sillyjilly

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My, but it HAS been quite a while that I posted.  I hit goal weight of 135 at about the 10 month mark.  Since then, I've lost about 10 lbs more and have flucuated between 125 and 135.   My life has changed so much in the past 3 years.  I bike, run, walk, weight train and have so much mobility, flexibility and energy that I never thought it possible.  That's not to say I don't have LOTS of lazy days but for the most part, I go go go.  I can eat just about anything but pork is a big no-go for me.  I can never get or cook any kind of pork (whether chops, loins, whatever) that works for me.  No matter how much I try and prepare it or monitor the cooking process, it's always too dry.  But everything else agrees.  Some things more than other and some things that probably shouldn't as well as it does but all in all, we eat VERY healthy.  Some days I feel like I eat eat eat.  Other days, I eat a few bites and I'm done. 

I don't use a bariatric card for reduced portions at restaurants.  I just get 3-4 meals out of them.  I can eat more than I used to be able to so it all depends on what it is as to how many more meals I get from it.  So, I eat some at the restaurant, box the rest up and bring it home.  And I usually am able to get 2 lunches for work out of those leftovers.  How economical is that?!?!  Pay $16 for steak and shrimp or a mexican dish with enchiladas, rice and beans and get 3 meals out of it!!  Now when we go to buffets, that's usually a money loss for us.  I try many things but usually just a small spoonful.  Same with pot luck picnics.  People who don't know me, look at me like what the heck is wrong with her not filling up her plate??

My doctor is very pleased with the outcome and my weight levels although he did threaten me with a feeding tube if I lost any more which I vetoed immediately.  I see no need for it since I'm not experiencing any issues.  Now if I were sick, throwing up and having problems eating anything at all, then I could see the concern but not when I'm functioning and getting along without any issues whatsoever.  Once a year, I get bloodwork and those levels are all right where they need to be.

I went from wearing a size 22 elastic waist knit pant to wearing size 6 jeans.  Sometimes smalls are too big for me.  I gave away all my old clothes, most went to Goodwill but the better things went to a needy local woman who needed good clothes for her job.  As I lost weight, I shopped a lot of 2nd hand stores and one girl at work, would give me her daughters slacks.  In fact, that's my work wardrobe now.  Eddie Bauer slacks that would normally cost $25-40 a pair and they cost me nothing because they were being donated anyway and she refused any money for them.  I did purchase new shirts as I needed and a few dresses that I needed for formal affairs which was fun.

Some of the fun things I've done now that I'm more confident in myself is I bought a motorcycle and learned to ride.  I never rode anything larger than a scooter before.  Now, I actually, I have 2 motorcycles.  My husband always rode but  he was a handful and taking too many risks.  He needed to grow up a little bit so we didn't have any at all until 2 years ago.  He bought one and was more responsibile plus he got a model that he knew wouldn't overperform.  I got brave and decided, I could do it too.  So, I bought a smaller model, learned to ride and rode it for 2 years before buying a larger bike this past spring.  We love it and ride alot.

I also got a tattoo.  Just a small celtic knot on my right ankle but there are more in my future.

I hope everyone is doing fine and hopefully, I'll remember to check in more often.

1/28/2010
Happy New Year!!  I haven't posted in quite a while, things have been pretty hectic thru the holidays and just getting back into the normal swing of things post-holiday now.  My numbers on the scale are steadily decreasing.  Sometimes I wish they move a little quicker but then I think, no, I'm quite happy with the progress and that slow and steady wins the race.  I fear that by losing too quickly, I either won't lose everything I want or I will regain easier.  Not sure of the percentage of probability is on either so slow and steady it goes.  

