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Already 6 months! I cannot believe how fast time has passed since surgery, and how my life has changed. When I was waiting for surgery, I was looking at the experiences of others, and 6 months looked so far away... And now, here I am, 6 months post-op, 123 lbs lighter, and feeling so happy! 

VSG was really the surgery for me. I can eat a little of everything, and not feeling deprived, even if the quantities are small, the variety is still there. I find it easy to choose the right foods now, I listen to my body, and eat to nurish my body instead of for pleasure only. I still don't like going to the gym, but I go 3 times a week, I see it helps toning my body.
As for the change in my health, I had severe arthritis of my knees, walking with a cane, now I can walk, and exercise without pain! My arthritis is not gone, but I will be able to delay surgery for many years I think. I cut 2 out of 3 pills for HBP, and I don't have sleep apnea anymore, I don't need my CPAP anymore!

I can shop in regular stores, sit in every chair, cross my legs, wear heels and shorter skirts... too many non scale victories to list here! The people are not looking at me anymore like they did, I don't know how to explain it, but I feel I can buy a pizza for my family without being judged as " the fat lady is still eating pizza, no wonder she is so fat"... It is like a new liberty, I can do things and not feeling that the others are judging me, or laughing at me. I feel like a normal person. And I feel that the outside is now reflecting how I feel inside.
For the first time in 20 years, I weight less than 200 lbs. Today, 2 friends at work said to me I am beautiful and I can stop losing now, I am just ok!! I have difficulty seing me like I am really...  I know I still have 30-40 lbs to lose to have a healthy weight, but I am already very happy of where I am now, much better than 320 lbs!!! 

I have learned a lot about my eating habits, realized that if I don't eat enough, or skip snack, I am more hungry and tend to eat bad things, so I try to eat dense proteins every meal, to fill me up!
At 6 months now, I can eat really more than before, and I am more hungry. So I have to work more to eat well, it is not as easy than in the beginning.
I still have fears about gaining weight back, but I really hope that by the time my tool will have lost all its power, I will have learned enough to continue to make good decisions to eat well and exercise...

Half a year already... waiting to see what the other half  would bring!

To all my friends here I want to say thank you for your support and encouragements, I really needed it and  appreciate it!

I cannot believe it's been only three months since I had surgery...My life has changed in so many great ways...
For the stats, since the pre-op diet, I have lost 75 lbs, lost 10 in of waist, 10 in of hips, 8 in of bust ( well...) , 4 in each thigh, 2,5 calf , 3,5 arm and 2,5 neck... A great total of 44,5 in!!!  I went from size 4X and 26 to 1X and 18-20... I now have a shape, and I love it... I can now wear clothes that show my shape and I like it... Ok, I've still have a long way to go to have a good shape, but it's been so long since I have seen my waist that I am really happy. I am feeling more feminine and better with my body. It is not a chore anymore finding sizes and clothes that fits, it's a pleasure... ( but costly !!). I am always surprised as I go to the store and I found that many, many things are too large for me... I used to always get the bigger size they had, and even then it was frequently too tight !!  Yesterday , as I was folding laundry, I was amazed at how smaller my pants were comparing to before...

The health factor is even greater... I am down from 3 high dose HBP to one low dose, I still have sleep apnea, but my CPAP shows that I do less and less episodes... And my arthrosis in my knees is much better...I still have pain when it rains, or after an exercice, my knees are still "frozen" after I sit a long time, but I CAN WALK, go shopping, work, without a cane or taking the handicapped parking. I can do 45 min walks, and elliptical machine for 40 min. Before, I wasn't able to do 5 min on that machine. In the home, I was always sitting, asking my kids or hubby to get me something... Now, I get up and get it myself... I can now get up of the chair without help or pain... I go to the gym 3 times a week. I have so much more energy! I still don't like exercising, but it is easier...

I go out more, I am less afraid of meeting people, go to the store or the movies... I fit in the chairs! And I can even cross my legs! All those little joys!

