SciFiWomyn
I am 44 years old and want my life back. I cannot believe how hard it is to live fat.
11/02 05:51 PM
I am not sure this is where to write my journal but I guess this is where I am starting. I am four weeks away from surgery and am very frightened. I pray I will be fine and have no major life threatening complications. As far as food goes, as I read everyone's post op notes I see that people seem to go off the food plan the doctors give us. I am not sure if I am just fooling myself, but I am hoping to stick to there plan. This is why I am having the surgery. For me, I hope and pray to follow the food plan they give me for life. Maybe I am being unrealistic and am willing to see this. I just wanted to share this so I can see it months and years from now. I now weight 288 with a BMI of 45. I am so looking forward to start losing weight again. When I look at my favorite clothes catalogs, I almost think it is surreal that I will one day be able to fit in regular size clothes. -- Robin
11/04 06:15 PM
Today, Nov. 4th, I spent the day at US Bariatrics. I met with the dietician, exercise instructor, Dr. Marema and then the BariWellness information seminar. I have to admit, they do not fool around. Everyone was so nice, professional and dedicated to my success. They really drive home the fact that I must follow for life "there way" to have the maximum success. When they talk success they do not just talk about weight loss and getting to your goal weight. They are also making sure that I end up as healthy as I can be. I did not know how important their food plan is in making sure I do not lose much muscle and lose fat. I hear so many people saying things like I can eat ice cream, pizza etc. We all learned today that if we want the maximum success for our lifetime we must follow there diet. We also learned that the weight can be gained back if I do not follow the proper food plan. I am so happy with the program I chose. Thanks to all for your referrals to US Bariatrics. They know what they are doing. I start my food plan 3 weeks before surgery. I also must start my exercise program prior to surgery. I will be on an all protein diet for the next 3 weeks. One of the best things I learned today is how to relax and get rid of anxiety and fear. What a great tool before surgery. They also gave me an audio tape that I will listen to during surgery with positive reinforcement for recovery. I am in competent hands. Well, that is it for today! Next step is Surgery on Dec. 3rd. Again, thanks to everyone for all your love and support. --Robin
11/16 04:23 PM
Well today was my last day of eating junk food. Tomorrow I go on my pre-op food plan of protein and veggies only. This was a very hard week. The last meal syndrome. Tonight I realized there is no last meal. It just continues in my head. I almost feel like I am getting out of jail with this surgery. I am a prisoner to food and food thoughts. I exercised yesterday for the first time in a year. I made it twenty minutes and am very proud of myself. I only hope I will continue this exercise program. This weekend I wrote my obituary saying good-bye to the old me and welcoming the birth of the new me. It was a great exercise. I am 16 days away from my surgery date. At first it was taking so long for this day to come and now it is going very fast. I am nervous but with all the support from this web site, my family and friends I know I will do fine. Thanks to everyone! Will post soon, Robin
11/19 12:29 PM
It has been three days since I started my new food plan before surgery. Wow, it has been hard but boy are my doctors smart. I sure would not want to go through food, sugar and caffeine withdrawal the days after surgery. I feel as though I am detoxing. It feels great. I have two protein shakes per day and one protein and veggie meal. So, I will be off starch and sugar for two weeks prior to surgery. Pretty smart plan! They also put me on an exercise regime that I am also following. As I follow I realize how addicted to food I am. It totally scares me that I will not be able to eat what and when I want. I also feel like I am getting out of prison as well. Food EVENTUALLY will not control my life. I know I have a long way ahead of me. Exercise, Behavior Modification, nutrition is all something I will have to work on to make this a total success for myself. I do not want to be one of the patients that gain weight back. I have started reading the suggested books, I am seeing a person who is helping me with behavior modification and I have a wonderful support team around me. The girls at work are all going on diets when I have my surgery. One thing I am doing differently is when I am feeling hungry at work, I ask myself what I am feeling. I take many deep breaths and work through the stress or fear. It really does work. Also I am drinking lots of water daily but especially through the hunger episodes. Well, off to have some fun! Thanks -- Robin
11/22 08:00 PM
It has been a week that I started my food plan prior to surgery. After the first 2 days it was pretty good. I noticed how many times a day I thought of food when I was not hungry. I was usually stressed. I took some deep breaths and thought about what was bothering me. I know I have a long road ahead of me for the behavior change to eating when I am physically hungry versus emotionally hungry. I lost 9 pounds and was feeling really great until today. I went to the movies and buckled to the popcorn. Interestingly it did not taste as good as usual yet I still ate it. I have decided not to beat myself up over it but just go on. I am 11 days away from surgery and feeling pretty good. -Robin
11/23 06:23 PM
What a last two days. I was doing SO well on my shakes and one meal. No snacking, drinking tons of water and exercising. BOOM, I got my menstrual cycle , got depressed and ate popcorn one day and then today I ate a weight watchers ice cream bar, a mini milky way and egg salad with crackers. I am on a pre-op diet that is not suppose to have carbs or sugar. How easy it was to go off my food plan. At first I was really upset, but now I must be aware that during my cycle I have an increased appetite and crave different types of food. I suppose stress did not help today. Tomorrow is my blood gas test and surgery is in 9 days. Maybe to close for comfort. -Robin
12/24 11:30 AM