As far as the food I have been eating, I am doing pretty good 90% of the time and sticking to just my protein and a few veggies.  I do have the occasional carb such as a few bites of mashed potato, part of a tortilla or a chip here and there.  I have added in a half of an Arnold's Sandwich Thin (whole wheat) for a PB or chicken salad sandwich a couple times a week but that's about it as far as breads.  And I was given the clearance for salads and coffee so I've had a few of each of those in the last couple weeks.  I occasionally find something that doesn't agree with me but for the most part, everything does which just makes me double diligent on the carbs and desserts.  I haven't really tried anything that is full sugar so I don't know if it affects me.  I try to stick to sugar-free items if the need arises.  That's not to say I haven't had some full sugar things in the form of desserts or sweets but I have NOT had a full portion, just a bite or two so I don't feel that I've given it a chance to make me dump.  I can't really say that I've had cravings for desserts or sweets either.  Just wanting a taste while at a party or gathering is all I've felt.

My portions have not really increased.  I still have trouble getting in 4 oz of any kind of dense protein such as meat especially if it is on the dry side.  I am able to eat an entire go wrap from Wendy's but not a whole soft taco from Taco Bell or an entire veggie burger (just burger, no bread).  So, I just try to get in what I can and if I have to finish it off later, I do that.

I have lost just about 95 pounds at this point and I am down 4 sizes in my slacks and 2 sizes in shirts.  While clothing was OK to this point (I found a bunch of jeans and shirts that I still had that I've been wearing now), going forward will become an issue as I don't have anything smaller.  So, the Salvation Army and other thrift stores will become my go-to stores (unless I find REALLY good sales).  

My other big news is that my mom and I are planning a trip to Germany in March.  Springtime in Bavaria with a local tour group.  Mom has been there several times albeit at Christmas so this is her first time at Easter and my first ever.  I am excited and I'm happy that I won't have any issues running thru an airport or even fitting into the plane seat or the seatbelt.

We attended a benefit at the beginning of January for a fellow racer with cancer so that was the first time that anyone from the track has seen me since surgery.  Many didn't recognize me.  Several voiced concern I was sick but ALL complimented me on how well I looked.  I reassured people that I was not ill just doing some very hard work.  Some already knew what I had done but most did not.  Some people complimented so often I was becoming uncomfortable.  I was always gracious and saying thank you each time but it did become tiresome after the some of the same people continually said it each time they ran into me in the room over the course of 7 hours.

All in all, things are going very well.  My husband is extremely proud of me, continually praises me, always wants me and our relationship has seemed to flourish.  I wasn't heavy when we got together and he often pleaded, often chided, often harassed, often argued with me about getting so heavy over the course of the years.  Always wanting me to diet, exercise, something.....and we all know how that worked out.  Although, we never lost the love but when you don't feel desireable, things suffer and even though sex never stopped completely, it seriously dwindled.  Happily, it is back to how it was in our early years and we are BOTH happy about that.  So, he is ecstatic about the changes that have happened and those that are coming.  I can tell I'm a different person physically, mentally and emotionally.  I look and feel better, have a better outlook and am able to deal with situations much better just thru better self-esteem which really suffered as I got heavier.  Thankfully, no more.

 11/4/2009
Well, I hadn't posted in awhile so I thought I'd better do that.  I made it thru Halloween without even so much as a nod to any candy.  That really wasn't on my list of wants on a regular basis anyway so it wasn't that hard.  I've been doing good up until the night before last.  I was getting in way more protein than required and also getting in more fluids and feeling pretty good.  

Then....(da da DUH!), I got sick on Monday night.  No idea what from, just came on very suddenly.  I hadn't eaten in a few hours so I don't believe that it was dumping of any sort and what I did have at lunch was the last of some leftover chinese chicken and broccoli (no rice) and it wasn't very much.  Anyway, started with not feeling well and it progressed thru the evening to full blown chills, sweats, non-stop dry heaves and severe cramping.  Never brought any kind of food up so I don't think it was related to any kind of "stuck" food.  After 5 hours of this, I finally had my husband call the surgeon on call and after discussing symptoms, he decided it was something viral and since there is really nothing to do for something like that, wait to see how I was till morning and if still going on, come in to see him then.  I was unable to lie down, I needed to sit and with the way I was retching, my neck and shoulders were so strained and I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.  I was on the couch and was able to just sit back against the cushions and it finally subsided just after midnight that I could lie down.  I was still very weak and dizzy yesterday morning so I stayed home and slept.  Then I started getting fluids back in me and was much better by last evening.  

