Sarah D.

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Yes they are. Right now it's storming and it reminds me of a friend that passed a few months ago. She was killed by lighning. It was very very tragic. This and waiting to hear back from a guy, is causing me to want to eat. I'm wanting to date this guy and I've been waiting to hear from him since Sunday. I dont know if he's nervous or just busy. And it's making me angry. Which makes me wanna eat. I havent binged in 3 weeks and I'm hoping to add more weeks to that. But damn it, it's hard.

Well I was a little piggy monday night and baught a box of cookies and ate 6 out of the 8 cookies in the box. Man, do I have major guilt over that. When I baught the cookies I was like "do I really NEED these cookies" and of coarse I said yes. Then when I consumed the first cookie I thought "do I really NEED these cookies" then after the 6th cookie I was like "damn I ate 6 cookies, "did I really NEED those cookies". Then when I woke up yesterday morning I hoovered down the last 2. And again "did I really NEED those cookies". I also had an appointment with my Psy D yesterday. She's afraid that I can do guilt. I can be guilty and do nothing about it. It is a bad thing. Especially when it comes to food. Well it's 2:30 am and I think it's thundering again (for like the 4th morning in a row), and I need to try to get some sleep so I can fight off temptation of tommorrow. Night all

Well I'm still hopeing to have the surgery, but it's been over a year since the psycholological eval and I still cant stop bingeing. But I've also had some set backs mentally as well. So my eating disorder was put on the wayside. It hurts, really does. I'm trying to get back into the exercise routine I was in in dec and jan, but after battling MAJOR depression, I see very little hope insight. I am almost complacent with how big I am and am using it as a crutch to keep people at bay. I need alot of help. I cant find any support groups around my area to help with eating disorders, so I guess I will hope you guys and my friends and family will help me. Please help.

Muchlove

Well, I have been alittle disappointed since my last entry. I was turned down for the surgery because of my psych eval. I kinda failed it. They found out through the psych testing that I'm bulimic. I only binge now but it's hard not to get the urge to throw up. So now I have to be stable for a year before my docs will even think about letting me apply again for the surgery.

Well, it happened, I'm prediabetic. So now I test every morning to see what my blood suger is. Mine was 105 this morning. Also I haven't gotten my results to my psych eval back and I'm getting kinda worried. I'm still wanting things to go snap snap. I've been waiting for so long and it's just getting longer. My faith is being tested alright.

The reason I havent updated everyone is because nothing has happened. I had the first part of my psych eval and it went ok. I'm kinda worried about my mental health background not getting me to surgery. IN the next 3 weeks will be busy for my surgery stuff. I finish up my psych eval (4 hours of testing), then my PCP will be the next week. So all that blood work. THEN i can get in with the baritrition, nutricionist, and physical therapy. I just have to keep positive, and think good thoughts. I know my beginning timeline is blown to bits, but I'm still excited.

Well I better go.
Thanks for all the support.
Sarah

  Well I finally have a chance to post here. With starting my new job and last weekend's seminar and getting everything scheduled for the operation, it's been hectic. 

Well the seminar went really well. I weigh 394lbs. and my BMI is right at 60. We decided on the Gastric Sleeve because it's less, well... less vitamins and less chances to leak somewhere. Plus my mother didnt want me to get the RNY. I know I've changed my mind alot about the type of surgery I want by I think I've settled. When the people who were running the seminar saw what insurance I had, they said that I will have no trouble getting appoval. That was a real relief. 

I've got my Psych eval this week and it's not my normal psychologist but one of her colleges in the same building. I see her Tuesday. I hope she reads over my records before I see her, so she can get a feel of who I am and what I want. Then the next day I see my regular psychologist and have my regular session. Right after I get out of my psych eval i have got to call and get in with my PCP and hope and pray she'll fill out the paper correctly and gives me a script for all the blood work I need and the rest of the tests.

Once I have my test done I can have my appointment with the barittologist (just a regular doctor that specializes in Bariatric patiances), then diettician and physical therepy, then see the surgion. And then operation. I'll have to be in the hospital 2 nights and off work for 2 weeks. 

Well that's all that I have. Muchlove to all.

Well I almost hit the first snag in my weight loss journey. See I had broke my foot at work while on dutie and so I have a workers comp claim. I think the break in my foot was partly because of my weight. I was about 390 then. Well to make a long story short I had to have two surgeries on my broken, fractured, and dislocated foot. Well the school's attorney's sent me my second offer a few days ago. So we made an appointment with my attorney and they basiclly said that the money and run. Well they could of said, let take this to court. And if we had to take this to court I would of had to NOT have my surgery until like maybe Nov-Dec. So I thank God for settling, plus I wanted to settle for this amount anyway. The attorney gave us some ideas on how to use the money just in case i have to have my foot fused because of the dislocated bones. All and all I'm happy I'm back on track to my WLS.

 First before I say anymore, I've got to comment about the people in the chat room. Most (Keyword there) of the people are very nice and are very helpful. But certain othes are so miserable with their life pre op and even POST OP that they have to ruin it for other people. That's all I have to say.

Now:Oh GOD! I cant wait till Saturday. I am excited to meet my doctor. I want to be sooo prepared I want to blow her away with my knowledge. I have (rather my insurance) narrowed it down to Dr. Nicole Fearing. Even better, my doctor is a female!!! (I had some bad experiances with males all together not just male Dr.'s) I was looking at Before and After pics of women my size, shape and height, and they are thinner than what my goal is. I'd love to be a size 18. But if I had the oppertunity to be thinner, ya I'd jump on it. I think I've decided on RNY and not lap band. One BIG surgery instead of one every ten-twelve years is not my cup of tea. All my doctors, except my PCP (primary care provider), are so excited. They have just seen me balloon and lose alittle then balloon again. But best of all my other doctors are excited to see me LOSE when I see them once a month. Best of all. I get to see my snooty, stuck up side of the family gasp when they see me at thanksgiving and christmas. I really want to see their faces when I'm a little less than year. At the time I have set all my goals. If I could I'd stay in a cacoon until one year before they see me. Now I really want results to be typical. To be in a single digit dress number would be great.

OH, SO EXCITED!!!!

Well, I had a talk with this guy I've been talking to over the net. He lives about a hundred miles away and I asked him if he liked me the way I am now, will he like me when I have WLS and he didnt tell me what he thought. This doesnt bother me because we were talking about some pretty deep stuff last night. But I got to thinking, can anyone tell me did their relationships change when they lost the weight, or did they say see ya? I'm not upset, but just curious.