rtaskew

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Regretfully I've been missing in action and missed my connection with any support with my weight loss. Due to work, I can't attend any meetings and haven't been able to connect on line. I fell into a worse depression months after my surgery. My weight plateaued and the depression worsened. No one knew about my depression, because I wore a mask! I went to work everyday and worked out 3-4 times weekly, thus on the surface everything appeared normal.

My back continues to be an issue and I was hoping that the weight loss would lessen the pain in my back and knees, and it has, but my back is getting worse. After several visits to my Neurosurgeon, he is now discussing surgery!  Recovery from surgery can be six months and that blows my mind!!! It seems when things are getting better a wrench is being thrown in my plans, but I must do what I must for my health. I just hate staying home!!!

It continues to be difficult to consume the proper amount of nutrition and water, thus my weight did not change. My nutritionist and sister told me that I had to make a conscience effort to eat so the weight loss would continue. It's hard as hell, but I'm trying and the weight is starting to go down. Exercising is enjoyable, but I've been restricted due to my back problems, and this is worsening my depression. But, I will return tomorrow to walk in the water and meditate in the steam room!! I have to stay active!

I've finally had a day where I was able to consume the proper amount of food and water and I felt great. It was a struggle, but I did it. My energy level is increasing and my headaches are decreasing!!! I've found that I have to keep water on my desk and a snack, also watch the time closely to not get distracted with work.

I have gone down a dress size, size 20 to an 18. My slacks are all too big, but I refuse to buy more slacks. Thankfully, I have some clothes in my closet that are smaller and I'm making good use of some of them now. I've had to buy undergarments, due to the fact that they no longer fit and that felt strange. For the first time in my life, I had to buy new bras because I needed a smaller size!!!  I'm still in shock and sometimes I think that bras are now being sized differently.

The liquid diet was not difficult, but the soft diet is a challenge. Trying to get in the proper amount of nutrition and water has been extremely difficult. Many foods that I used to be able to eat, I can not tolerate and become ill. Then, some foods that I was able to eat one day, may not be tolerable the next. I hate being bent over the toilet and maybe that's why I've been shying away from food. I'll have to check in with my Nutritionist.

Being at work is also a distraction. I get totally absorbed in my work and forget to eat or drink, which has made me so weak, that I couldn't teach for two days. I've now have set my alarm clock to go off every half hour, as a reminder to consume protein or water.

The surgery was easy, the three week liquid diet was easy, but soft foods is unpredictable and challenging 

Ok, I'm six days out and I am having a difficult time getting all of my protein and water consumed. I pooped on day 2, and haven't pooped since. I'm walking as much as I can, thus the gas is minimal. I can't seem to get in all of the protein nor water daily and this concerns me. I don't want to lose my hair due to the lack of protein nor heal properly. I will call my Doctors' office to talk with the Nutritionist for suggestions.

My surgery is tomorrow at 7:00 am,  I'm drinking liquids and I am a little anxious. But I'm thrilled at having a new start in life!!! Having surgery is doing for me what I can't do for myself and I am grateful.

Yesterday, I hung out with a cousin and finally told her that I was having surgery and her comment was, "Your cheating and that's an easy way out". Easy way out? My mind flipped as I fired back that realizing that I have a problem and electing to have major surgery is an easy way out, then easy it will be. How dare she say this ignorant statement to me!!! The easy way out is not doing anything about your condition and complaining all the time.

Regardless of what she or others say, tomorrow is the start of new and wonderful things.