I am finally able to drink, rather than sip ( no water yet...), so this week was the first week I managed to get 64 oz of liquids!
I can eat almost everything, but I fill up very quickly, so I eat mainly proteins... But I often get hungry 1 hour after... Seems my stomach is small, but empties very rapidly... And I don't drink with, before or after meals...

For the "bad" sides... not so many, but I get tired of eating mainly meats, proteins... I wasn't a big meat eater, I liked great salads, vegetables, a good plate of pasta... I still can't eat raw vegetables that I love, fruits, pasta. It is difficult for lunch not being able to eat a sandwich. And it can be frustrating having to stop after a few bites of something you love... But I understand this is the goal of the surgery, and I try to accept it. It is scary for me thinking I will be eating like this all my life... But I think that is why diets din't work for me, because it was a temporary fix, it was not for all life! Now, I will have no choice to eat smaller portions... But I am also afraid of myself, gaining weight in the future, because I found out that it is easy to graze with VSG, and I was a grazer... And I am frequently hungry now, what didn't happenned in the beginning. Sweets and snacks go down really easy... Got to stay away... Hope that the results of the weight loss and exercices will help me keep that in mind.
Another bad side is constipation, never had that before... benefiber aids, but not going daily... Small problem...

So... life is good, love my sleeve, love my new body ( even with the loose skin ...I shop often for good support undies...) and my new life... Should have done it before...but I was not ready for the change then. And hubby is so thrilled by the new me, he is considering having the VSG for himself ( he has around 80 pounds to lose, but has diabetes...)

So this is it for now... For the following month, I want to continue getting my water, and trying to add  more variety in my meals. I will have more work in the coming months, so one of my goals will be to continue exercising 3 times a week, even with the extra work... I never have been able to combine exercising, good eating, and more work...Used to skip meals... So I'll work harder on this...

I writing this because I want to document what it was like for me in the beginning, so I'll never forget, and if my willpower to change ever fail me, I would reread that to encourage myself to continue...

5 weeks yesterday. Saw the Doctor for the first time since surgery. He didn't even ask how I am doing, just weighted me and said," it's good, you know we don't want you to lose too fast, give yourself 3 years to get where you want" What?? Did he meant than I am not losing fast enough?, too fast??  I cannot control the pace I lose, because, I eat what I can. He seems happy thought that I've lost almost 50 lbs since january.  I told him about the problems I had in the first month, and the solution that I found myself, he said " it's rare but it's possible, and since it worked it what surely that" Oh yeah, thanks for the help...
And when I asked about  the very small quantities that I eat  he said that's the goal of the surgery...I know, but eatin soooo little? He said they made the sleeve very tiny. See you in 2 months...

I was a little disappointed by the answers I got, but hey, he did a great job on the surgery and I am happy I had no immediate surgery complications. So I am grateful to him. As for post-op follow up, I think I will find more info here on OH !

So now I am eating a little and drinking a little. I found now that everything taste better, with the yeast infection, everything had a very bad taste... I can hardly get 40 g of proteins a day and 24 onces of liquid. I eat around 400 cal. I eat often every 1 to 1:30 hours, when I am hungry. The doctor said no problem with that. I eat so little at a time. Usually, 1 ( or rarely 2) tablespoons of dense proteins ( like chicken) at a time. With that, I can wait 2-3 hours to eat. I frequently eat a cheese stick ( ficello), or half a yogourt. Yesterday, I had a big shrimp ( one) for supper. Don't know if the quantities are normal or too small, but I try to listen to my tummy, and I don't want to get overstuffed. I have problems with proteins shake, they stuff me so much, I have to take 2 hours to drink 8 oz. So I have problems fitting all the proteins, eating, drinking in a day! It takes me a long time to drink anything, as I have to take small sips still... So I feel like I am constantly feeding during the day!

As for weight lost 27 lbs  since surgery, 21 before, so a total of 48lbs. Lost also 5 inches from the waist, 5 in. from the hips, 2 in. from arm and for the bust... don't want to talk about it !!!!
Some of my clothes are getting too big, and I can wear some that were too tight some months ago. It is a great feeling!

