SADIRA
Ready 4 The Weekend
Jul 25, 2008
I'm so gald the weekend is finally here! Flew in late last night from Phoenix. Everytime I have to get onto a plane, I have anxiety. The seats are so small and the space is so cramped. I don't like making anyone sitting next to me uncomfortable. Just what I hate, the return flight was over sold. That means...no empty seats. Talk about cramped! I volunteered to give up my seat and take a later flight, only to find out they didn't need my seat. So here I go...lucky the guy sitting in the middle was nice, he didn't insist that the arm rest come down between us. In the past I've flown over 4 hours squashed, with the arm rest cutting into my thigh. When I got home, I had bruises on both of my thighs. I mean...what could I do or say, when the person sitting in the middle insist on the arm rest coming down. I thanked the man and apologized if I made him uncomfortable. He was polite and said, it was okay. I still felt really bad inside.
With all the traveling I have to do for my new job, I can't wait for the day... when I don't feel nervous about boarding a plane....when I am confident sitting at the airport, knowing that I will fit comfortably in my seat and not need a seat belt extender.
I know, by the GRACE of GOD...that day will soon be a reality.
I've been making outreach calls all week. It really helps to be able to talk to someone who knows what I'm going through. I meet this really nice lady in OA last Saturday and I've spoken to her 3 days this week. It really made me feel better to have someone listen to me, but more than that, the fact that she could relate to me and didn't judge me, that really made the phone calls more rewarding and enjoyable.
Lately, I find myself replacing one extreme (overeating) with another (starving). I can go an entire day with eating or drinking anything. But my the time I get home, I'm so drained (mentally & physically) that I find myself reaching for anything that will go down. With my fill still pretty tight, I have to be careful with what I binge on....but neverthe less it's still a binge....and I want it to end. I'm tired of stuffing my feelings and ending up with my face over the toilet bowl.
I've been in deep prayer all week. Talking to GOD really helps me to put things into proper perspective. I made a committment to eat 3 healthy meals per day. I know my body needs fuel and food is the fuel that it needs to function properly.
I'm working on it..."One day at a time" Thanks for taking time to read my blog....I pray that GOD continues to guide you on your journey...for this truly is a journey! Peace!
With all the traveling I have to do for my new job, I can't wait for the day... when I don't feel nervous about boarding a plane....when I am confident sitting at the airport, knowing that I will fit comfortably in my seat and not need a seat belt extender.
I know, by the GRACE of GOD...that day will soon be a reality.
I've been making outreach calls all week. It really helps to be able to talk to someone who knows what I'm going through. I meet this really nice lady in OA last Saturday and I've spoken to her 3 days this week. It really made me feel better to have someone listen to me, but more than that, the fact that she could relate to me and didn't judge me, that really made the phone calls more rewarding and enjoyable.
Lately, I find myself replacing one extreme (overeating) with another (starving). I can go an entire day with eating or drinking anything. But my the time I get home, I'm so drained (mentally & physically) that I find myself reaching for anything that will go down. With my fill still pretty tight, I have to be careful with what I binge on....but neverthe less it's still a binge....and I want it to end. I'm tired of stuffing my feelings and ending up with my face over the toilet bowl.
I've been in deep prayer all week. Talking to GOD really helps me to put things into proper perspective. I made a committment to eat 3 healthy meals per day. I know my body needs fuel and food is the fuel that it needs to function properly.
I'm working on it..."One day at a time" Thanks for taking time to read my blog....I pray that GOD continues to guide you on your journey...for this truly is a journey! Peace!
Feelin Blessed
Jul 22, 2008
Having a great week so far....I was on my way to the gym on Saturday, but found myself turning into the driveway of an OA meeting. OA by the way stands for Overeaters Anoymous.
9 months post op and I'm finding myself falling back into old habits. My fill is still tight, but being the compulsive overeater that I am. I use food to sedate myself.
Back in February, I started working at a new company. Boy was I in for a shock. I've been in Human Resources since 1994, and felt I was ready for this move into a larger organization. Let's just say my new job is filled with "opportunities"
Trying to learn as much as I could about my new Company, department, co-workers, and being the over achiever I am, I'd work 12-14 hour days. I was accomplishing alot, but my health began to suffer. I wasn't eating, I stopped exercising, and began to feel ill (physically and mentally.)
Well a few weeks ago, I did something, I've never done before....I had a meltdown. There was a mis-understanding between my boss and I, and I broke down in tears. This is something, I've never done. I mean never! No one sees Sadira cry. No one sees Sadira feel anything, but happiness (even when I'm faking it.)
