Robyn E.

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 It's been awhile since I've been able to do anything even remotely constructive online with my WLS community. No input on posts, no blog posts and no videos. I've finally just said screw it, what happened to me being and doing this all for me? Life has been such a stressful mess. Some serious issues at home tend to cause me to want to retreat to my old comfort habits. Things will be easing up in about two weeks so I'm hoping the stress level goes down to where I can see my life and the changes I'm going through. I have lost 70 pounds from my high weight. which is nothing to sneeze at and I'm very proud of myself. I have only been dropping 2-3 pounds a week for the past month though, and I know its from lack of protein and water. I'm not going to make excuses. It's a shitty fact that eating and drinking much has been very hard, my pouch is not handling this stress.

I have done one thing very positive.For a couple of reasons. One - I need to get some form of regular exercise, and Two - I HAD TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE and find some  " me " time. I joined the YMCA and am taking aquafit 5 mornings a week.

I'm trying to stay positive and focused... it just irritates the shit out of me that at this age my husband and I have to deal with crap, like this. Soon... very soon... just keepin on keepin on...

R

Below is a PARTIAL list of no-no ingredients for Celiacs who have to live Glutten Free. These are for the most part  "hidden" or "what the hell is that?" things on ingredient lists.

 The Gluten-Free Diet

Alphabetical List of Unsafe Gluten-Free Food List (Unsafe Ingredients)
Abyssinian Hard (Wheat triticum durum)  Alcohol (Spirits - Specific Types)  Amp-Isostearoyl Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein  Atta Flour  Barley Grass (can contain seeds) Barley Hordeum vulgare  Barley Malt  Beer (most contain barley or wheat)  Bleached Flour  Bran  Bread Flour  Brewer's Yeast  Brown Flour  Bulgur (Bulgar Wheat/Nuts)  Bulgur Wheat  Cereal Binding  Chilton  Club Wheat (Triticum aestivum subspecies compactum)  Common Wheat (Triticum aestivum)  Cookie Crumbs  Cookie Dough  Cookie Dough Pieces  Couscous  Criped Rice  Dinkle (Spelt)  Disodium Wheatgermamido Peg-2 Sulfosuccinate  Durum wheat (Triticum durum)  Edible Coatings  Edible Films  Edible Starch  Einkorn (Triticum monococcum)  Emmer (Triticum dicoccon)  Enriched Bleached Flour  Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour  Enriched Flour  Farina  Farina Graham  Farro  Filler  Flour (normally this is wheat)  Fu (dried wheat gluten)  Germ  Graham Flour  Granary Flour  Groats (barley, wheat)  Hard Wheat  Heeng  Hing  Hordeum Vulgare Extract  Hydrolyzed Wheat Gluten  Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein  Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein Pg-Propyl Silanetriol  Hydrolyzed Wheat Starch  Hydroxypropyltrimonium Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein  Kamut (Pasta wheat)  Kecap Manis (Soy Sauce)  Ketjap Manis (Soy Sauce)  Kluski Pasta  Maida (Indian wheat flour)  Malt  Malted Barley Flour  Malted Milk	Malt Extract  Malt Syrup  Malt Flavoring  Malt Vinegar  Macha Wheat (Triticum aestivum) Matza  Matzah  Matzo  Matzo Semolina  Meringue  Meripro 711  Mir  Nishasta  Oriental Wheat (Triticum turanicum)  Orzo Pasta  Pasta  Pearl Barley  Persian Wheat (Triticum carthlicum)  Perungayam  Poulard Wheat (Triticum turgidum)  Polish Wheat (Triticum polonicum)  Rice Malt (if barley or Koji are used)  Roux  Rusk  Rye  Seitan  Semolina  Semolina Triticum  Shot Wheat (Triticum aestivum)  Small Spelt  Spirits (Specific Types)  Spelt (Triticum spelta)  Sprouted Wheat or Barley  Stearyldimoniumhydroxypropyl Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein  Strong Flour  Suet in Packets  Tabbouleh  Tabouli  Teriyaki Sauce  Timopheevi Wheat (Triticum timopheevii)  Triticale X triticosecale  Triticum Vulgare (Wheat) Flour Lipids  Triticum Vulgare (Wheat) Germ Extract  Triticum Vulgare (Wheat) Germ Oil  Udon (wheat noodles)  Unbleached Flour  Vavilovi Wheat (Triticum aestivum)  Vital Wheat Gluten  Wheat, Abyssinian Hard triticum durum  Wheat amino acids  Wheat Bran Extract  Wheat, Bulgur  Wheat Durum Triticum  Wheat Germ Extract  Wheat Germ Glycerides  Wheat Germ Oil  Wheat Germamidopropyldimonium Hydroxypropyl Hydrolyzed Wheat Protein  Wheat Grass (can contain seeds) Wheat Nuts  Wheat Protein  Wheat Triticum aestivum	Wheat Triticum Monococcum  Wheat (Triticum Vulgare) Bran Extract  Whole-Meal Flour  Wild Einkorn (Triticum boeotictim) Wild Emmer (Triticum dicoccoides)  The following items may or may not contain gluten depending on where and how they are made, and it is sometimes necessary to check with the manufacturer to find out:  Artificial Color4  Baking Powder4  Caramel Color1, 3  Caramel Flavoring1, 3  Clarifying Agents4  Coloring4  Dextrins1,7  Dextrimaltose1,7  Dry Roasted Nuts4  Emulsifiers4  enzymes4  Fat Replacer4  Flavoring6  Food Starch1, 4  Food Starch Modified1, 4  Glucose Syrup4  Gravy Cubes4  Ground Spices4  HPP4  HVP4  Hydrolyzed Plant Protein4  Hydrolyzed Protein4  Hydrolyzed Vegetable Protein4  Hydrogenated Starch Hydrolysate4  Hydroxypropylated Starch4  Maltose4  Miso4  Mixed Tocopherols4  Modified Food Starch1, 4  Modified Starch1, 4  Natural Flavoring6  Natural Flavors6  Natural Juices4  Non-dairy Creamer4  Pregelatinized Starch4  Protein Hydrolysates4  Seafood Analogs4  Seasonings4  Sirimi4  Smoke Flavoring4  Soba Noodles4  Soy Sauce4  Soy Sauce Solids4  Sphingolipids4  Stabilizers4  Starch1, 4  Stock Cubes4  Suet4  Tocopherols4  Vegetable Broth4  Vegetable Gum4  Vegetable Protein4  Vegetable Starch4  Vitamins4  Wheat Starch5