I got a shower after supper and decided to weigh myself since I hadn't this week yet and was astonished to see that I was down to 216 (hence my "downward" title).  I dropped like 6 pounds in a week so I'm hoping that my stall is over!!!  Hooray!!  I'm pretty sure it wasn't just water weight or dehydration from being sick because I didn't bring up anything and that went on just a matter of a few hours.  So, I guess my strategy of upping protein, more fluids and a few more calories in the form of some veggies a few times a week helped.  I was hoping to be down to 200 by Thanksgiving and it looks like I'll make that mini goal.  For awhile there when I had the stall, I thought I might have to modify that to timeframe to Christmas/New Year so hopefully, I'll keep going and by way past it by then.  

I was put on a full food diet at my last dr appt which was like the 2nd week of Oct.  Haven't really tested it out in full yet other than just adding in a few bites of cooked veggies to my plate.  Maybe a bite or two of mashed potato but nothing more than those.

We are going to our daughter's place in Wake Forest, NC for Thanksgiving as we have been for the last few years now.  I had been stressing a little bit about the menu but I finally came to realize that as long as I focus on protein first, I can probably at least taste everything else too.  Probably won't have even a full spoonful of those carby things but I can taste.  I just don't want to have the whole meal centered around what I can and can't have and have everyone else left wanting.  We usually deep-fry a turkey and I'm hoping that won't cause an issue for me as long as I stay away from the skin.  I also found a recipe for a crustless, sugar-free, fat-free pumpkin cheesecake so I'm going to make that but in case it doesn't work out, we'll also bake a regular pumpkin pie so that others can have dessert.  I'm already thinking about what to take along that will be friendly snack and meal stuff for me.

So, I'm settling into my new normal without too many issues.  Most of the stuff is now in my head rather than what is actually happening.  I found I cannot eat leftover whiting (fish).  Both times I've had it, didn't work out.  Freshly cooked is fine.  Some foods just aren't appealing anymore either but that may change.  For now, I just stay away so that I'm not turned completely forever because some of those I just don't want to give up (i.e. ground turkey).

Best of luck to anyone else on this journey that may read this and if I can be of any further assistance, please PM me.

10/5/2009
The last 2 weeks have been pretty smooth with some minor exceptions with white breast meat chicken.  Can't tolerate that at all.  Dark meat works out fine though.  Go figure.  Otherwise, all other foods are being tolerated.  I am still on Stage 3 so my choices have been limited to chicken and turkey.  I still eat refried beans 2-3 times a week just because they are handy.  Egg salad is great.  My husband made his famous chicken tacos on Saturday.  He uses all dark meat so it was great.  Although I couldn't have the full experience taco, I did eat the meat with some cheese in a bowl and all was right in the world, at least for the weekend.  I have lost 23 pounds since surgery and today is my 6 week mark.  Combined with the weight I lost prior to surgery, I've lost 60 pounds and people are now beginning to notice a change.  I seem to have slowed with the loss over the past 2 weeks but I've been able to get more protein and water in now so that should start to pick up again.  I have another f/u appt next week with the nutritionist so hopefully, I'll be allowed more food choices.  I have snuck bites here and there of sausage, pork loin or hamburger (from my husband's plate) but only 1 bite at those times, chewing well of course, but those sat OK.  Hopefully, that's a good sign.  I'm really missing a good salad but I think those days are going to be a few months away yet.

I had a little period last week of mourning food and feeling a little blue but after a talk with a guy that works with me who is 9 years out, I felt better.  Just needed some perspective, I guess.

Things are finally beginning to seem normal again.  I am eat a little more, eat normal foods instead of liquids, I don't feel like I'm recovering anymore.  The only thing that is still continuing and I wished it would subside is the questions from EVERYONE about how I feel each and every time.  (I'm not talking about people who only see me once a month or less.  This is from family members, friends, co-workers who see me 3+ times a week.)  I know why they are asking and appreciate the reasoning but really, I'm OK but don't really need to be asked all the time.  So, I'm gracious about answering them but when will it stop?  (I mean, do they really want to hear about the little mourning period I had last week?  Doubt it.)