For the health, I had stop one of my three BP pills, but I had to take one back, my BP was coming up. I have frequent headaches, from eating so little? from the aspartame in shakes? because I don't sleep well? ( I cannot adapt to to self adjusting CPAP, I am still doing many apneas during the night, have to wait for a pneumologist appointment)...
Apart from that, I am feeling better than I thought I will with so little calories. Yesterday, I climb a flight of stairs without being out of breath. Just 2 weeks ago, it was still difficult. I am a little disapointed that I have still pain in my knees, but I can walk a little before getting too much pain, so that's a little bid better. I know I should exercise more, but I am too lazy. I do 1 or 2 15 min walks a week, that's it. I could use my wii fit, do abs, go to the gym... but I don't feel like it. I fear that the lack of exercises will jeopardized my weight loss... but I don't do anything about it other than culpabilized....

I am supposed to go back to work next week, it gets me anxious, because I fear of getting very tired because of low cal ( now, if I go out to the grocery or an appointment in the morning, I have to take a nap in the afternoon) and also I am wondering how I will arrange my "meals" ,getting ready in the morning ( it takes me around 45 min just to take my pills, drink my juice and a little cereals...), drink my proteins and water... I have a very stressful job and I can't take breaks, and only have 30 min to lunch. I will have to find a way to drink proteins drink during the day...

So to resume it, I feel much better than 2 weeks ago, but still have work to do.
And I don't regret my decision at all now...

One month ago was the big day... I can surely say that it changed my life !! This month has been very hard, but now, I am taking medication for yeast in the esophagus and feeling better day by day. I still eat very very little quantities ( like 1 tablespoon by setting) and take 30 minutes to eat. Drinking is also difficult, I still have to sip, but at least I don't have pain. I think my doctor made my tummy very small!  I am NEVER hungry, I forgot to eat, and by not being hungry, nothing seems appetizing. Sometimes I prefer not to eat, not knowing what to eat, and afraid odf feeling bad after eating. It's difficult for me finding the stopping point, when I am full, since I am not hungry before... But in the long run I will be happy not to be hungry!

I lost 21 pounds since surgery. I am happy with that but I have the bad habit of comparing to other and my doctor told me before that I could lose 30 pounds the first month. I am always afraid that the weight loss will stop forever...  I supposed I will be less anxious in a few months.

Time passes fast, Already a month, and a difficult one is over, so all will be better everyday. My jeans are longer!!  My winter coat is starting to be too big. I lost 5 inches on the hips, and 1 inch at the waist, and 2 at the bust ( nooooo!). So, the reward is coming for the bad times...

Today I tried my first real meal...It's difficult to find something my family eats and that I can eat too... I bought chicken shish taouk at Adonis ( have you tried this delicious chicken breasts??) it's chicken breast marinated, it's so tender... My husband cooked it on the BBQ ( it was almost spring today). I ate 1 1/2 oz, very slowly, with a teaspoon of taboulé. It was soooooo good. It seems to be ok, I burped a lot, and feel full like after 4 plates at the chinese buffet!!  But at least, I ate the same thing as my family, but much less and it took me much more time !!

I am still very tired,when I go to the store or appointement, when I come back home, I have to take a nap. But I still have problems sleeping, I have a new self adjusting CPAP, but I dont sleep well with it. The inhalo checked it today, and it seems that I still have up to 30 episodes of apnea per hour, and I wake up 38 times during the night. No wonder I am tired. So, I'll have to make an appointement with the pneumologist to check that. I bought this new machine because I didn't want to wait for the pneumologist, but I wil have to do it anyway! 

I started taking my vits, but I cannot get enough proteins and liquid in a day. Hope I won't have any vit deficiencies because I did not eat a full month.

Well, it seems I am still very anxious about many things, got to learn to take it easy !!

My first appointment with Dr Denis is march 9th. And I will surely go back to work the week after. Hope I will have gained enough strenght by then.

