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To maintain control over my own destiny and soul.. 

5K has been my thing this year. It is my way of maintaining my weight and overall health. I will be doing my 5th 5k this coming Sunday. The 2026 Los Angeles Firecracker race is in the heart of Chinatown. Prior to 2026 I did only two 5ks in my life, the  Bubble-run 5k with my kids- its was brutal.The last time I did the bubble run I couldn't even finish it and my feet was on fire. Now walking and looking forward to completing the 5k has helped with my mental state. 

I am the Master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul

"Invictus"

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

My brain and body is contanly disagreing about what foods to eat.  My brain wants the familiar fried food or junk food and my body constantly rejects it, sometimes with a vengence depending on what types of foods I try to eat. I came to a conclusion that this will be my everyday life struggles. Sometime I got it under control and other times the rug gets pulled from under me and I just blank out and forget about doing the right things. 

My old habits that ran the show got cancelled. Patterns that were once familiar I want to stay gone.  I gave my self new patterns to counteract the old ones:

• After 6pm I choose not to eat
•  choose not to graze constantly all day. 
• I choose to talk out loud to myself and ask myself if I am truly hungry

I reset my self everyday by weighing daily. It works for me.

current weight 158.7

2026 is here and I finshed Two 5k events. My  motivation is getting the medals at the finish line and Personal Best walking pace on each mile. so far my 15 minutes for one mile. 

next up..

• 5k Dash thru the 80's 2/22/2026
• Los Angles 5k 3/7/2026
• Santa Anita 5k Derby 4/4/20226
• .....

My biggest struggle by far is sleep. Im typing at 2:46am in the morning. Yes I'm tired. One thing I dont do at night while having insomnia is eat . I have always had poor sleeping habits which alawys meant snacking in the night. The sleeping deprevation still exist, I just chose not to eat while struggling to get back to sleep. This is something I need to fix , I just dont know how.

current weight :

169.3 lbs

BMI 25.9

Body fat 32%

I signed up for a bunch of 5k's .

• Rose Bowl 5k on Jan 18,2026
• Altadena Forever Run 5K on Jan 4, 2026
• Los Angeles 5k March 7th 2026
• BubleRun 5k August 29, 2026

soooo.. yes my knee still feels funny from time to time . My goal is to always make sure one feet is always touching the ground. So essentially I will walk at a steady pace . I classify my walk as a fast pace turtle in comparison to other walkers . I know this for a fact by watching people passing me as I walk at a  brisk pace, or so I assumed, on my walks. 

How, Why, & What I plan to achieve doing this?

• How: Train daily and tracking it on my app
• Why: makes me feel good to do a hard things, Altadena is my home and the course passes by property that was loss to the Eaton Canyon Fire
• Achieve: Finish the 5K , and challenge myself 

current weight 172.2lbs

It's more than saying it, it's a daily act of setting 

• Healthy Habits 
• Taking Accountability 
• creating mini challenges to keep yourself going 
• Behaviors that make you feel better 
• Making the same commitment over and over again, every second of the day
• Armor your New Normal based and reaffirming your Why? 
• Making choices that are sustainable and creating realistic goals

pushing past the past and creating a routine is the single most important thing to keeping the desire going even through the unexpected setbacks in life. 

" Is it the content of your mind that determines your behavior or is it your behavior that determines the content of your mind"

I am a creature of habit. When I have to detour from my regular routine it takes a alot to get back on track. One positve thing is that I have noticed that I am autocorrectting myself much faster than I did in the past. Hopeflly I can keep that new habit. I have been watching youtube videos of people that regained all their weight back and one thig they had in common is that they stopped posting for several months and evenyears. They lost accountability. positive reinforcment, and motivation from a supportive community. 

The truth is there is no such thing as a straight line in life. Your going to have twist and turns and even setbacks.I write to stay acountable and its like my personal record of self.

currebt weight 178.6

The last time I went to a store to try on pants sizes I was at a size 24. 

Since then I focused on M,L,XL....

current weight 179.1

Self sabbatoging reared its ugly head. Its a beast of when it happens almost like an outer body experience. You know what your doing from one vantage point..the vieil of self doubt is covering you and becomes overewhelming and as a result my mind cant breakout. Food becomes both comfort and a why to self sabbatoge. I had to talk louder than the doubt that was filling my head, still trying to swim out of it as I type. I know why it happnening as I type. 

My routine broke because a dear family friend is fighting cancer and I have been in and out of the hospital all week supporting her husband which is my God father. The sadness of loosing a part of my village is alot. She was a person who helped shaped and influnced my childhood and made me the person I am today.

I going to stop typiing, reset and start agin. Heading to the gym to try to autocorrct ny behavior.

When people ask me what you been up to?

   ......I've been just trying to be the best version of myself....Rewiring my whole nervous system and unlearning repeated cycles of toxic behaviors to better myself. it's been extremely hard to unlearn what I previously conditioned myself to do. Focusing on self and health both physically and mentally has been my personal medicine . .

"Man in the full knowledge of himself self  is a superb  and supreme creature of creation. When man becomes possesser over the knowledge of himself , he becomes the master of his environment, the captain of his own ship , the director of his own destiny , the accomplisher of his own ends"

Hopefully indefinitely, I made a decision to cancel my upcoming Knee replacement surgery on October 30, 2025. 

My Weight gain ballooned back 278 pounds post surgery (from as low as 190lbs post bariatric surgery) . This is the root cause of my knee cartilage loss at age 50 .  The doctor explained complications for heavier set patient (me ).  He said I was right at the cut off in who he would perform surgery on.  Once cartilage gone its gone. Looking at the x-ray, I could still see a sliver left but the nagging pain is still present even today at my current weight. Only difference is, it's manageable.

The Reason I choose to postpone the date till I am ready: 

Reason #1 Keeping this nagging pain is a reminder. I believe the weight was the primary cause of this joint pain. Loosing the weight moved it to a more manageable pain. If I gain weight the pain will intensify. So It is my personal deterrent. 

Reason #2 I do not like the even a 1% chance of something going wrong at this point in my life ( kids , responsibility). Surgery is a last resort. My Bariatric surgery was a last resort, being over 300 pounds in 2008 at the age of 35. This isn't. I can manage it by keeping my weight down and eating clean.  

Pray for me that I will stay the course. 

Current weight: 182.9 lbs