God, grant me the serenity....
Aug 08, 2010
I weighed myself this morning and as I feared I gained weight...5 lbs to be exact. I can feel it on me. My clothing is tighter and I just feel blah. I am so afraid that I am regressing back to old habits and soon the old weight. The stories are out there about the folks who lose then gain it all back. I can see it now. Yesterday I consumed such a ridiculous amount of calories. Maybe it was not all at once, but I ate constantly. I am reading a book about a woman who had bypass and the doctor stated that eventually your body will adapt to the sugars and fats. but it's not just that, the constant grazing can lead to weight gain as well. It's like I cannot stop sometimes. I am literally obsessed with the food. It stays in my brain until the urge is satisfied. I was a member of overeaters annonymous for a few years, and though I committed myself timewise, I never really appreciated the foundation and the tool as it was intended. My faith was not there and my stubborness in admitting I was powerless was always a hurdle too big for me to overcome. Now I am better able to appreaciate this as I see myself, even despite having surgery to re-work my digestion system, struggle with food. It truly is an addiction. God, grant me the serenity to accept that food has power over me, but accept that I can put my faith in you to help me resist the urges that have been there all my life.
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Temptation and Resistance
Aug 02, 2010
Each day I will pray for the strength to resist the temptaion that food brings to me. Food is my comfort. I know this for sure. I recognize now more than ever that my anxiety, my feelings of losing control, and insuing depression drives me to eat. Sometimes it's compulsive. I cannot not finish a meal, leftovers, and seeing food being wasted drives me nuts. When I go to a function I am immediately fixated on the food...especially as of late. Temptation is everywhere. Despite efforts to control my foods at home, there are still supermarkets, drive thrus, restaurants, diners, and corner stores. I am a professional with a debit card, money to eat, and a voracious appetite at times...what a lethal combination. For today, I will ask God for stength to resist the tempations around me.
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First post in two years....
Aug 02, 2010
I cannot believe it has been two years since I last utilized OH. I had my surgery in January 2008 and by May I was thinking "I had this...". I stopped going to support groups, I stopped using my resources (such as OH) and I just worked and went about my daily life....my way. Here I am, two years later....and I need these tools more than ever! I have begun to adapt...almost too well, to certain foods and food amounts. I am reverting back to "old habits" of eating to feel better and not to be well. I see the pre-WLS Carrie coming and I am feaking out!! I actually began eating so much and so frequently again that I had to have my b/f pad lock the pantry and fridge. Ugghh, hated to do it but I needed (and still need) the help. I have not really gained but a few pounds, but that alone has me worried. I CANNOT go back to where I was three years ago. So last week I decieded to revert back to the tools I was given...and what a help it has been. I have utilized the nutrition tracker almost daily. Though I am still struggling with my food and emtions on a daily basis, what a blessing to see in both numeric and pie chart form what I put into my body without realizing it. I am beginning to do a little more, little by slow...I am looking at other posts and pics and once again realizing where I came from and how I need to work on keeping the weight off. I am praying more and more and have a loving b/f and family to support me...but only OH folks truly understand. I hope to learn more about myself and be a better, more consistent support to others along my re-newed journey. God bless!
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Recognizing the signs...
May 25, 2008
I have just become more active in the last couple of months. I used to never go to the gym, and still didn't post op until a few months out. I realized I needed to motivate myself to be more active by selecting activties I like. I joined a Pilates classs, I also joined a gym that has a pool and I love going swimming now. I will go three times a week, something I rarely did before. I had a session with a trainer and have decided to hire him to help me build lean muscle and get even more in shape. This is a part of my life I have never experienced. Yeah, I used to join gyms, but consistency and motivation never lasted. But what I have in the last 3 weeks is an increase in my appetite. I am sure this is related to the increase in excersise as well. But I am beginning to make food selections that I did before, often absed on the same circumstances like boredom, or loneliness. The first three months of this surgery I had no desire for food and now it's back and I am tolerating thinsg like bagels, pizza, and burritos. Of course in small amounts, but I feel like my bad habits are rearing their ugly heads.
Plateau
May 21, 2008
I have reached my first plateau. I am almost 4 months post op and am 60 lbs. down. I haven't lost in about a week and a half. I have also noticed that during this time period I have been struggling more than ever with getting in protein and fluids. I also find myself making poor choices in selections. I notice my appetite coming back, as well as my cravings for certain foods. I also notice that I beginning to want to eat certain foods when I am upset. I used to be part of OA (Overeaters Annoymous) when I lived in Massachusetts. I always knew that this surgery wasn't going to change the way I think about food, just the way my body reacts to it. I now see the demons rearing their ugly heads. I need to increase my attendance at WLS support groups as well as hit up a few local OA meetings. I do not want this surgery to fail, or for me to fail myself.