1) If this ingredient is made in North America it is likely to be gluten-free.

3) The problem with caramel color is it may or may not contain gluten depending on how it is manufactured. In the USA caramel color must conform with the FDA standard of identity from 21CFR CH.1. This statute says: the color additive caramel is the dark-brown liquid or solid material resulting from the carefully controlled heat treatment of the following food-grade carbohydrates: Dextrose (corn sugar), invert sugar, lactose (milk sugar), malt syrup (usually from barley malt), molasses (from cane), starch hydrolysates and fractions thereof (can include wheat), sucrose (cane or beet). Also, acids, alkalis and salts are listed as additives which may be employed to assist the caramelization process.

4) Can utilize a gluten-containing grain or by-product in the manufacturing process, or as an ingredient.

5) Most celiac organizations in the USA and Canada do not believe that wheat starch is safe for Celiac. In Europe, however, Codex Alimentarius Quality wheat starch is considered acceptable in the celiac diet by most doctors and celiac organizations. This is a higher quality of wheat starch than is generally available in the USA or Canada.

6) According to 21 C.F.R. S 101,22(a)(3): [the terns natural flavor or natural flavoring means the essential oil, oleoresin, essence or extractive, protein hydrolysate, distillate, or any product of roasting, heating or enzymolysis, which contains the flavoring constituents derived from a spice, fruit or fruit juice, vegetable or vegetable juice, edible yeast, herb, bark, bud, root, leaf or similar plant material, meat, seafood, poultry, eggs, dairy products, or fermentation products thereof. Whose significant function in food is flavoring rather than nutritional.

7) Dextrin is an incompletely hydrolyzed starch. It is prepared by dry heating corn, waxy maize, waxy milo, potato, arrowroot, WHEAT, rice, tapioca, or sago starches, or by dry heating the starches after: (1) Treatment with safe and suitable alkalis, acids, or pH control agents and (2) drying the acid or alkali treated starch. (1) Therefore, unless you know the source, you must avoid dextrin.

May 1997 Sprue-Nik News.

(1) Federal Register (4-1-96 Edition) 21CFR Ch.1, Section 184.12277.

(2) Federal Register (4-1-96) 21 CFR. Ch.1, Section 184.1444

 ... and feeling good! After 3 weeks of opti-fast and 2 weeks of full fluids I am SOOOOOOOOOOO ready for something that both tastes and feels like human food. Tomorrow is the day WooHoo! 

