robinm
I am 46 years old and I weigh 392 pounds and am actively persuing having bypass surgery done. I am suffering this disease going on twenty years now I am slowly losing my ability to walk I already have lost the ability to live a happy life. I don't want to be like this any longer I have tried many many diet plans I have tried redux, xenecal weight watchers and on and on! I need this surgery Iam ready for this surgery I am going to have this surgery.
update 07/09/03 I now have an appointment with Triangle Surgerical Association who it tuns out is a provider under my plan Aetna Dr Enochs performs RNY surgery my appointment is on 9/11/03 first date availble, I have gotten a referral from my pcp and am just waiting for 9/11 I am determined to have a chance of happiness and to most important save my life with this surgery's help.
July 30,2003 well I just got told in an email that the hospital for the dr I have chosen will not except me if I am 400 pounds , today I weigh 399 I don't know if dr will turn me away or what
If Iam to fat for weight loss surgery Iam to fat to live the reason i need weight loss surgery is because i weigh 400 pounds for going on 10 years now i can not walk safely with out help i can sit in chair and get up with out help i can't
turn over in bed with out sitting up first if i can't have surgery because iam too fat i can't live. Imagine being told your to fat to be helped!!! sorry if this is depressing but Iam at my wits end.
August9,2003 Many people have emailed me about my situation and given love and care and most importantly HOPE I am feeling stronger now Iam going on the liquid protein diet so that I may drop the needed weight before 9/11/2003.
08/19/2003 My doctor just called me to move my consult up from 9/11 to tommorow at 11am oh my gosh I am scared and nervous what if he sees me and decides I can't have this surgery my life will be over for sure then I am scared out of my wits right now but I am going I will be there with bells (smile) on as my Mom would says or was that my grandma oh well will update after that.
08/21/03 Well it was to good to be true drove all the way to louisberg to see dr E and appointment was canceled while I was in the Exam room imagine that waited all this time got in the exam room and appointment had to be canceled due to some problems at drs office.
This must be what it feels like to be left at the Alter. I did call pcp today to get a diet from him to help lower my weight to be able to have surgery in the future. though will that ever happen??
08/31/03 I have decided no matter what is going on with Dr Enochs I am going to keep my appointment on 9/11/03 and then will take it from there.
Well as you can see my weight is going up and still do not have an appointment i did get all my records from my old pcp for a pretty penny I did go to tsa for sept 11 appointment and was told i would be getting a call but not once has my phone rang I am more sure every day that this is not meant to be Depression is taking over. I did join a new support group only to have the same fighting going on I left I am on my own for now but will keep praying.
weight continues to climb still no doctor thinking about giving up on this impossible goal.
well i have a new appointment with a Dr Enochs tommorow at 1130am after leaving 4 messages for the other Surgeon office to call me back and never receiving a call back I have decided to go see DR E can't be any worse than what I have already been thru. My weight is now up to 421 pounds.
Well I kept my appointment with
Dr E and he is very charming and I believe a good Dr and may even be worth the time I have waited to see him. He seems to have a very caring office manager and staff and I am looking forward to the next step in this long process.
I have finished my appointments with cardiologist and pulminologists and nutritionist.
Natalie the nutritionist was very very helpful and informative she really helped me to understand the basis for the steps that need to be followed after surgery and wa very supporttive. She answered my questions with a smile even if they were dumb she gave me alot of info in writing and really gave me a boost in the confidence dept. I have to go Monday for sleep apnea test and an echo cardiogram on Wens and some other tests then the shrink and all will be ready for ins. Iam nervous and worried but will keep going untill all is done.
For the last mnth I have been to all the required doctors and appointments I have had more care in the last month from medical people than I have in twenty years but all is worth it. The paper work has been sent to Aetna and now the real wait begins. Prayers are much needed Prayers are most helpful Prayer shall be my shoulder to lean on. Untill next time weight is back up to 402 in the last month I have gone from 386 to 421 to 412 to 398 to 396 to 411 to 402
talk about a roller coaster. By the way i absolutely adore my doctors office manager she is kind loving and really cares. Thank you TARA.
Well I have a surgery date the 19th of Jan at rex hopital this has been long and drawn out but now that my time has come it does not seem that long at all My prayers were heard and my new life is about to begin I will be 47 tommorow and in just a few more days will start my new better happier much deserved life thank you God and all of those that have supported me. May W thank you for your prayers they helped alot.
