sillybumblebee

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who knew it could be so fabulous?
oh deep sleep, i have missed you sooo!
last night was the second night w/ my sleeping pill & ALSO the second night I slept with my mask on for an ENTIRE nights sleep!!!!!



thursday (10/18/07) - 8 hours of sleep w/ my mask on the entire time
friday (10/19/07) - 9 hours of sleep w/ my mask on the entire time!

i'm still kinda tired... i tried to sleep longer w/ my mask on but i couldn't...

hopefully i am going to see an improvement of my energy in the next one to two wks! :)

so yesterday i went to see my PCP because i've been swelling up lately & i wanted to figure out why, another reason why i went is because i wanted an ultrasound of my ovaries to see if i have cysts on them.

she ended up giving me some sleeping pills...
got them filled and the weird this is that when my mom picked them up there was 23 in the bottle when there were supposed to be 30...
someone stole 7 of my pills!

SCARY

 i went to the eye doctor today... for the first time... he was CUTE :)
...so cute that i wished i had a reason to go back & see him... hehehe
but of course... i have perfect eyeballs, and vision... so no bad news there but he gave me some drops to lube up my eyes because i use a ceiling fan :)  he also dialated my eyes... WOW that was an experience... he said i should NOT be able to read [anything]... BUT i could read EVERYTHING... it felt weird (my eyes) but i could see just fine... kinda aslo made my stomach feel weird... hope that i never have to do that again :(


i'm just SO GLAD it is the weekend!

i am a wreck.
i am feeling angry, sad, hurt, rejected, miserable, bloated, swollen, & ugly all because my hormones suddenly want to kick it in to high gear!


so there is too much to say about what happened today over the phone.

basically in the end...
i'm going to see dr. w next tuesday and she will tell me everything i should tell the new psychologist and really just waste my gas, my co-pay, & my time.
she REALLY should do this over the phone.
but w/e if i were to say that to her/her staff they would consider me to not be dedicated or some crap like that i'm sure.

man i am in a horrible mood.
i do NOT miss having my period.
seriously, i am an ANGEL for three wks...then comes my pms & then the wk of and i'm a jerk

w/e i'm tired & i have to go to bed...

i have a doctors appointment tomorrow to find out why i am swelling up like a balloon... :(

as if my life could get any more fabulous...
i REEEEALLY started my period today.
just like old times.
i really miss those five months without my period.
they were the best five months of my life.
well... not really, but they were nice...

so i had my psych follow up appointment today.
she went over a lot of questions.
i'm an open book so i talked quite a bit.
we went over a few things from the test.
she said i'm amazing, witty, cute, intellectual, and a few other *kind* things.
she said i am a good candidate for therapy, so i immediately cut her off asking "you think i need therapy??"
she said she thinks i am mentally fine, that i don't have any disorders or anything.
she doesn't feel worried about that at all.
she said that the reason why she thinks i'm a good candidate for therapy because i am so good at articulating how i feel, i am very intellectual to be *only* 19 years old, and i could really get the best results out of therapy because i would really get to know myself.... or some crap like that.
we went on to talk about some other things...
then she began to talk about her recommendation, she said i did not FAIL the test, and i'm not being REJECTED.... BUT... there is ALWAYS, ALLLWAYS a but!
she think i am just too stinkin young!
what a freaking blow.
seriously, i am SO upset.
i was mad, i was disappointed, i felt rejected.
it's not like i can do anything about that.
HELLO! i CANT CHANGE MY AGE!
so she recommended that i get therapy for once a week, for three months... to REEEEALLLY make sure that i am mentally prepared to have this surgery.
 she never said she thinks i could regret it, and that's why she wants me to have therapy.
she never said that she thinks i will change my mind, if i get therapy
she never said that if i have therapy i may want to try another alternative
she never said ANYTHING
she just thinks i should try therapy
well HELLO DR. W... in THREE MONTHS... guess whaaat... i will STILL be 19!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously.
i don't understand why she would go on about how great i am, and how smart i am... then to tell me my AGE is a concern ... w/e
so my mom and i went to chilis after to get lunch... she thinks i should go see a nutritionist, she thinks i should go to a boot camp that will hold me hostage, make me eat right, make me exercise, make me get healthy, she wants me to wait to have surgery til the summer.


*sigh*
it's up the Dr. Mitchell now... he can decide to make me get the therapy, or approve me anyway...


i just wish i felt like this is a sign from God...
maybe it is....
I have a class in the morning tomorrow... so i must head to bed...

Goodnight All :)

so as of like saturday i SORTA - KINDA started my cycle...

i'm so bummed. i was enjoying my life without a period every 28 days...
its not even normal, but i sure do have all the other symptoms :(


oh well...
i hope this means i am fertile, if not that will stink!

so tomorrow (tuesday - 10/16/07) i will go in for my psych follow up.
thursday (10/18/07) i will go in for my nutrition session.
and after that the coordinator will send off my stuff.
she said i will hear back within a week since i have BCBS & the hospital is a BCBS center of excellence...

so maybe by the end of this month i will know if i am going to have surgery or not... idk we'll see

i'm so bummed/feeling gross about having my period again i cannot enjoy anything :(

hope everyone else is doing well!