Anyhoo, that's about it for me lately.  Again, I say to newbies reading this:  listen to your doctors, follow their plans.  They know what they are doing.  Walk when they tell you to, drink like they want you to, chew like there is no tomorrow, keep to the food plans you are given, seek help when you need it (physical and mental) and all will work out fine.

 9/23/2009
I had a rough week last week.  I woke up Sunday with nausea and it continued until Wednesday.  Luckily, I had a f/u appt with my dr already scheduled for Tuesday and they gave me some Regulan which did help.  Mornings still are a little tough until I'm up and around awhile.  It's very hard for me to drink a shake first thing, I do much better with a juice-type drink such as Isopure Plus.  They also advanced me to Stage 3 last week so that was a help too to get real food in my gut for it to work on for longer than the soft foods.  

I did find one thing so far (over this past weekend) that didn't agree with me and that is my beloved McClure Bean Soup.  I've grown up on the stuff and have had some every year of my life at this celebration.  I had some on Saturday for supper and about 45 min later, I wasn't feeling so great as we were walking around.  It pretty much plagued me all night.  We brought our usual 2 quarts home and I had a little bit on Sunday before running for groceries and again, 45 min later, again, not so good (while AT the grocery store).  I raced to finish just to sit and relax on the drive home.  So, I didn't realize it on Sat but when it did it again on Sun, then I figured it out.  I think that it was the fat content rather than the northern white beans because I had been eating refried beans all week.  They use suet when they make it over the fires and stir it until creamy and really at that point, it's more of a slurry than a soup (nicknamed Bean Slop) so I knew it wouldn't be a matter of texture or chunks.  What little I did have in my bowls, I made sure I chewed well so it had to be the fat grams.  Hopefully, next year will be different.

But so far, it's been very tolerable.  I won't say it's been easy because I've really been wanting to eat like I did before but I'm determined not to fall into those patterns again.  I am determined to follow my directions and do as I'm told.  I need this to work.  My husband has been very good natured about fixing his own meals during this time, although he doesn't realize how hard it's been not to eat what he's eating (as he does it in front of me - and I wouldn't expect him to leave).  I did fix chicken the other night and it was nice to eat with him again and there will be many more of those times ahead.

Mentally, I think I'm doing OK.  I have days where I feel very alone and then there are other days where I feel very much upbeat about this decision.  I can't say that I'm really depressed, just a little blue.  Kind of like when you have big outdoor plans and it rains.  It helps that I have had things to look forward to and as the eating stages progress, I know I will too.  Just a little withdrawal, I guess.  I'm very much looking forward to salad again, a chicken caesar salad with non-fat dressing!!  OH MY!!  The fact that it's fall and changing colors, Penn State and Steeler football is in full swing, I'm back to seeing my chiropractor and other things on my calendar approach have really helped me come along too.

Overall, I'm doing well.  I would do this again in a heartbeat but with better mental preparation for this time period.  (I knew what I'd have to do, I just didn't realize it would as hard as it's been.)  I can only advise any pre-ops who are reading this to talk to someone who has gone thru it.  Find out their experiences, how they dealt with various issues and figure out your own game plan and support system.  It is essential.  When the professionals tell you you need a support system, they aren't kidding.  I've always been independent so I kind of poo-poo'd it when they said it because I didn't think I'd need people around me to understand and support like I did (and they have).  I knew I wouldn't be alone anyway but really didn't think I'd need anyone else other than myself and my husband.  I don't know how some of these people do it on their own.

9/8/2009
I'm 2 weeks post-op and doing great.  Well, I AM bored but physically, I'm doing very well.  I go back to work next Monday.  My incisions are healing nicely and I haven't had to take pain meds in more than 10 days.  I only took them 2 or 3 times each.  Pain just hasn't been an issue.  My bowels are moving although not a regulary as prior to surgery but nothing that is causing me any problem. 

