monday to find out what the cause is. Other than that, and being so tired I've actually broke down in tears - I am feeling great. - Solange
● 8/23/03 - Well, I'm 3 weeks post-op and while I'm not 100% - I am probably close to being 60% in terms of energy level, recovery, and generally feeling good. I've had a few milestones - I was able to sleep on my stomach for about an hour - a huge victory for me since I'm a stomach sleeper. However, the insomnia is awful - any suggestions on how to overcome that would be greatly appreciated. I have no idea the rhyme or reason for the weight loss in terms of calories in, exercise out - but it's coming off - 28 pounds in 3 weeks is more than I expected. Oh - I had my first experience with dumping - gross! I had smoked salmon which I have since learned has way too much oil in it! I love fish but honestly, I don't know if I will ever eat salmon again. What a miserable experience - but the behavior modifications I really needed.
Being at home resting has been nice, but I'm torn as to whether or not to go back to work after the holiday or take another week after the Labor Day holiday. I have enough leave time, but staying home is not very social and I'm a social creature. :o) During the day I am having serious cabin fever - I do go out to walk, but the weather has been mostly humid so I get so tired so fast.
I have my second post-op doctor visit on Friday so I'll update then. :o) Thanks for all of the support! :o) Solange
● 9/04/03 Okay, one month post op. If anyone is reading this - I have to say, the first 3 days post op are the worse. It's horrible, not so much pain, but the discomfort is intense. Make sure someone is there with you - to get you up out of bed, to get the nurses when you need, to help you change your gown... 2 days post op and I thought to myself that I had made a huge mistake. Fortunately, my position is changing. The behavior modifications I needed to have are finally here! THANK GOODNESS! You will feel tired and sometimes miserable, but I have to say one month post op, I am feeling better - maybe 80% or my normal self, and I feel motivated to do things I haven't done in awhile, like go for a walk, flirt shamelessly :o) and think about how to eat healthily - to get my protein and also to avoid not feeling well after eating. I'll post again at the 2nd month post-op, but while I'm not at the point of saying I would do it all over again, I am at the point of seeing the phenomenal benefits of the surgery... my knees don't hurt, my breathing has improved and believe it or not I'm actually considering wearing pantyhose again! ;o) - Solange
● 11/30/03 - Oh my goodness! Has it been that long? WOW - I'm 4 months post op. It doesn't seem that long and then again it seems like a lifetime. I wish I could say it's been magical - it hasn't - but there have been some positive accomplishments that I'll share. First the struggles... well I still struggle with food - not over eating, but I still have the desire to eat, that doesn't go away - but I am making healthier choices and recognizing that my struggle will be a lifetime effort to overcome. Under eating is also a problem. I don't feel hungry when I think I should, I know that sounds like it would be a good thing, but I want to be on a good routine so not eating causes me some concern. These aren't big issues, but they have been on my mind as I adjust. Hmmmm, what else... well I travel a lot and trying to stay on my healthy eating plan can be tricky when traveling. Especially since I am focusing on my protein intake so that I don't have hair loss problems hopefully. So far, I haven't had any major shedding, so maybe my strategy is working. The behavior mods I so needed are here now. I do feel ill if I eat something too sweet or with too much oil. It's an awful feeling so I am so much more conscious of what I'm eating and when I go to restaurants I explain exactly how I want it prepared - no oil, dressing on the side, fresh broiled or poached fish, never fried. I don't feel like I'm missing anything but I am more alert about my meals and snacks. Okay the good stuff. I'm now wearing a woman’s size 16 - down from 26-28. This is a pleasant surprise for me. I weigh 240 now, down from 322. My hair seems to be okay - no major shedding - thank goodness. My cholesterol is 160 although I didn't have high cholesterol before the surgery. My scar is healing well. I did have to see a plastic surgeon to get steroid injections - 22 injections under the skin :o( yikes! - but my scar is now laying flat and it looks okay. I won't win a bikini contest, but that's the least of my concerns. My support system at home has been so kind to me. My close friends and family have really stepped up to the bat and gone out of their way to be thoughtful. I decided not to tell my co-workers and just took the time off as vacation, so they ask me if I'm dieting, and I just say no and let them think whatever. I'm really not prepared to explain to anyone other than my close friends and family about my journey. All in all, things these past four months have been good. Not perfect but it's getting better everyday. I can't say the surgery would be perfect for everyone. Remember, I thought about it for four and a half years, but I will say that so far the surgery seems to have given me the tools I really needed to help with my lifestyle change. I'll try to update a little more regularly. :o)
Solange
● 01/04/04 - Happy New Year! Well, I survived the holiday season and I think for the first time I didn't gain any weight. I haven't lost that much - but it's a triumph that I managed to get through a difficult eating season without feeling deprived.