Well one week from today I will be less than 24 hours from this beautiful change in my life that is about to happen. I have reread all the information that I have collected over the past 12 months and it is amazing to me that it all has a different meaning now to me I have understood the same words differntly now those words mean a whole different thing to me now. I have made my eating charts my exercise charts my fluid intake charts so that I will stay on track with my new life. I have gotten lots of encouragement from emails from this site and the smile in my heart gets bigger and bigger a smile that has been locked away for almost twenty years. Ive been trying to invision myself a year from now and get heart palpations just thinking about getting up from a chair with out help about rolling over in my sleep with out knowing it about getting out of the car without using every muscle I have just to lift me up Gosh that smile is getting bigger and bigger. More later thanks for your prayers Prayers will float me right thru this of this I am sure.
6 MORE DAYS SMILE SMILE SMILE
5 MORE DAYS SMILE AND i WEIGHED TODAY IVE BEEN ON THE PROTEIN FOR TWO DAYS NOW AND IVE GOTTEN DOWN TO 387 YEAH I MET MY ANGEL TODAY OVER THE PHONE SHE IS VERY NICE VERY SUPPORTIVE.
Jan 15th
Well 3 days to go and my nerves are shot Ive been trying to be positive but what if this and what if that has been nagging me all day. weight is still under 400 keeping my fingers crossed
Jan 17 04
Oh my Gosh 24 hours to go i am so hysterical with nerves I need to be flash frozen untill monday morning Ive cleaned cleaned Ive shopped I even bought at the proding of my daughter a darling pj set that is at this time 15 times to small and hung it on my door for a very near future date that I will be able to wear it I cannot wait.
well there goes the butterflies bees or what ever is in my stomach again will be here again tommorow.
Jan 19th Iam on my way to the hospital talk to you later
Jan 23rd I am home since Wens night I feel awful can't really say much at this time
Jan26th Iam back home from short trip to hospital for allergic reaction to liquid pain medicine and am okay. Today it the first day of my vitamin supplements and protein liquid Iam finally felling human a little pain is not bad but I am confused as to the full feeling I don't think I have had it yet I am not sure if the little pain I feel after and ounce of liquid is pain or full I guess I'll learn in time. Not able to get out and walk yesterday or today due to weather me and my walker do not mixe with ice very well I ve trying to just walk inside the house a lot. Iam a little worried about the predinisone steroid they have me on for three more days it cause weight gain fluid retintion and can interfer in healing but with such a bad reaction to the pain med and having my asthma out of control from surgery I have no choice but to take it this round will be over thursday. I can say however with all that has happened I would not change a thing I am still determined to save my life. I go to DR on Friday I will give a weight update then.
Jan 28 Hello Iam doing well Iam over the alergic reaction to the pain medicine and only have one day left of the prednisone. I feel better now having the vitiamins in my system I am having trouble getting it all in though I have only been able to get in at the most 32 grams of protein so far I am not getting it planned out very well yet I go to DR on Friday and will get some advice. Iam however doing better now at being able to smell food as it is cooked for the family at first it made me very nauseated and then my head kept saying at all hours of the day and night your hungry just try to eat your hungry your starving. But now that I have had milk and yougart and cream soup that head thing went away I did mess up on Sun and chewed a cookie and then panicked and spit it out I was so ashamed but admitted my failure to my daughter and felt proud that I could even admit it, that in it self is a miracle. Iam happy and healing and still have a smile deep in my heart. I have learned that fat is not WHO Iam but What I am and a person can change WHAT a whole lot easier than Who. more later!
Feb 1st dr's checkup went well weight lost is 21 pounds since surgery 61 since Sept when i was at 421 Went to GNC and got protein 95 vanilla flavor which is 25 grams of protein a scoop so twice aday with one meal should keep me at 65 grams. Ive basically recoverd from the surgery just a little pain here and there and still some residule asthma problems but baiscally everything is okay.
Iam currently shaking my head though because my one true supporter has abandoned me. My daughter who lives with me with here two children had suddenly decided this is not as important as she thought and has gone back to her old ways of not taking care of her own responsibilities she gave me two weeks to recover and that is it. Sadly I don;t have the mental engery to take care of her and her family and myself I never have I realize that I am in such bad shape becasue they have already come first second and last. It is very hard for me to focus on just me I feel guilty like Iam abandoning my grandchildren depression has set in today What in the world made me think it was right to do this for myself.