At my post-op visit last week, I was moved to Stage 2B also including ricotta and cottage cheese, pudding, yogurt and eggs.  I've had no problems tolerating anything so far but I've been careful.  The eggs I've eaten have been poached.  I used the ricotta to make the cheese mixture you use when making lasagna.  I put the mixture in small ramekins, added a spoonful of pizza sauce and baked it and it's just like lasagna without the noodles.  According to SparkRecipes, 4 oz of it is about 186 calories with 15g of protein, 11g fat (although this would be lower if I had used fat-free ricotta but the store only had part skim).  I've only eaten either that or an egg once a day so I'm not too concerned about too much fat yet. 

Getting 60g (min) of protein has been a challenge only because I just don't feel like eating or drinking.  I just don't feel hungry or thirsty.  Most days I'm between 55-60 and every once in a while I get close to 80 but those days are rare.  Getting in more fluids is also a big challenge for me for the same reason.  So, those are the 2 things I'm working on most.

I was able to lay down for an hour or so at a time during last week and finally by the end of the week, I was able to lay for most of the night and that was on the couch.  I figured I'd sleep better in bed so Friday night, when my husband didn't need to get up for work the next day, I slept in bed and it was great.  It's gotten better each night.  My biggest problem is falling asleep which could be due to my disrupted schedule.  Once I'm back to work, I think it will all work out.

Well, I think that's about it.  I wanted to update my blog with my progress for those few friends that are following.

8/28/09
I had surgery on Monday, 8/24/09.  It took almost twice as long to do it because my surgeon (as well as I) was surprised to find a quite sizeable hiatal hernia protruding up into my chest area that he repaired at the same time.  I never knew I had it and wonder how much that contributed to my overweight condition, if at all.  I also ended up having severe reactions to the anesthesia and morphine pain meds in the pump and was extremely nauseous for the better part of 2-1/2 days.  Most of the anti-nausea meds didn't touch it so I was pretty miserable and although I said I wasn't gonna do it....had the inevitable "buyer's remorse" and thought "what in the world did I do?"  I immediately wished for a time machine.  I had such nausea that I was worried that somehow my pouch wasn't emptying and he'd need to go back in for repairs.  Instead all my vitals, bloodwork and other signs were pointing my surgeon in the direction that my intestines had simply shut down.  He elected to wait it out as he could hear faint movement but not as much as you would hear with most people.  I'm just one of those people whose body just didn't handle this invasion that well.  My catheter and pain pump were taken off on day 2 as is normal but I didn't/couldn't walk as much as I should have because of the nausea.  So, I was in the hospital a day longer than is the norm but was like a completely different person between day 3 and day 4.  Most of the staff that was on duty the evening of day 3 didn't know me as I was packing up to leave as they started their shift on day 4.  Walking did help and though you really don't want to, I still think it was the midnight and 5am walks that I had taken overnight that really helped plus I was able to get some decent hrs of sleep.  They originally had me on an insulin drip (not really sure why because I wasn't diabetic) so they were doing finger pricks every 4 hrs which didn't help with getting any sleep but I had them stop them as levels were steady.  And after those walks overnight, I had the long anticipated event of "passed wind" in the morning.  I was able at that point to start taking in protein and more fluids and I really did feel better.

So, I came home yesterday, my night wasn't too bad.  Got some continous hrs of sleep and getting protein in today.  I do have some soreness and achyness even in my back but nothing too bad.  I'm still getting lots of walking in too even if it's multiple trips to the same area of the house (which completely goes against my saving time philosophy of combining stuff) but it's necessary to my recovery so I just keep telling myself that.

I have to sing the praises of my surgeon who took the time to see me (instead of sending a resident or other associate) 3 times while I was having the nausea issues.  He prodded me to just keep a positive outlook and and focus on the future instead of what was happening right now and that rewards are worth this small issue.  Of course, I thought "small issue.  You aren't the one ready to puke at the drop of a hat."  He promises that a few weeks from now as I start feeling more normal that I won't remember how bad it was especially as the weight begins melting off.

Perhaps another person just as instrumental in helping me through that rough spot was my roommate's daughter who coincidentally I knew from our support groups and who had the surgery a year and a half ago and is now the hospital's "face of bariatric surgery" with her own story being told via the website.  She gave me the pep talk I needed on my worst day on Tuesday and it really helped.  Even though she was saying much of what my surgeon was, I was just different coming from someone who had also been there.