WELL.
i went to Louisiana on Wednesday night... as soon as we landed I noticed my hands were getting a little swollen - not a big deal. then i realized my ring was starting to get ridiculously tight & it even started to hurt. I'm thinking... what's the deal with my hands. We (my brother, my mom, & myself) drive around looking for a hotel but they are pretty much all booked because there was a HUGE LSU game saturday night. So hotel prices were up & rooms were booked. So we ended up staying in some wicked sweet suite - the price was wicked high but we had no other choice. So i get ready for bed & i realize my feet are swollen like my sisters were when she was pregnant! So I elevate them and get some rest. Next morning they aren't so bad. I look through some of my picture i took on the plane ride & i see one i took of my mom & myself and my face is enormous! I start to freak out like why is my face so swollen. We went walking around on friday on campus and it was wicked hot. By the time we got to our hotel (we went to new orleans & we planned on staying there for three nights) my feet were hurting like crap, they were tingling. so It's about midnight or later & we get to our room... and i lay down and check out my feet... GOOD FREAKIN LORD! they are huge... so i start crying because earlier that day i called my dad to ask him what the deal was & no surprise to my dad (who is a doctor) that i have edema. he said if it gets any worse i need to be put on some diuretics to release some of the water my body is holding. well that night i knew it had gotten worse so i knew that staying in a hotel for the next three days just laying there with my legs propped up was going to be no fun for me or my mom & brother. so  long story short... we ended up catching a flight TWO DAYS EARLY just so i could go to the doctor to find out why the heck im swelling up so badly.  so we came home saturday night. we went to sleep around midnight or later. I woke up the next morning (sunday) NOT SWOLLEN AT ALL. imagine how PISSED and CONFUSED i was. i could have been in the french quarters, walking down bourbon street, having a great time but NO!! i came home early because i was swollen & my dad said i was in MEDICAL DANGER. ... i am still mad about this... and its tuesday! it makes no sense why i was swollen the entire time i was in louisiana but as soon as i get back home i am back to normal!

whatever... stupid stupid stupid.

so anyway... today i went for my psych evaluation...
fun stuff... pshhh i was SO angry the entire time.
i live in raleigh... its a 84 mile trip THERE... yeah, JUST there. and so it was almost a two hour car ride JUST there... so i'm irritated by ALL the slow drivers in pinehurts that feel like they should go 49 miles an hour in a 55 mph area. and then of course when i want to pass them there is either a hill, a turn, or a car coming. GAHHHH i hate slow drivers (especially when i don't want to be late)

so the test... sheesh... it was a THREE HUNDRED and SEVENTY question test! absolutely ridiculous! and only TWO questions pertained to eating. all the rest were to indicate if you have delusions, hallucinations, depression, and of course to see if you're a psychopath! i am which NONE of the above.  since I am very much in LOVE with psychology & really any science having to take that test was just the worst. i feel bad for that psychologist having to score those tests. her eyes must hurt like crap afterwards... mine certianly were.


so... october 16 i have the follow up to check my test scores... & october 18th i'm going to the nutrition class... (i have to skip my college class to go to this class... ) and then october 23rd is a dentist appt. i used to hate the dentist, then i loved the dentist, now i hate the dentist again.... every time i go there my teeth hurt like CRAP afterwards. so i'm going to make sure they either drug me up or give me some hardcore numbing medicine because i will not be seeing a dentist again if i feel anything like i did the last several times i've been to his office. :(


i have a psych test in the morning - oh so fun - that i have not prepared myself like i normally due since i went on "vacation" so hopefully i will get some studying done.

this post is mostly for me... but feel free to read haha

It doesn't feel like it's already October. I do not have anything surgery-wise to update. I just wanted to post something so that when I come back from Louisiana I will not feel like I have not posted anything in a long time! haha

So I'm leaving in two days(Wednesday night) for Louisiana... I'm coming back on Monday night. My psych evaluation is the next day (Tuesday) and my classes resume on Wednesday. The following Tuesday I have the Psych follow up appointment to go over my test results. I go in for the Nutrition session on October 18th (or November 1st, I'm waiting for my Thursday night class professor to email me back w/ which day would be better to miss! hehe) And then a dentist appointment on October 23rd!

To me, that sounds like a pretty busy couple of wks!
Hopefully the families I babysit for (i don't have a job - i'm a full time student & i have 5 families that i babysit for) will call me up a lot this month! I need some extra money to buy Christmas presents!