Feb 1st 1015pm I went back and read what I typed earlier today and shook my head again noWAY is any one going bring me down any more. Yesterday I went to look for a treadmill and finnaly ended up at play it again sports where I was told that in order to hold my weight and last longer than 3 months I would need a 700.00 dollar(and that was a used price)treadmill. The sales person was very kind and very quiet when he told me he really did not want to hurt my feelings. So after talking to him and telling him about the surgery which I did not want to do because that is a personal thing, he showed me a proformer crosstrainer 970 bike for 199.00
and told me that the bike is the second best thing for me since I still have to use my walker due to very very bad left leg that gives out with no notice. He told me that using the bike is better than doing nothing so I agreed and bought the bike. My daughter did bring it in and set it up for me. What is amazing to me is that I expected to have a really bad time with my knee but a little twitch is all I have felt so far today I did two rounds of 15 mins each at resitance 1 and barely got out of breath I feel God blessed me with the play it again sports person he even called me today to see how it was working and told me that God is with me and good luck and to come back and see him in a few months when I can use a cheaper treadmill I feel he meant that as hope and not as a future sale. I did have a talk with my daughter I cried but I tried to explain to her that she has always been number one in my life that I have always only focused on her no matter what she has done in the past she has always been my reason for living along with my 24 year old son and my grandchildren. I explained to her that I have always ignored myself in my heart and that this is my one chance to really be happy with me for me but that I needed to focus as hard as it is only on myself. She listened and told me that she is proud of me and that she have gotten use to me just being for her and the children and that she was sorry and would do anything for me make a success from this new life I have chosen. Then she left with the children and went to her girlfriends for the night. She said to baby sit but my own guilt tells me I hurt her feelings I love her and the children with all my heart but it is time for me I have a good 40 years left I am gonna live them for me. She did admitt that she would be a happier person if she did not have to worry about my health so much. So maybe she got the message (I did) It is very hard to realize that you have neglected yourself so long that neglect for you is the norm. I am gonna change that. Ive always been the type that if we went to the store to by myself something and she saw something she wanted I would for go what I wanted for my children Ive worn the same shoes for two years now tommorow I am gonna change that and start cleaning the guilt out of my life I realize that I have worked very hard at neglecting myself and now I am gonna work hard at taking care of myself.
Feb 9th I have been doing well still having some problems with asthma but riding my bike everyday I go to Dr E for checkup on the 12th Iam still doing my protein 2 times a day and am still on pureeeeeed food I did have some broiled trout the other night and it was really good to taste real food. I am only up to 40 ozs of water and then the two protein shakes so I guess Iam doing okay in the liquid dept. Well Iam kind of excited to go and see how much I weigh on Thursday will be back then to update.
Hello I went to Dr today and am happy to report that I now weigh 338 pounds I am in Heaven to think that 38 more pounds I will be at 300 pounds I hae not weighed 300 pounds since gosh 12 or 13 Iam pround for me and will continue to work hard at my new life I go back to work on Monday and I am a little bit worried because so mant people had a negative aittude about surgery. But I will keep my spirits up and keep the smile in my heart leading me to better days. I alaways feel so uplifted when I go to the Dr and talk with his office manager Tara she really has a way to wipe all doubt away. I am gonna try really hard to go to the support group this weekend if weather permits.
I am now up to resitance 6 on my bike and really have begun to look forward to riding it every day twice a day for 15 to 20 mins I keep telling myself how wonderful that is considering a month ago I could not walk across the house with out help from my walker or my daughter I could not get up off the couch with out help at all. Now I can get up still clumsley but by myself. I did bite off more than I could chew I tried to sit down in the bathtube yesterday to soak Liz did not have to call the tow truck to get me out but it wasn't pretty at all guess I'll wait a few more pounds before I try that again (smile)
Well I see blessings all around me and can actually look at myself in the mirror without degust or denial so that shows all is well at this time.more later
March 16th
Hello I know it has been a while since I ve posted but goiong back to work was harder than I realized I have not been able to keep myself on a set eating schedule at work and I am nauseated all the time and I mean all the time. I dont want to eat any food I have to force myself to eat. Then 1 out of the three meals a day comes right back up problem is I dont know when it will happen, I have stuck to very plain food moslty chicken fish tuna and somedays it will stay down other days it will not I am all out of whack. I go to the dr on the 25th so check in I dont know if I have lost any more weight yet. I think I need therapy I am really depressed. more later.