Of course, my husband was with me on surgery day and each subsequent evening but he was helpless as to what to do for me other than to try and get me up a few times that last evening.  He just doesn't like seeing me in that condition and turns into this person who just sits and rubs your hand as if it can magically rub away everything that is wrong, which is what you need sometimes but this wasn't one of them.  He probably understood more than anyone how important this was to me so I can't fault him for anything.  He's been a big help today for me.  He stayed home from work so I wasn't alone.  My parents were there the first evening and my mom came every day to me and brought me home yesterday.  They've been extemely supportive as has everyone who I've told so far.  More people know at this point than I was hoping for but luckily, all have had positive reactions.  I know that at some point I'll run into someone who won't be but hopefully by that point, I'll be in much better shape to respond in a manner that hopefully, they'll educate themselves before opening their piehole and maybe change their thinking a little bit. 

Well, that's a little bit about my adventure the last few days.  I know that as I get in more protein and walk even more, I'll feel better so that's my goal.  I want to give my surgeon good reports when I go see him on Tuesday.  To all you pre-ops:  it'll be bumpy but know that it's worth it.  I knew that when I felt so much better yesterday and could come home.  I knew I'd get to that point, it just took a few days longer.  Then again, I AM the stubborn type.

7/28/09  Just got back from my consult with Dr. Gabrielsen and I got my surgery date.  August 24th!!!  I about fell off the chair when he told me.  I honestly was thinking the earliest might be the week after Labor Day (since this appt got moved up) but was really thinking it'll still be Oct.  So, shock and awe people....shock and awe is all I can say.  Now, I'm trying to wrap my brain around it all and realize it's coming very soon!!!

This journey somehow managed to get on the fast track and I can only think that God was the reason.  All I know is that I'm not even going to question how...just be thankful that it did.  Dr Gabrielsen said somehow the date fell thru the cracks in scheduling and it was wide open.  

This guy is so warm and pleasant and he really made me feel comfortable and at ease.  He talked about everything that could happen and also about probabilities of each thing.  Because I have no co-morbids, take no meds for anything and am in relatively good health (except for my weight), I am a good surgical candidate and he feels that I made the best choice as far as the type of surgery I chose.  He answered all my lame questions (as he's probably done hundred of times before) and he answered in a straightforward manner without a bunch of dr jargon.  I just think he's the best!!!

7/25/09  I am going thru the Geisinger bariatric program which consists of 6 months of education, classes, tests and monthly appointments.  A psych eval is also part of it and has program fees for the educational materials which is a binder that is very informative and Barbara Thompson's book.  I've finished up all six months of appointments at the beginning of this month.  And the letter to insurance was written at that time.  Because of the backup in the surgery schedule, we've been told that it is sometimes up to 6 weeks to get into the surgeon after meeting our 6 month requirements and then another 6 weeks before we have the surgery.  I got my insurance approval letter a week and a half after my July 6th appt and then this past Monday, a message from the General Surg dept to schedule an appt for a consult with the surgeon.  I called this past Tues and was given an appt for August 25th!!  Can you believe that far out??  I honestly expected a wait but not that long but the girl said as she told me the date that she was sorry.  I told her it was OK and that I expected it.  Again, she apologized but said that she'd call if there was a cancellation.  I figured what are the chances, right??  Well, guess what?!?!?  3 days later on Friday morning about 8am, she called me on my cell and said she got a cancellation and she has an opening for THIS TUESDAY, THE 28thm; 8am NO LESS!!!!!!  I'm taking this as a sign that I'm being rewarded for being so diligent in everything I've needed to do to get this far.  By 9am, most likely, I'll know WHEN my surgery date will be.  I know I won't be able to sleep on Monday nite.

I feel so blessed that this program is the program that it is and for the caliber of people that are involved.  Never once are we made to feel like failures for getting ourselves into the shape we are but rather we are respected for making this decision and taking control.  We are praised for losing weight no matter what the number; large or small.  I've been lucky in that I've lost continuously over the past 6 months but I'd bet that they still give kudos for those that haven't lost at all just to keep the positive influence.