Hope all is well in OH land!

update w/ my CPAP: today makes it day 8 that i have used my cpap... i cannot sleep with it all through the night, which is probably why i still feel tired in the morning... but i have made the effort to put it on & leave it on til i cannot handle it anymore... i'm probably using it for 2 - 4 hours  every night...i want to make it 4 - 8 hours! I should make that one of my goals! haha  (side note for my CPAP: i was diagnosed w/ sleep apnea in october of 2006,  A YEAR AGO... haha so i SHOULD be able to sleep with it all night, not too sure why i can't so it's not like i'm new at it or anything!)

i don't think i have mentioned this yet, but i have sleep apnea and even though i'm using my cpap i still feel exhausted! i can't get my body to use it for an entire night so that is probably my problem...i was diagnosed with sleep apnea in october of 2006. that's a few days shy of a year. I have used my cpap off an on for the 11 months. I thought my sleep apnea went away by itself but of course it didn't i was just drinking more soda at that time so it felt like i wasn't AS tired as i normally would be. so i am very much dedicated to making the use of my cpap every night a habit. they say it takes 21 days/3wks to make or break a habit. so i'm hoping i will use it every night for 3 wks then i will be in the habit of using it every single night.

anyway
i am going to Louisiana in six days...  i'm going to see my brother down there! i'm very excited, i've never been... i'm scared of the plane crashing but hopefully it's not anywhere near the time for God to call me home :)

i have to come home early because i have my psych evaluation with dr. w. the day after i return home... and then the follow up the week after...
i've already sent my information to the surgeons office... but the coordinator is on vacation til the first of october... heh...

i don't know if i mentioned this either but... my PCP thinks i have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) because i haven't have my cycle in over four months and my insulin levels are on the higher side... i won't know if i REALLY have it until i get an ultrasound to see if i have cysts on my ovaries... i hope i don't have it because PCOS leads to infertility and i want 6 kids... i know about all the infertility treatments (i'm in college to be a nurse - so i know) but i want to do it the way God intended kids to be created anyway... my PCP hasn't ordered an ultrasound because she thinks after having WLS i will lose weight and my hormones will get in check and my cycle will start up again and i will be fine... (the cure for PCOS is to lose weight - but the down side is that it's WICKED hard to lose weight... two evils)

anyway... enough of my soapbox... i'm tired & i need to clean my CPAP
hope all is well out in OH land :)

so i had a minor surgery on june 18, 2007... they used anesthesia (not local) just to get me into a twillight sleep. I was supposed to have my period either june 21st or june 22nd...

today is september 20, 2007... my actually LAST period was may 25, 2007 (i count from when it starts) so that's a GOOD four months of missing periods...

so when i went to get my thyroid panel (for the surgery) on friday  -september 14, 2007 -, my PCP checked for elevated insulin because she thinks I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). On Monday (september 17, 2007) she said everything is fine but my insulin levels are on the higher levels which confirms her diagnosis. BIG BUMMER! I looked up information and it says the way to get your hormones going & getting your period going again is to start losing weight, So my PCP thinks this surgery is a great answer & cure.  So hopefully i will get everything done & the insurance company will give me a big APPROVAL :)

I don't really want to be infertile... but i'm glad this diagnosis can be cured. So i'm kinda ok w/ it but i am DEFINITELY enjoying not having my period that is for sure!

I also got the Bone Density Screen done (september 18, 2007) - they said i set a record, I was the youngest person they have every had a BDS before haha - the technician was SO lovely. She was amazing i really liked her. She may be the one to do my ultrasound to see if i have cysts on my ovaries! We'll see...

I have an appointment with Dr. Weiner for my psych evaluation on October 9, 2007 & a follow up the following tuesday, October 16th.

so i'm going slow... but steady... i've hit a bump w/ the PCOS but i'm being positive about it. :)

I talked to a lady i babysit for, she's more a friend than anything else. I really love her. She's moving to NY in less than two wks so i went over to her house to spend some time with her & to talk about her experience w/ gastric bypass! I had NO IDEA that she had had the surgery. She had it 7 yrs ago this december.  She has a great story, & she really inspired me. I feel really motivated to get the surgery now... well i was before but she just kinda help push me a lil further. I mean there are some things I will miss but hopefully i will never regret anything. I'm just going to pray to make sure i don't regret anything. God is my saving grace & he'll tell me if i'm making the right decision & if i am making the right decision then i won't regret it.


things i've accomplished (this is mostly for me)
- thyroid panel
- bone density screen
- have an appt w/ the psych evaluation
- PCP filled out worksheet.
- PCP did the letter of necessity

things i need to accomplish sooner rather than later...(again, mostly for me)
- get an appt for the 3 hr nutrition session.

things i've done:

*went to the information session.
*went to meet my surgeon @ his office one-on-one.
*filled out as much paper work as i can.
*(tomorrow i will)  get my bone density thing, thyroid panel, ask my primary physician to send a letter of necessity.

things i have yet to do:

*get the letter of necessity sent out (hopefully my physician will)
*go see the shrink.
*go to the nutrition class
*all of the other test that need to be done.
*apply for insurance



well, goodness... i have so much to do
i must go to sleep soon... my thyroid panel & bone density thing is tomorrow @ 8:50am!