Hello I know it has been a long time things are going okay i have gotten off track a little and am having a hard time getting back to my routine. I studied and investigated this surgry for over a year before the day it happened and i never once thought about the most important change that would happen and that is the change that will come over my Spirit my inner self. I have never been nice to my self and have never thought anyone else should have to be. But know I have changed and nice is all I will except and my inner self is having a hard time excepting that nice is right. I am able to look at myself now with opens eyes instead of the denial I lived with for so long about who I am. or was a really really really fat person. I don't have to be that jolly old fat lady any more. Problem is people around me who thought they had it going for them who knew that I was a pleaser never rock the boat kind of person are all in shock about the new me. even though I still have a hundred and 30 pounds to go I will never be that jolly fat person again. Okay now your going to think I am crazy I miss her I miss being in the back ground sometimes I miss being overlooked all the time. I miss being the jolly fat lady who laughed at myself with myself and others around me. But each and everyday I am becoming more extroverted to the world around me. i don't have to except anything I don't want to ever again. Like when my boss told me last week "Now that your wearing Normal clothes you should go shopping and buy some normal clothes. I did not know I was wearing unnormal clothes before. I just looked at her dumb founded Or the co worker who said to me I never know if that is you coming in the door now cause I can't hear you coming. I must of been bouncing from wall to wall before or sounding like an elephant. Or the coworker who said to me when are you going to stop losing weight my gosh what was the point? My response to here was when I get to 95 pounds (she weighs 90 pounds her self) She looked at me with the biggest eyes like I had just said I was gonna marry Tom Cruz or something. I realize I envaded my surrounding with a huge body and am now a different person but I still have feelings believe it or not.
I am having a hard time with the people around me who say these crazy things because it makes me feel like what in the world did they think of me before. I really want to be a happy person for real I gotta a lot of work to do. Like when I bought my first 3x pants and shirt last week and wore them I felt proud and happy all day I looked at myself in every window I walked by. I come home that night and my daughter says to me wow mom your feet look really good. I looked at her I looked at my feet I looked back at her and kept on walking. Iam amazed at the stuff that comes out of peoples mouth now.
Last thursday the garbage truck came as I was leaving for work and the garbage man asked me if I had set up an account yet I said excuse me. He said what happened to the lady who used to live here I broke out into a laugh a crazy laugh and got in the car and drove away. I laughed all day everytime I thought about this guy who has seen me every thursday for 5 years and accused me of being somebody new. That was priceless and gave me an ego for days. well enough for now I am still exercising the bike but not everyday I am just getting the nerve to sign up at rex wellness center. Wish me luck my shyness sometimes still takes over sometimes I find it hard to believe that strangers who never saw me at 421 pounds don't even know I ever weighed 421 pounds I still have that person inside me who expected the worse the stares the lack of confidence that dont bother with me I am uselss freak kinda. and every now and then I forget my success and let that person rule the day.
The day I will know that I have one the battle over that shyness I will be able to go to the support group. Everytime I know that days is coming I have such anxiety about it that I can't make myself go. I am still very wary of new places new people. Because no matter how jolly I was then I still saw the looks felt the rejection. But i promise as i get stronger I will be able to walk in that room full of strangers and be a better woman for it.
June19/2004
5 months today has passed since my surgery Iam doing well
weight loss slowing but not stoping Iam just trying to go with the flow.
June 28 I went to my first support group meeting Sat and I amaze myself I don't know what in the world I was afraid of it was great I felt just fine nothing to be intimidated about i felt apart of a group of very important people people who are careing and are or were in the same boat as me and guess what the boat is not sinking SMILE. I went to book store after word looking for a book I saw there did not find it but I did find a great book called The Low Carb Bible it has everything you ever wanted to know about low carbs exercise it explaines all the low carb diest fads the pros and cons and has over 150 great recipes for low carb meals healthy yummy meals. I will still look for the book before and after but this book is great. well gotta go going for nightly walk while it is not raining.
