Shellers

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Well its been 5 months and I feel like I'm right on track. I have lost a total of 64 pounds! Over half way there I love that! I for the first time in a long time feel sexy again...which is nice. I am wearing a size 14 wich is awsome becasue its so easy to find clothes to wear, I have been a little realxed on my food, and have been eating alot of carbs..not good...so im going to start cutting back on that. I have noticed my hair seems to be shedding alot. This really concerns me so I'm trying to get in as much Protien as possible. I think im going to start using some protien shakes again, as a meal realpacement. Its really hard to get in 55 gms of protien in a day... I feel really comfortable in my skin right now. But I dont want to get too comfortable  because i want to be smaller than this.
On another note my mother is having surgery. My mom and dad were extremely againts me having surgery and I really did everything myself to have it done. Now that my mom sees me shrinking she wants to have it done...can you say hypocrite! Imean we couldnt even have a converstaion about the surgery because we sould get into a fight about it. Now she's all about it. It really makes me angry, because I had no one supporting me..no one! Now they expect me to be supportive for her.Im sorry but its BS! 
Anyways thats about all thats going on with me. I need to take some new pics so that I can really see the progress.

Am I ever going to get that call from the surgeon?? Can I just have a date to look forward too?? I'm getting inpatient and I know thats not right, but its so hard. Especially since i'm having a "fat" day today. 

I had a incident yesterday, that for some reason really got to and hurt my feelings. Im an assitant for the buyers here at the company I work for. I left my desk to go to the bathroom and one of our male buyers was at my desk shuffleing abound papers on my desk looking for something. I was waiting for him to move and then asked if I could help him find whatever he was looking for. His respose was "dont mind me i'm just looking for food!" 
I know he wasnt trying to be mean but it just made feel like a fat girl who of course always has food around her. Which is not that case at all but, but I just took it as a "fat" joke, that really got to me.

Well I have decided not to go to the surgeon in my home town, and travel to a different town to have the surgery. This one accepts my insurance!!! I have to say I am very happy with my decision and feel so much more comfortable at Shasta Regional. Its such a better program and I feel like they are so much more professional there. Even though I have to travel and stay there for a week away from my daughter and boyfriend, I just have a feeling that this is better for me. So I have had all my pre-op classes and meetings and am now awaiting approval from insurance. Im not expecting any problems because they approved me on the first letter at the other doctor. Im just patiently waiting for that call from the doctors staff to give the go ahead. In the mean time I have to say Im enjoying every meal I have. I told my self no Top Roman dinners from here on out, it will be my favorite foods only. 
I went grocery shopping over the weekend and I kept thinking am I going to be able to eat all this? Are they going to call me in a week and say ok start your pre-op diet!, then im going to have all this food in my house that I wont be able to eat?? 
I feel guilty everytime I eat something bad for me lately though. I use to think, "Oh well screw it, who cares, I cant loose wieght anyways!" But now as I sit here and type with my half eaten pop tart in front of me, I feel as if people are saying in their heads " well no wonder she has to have surgey, look at what she is eating!" I wonder if I will ever get those kinda of thought out of my head, why should I care what they think. Not all of them are skinny either! 
I have to say it is very important to have people supporting you with this decision. I speak as a person who does not have support from her family. I cant even bring the subject up with my parents any more with out an argument. This is so difficult for me because I tell my Mom everything, and now I dont its like keeping a secret. My boyfriend (not married but have been together for 4 years and have a baby together) doesnt really support me, but he is slowly understanding why I'm doing. He just think I need to go on a diet. I just keep trying to tell him, "I will never be able to loose 100 pounds on a diet!" 
I just want the whole thing to happen already. Im so tired of thinking about it amd wondering what if? I just want todeal with what happens after surgery. I want to loose some pounds before the weather begins to change and get warmer. Ok enough rambleing for today untill  the next blog!!