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     Where to start......after 6 months that absolutely flew by I have lost a total of 75 lbs! It hasn't always been easy....I had always been able to feel my hunger pains. I dealt with alot of head hunger in the begining. I have had to learned to put faith in my new tummy and learned some hard lessons about when she is absolutely full or intake something that she doesn't like. She has never let me down.
      There have been times when I looked at the scale and prayed...just please move! And in her time we broke the stall, and I know I can count on her to help me thru. It's kinda like a roller coaster.....about the time I get over the stall, I loose a few pounds really fast, and it's amazing. I have gone from a very tight size 20 to a nice size 10 in the 6 months. I still end up going straight to the plus sizes, realizing ...hey you are a normal size for the 1st time in 17 years. I have discovered all the clothes, that I had always put back thinking one day I will get back in them I have, and they have all been sent to the goodwill. I have discovered not to buy too many items, it won't be long till you cannot wear them. I have been blessed by goodwill, the local good samaritan and friends willing to donate me clothing or sell them dirt cheap. I understand why I had so many shoes and purses, they always fit.
     Things I didn't count on or realize....I knew they all said I would lose my hair...and I have over half...it is frightning to clean out my brush every other day, and I hope it stops soon. I did not know how much damage I did to my body for 23 years. Luckly, I think my body is healing it's self for the most part. I used to think by 50 I will need a hip replacement...and now I can jog!! My skin, well it sure does change. Water is also best friend for my skin, and lotion,lotion, lotion. I know some of the sagging will never go away but I will worry about that another day. When I look in the mirror, I see a young woman with defined cheeks and chin(only 1) even though I still feel like the person at 224 lbs on the inside.
      Sometimes, I still mourn food. There are days when I don't want to share, I want my own plate! But I hear the voice inside that says, you know you cannot eat 1/4 of that. So I give in and share a meal. Sometimes I let my family order and I pick from their choices...making a mini buffet. Speaking of buffets...they are the biggest waste of money, and I refuse to go! I do not have problems with food as long as I remember....Protein 1st, chew,chew,chew...and wait inbetween bites, don't eat anything high in fat or sugar, otherwise my day is ruined.
     I would never change my mind about this surgery. I thank God for putting me in a place where I could afford it. I look at it like my body is demanding reinbursment for all the damage of the junk I put in my body. And I think about what kinds of foods I place in there now. Everything accounts for fuel,nutrition, or fiber purposes. That doughnut will not make me happy, making a lean body will! I have such a wonderful team behind me. my doctors, the staff. I wish I could have talked myself into doing this sooner. When people say I don't need to lose more weight, I reflect on that wonderful team, and say, they have my best intrest at heart, and they will advise me when I need to go into maintance.
   Finally, I am learning to LOVE me. For the first time in my life I put on a bathing suit and layed out on the beach...in front of others. I actually lost a whole pound while I was on vacation, and 5 more the following week when I got on track. And smile a secret smile and giggle when people tell me I look so much younger, and they can't tell me and my 11 yoa daughter apart from behind. And muscles, they are defining the new me!
    Sorry for such a long blog!
   

Tommorrow at this time, I will have a new pouch and will a little closer to what I wish to be. I want good health, a strong body and a happy mind. Sure I would love to be thin, but I am looking for that person I was so long ago. The one that wanted to run in an open field, and smell the freshness of the morning. I want to participate in life not just watch it go by. I want to make commitments to my family and friends and not back out because I am too tired or too ashamed to be seen. I have had good success in the liquid pre op stage, I only cheated once...2 martini margarita's 5 olives and 5 toritlla chips! I can do this, I have faith in myself. God grant me a smooth operation and a speedy recovery. Bless me to live to grow strong and be a messenger of your word.

    Wow, what a trip! Back in May I thought this only to be a dream, that it would never come true. But here I sit waiting on my date for my new life. I know there are alot of people that are doubtful, and some that think I'm crazy but I know this is right for me. 
    In this six months it has been a struggle, one in which I thought of giving up once or twice, but keep my eye on the prize. For this courage was supplied by a wonderful support group and some amazing NEW friends I have found on the way. For anyone that is starting, please don't stop....keep up the fight! I know it will be worth it!