July 30 2004
I have been to my six month check up and am doing fine down to 257 I am well except for acid reflux going to GI dr on the 11th
I am pluggin along happy and a whole lot more healthy. I really am starting to see the better in myself and not just the fat. Smile. more later
Aug 8 2004
Hello I am doing fine my new weight is 249 I am in disbelief but am very very happy I am working very hard this last 70 pounds is going to be hard and i know it. I weigh every day and for days my weight stays the same and then one day it just drops. I am looking for ways now to just be normal and not obsess with my food I would like to get to where I can plan a meal eat it and just be normal but I am afraid still afraid if I do not stay hard on myself I will start to falter and forget where I came from and where I am trying to get to. I thank God that I am still able to drink my protein correctly even though my head is trying to rebel against the taste. But I know I am not ready to depend only on food for my protein. I still am only able to eat three spoons of food at any one time. Since I had a very bad problem of snacking before I cant let my self spread a meal out very long because it feels like snacking to me. I don't want to go back to that habit. The medicine the dr gave me for acid Prilosec 40 is working really well so far no more pain. I still can not eat any thing with gravy or sauce on it it comes right back out I am only able to eat plain food like plain cottage cheese plain meat no spices plain fish any kind of seasoning seems to really turn out bad. My tummy is even rebelling against crystal light or any thing sweet tasting. I have gone and got some low carb recipe book from the book store to try and find different ways to cook the meat and fish but most of them have alot of seasoning or sauces. So for now I will continue to just eat plain food.I was able to eat a piece of plain lettuce yesterday it stayed down. So tommorow at work I will eat my cottage cheese with a piece of lettuce. i am very proud of myself my job had a big ice cream party Wens. for someone's birthday they had three kinds of ice cream three kinds of syrup coco chips strawberries with sugar and bannans, When I saw everything spread out looking so pretty my head started talking to me saying things like oh just a little bit it won't hurt you and no ones going care if you break your diet and even things like you won't dump. But I am proud to say I drank my bottle of water and I participated in the party and never touched a bite and did not even feel bad about it. I am proud of that moment food no longer rules being thin does.
Well for now I am going to continue on with my weight loss and continue to just try and be normal. I hope everyone else that is having the surgery or has had the surgery is doing great. More later
August 28 2004 I only have two words to say
SIZE SIXTEEN
I AM HAPPY AND HEALTHY WILL WRITE MORE LATER.
Hello all is okay
I am amazed at my new self but very very touchy about it I guess I am having moments that cause me great confusion in my brain. This thing called HEAD HUNGER has hit me. I get so angry with my brain trying to convince me that I can eat a piece of bread or that I really really want to try a piece of warm apple pie and ice cream. I know it will make me sick I know that it will stop this wonderful weight loss and as soon as I give in to my brain and try something like a piece of warm fresh baked bread my tummy says oh no you didn't and it comes right back out. All of my research never prepared me for losing that big part of my life that brought me so much comfort and happiness. On Sunday mornings my grandma used to make this enormous breakfast for all of us before Sunday school she would bake biscuts from heaven. I remember always being chastiised by my dad for my weight even then and grandma would always say leave her alone she's a growing girl and would fill my plate. Meal time was the only time that my family would show happiness together and there was always somebig family dinner to go to where everybody competed at who was going to bring the best food. So i guess my brain mixed food and happiness together. I miss that warm happy feeling that the smells from grandmas kitchen use to give me. I have tried to be normal and cook for the family the way I like to but I am not able to even plan a meal right now food is my worst enemy at this time the smells the beauty of a loaf of fresh bread is well it must be to me the same thing a bottle of brandy is to a drunk torture if you can't have it. I hope this goes away soon, as I am tired inside my self right now. I guess i am lucky in that 7 months out and my pouch is still very small and even 1 oz to much of water will come back out or hurt untill it goes down. i have been able to keep from over eating only because once that one bite to many has happened I am so miserable I can't stand myself. I have found that even though we are supposed to eat very small bites and chew and chew the smaller the bites the more I eat at one time so I try to only put even food on my plate for 4 bites of food and usually by the fourth bite I am stuffed. Work is getting hard in the fact that my co worker that sits right next to me in the office snacks all day long and she eats things like pretzels nosiy food the sound of her munching through out the day is nerve racking but of course I must respect her needs ands wants so i try to just block it out and when my brain says hey you wants to snack to I drink more water to try and kill the snack feeling. I am proud that I have this much effort built up to be able to resist but it is nerve wracking someteimes at the least.