It was amazing how my boss could read me. He tried to reaffirm what a great job I was doing, and how I'd turn the department around and praise me for my achievements. But what I really remember from that conversation, was him saying, something to the effect that I don't ask for help, but, "Sadira is superwoman, she can do it all..." He was trying to tell me that it was okay to ask for help...that I don't have to try and take everything upon my shoulders, especially when I have a staff of 5.
Long story short....yeah right...I already gave the long version (smile.) I took a few days off work to re-energize. I spend time in prayer and meditation. I gave it to the Lord.
So last Saturday, when I found myself pulling into the OA meeting parking lot, I know it was GOD working his glory on me. A few precious women invited me to lunch after the meeting and spent a few hours sharing their stories with me. I'm trying to get my head straight. It doen't matter how many fills I get, or how tight my band is, if I'm not in tune with God, I'll go back to stuffing my feelings with food. Even if I have to force it down, only to throw it up in seconds.
So for today, I'm feeling blessed, because I'm starting to recognize those things that trigger me to want to eat. I know that my band is another tool, to keep me from a life of isolation and desperation. I don't want to live my life on the side lines, watching everyone and life passing me by. God created me to have life and life more abundantly and that's exactly what I intend to do.
Thanks for reading my blog. I pray that as you read this, the Lord continues to bless you and guide you on your path....
9 months post op and I'm finding myself falling back into old habits. My fill is still tight, but being the compulsive overeater that I am. I use food to sedate myself.
Back in February, I started working at a new company. Boy was I in for a shock. I've been in Human Resources since 1994, and felt I was ready for this move into a larger organization. Let's just say my new job is filled with "opportunities"
Trying to learn as much as I could about my new Company, department, co-workers, and being the over achiever I am, I'd work 12-14 hour days. I was accomplishing alot, but my health began to suffer. I wasn't eating, I stopped exercising, and began to feel ill (physically and mentally.)
Well a few weeks ago, I did something, I've never done before....I had a meltdown. There was a mis-understanding between my boss and I, and I broke down in tears. This is something, I've never done. I mean never! No one sees Sadira cry. No one sees Sadira feel anything, but happiness (even when I'm faking it.)
It was amazing how my boss could read me. He tried to reaffirm what a great job I was doing, and how I'd turn the department around and praise me for my achievements. But what I really remember from that conversation, was him saying, something to the effect that I don't ask for help, but, "Sadira is superwoman, she can do it all..." He was trying to tell me that it was okay to ask for help...that I don't have to try and take everything upon my shoulders, especially when I have a staff of 5.
Long story short....yeah right...I already gave the long version (smile.) I took a few days off work to re-energize. I spend time in prayer and meditation. I gave it to the Lord.
So last Saturday, when I found myself pulling into the OA meeting parking lot, I know it was GOD working his glory on me. A few precious women invited me to lunch after the meeting and spent a few hours sharing their stories with me. I'm trying to get my head straight. It doen't matter how many fills I get, or how tight my band is, if I'm not in tune with God, I'll go back to stuffing my feelings with food. Even if I have to force it down, only to throw it up in seconds.
So for today, I'm feeling blessed, because I'm starting to recognize those things that trigger me to want to eat. I know that my band is another tool, to keep me from a life of isolation and desperation. I don't want to live my life on the side lines, watching everyone and life passing me by. God created me to have life and life more abundantly and that's exactly what I intend to do.
Thanks for reading my blog. I pray that as you read this, the Lord continues to bless you and guide you on your path....
Blah....that's how I've been feeling!
Jun 20, 2008
Haven't got on the scale lately...haven't worked out lately for that matter. I've been feelin a lil under the weather. Can't really explain it. I was talking to my best friend the other day (she's going to be having her WLS on July 26th). I told her that I'm struggling with feelings. Don't laugh!
In the past, I never had to feel anything. When I was sad or hurt or angry or tired, or.....I would just stuff my feelings. I never let myself feel. I don't know when it started, but it's hard for me to remember back in my childhood and even early adulthood when I last cried.
Well let me tell you...I've been cryin a lot lately. I've been FEELIN a lot lately. And it's hard gettin used to. Pray for me. Let me tell you, I tried stuffing my feelings, but my new best friend (my lapband) wasn't having any part of it. I've tried a few times, and quickly learned that I will not be stuffing my feeling anymore. I have to find a new out let for my feelings. For now, it's cryin! I don't know if anyone else has gone through this....This just confirms my addiction to food. Food was my drug of choice, it was my comforter, it sedated me when I needed it.