I am starting to like my sleeve

Today it's been 3 weeks since I had my sleeve. I must say it's not at all how I imagined it... I was thinking I'll be in pain for 1-2 weeks, then feel well and be able to follow the food plan... If I  follow whats wwritten in the food plan, at 3 weeks, we are supposed to eat  at least 1/2 cup of soft food... drink protein drinks, not drink wjhile eating, etc... We are supposed to eat fish, cottage cheese, mashed potatoes, etc...
Ok, all I can tolerate is gatorade ( G2) and soda crackers... Anything else give me diarrhea, or heartburn or gas++++. As of today, I have tried many many proteins shakes, cream soups, yogourt, pudding etc... and wasn't able to take more than 1-2 baby spoonfuls before feeling nauseated or pain in the chest... So it's grape or orange G2, with 2 crackers for a meal...
Last week I was very regretful, crying and having much difficulty seing others eat.

I went to a supper saturday, with many post-op from VSG, and I saw them eating... They are 4-12 months out, and they are eating, small portions, but at least a little bit of everything... Ok, there's a life after all this... I will get there sometimes...

And yesterday, I received a mail from a man who had lost over 200 pounds with his VSG 18 months ago, and he told me he had similar problems as mine, and he lived 3 months out of gatorade and goldfish crackers!!! At 4 months, he was beginning to take some lean deli meat, but had difficulty for at least 6 months!!  But he survived and lost weight and doesn't regret anything...

So this could have put me down, but it made me realize that I am not alone with that, and I will survive it. My perfectionnism was driving me mad because I wanted to follow the guidelines so perfectly, and I wasn't able too.
So if it's gatorade and cracker, then that's all I will take... I can't do anything else about it. I had this surgery for the good reasons, and it is irreversible so I have to live with it. It will get better, it cannot stay like this forever...I will let it follow it's course. But I sure hope my doctor will find the problem so I wont have to be like this for 6 months!
Thanks for all those who are helping me and sharing...
Some days are better than others, sunday I was able to drink 1,5 l of G2 and eat 1/2 egg... Yesterday, 1/4 egg and only 500 ml G2... Today, I have just had 200ml of water diluted with a little juice, 1 teaspoon of cream of celery and 2 crackers...I have very bad heartburn, even with meds and I add gaviscon... Even the G2 gave me heartburn... So I am trying to drink or eat, but it is so painful... and I had belly cramps, and...like always 5 diarrhea.  So, today is not a good day... Hope tomorrow will be better... And by the way, I tried those little cheese goldfish crackers, and I don't tolerate them...so I am stuck with the premius plus!!!

I'll see my doctor tomorrow, hope he will find something, if not, well, what more can I do than drink and wait???

When will I have a normal life??? Ok, I know it's not a leak,or abcess, I don't have to be hospitalized or have surgery again...
BUT... I feel tired all the time, have diarrhea all day, have cramps, nausea, can't eat and feel like crap. My blood tests showed my potassium is low ( I don't eat and lose potassium in the diarrhea ). I have to take this liquid form of potassium, its like orange salty kool-aid, and it made me vomit yesterday, so no more potassium...  I was supposed to have the result of my c.difficile test yesterday, but the machine broke... Lucky me!  Ate 1/2 mashed banana this morning, but went 2 times to the bathroom after... I don't see the end of it... I have to take potassium by mouth but I cannot, and I lose potassium by the other end... I know that low potassium can lead to arrythmias, so, I panic a little. I know it is not very low for now, but... My doctor said, try to eat potassium, wait and see... Now I can at least drink and eat a little purees, ( that I wasn't able to do monday) but I am always nauseated and feeling weak. I am also bored, I have all those things to do at home... but I feel too tired to do those.Cannot imagine how some people go to work at 2 weeks or eat many things... Ok, I am jealous...  And above it haven't lost a pound  for 5 days, and GAINED one today!!!
While some people eat and lose like 30 pounds the first month.... I lost much more before, and during the pre-op diet that since surgery... And I don't sleep well because my CPAP is not well adjusted now, so I am tired and have headaches because of that. Call the hospital for that, I have to wait to see the doctor in about 3 months!!! WHAT??? I just had a surgery, I need to sleep to get better, NOW not in three months!!!  OK, I am p****d off of this health system, this surgery and this potassium!!! Sorry about all the whining, I had to talk about it...