I'm weighing in at 225 so very close to 100 pounds lost. The amount of weight really didn't make an impact on me until I was in my closet and found a pair of pants that I wore last summer. I was stunned that I fit into one pant leg. It's a humbling experience.
I still have some complications - at my 5 month checkup my surgeon said that my muscles weren't as strong as they should be, putting me at risk for hernia. It's not serious at this point, but I was reminded that I need to continue to watch what I do, and also continue to eat healthy. The good news is that he also said I had reached the goal he sets that the surgery should help me accomplish and that I would likely lose a few more pounds. I'm happy where I am - the 220's are a good weight for me and I feel good as a size 16 so we'll see where I end up.
I'm also still very sensitive to some foods - anything with any type of oil on it makes me ill, and anything that isn't very soft so my diet has been consisting of yogurt, fruit, egg beaters, soups, soft cheeses like goat cheese and fish. I wasn't a big chicken or red meat eater before the surgery but I have tried a little chicken to boost up my protein.
Well, I think that's all for now. I hope everyone reading this is well and in good spirits.
Love, Solange
● 06/27/04 - I'm 189 today - down from 322 the day before my surgery. WOW!
Well, I haven't been so good in updating but as I get closer to the one year anniversary I've been thinking I should update my site. Just to catch up, I am feeling a lot better since I first had the surgery, although I still have problems with eating and planning my meals. I've been a few times to see my nutritionist to get ideas since I pretty much can't (and don't want to) eat the foods I ate before the surgery. I'm fully vegetarian now, with fish, so I'm not sure that still counts as vegetarian or if I'm a "flexitarian" someone who doesn't eat meat but is flexible. :o) oh well...
I still have held on to not discussing my surgery with people unless they are friends and family, but since I'm down 134 pounds it's become more noticeable and even people that I only know in passing have come up and asked me how I lost so much weight. Guarding my privacy has been critical to me, but I admit I'm a little hurt by people that assume that I have some critical illness and that's the only reason I've lost weight. I suppose it's a drawback for not wanting to talk about it at work or with people I don't really know.
Anyway, I found out that I do need to have hernia surgery
:o( I couldn't bear to have another surgery in less than a year, so I'm scheduled for a little over one year to have my hernia surgery. Unbelievable.
There may be someone reading this that might think it seems easy to get to the point where you loose 134 pounds. But please know it was very difficult - this whole year - not the physicalness of it all - I never liked to exercise, but I enjoy knowing that I can do physical activities I haven't been able to do in years - it's the mental part that has been so terribly difficult. Knowing that I went through the surgery, knowing that I struggled for years, knowing that there are things my body will not tolerate no matter what. The benefits are also the detriments. But I'm leaning closer to saying it was worth it all. Let's see what happens next year. :o)
Thanks to all of my friends and family, especially my Mom! :o)
Love, Solange
● 08/02/04 - For the first time in my adult life that I can recall, I weight less than I did the year before on my birthday! Yahoo! :o) I'm having my hernia surgery in the am, so maybe I'll have abs of steel after all! :o) I'm down 140 pounds at 182. This feels like a good place to stop - plus my clothes finally all fit! :o)
Thank you to everyone for all of your support this past year and happy anniversary to everyone that has WLS August 2003. :o) We're big LOSERS! :o) Thanks especially to my Mom and family.
Love, Solange
● 01/02/05 - It's almost a year and a half since my first surgery, and almost 6 months since the hernia surgery. The hernia surgery was AWFUL! Thank GOD I have a job with great sick leave benefits - especially since I ended up needing a lot of time off for recuperation with both surgeries - two years in a row! I was in such phenomenal pain and discomfort with all sorts of strange reactions to the medicine after the hernia surgery, I couldn't imagine having to go back to work after a week or two - it would have been impossible for me to make it. Anyway - it's in the past and I am up and feeling great now and buzzing with all sorts of energy.
My weight has stabilized between 178 - 180 and I'm happy at this weight. Yea, I think oooh - if only I could be 160 or even 150, but then I come back to reality and realize that I'm looking great, feeling great, I'm healthy and happy! I'm a size 10-12 which I NEVER was before in my teen or young adult life, my hair is looking good and I didn't lose much of it after the surgery and I really do feel great. I have so much more energy and I am so thankful that I can walk up a flight of stairs without my knees hurting, my chest burning and without being totally out of breath and fearful of an asthma attack! For those of you reading this that know what I mean - it was worth the pain and suffering of the surgeries to have the life freedom of being able to do some of the small things I was fearful of - like having to walk up a flight of stairs with someone else! Some people think the surgery is a cure-all - it's not. I still have the same food cravings and desires - and I need to constantly remind myself not to try and overeat and to eat healthily. But the negative reinforcement that happens too frequently for me (the throwing up, the dumping symptoms...) reminds me that I needed help to get me to stay at a healthy weight and live a healthy life. So, in a strange way, I'm at the point in my life that I can look at the surgery as one of the more positive steps I've taken in my life. It's a lifetime effort.