I'm having to adjust. I've struggled through April and May and June doesn't seem to be getting any better. Pray for me as I pray for you who reads my Blog. May GOD continue to guide your path!
In the past, I never had to feel anything. When I was sad or hurt or angry or tired, or.....I would just stuff my feelings. I never let myself feel. I don't know when it started, but it's hard for me to remember back in my childhood and even early adulthood when I last cried.
Well let me tell you...I've been cryin a lot lately. I've been FEELIN a lot lately. And it's hard gettin used to. Pray for me. Let me tell you, I tried stuffing my feelings, but my new best friend (my lapband) wasn't having any part of it. I've tried a few times, and quickly learned that I will not be stuffing my feeling anymore. I have to find a new out let for my feelings. For now, it's cryin! I don't know if anyone else has gone through this....This just confirms my addiction to food. Food was my drug of choice, it was my comforter, it sedated me when I needed it.
I'm having to adjust. I've struggled through April and May and June doesn't seem to be getting any better. Pray for me as I pray for you who reads my Blog. May GOD continue to guide your path!
7 Month Anniversary
May 02, 2008
Got on the scale yesterday before a workout and the number read 374....374 ya'll....I haven't weighed 374 in years. I can't even remember the last time I weighted 374. I'm just happy that the number on the scale keeps going down.
The weight loss isn't at fast as I wish it would have been, but I praise GOD that I'm not gaining. I haven't had a fill since November. My doctor hooked me up real good. I'm still tight....most of the time I can't get too much food down, so I drink Atkin shakes for breakfast and lunch and whatever my sister cooks for dinner (whatever will go down and stay down.)
I haven't worked out for at least 6 weeks and I know that had a lot to do with the the weight not coming off like I would have preferred. And to be honest, I've found a new love....Cheetos. Cheetos have become my snack. But by the grace of GOD, I've identified this and I'm working on it.
I know that even though I don't eat anything else but 2 Atkin skakes and a bag of cheetos a day, it's not healthy. I'm not going to lose weight, and I'm going to feel lousy.
My new job has been very tolling on me....long hours, stressful situations and....there's so much to do. Many have told me that I'm doing such a great job, but being the perfectionist that I am, I demand more of myself. I'm usually at work between 5-6am until 6-7pm. I really felt burnt out this week. I've had to do alot of traveling in the past two and a half months. On average I've been gone from home one and a half weeks a month. It may not sound like a lot, but with being new on the job and trying to learn as much as I can about the facility, the policies, procedures, processess, systems, and employees...it's alot. Not to mention, I have to leave my five little cousins with my sisters.
In September 2007, God appointed me the Legal Guardian to my first cousins five children. My cousin was murdered a few years ago and left behind two boys and three girls (Jasmine 14, Juan 12, Mariah 9, Jessica 8, and Jesus 7). Let me tell you, they are a handful.
I went from single and no kids, to single with 5 kids overnight. Needless to say, my life has changed. But I must say, my life has changed for the better.
I was thinking today, as I drove into work, I feel so much better than I did a year ago. I know that if I hadn't had the Lap band procedure, instead of being down 70 pounds to-date, I'd probably weight 70lbs more today. My weight just keep increasing each year at a rapid speed. I'm just thankful.....I've read this so many times, from other Lab Band patients, but it's so true...the only thing I regret.....is not having the procedure done sooner.
Peace to everyone! Thanks for reading my page. May GOD continue to bless you and your family.
- Sadira
The weight loss isn't at fast as I wish it would have been, but I praise GOD that I'm not gaining. I haven't had a fill since November. My doctor hooked me up real good. I'm still tight....most of the time I can't get too much food down, so I drink Atkin shakes for breakfast and lunch and whatever my sister cooks for dinner (whatever will go down and stay down.)
I haven't worked out for at least 6 weeks and I know that had a lot to do with the the weight not coming off like I would have preferred. And to be honest, I've found a new love....Cheetos. Cheetos have become my snack. But by the grace of GOD, I've identified this and I'm working on it.
I know that even though I don't eat anything else but 2 Atkin skakes and a bag of cheetos a day, it's not healthy. I'm not going to lose weight, and I'm going to feel lousy.