I know it will be better in time, etc, etc... But NOW I am feeling like crap!
I am not used to not feel well, have always felt good despite my weight, HBP, OSA and arthrosis. I am a very active person, and when my weight began to slow me down, that's when I decided to have surgery... I thought well, I'll be off for a week or two after surgery, then it will be life as usual, except for eating less... It's not like this AT ALL...
All day I have to think about food and liquids... Calculate the proteins, calories, potassium, carbs, and liquids... Sip-sip all day, eat a little, sip-sip, eat a little... Look at every nutritionnal facts... take blood pressure, sip-sip, oh time to take pills, sip-sip, oh no, I forgot the lovenox injection.... sip-sip, ok eat a little soup... oh no, where can I find those proteins??, ok, sip-sip, try a protein drink, yeurk, cannot drink it, nausea, sip-sip, try a jello, go to the bathroom,....well, how many proteines, liquids, potassium to date???...

So you get the idea... Pre-op be prepared to become almost a nutritionnist, always counting those cal, prot, carbs... I disliked dieting because it always involved counting calories, always thought that eating better was the solution... but I found out that even with the surgery, the "just eating better things" doesn't work... You have to devote your life to counting what you eat...So, it's a life long counting diet...

I just didn't imagine it will take so much of my time eating so little... It's not just the eating time, but all the organizing and counting... The post op is not just for healing your tummy, but to practice your nut. skills. Please be prepared to give much time to this in the first months. I just wasn't prepared for that.

When I decided for surgery, first I thought about what I wanted for results, then what kind of surgery, what are the risks, the complications, what will I be able to eat, what my life will be "after"... but the after was like 6 months after, or 100 pounds after... Didn't think of the 6 first months... the first pounds,  didn't think of all the counting... Then I was so anxious about the surgery,  the pre-op diet... Cannot wait for THE DAY... but didn't think of "after"... Ok, the first post op days are bad, I read about it, but it's only the first week, the pain... Didn't think about the second, third, fourth week... 

Now, I don't regret it as much as last week, because I cannot change it, it's been done, I have to live with it... but I still cry each time I saw someone eating something I like, a recipe tv shop, a commerial, or family... Maybe I wasn't psychologically prepared for that, even if I did all I had to do...even saw a psychologist... I was prepared for the good , the "big bad", the complications, etc... but not for the "small everyday bad"...  Pre-ops,  go ahead with your surgery, but please take the waiting time to mentally prepare yourself... for the curves of this not so straight road to weight loss...

Today, it's been 2 weeks since my surgery... The first week has been very good, eating and drinking was going better everyday. But I was taking HBP madications with a diuretic in it and didn't think about it. But then, my blood pressure dropped and I've begun to dehydated. So I stopped that, feeling a little bid better, but now I have major issues with heartburn, nausea and diarrhea. If I eat 2 babyspoonful of pudding, I am in pain, burping, cramping, and go to the bathroom immediately.  I called the nurse and she think I may hace C. Difficile.When I was in the hospital in was in a six-patients room, and in the bed next to me was a woman with that. They didn't have a room to isolated her, and I heard doctors and nurses saying it was innacdeptable to let her in a six patient room... She was having her BM in a chair near my bed... They did get her out of there during the night, and desinfected all her bed with javex... But too much too late I think... Anyway, I went for some blood tests and stool test this morning. So waiting for the results.

Yesterday, I was very sad, crying all day... It is so difficult because I am alone here at home in this journey ( but lucky I have my good OH Quebec friends!), and I am not feeling so well. I cannot see the day when I will be able to eat something I like, even in small quantity. I feel isolated because I cannot participate in the family life, accepting invitaton to supper with friend, going to restaurant... Everybody tells me that someday I will be able to, it is hard to believe. I am feeling now the " buyers remorse" wondering why I did this, was I really ready, did I want to lose weight THAT MUCH...I am grieving my stomach gone forever, my
love of food, the lost of my old friend...