I've been looking at some sites that offer lots of pureed stage ideas. I've settled on 3 for the first little bit and have them all prepared. Being from the states and having a southern background I've always had a thing for grandma's Tuna Salad. I've modified it in that its smoother and more moist for this stage. Simple - 1 can tuna, 2 egg whites grated, 3 T lite whipped salad dressing 2 T mustard, onion powder, salt and pepper to taste. It makes 4 servings (for now) then 3 down the road. Approx 40 cal. and 10 g of pro. Yummy yummy can not wait. 

The other is Refried Beans. I am such a sucker for mexican food. The thought of never having it again made me crazy. Even at this stage I'm figuring it out lol. Refried Beans with a pinch of low fat cheese, heated till bubbly, 2 T of salsa and 2T of fat free sour cream. omg yum

The 3rd Im making for the family. My daughter is going to learn what a serving size is if its the last thing I do. Im going to make lasanga. Sauce, thin sliced zucchini, low fat ricotta - X3 layers. Topped with a bit of light mozza. Im looking forward to this. I have always made my own sauce, handed down from dad's side of the family... italian to the core.  I'm just going to have to modify it and find a substitue for the secret ingredient, which is worchestershire sauce. If I could just either talk to my great-great grandmother or find the original written recipe I'd be golden. They used something else back then. Im thinking some sort of spiced beef rue of a sort but I dont know. Friggen EVERYTHING has glutten in it, in some form or another. 

It was hard enough to wrap my brain around the low fat, high protein, low carb WLS diet needs. I'm still working on that. Now though, having to live glutten free it's a whole other ballgame. What it boils down to is to eat Nothing processed. To be safe. Even my medications (which are extensive) have had to be looked at because they use glutten items as binding to make solid pills. Make-up, lipsticks, facial scrubs/masks friggen EVERYTHING. So I always had a vision of myself being one of those old ladies with a big floppy hat tending her gardens in the summer, her greenhouse in the winter and canning and freezing year round. Goes along with my tree-hugger, spiritual background I suppose.

This all coming from someone who existed on Kraft Dinner and fast food.

 I got home two days ago and it feels so good to be here. The "Crappies" as I call them only lasted until day 4 (bitchy, pain, irritated frustrated etc) which was great. I really hated that. Im doing well with my protein intake, its the water Im still working on. For me its all about scheduling. I have to watch the clock to know when to eat and drink. It really feels as though I am always putting something in my mouth with the exception of 30 min before and after each meal.

Ive been spending today gathering ideas and recipes for the pureed stage coming up next week, then soft foods after that. I've found sparkpeople to be awesome for that and tracking my daily intakes. OH is still home though 

Oh and I WILL get the post-op video done asap for those that have asked... you all should see it up there by monday evening at the latest !!!

I'm so very happy to be on the loser's bench. I really haven't been that focused on that fact though. In the hospital I was better, I suppose it was because it was new, and everone was worried. I spent my time there getting everyone through the "1 in 200" statistic crap.

I had a great deal of pain, mostly from the weight of my belly. I always lay on my side, I cant breathe well on my back. I had blankets rolled up and wedged on my sides so I could sort of lay without the weight of my belly pulling on anything. Morphine was good but the percoset worked longer. I was able to better turn over myself, and even get my legs off the bed. I walked a short lap the first night. 4 long laps on day two. Then on Saturday before I left I packed all my stuff, dressed and did 5 laps all without help, before they released me at 2pm. 
  Last night the extent of pain came crashing down when tylenol was not going to even touch it. Im fine when I've settled into a sitting or laying position.Until then though I just want to cry. I have never been so pissed off at myself for anything in all my life. To let myself get to this state, the obesity that is now bringing me to absolute insane tears. My husband thinks its something, or everything, he has done or said. Mostly because Im so mad I have to let it out and he unfortunately has always taken my anger internally.
  I know this pain wont last, and the benefits will be worth it. Excuse the hell out of me for not feeling like that right now. It is a really friggen rare thing for me to be this pissed off at myself. I cant even blame it on a low threshold of pain. I have the highest threshold second only to my mother of everyone I know. 
  I'm in this hotel for another 3 nights. My objective is to get to a higher place so my kids dont stress and my husband will frigging relax. Right now I dont even feel like I can be online around others without polluting the air with toxic energy. I can only hope my angel will understand that right now dinner with Bon Jovi is on hold till I'm human again.