Some of you have inquired what happened that I had to be in the hospital so long. It started with 102.8 fever. For 15 days my fever kept up and down. I had 3 upper GI's, one even laying down and on my sides. I had 3 cat scans. I had 2 blood transfusions. I had 12 blown IV's which led to a pic line. A small surgical procedure that saved my life from all those IV's. Finally they found I had strep in my blood. They also drained fluid from my lung to find the test negative. I did not have pneumonia. To this day they do not know how I got the strep. They searched for an abscess but found none. I am super grateful I did not have any leaks or that I did not have to have any more surgery. I would have freaked out. I have not had a fever for 4 days and seem to be getting my energy back very slowly. I am finally home Dec 23rd and will work hard on getting better everyday. Some good news is that I have lost 18 pounds. Thanks for everyone's concerns! God Bless -- Robin
01/24 03:56 PM
What an experience. I had to spend another week in the hospital as I had an abscess on my liver. I had to have a procedure to remove the abscess and then they put a drain in. I was released a day ago but have 2 weeks before my next Cat Scan. I have lost 45 pounds since one week before my surgery. I just hope and pray all goes well from this point forward. I am reading the book "This is not brain surgery, but there is a magic pill". Very good book for all of our recoveries. I am also going to a therapist to help with behavior modification. I have not been able to eat the proper amount of protein and it bothers me. I am sick all the time from the antibiotics. I am looking forward to my new life. -- Robin
01/29
I must say a public thank you to my life partner Kathy. She spend 28 days by my side at the hospital totally taking care of me. She was TERRIFIC. She was my life saver. There were days I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown and there she was making sure I did not. She had to drive an hour each way to and from the hospital as we have 3 dogs that had to be fed and loved too. We also have a business that she made sure did not go down the drain. I do not know what I did in life to be so lucky but she is my angel. Also, she goes to all my support groups, therapy, food shopping to make sure we are partners in my weight loss. When I cannot find my way, she shows me the path. What a lucky person I am. Thank you so much Kathy. You are one in a million! G-d speed- Robin
02/14/04
It is Valentines Day and I just realized I did not think about chocolate. What a big WIN! When I am in the stores I see the Candy and say NO, not for me. Once it is out of my site I am better but when it is in site, I still want it. Like they say, this was not brain surgery. Yesterday was an awful day. I allowed some family members to get the best of me and I was stressed over what happened. By the end of the day all I thought about was food. I ate a rice cracker and some protein chips and started grazing again. THANK g-d for my new pouch. I got full within 20 minutes and could not do anymore harm to myself. I then went to my hobby room and started a project. That saved me until dinner. I was clean at dinner and felt so proud of myself. I still have trouble with food. It seems I am thinking about quite often. I am going to therapy for behavior modification and will start my support group in 1 week. I am hoping it will help. I am 49 pounds down since 12.3.03. One would think I would be happy but all I see is my fat old self. My highest weight was 270 and then this past year I got up to 292. Hence, when I used to lose 50 pounds I would be 230 and in to a size 20-22. I am now a 24 and my fat clothes are finally fitting me. I believe that is what is so frustrating to me. I have to be patient and start my exercise program. I have only lost 2 pounds in the last 3 weeks. That is also driving me crazy. I am so impatient. The good news is I AM FINALLY BETTER. I have been on disability since my surgery. 28 days total in hospital and more tests then I would like to think about. What a scary time. What a risky surgery! I am so fortunate to have pulled through. I go back to work on Tuesday and think that will be great for me. Well, off to have a great day!--Robin
08/13/2004
I sure wish I kept up with my journal. It has been six months since my last post. I am 92 pounds down and life has certainly changed for the better. My recovery took a long time but it was all worth it. I GOT MY LIFE BACK! I still have 50 more pounds to lose but I am living life like it has already happened. I have gone on a cruise, vacationed in CA, in TN, in Acapulco. NEVER in my life have I been on vacation and not gained any weight. IT IS A MIRACLE. I have gone horseback riding, went on a bike ride, flown in many airplanes and FIT IN THE SEAT without an extension belt. The tray even went down fully without hitting my belly. I can walk without getting out of breath! I can tie my shoes. I have so much energy. I cannot believe how much more productive I am. I love my career again! And do I love to shop.....I love fashion and dressing pretty. My partner is so happy for us. Every morning she notices how happy I am and loves that I am dressing cute. It is so much fun. I just hired a coach for business. I would not have done this before as I would of not had the energy or confidence. Like I said, this is a miracle. If I have a bad food day or a bad moment, it is not like before. I can get right back on track. By this time in any other diet I would be gaining my weight back. I am now looking to break my 200 mark and I know I will.
Sometimes I do worry medically, but I have my faith that if anything goes wrong, back to the hospital to just get it fixed. I had some pains 3 weeks ago and had to have emergency surgery....An appendectomy at age 45. When I go out of town I worry a bit about not being around my doctor. Hopefully in time this will go away. I am sure it is because of all the complications I have had. I still am having some pains and am hoping they will go away. I think I might have a hernia. Hopefully I am wrong. If I still have pains next week, back to the doc I will go.
Life is wonderful and I thank everyone in my family, my friends and my AMOS family. This website has really given me strength and courage during some really tough times. THANKS to everyone!!!!
09/30/2004
I just spent 30 minutes updating my profile and poof, computer crash. UGH......well, here goes again. This month I have gained 3 pounds. How easy it was to go back to bad habits during stressful times. Like I have always thought, I did not have brain surgery. I know I am going to have to work very hard to lose the rest of my weight. In my first post I thought I would be able to follow the food plan. Of course, my will won out and I modified it. I have also not been exercising. I know if I want long term success I am going to have to modify my behavior, exercise and really be mindful of what I am eating, how I am eating and when I eat. I am very grateful for my surgery and really must not take it for granted. I have a life again, I am happy, I have energy, I love each day, I do not want to go back to that horrid place of living morbidly obese. Love to all!