It is not easy because everyone else is living the life I had, so when I look at them, I see my old life, see what I am missing... And I don't have any rewards for now, or anything to prove me that this new life will be better. I have to have faith in this without any waranties...  and I am not an easy believer... I have lost 11 pounds the first week, but only  4 in the second... I am much of a perfectionnist, needing everything to be like in textbooks... that all-or-nothing kind of person. So, I have to learn to accept what is, and take babysteps in this new life...

So we'll see how I will feel next week...

I thought of making a resume of my first week  for all those pre-op  who are reading about what to expect around a week out.  And for me also, to not forget what I have been through to lose weight...But you have to remember that everybody is not the same, so it can be different for everyone... The doctor told me yesterday that some patients he saw were eating spaghetti at 2 weeks, and some other are still on jellos...so...

The first day, was blurry. Pain when I woke up, but they gave me medication right away.  Not much this day than sleeping, pain injection and IV. And some littles sponges for the mouth, nothing else. For the CO2 pain I found that being more seated than lying helped.

Second day, in the morning first time up for the bathroom, felt a little dizzy, but ok. After that, a leak test. They made me dring like 2 onces of kind of apple juice ( do not be  stressed by the big cup they are giving you, a few sips are ok...) then the scan. If it's ok after, you can have a few sip of water, a broth and a jello for meals... I didn't take anything else than the water...a little bit with my hypertension pills ( that you have to swallow, a little painful at first). I was not worried about dehydratation because of the IV, and the pain is ok, they give you pills or injections when you need it.

Third day I went home. Since no more IV, I tried to take some water, but what helped much was the jello with proteins ( recipe given by the nut at the pre op meeting) and some pospsicles with water and protein bullets. Sipping water or juice was really painful, because I had an irritation in the esophagus... Not much pain sitting or sleepin or walking ( was still taking pain killers) . But I got  big spasms when I drank, even if it was a very small drop. I was taking pantoloc ( acid reducer) once a day.

Days 4-5 almost the same thing, but each day was a little better in drinking ( 700 ml)

Day 6 more difficulty drinking, and pain. Tryed yogourt and pudding, too painful. And during those days the gases and burping are painful and I had a lot...

Day 7 , I saw the dr, and started taking pantoloc twice a day. Staples removed. Felt a little better, drank a Yop Yogourt with beneprotein, water with bullet, jello and popsicles. Still much movement of air in the belly...

Today, feeling much better. Stopped the pain killers yesterday. Was able to drink iced cooled water, juice, baby cereals. No more pain when I drink or eat liquids, if I do not forget to take real small sips. I can say I have no pain at all for the biggest part of the day, only a small incomfort on the left side of the abdomen..

So the first week is the worst, even if it was way better than I expected, and it passes very fast.

What I find difficult now is having nothing to do than watch tv, computer, etc... But friday the Olympics will begin, so at least something interesting on TV 

I am lucky I had no nausea at all. And when I feel hungry,  half a cup of jello will fill me up and I know I am full. It's just the beginning and the stomach is still swollen, but it is a good sign...

The thing to remember is to buy bullets ahead of time to be ready, make some protein popsicles or jellos. Protein is tough to take in the first days, but it helps getting back your strenght and healing well. Then post op, sip, walk, take your pain killers, and wait till the first week is over!

But how about the results of this week?

The day of the surgery I weighted 299 first time under 300 since 3 years ( 296 3 years ago, and I was training 3 times a week!)
When I left the hospital, 305... WTF??? but I was surely swollen  from surgery... In the next days, I lost almost 4 pounds per day
for 3 days so I am now 288, first time in 10 years!!! I didn't lose nothing in 2 days now. I am starting to lose from the chin ( it's slack!!) and the shoulders and chest, because when I put my blouse, and my coat yesterday, the two were floating around my shoulders. The pants are still the same, since my belly must  still be swollen.

Well, not too bad for a week out, really  looking for what the nexts will bring!

I was so nervous the day before... I even wrote letters for my husband and kids, in case....
I had difficulty sleeping, I slept from 2 to 4, because I had to take a shower and be at the hospital by 6, I was supposed to be the first to have surgery.