In 5 months I'll be getting married and my fiancée and I have discussed trying to start a family. I'm not sure how all this will work out since I've obsessed most of my adult life about losing weight and not focusing on healthy eating, and I think I'm more paranoid than most about the thought of gaining weight on purpose :o) but I'm going to work with my doctors, eat healthy and see if it is possible. I'll write updates later on if after getting married we're successful at getting pregnant.
I'm not sure if anyone else reads these, but I hope if you are out there reading this and are thinking about the surgery or have had the surgery that something here helps in some way. Yes, it's hard, the surgery is awful and you feel like crap for a long time. Yes, it's a struggle to maintain your diet everyday, take your vitamins and too not overeat. Yes, it's hard to know that there are some things you will never physically be able to eat again (for me it's meat - all meat so I'm vegetarian now, something I never realized would happen as a result of the surgery - and I can't handle anything with oil or too much sugar.) But I will say that the past year and a half has been life altering in a mostly positive way and for this - I am grateful I was able to have the surgery successfully. One thing that I can do absolutely nothing about is the amount of gas that I am now passing! WOW - powerful stuff there! But enough said - there are those out there post-op that know what I mean - WHEW! :o) I hope everyone had a happy and healthy holiday season! Love, Solange
● 11/17/05 - Wow - looking at my last entry it has been awhile since I updated. Life is still good - I've kept my weight between 176 and 178 which is quite the accomplishment for me since I have never been able to "maintain" before I had the surgery. New challenge - I'm 9 weeks pregnant so I've REALLY had to ramp up my protein and make sure I take my vitamins (which I often neglected to do as required by the surgery.) So far I haven't really gained any weight although I'm hovering at 178, I admit I'm a little nervous about the weight gain and am really hoping for the best. I'm still vegetarian so that is posing some additional challenges to make my protein goals and I'm feeling very tired but other than that (and being 38!) my first pregnancy is going great. My surgeon Dr. Lin no longer considers GB patients to be high risk when they are pregnant so this makes me feel better. Anyway... we'll pray for the best, and a happy healthy baby that should come sometime around June 24th. :o)
Love,
Solange
● 08/02/07 – Uh, oh! Has it been that long since I posted??? Sorry – those of you reading that have babies know – life has been a blessing since my baby was born but there has been so little precious time to do anything for me! So, quickly I’ll catch you up. :o) My birth went fine – perfect – and we have a little baby boy. He’s actually 13 months now, walking and running around and bringing me tremendous joy. Weight-wise I gained 19 pounds during my pregnancy – I didn’t “watch” my weight but tried to focus on eating healthy and getting enough protein for the baby. I did develop pregnancy-related hypoglycemia so basically I was exhausted after eating and spent a lot of time just resting. To sort of balance this all out I ate smaller meals which is easy for me since I’m basically a snacker anyway. :o) I lost all of my baby weight within a month which was good, but not really dieting or doing anything spectacular, just focusing on protein since I nursed. That being said – I actually GAINED a little weight over the year – I’m 183-184 which isn’t a tremendous amount but it’s still 4 pounds over my high so I’m going to try and address this before it gets out of hand. I also had some abdominal problems earlier this year that were likely related to my surgery – it was horrible – just terrible pains that could have been “looping” of my intestine or something. The problem seems to have been resolved on it’s own but the thought of having another abdominal surgery really bummed me out for awhile.
Has anyone been watching “Big Medicine” on TLC??? I’m not sure if I’m glad the show wasn’t on before I had surgery or not. I think if I had actually seen the show I might have been too terrified to have the surgery. Then again, seeing people survive and look fabulous later on might have motivated me… hard to decide which way I would have gone.
Today I received a nice note from Obesityhelp.com reminding me that it was my 4th anniversary and asking me to update my profile… so here it is! I’ll try not to wait so long before posting again. I’m also giving some thought to – gasp – plastic surgery to get rid of the excess skin so I’ll be trolling Obesityhelp.com for more info… another reason why I shouldn’t watch “Big Medicine” :o) Hope everyone reading this is well and if I provide any help or inspiration to someone then I’ve at least done some good. :o)
Love,
Solange