 

 Heavy Sigh *

So I did my PATT yesterday. Blood, ekg, xray, anesthesiologist all good. Then I get to the nurse. She tells my file is not complete. I they don't have the results from tests I took last summer ie: sleep study & stress tests (2). No biggie, called today to have them faxed over. I also need a letter from my shrink to tell them I'm not going to go loopy and my meds are stable. yada yada yada. Still looking for that doctor, he appears to be MIA. Just a wee stressed about that. Will see what tomorrow brings with that. 

The one thing I am really ticked about is the scope. Apparently when I originally met with Dr. Huyhn he wanted me to have a scope done because I have a history of ulcers and acid reflux. Well he didn't actually say it outloud, he just wrote it ib my file. I know both Wolf and I are sure he didn't say anything because I was stressed about it at the time, and could finally breathe after leaving the office knowing I didnt have to get one.  So now I find out I should have had one already. surgery is two weeks away, there is only one day I can have it done and that is the 18th, next friday. Sounds all fine and dandy, except there is zero cushion time before surgery to fix anything that might be wrong. When I spoke with him today he had no idea how it didnt get ordered.

Sooooooo... its the end of day 6 on opti. Hunger is better. But I have to say, if you don't eat the bits of ruffage like broccoli or cucumbers or lettuce or whatever your doc says you can eat.... you will no longer have anything in the pipeline that is solid and the bathroom becomes a whole new world, and forget the benefibre lol it aint helpin...

The journey continues..

 On my way down to my PATTs today. Day 5 of opti and it is getting better, I have a bit of a routine that worked yesterday. Spending time writing, reading, playing my ds and watching a video or two at night. Keeps me away from the commercials and the smells and activity of the kitchen. My writing has been shelved for so long, I seem to be breathing new life into it. Feels good.

Taking a shake and some water with me to PATTs, hoping it doesnt take 4 hours as others have told me. I hate waiting rooms, makes my back and hips scream.

 Dr. Huyhn's office called on the 4th they had a cancellation so I get surgery on March 24th. I was estatic, such awesome news. Still am really. Just that I had to start optifast right away, yesterday. I was all about being upset that I could'nt have my last suppers and my week of the test kitchen, yesterday. Today I took some much needed advice and stop looking at what I'm missing and look at what Im working towards. I have to do two things before surgery. Just two things. Do my opti, and go to my patts. Thats it.

Tonight, day two of opti, i am very sick to my stomach. Im also in a really bad mood. Ripping someones face off kind of mood. dont know why. maybe all the pollution and toxins have gone to my brain. Think Ill go to bed, tomorrow will be better, i have faith.

Crabby, pukey
Robyn

Such a big day for me!

Nut, SW and final surgeon appointments today , yippie!!

What happened?

1) Weighed in at 343, thats down 16 since Jan 5th, all I did was cut out sugar, go figure lol!

2) Got OK'd by all 3 of them!!

3) Got 2 possible surgery dates, either March 30th or April 7th !! Depends on administrative year end wierd stuff, either way YAHOOOOOO!!!

4) Got my Optifast, will have to start next week on the 9th if my surgery is on the 30th!

5) PATTs appointment is March 9th...


Friggen pinch me already!!!


                                        

 OK, so you have this one thing that you make to eat that is above all others. It is the thing that you only make for the most special of occasions. The thing that you would put in a container and hold it to your chest while threatening bodily harm to those who might even pass a shadow of a finger over the lid. The thing that you would make for the most special dinner party and display it upon your most delicate china. You count the pieces and while cherishing and savoring every essence of its infinitely powerful yet scintillating flavour. It is a true mouth orgasm.

I'm having gastric bypass. I'm having gastric bypass within the next few months, the universe willing. I've been so hungry the past 4 days it has been unreal. I'm logging everything, I mean everything. So I can see where my behavior weaknesses are, times, moods, activities etc. I'm eating so much though, I cant stop and it's got me worried. I'm seriously mad when I go make a box of Kraft dinner at 1am. And god forbid anyone was around, I'd rip their head off while I ate. I'm mad at me though. I mean what in the hell is going on with me??? 

Oh and that one thing, the mouth orgasm? I went to have my blood drawn, the beautiful container was on a shelf away from harm... He got the container, opened it... and ate the remaining 9 pieces of my Romance Cookies. 9 2x2 inch squares. Who you might ask? My dog.

I'm not laughing, I'm pissed. Pissed at him and hurt that it upsets me so much. I wont ever be making these again, ever. It was my commitment to myself. It feels like a death almost. Geez my head is so messed up. And no, to anyone who might be reading this pathetic blog... I can't make more if it means so much to me. That's not the point anyway. How can I mourn something like this when I'm getting ready to make the biggest move in the history of... me?  I'm so upset right now.