I waited till 7:45 in the hospital while the nursed where calling other patients, for pre-op prep. Finally they called me, and they told me that I was the second, my surgery will be at 10. So my husband decided to go get some breakfast for him because they was no place for him in the prep room. He brought with him my suitcase and my CPAP, just to be sure they will not be stolen. A few minutes after he leaves, the surgery ward called, saying that the first case was cancelled and that I will be going first. It was 8:15 and the surgeon was waiting for me. But my husband was gone with my cpap and I needed it for the immediate post-op. So we waited for him, surgery ward calling, nurse anxious, and I was soooo nervous, my blood pressure went up to 180... The nurse tryed to calm me, my husband finally arrived and I arrived at the ward at 8:25, and everybody was over me... The nurse mesuring my legs for the post-op compression socs, the doctor asking me question about my history, the anesthesiologist asking also a lot of questions, nurses taping my arms to the table, resident trying to put me an IV....My BP went out to 197!!! Then the anesthesiologist gave me something to relax, and suddenly, all went calmer... They were putting a canula in my wrist, it was painful but I didn't care LOL

Then all went black, and I woke up in the recovery room, in pain and it was 11:30. I was moanig and the nurse was saying my BP was high and I had some arrythmias in my heart beat. I had a big pain in my chest and left arm, I tought it was my heart but the nurse sais it was CO2 . They gave me some injection for pain and blood pressure and it was better. I asked that the head of the bed was raised and it was more confortable for breathing. There was no rooms available, so I waited till 3:30 to have a room. We were 6 in the room, not bathroom, this was almost 3 rooms away,  public restrooms with 4 cabinets, for almost 30 patients... The woman in the bed next to me had an infectious disease with diarrhea ( clostridium difficile?) and I heard the doctor say that she needs to be isolated but there was no room. I was very anxious to get that, because I just had surgery... The first night was difficult, because they decided to move the lady at 1 in the morning, and desinfect all the bed, walls, with javel ( it made me nauseous) and they even brought a ladder to remove the curtains and change them. After that they installed another lady there. In the other bed, there was an old man, who was moanig like a small dog all night with pain, and had hiccups continually. It was hard  sleeping that night.

But after that the other 2 nights went well. The new lady was sweet, the old man had more med for his pain and hiccups, the other three patients were very calm. But during the day, it was another story. Many visitors ( for 6 patients...) talking loud, it was difficult for me to rest. The daughter of the old man ( he was dying from cancer) brought her notary at the hospital they read aloud all the papers, and made the old mansign to give his house to her, before the other daughter arrived...

In another bed, the patient was a real estate agent, he was making phone calls, receiving clients at the hospital and showing them pictures of houses to choose from !!!

There was a man about 28, waiting to have his appendix out, we chatted a lot. He is from Armenia, been in Quebec for 7 months, learning business in Concordia. Very sweet to talk too. Had learned french and english and was very good at it. He also speaks Armenian, Russian and a little bit of spanish.

So that was my 2 1/2 days hospital stay...

Not much to do today but look at the forums, and dream at the surgery and the results...I looked at the before and after photos, those are amazing! I cannot wait to be able to put my own photos in there!  Last week, I went to a support group and I was very surprised that everyone, wherever they were in the journey, still feels the same compassion towards each other. I would have think that some people, having reached their goal, would not be interested in us, who are still fat... but what's marvelous is that even being thin, they never forgot where they come from, and understand so much the others. I know that many "big" people are very compassionate, thinking of other, sometimes too often, and forgot about themselves... It's great to see that we can think about us, our health, and continue to be kind and understanding to each other...

That reminds me that I saw the other day someone talking about being fat by fear of men looking at her. I realized that that leads to the exact opposite. I am tired of people ALWAYS looking at me... because I am the fattest person in the store, in the theater, in the plane... I'm tired of people looking at my plate in restaurant to see what the big girl is eating. I am tired of trying to go to the gym, and despite all my effort, being looked at and " what is she doing here??" I want to be like the crowd, and being looked at for the good reasons. Because far under this fat is a smart, loving, compassionate, funny person that wants to be aknowledged instead of being classified at first look like a big person without any willpower to change. 2010 is the beginning of the same me... but that others will see differently. A me in an upgraded version !!!