My new job has been very tolling on me....long hours, stressful situations and....there's so much to do. Many have told me that I'm doing such a great job, but being the perfectionist that I am, I demand more of myself. I'm usually at work between 5-6am until 6-7pm. I really felt burnt out this week. I've had to do alot of traveling in the past two and a half months. On average I've been gone from home one and a half weeks a month. It may not sound like a lot, but with being new on the job and trying to learn as much as I can about the facility, the policies, procedures, processess, systems, and employees...it's alot. Not to mention, I have to leave my five little cousins with my sisters.
In September 2007, God appointed me the Legal Guardian to my first cousins five children. My cousin was murdered a few years ago and left behind two boys and three girls (Jasmine 14, Juan 12, Mariah 9, Jessica 8, and Jesus 7). Let me tell you, they are a handful.
I went from single and no kids, to single with 5 kids overnight. Needless to say, my life has changed. But I must say, my life has changed for the better.
I was thinking today, as I drove into work, I feel so much better than I did a year ago. I know that if I hadn't had the Lap band procedure, instead of being down 70 pounds to-date, I'd probably weight 70lbs more today. My weight just keep increasing each year at a rapid speed. I'm just thankful.....I've read this so many times, from other Lab Band patients, but it's so true...the only thing I regret.....is not having the procedure done sooner.
Peace to everyone! Thanks for reading my page. May GOD continue to bless you and your family.
- Sadira
5 Months Post Op and Feeling Great!!!
Mar 05, 2008
382....Yup...that's what the scale read tonight. I can't believe how the scale continues to go down each week... I've been working hard...watching what I eat.....making sure I get all my protein in each day. Eating my three meals a day and exercising on a daily basis.
The battle still continues in my head and I'm working on it. I've given it to God. I'm working through why I turn to food for comfort, why I turn to food to numb my feelings. Why I turn to food when I stressed....
Feelin Blessed!
Feb 16, 2008
Today the scale read 393....393 ya'll....I couldn't believe it. I had to get off and get back on 3 times!
Most people wouldn't be excited to see the numbers 393 on their scale, but most people haven't been where I was....this is my victory...one of many more to come. I'd like to see the numbers come down alot faster, but for today, I'll take the 393....I've been working harder this week on getting in enough protein. I started each day with a protein shake and had a protein bar for lunch. I was in Portland, Oregon all week on a business trip...I know, no excuses...I took a 2mile walking video and did it a few times in the evening....Just imagine what the numbers on the scale would have read should I have done the video consistantly.
That's what I'll work on this week....consistancy. I have to do what I know is the right thing to do on a daily basis and the rest will follow. So for this week, I commit to drinking a protein shake for breakfast and a protein shake for a snack, eating a salad for lunch and a healthy dinner. I commit to going to Curves 6 times this coming week (Mon-Sat) and .....I better stop there!
I don't want to commit to too much and then fail. I think I can follow throuh on those committments. Pray for me as I pray for those who took time to read my blog.
Most people wouldn't be excited to see the numbers 393 on their scale, but most people haven't been where I was....this is my victory...one of many more to come. I'd like to see the numbers come down alot faster, but for today, I'll take the 393....I've been working harder this week on getting in enough protein. I started each day with a protein shake and had a protein bar for lunch. I was in Portland, Oregon all week on a business trip...I know, no excuses...I took a 2mile walking video and did it a few times in the evening....Just imagine what the numbers on the scale would have read should I have done the video consistantly.
That's what I'll work on this week....consistancy. I have to do what I know is the right thing to do on a daily basis and the rest will follow. So for this week, I commit to drinking a protein shake for breakfast and a protein shake for a snack, eating a salad for lunch and a healthy dinner. I commit to going to Curves 6 times this coming week (Mon-Sat) and .....I better stop there!
I don't want to commit to too much and then fail. I think I can follow throuh on those committments. Pray for me as I pray for those who took time to read my blog.
Just For Today....
Feb 02, 2008
This is my first blog....I decided I should start to keep a journal of my weight lost journey. I find myself coming to this website almost on a daily basis and reading the blogs of other members. Most of the time, i'm in awww of how awesome they are doing. I have so much weight to lose and I often get discouraged. Monday I start a new job and I'm really excited and nervous. In the past whenever I felt this way, I would stuff myself with food. I never allowed myself to feel anything (happiness, sadness, fear, not anything.)
I'm so grateful to God for allowing me another chance at this thing called "life" I'm trying every day to eat 3 healthy meals, exercise, drink plenty of water, and get a good nights rest.
As I begin this next phase of my life, I will try and remember to take time out of each day to take care of myself.