Well if any one asked me should they have this surgery I would say yes. but I would highly highly suggest them thinking about what food means to them and where food stands in thier line of happiness. and then work to put food in it's place before surgery so that when head hunger comes you will be able to fight it with ease. More later HOPE EVERYONE IS WELL AND DOING GREAT IN THEIR JOURNEY.
Hello
it is Friday night and I am sitting at this computer not doing much I am having one of those moments I failed myself yesterday and ate a half of the top part of a biscut from bojangles that someone gave me at work it was so good but now I hate myself I did not need that biscut it smelled so good but bread is my weakness and those few bites really thru my brain for a loop. I have started reading DR PHIL weight loss for support since I really don't have a support group near me anymore. DR Phill has somegood points and some okay points. But I'll keep reading I need to get my brain to catch up with my body one year ago today I weighed 426 pounds today I weigh 239 God I am in shock I feel like a teenager but have to realize that I am not I am mad at me for all the time I have wasted not having a happy life because I was just waiting to die I guess. Now i want to live be free from the burden of all that weight be free from the mental anguish and physical pain Iam scared to stop obsessing about my weight loss because if i stop will i begin to slip and go back to the old me. I have lsot almost a whole person physically and am better for it but not better enough. I also am dealing with the age issue I am 47 will be 48 in three months am I told old to go out there in the sorld and meet mr right now????????
I have been working the last few days with recipes trying to get that enjoyable feeling that good foods gives you with out breaking any of the rules. I am trying. I will go back to the old picker upper the before and after pictures on the site to give myself a boost. Take care I promise to keep riding this rollercoaster and not get off the track unless of course a giant windstorm comes and knocks me down. I realized today that since Jan I have not fallen or even tripped with out my walker and that feels great almost greater than my size 16 pj's that i just bought. I have gotten addicted to new clothes Roses in my town is great for transition clothes because there cheap so i try to stay away cause every new outfit i see that remotely looks pretty to me seems to just jump in the basket and come home with me. I am actually having a great time telling my 22 year old daughter no you can wear my new shirt it feels good to be able to say I do not have to wear my moo moo unless I just want to see how damm big it is getting SMILE.
If any one is reading this do not give up keep going but remember this is no joy ride it is bummpy rocky hard to do sometimes but WE CAN MAKE IT
Prayers for everyone.
Hello to all I hope everyone is well I would like to pass on something that happened last night that will forever stay in my tresure of memories. Ive asking my five year old granddaughter if she notices anything differnt about me lately and she kept saying no difference. Well last night I was lying down with her and we were talking and and she said to me grandma how old are you are you fifteen I said yes and she pondered for a moment and then said to me are you starting over and I asked what do you mean baby and she said you must be staring over becaause your getting smaller. I was so tickeled and happy in my heart that that a five year old who thinks we are big as life any way could see that I am getting smaller untill now I have not thought of this a starting over but she is right we have been born again haven't we.oct 1 2004
April 27th 2005
Hello I am doing well it has been a long while since I have visited this site had a lot of issues I had to resolve within myself I am doing well my weight has been exactly between 201 and 212 for three months now no matter what I do it will not go below 201 looks like I may never see the 100's but I am okay with that coming from 4 hundred and 21 pounds. hope everyone who reads this is well and strong keep going it is worth it I promise
Love Robin
July 4th 2005
Hello Iam doing good my weight has chosen a spot and stayed there for 3 months now but I am happy I am in a size 14 and could not ask for more I have been having some unexplainable pain in the spleen area and have had some testing to no avail not sure what is causing it. My primary thinks I should go see my surgeon but haven't done that yet.I am thinking of skin removal lately and think I will start looking into that soon other that I have found happiness and am comfortable in my sucess no complaints. Hope everyone else is well and makeing great strides to their goal. I have found that swimming is very very helpfull for working all of your body joints and muscles it is a little nerve wracking to have all that loose skin in view but I really don't care what others think as long as I am decently covered and i know where I am come from (400) pounds. So I bought a swimmsuit from Walmart that covers enough and go swimming every day for a least 1 to 2 hours I try to exercise every joint and muscle in some way. Running in place in the pool is fun it is very hard to stay in one place so you exercise all your muscle just keeping your self in place. Well I will update again hopefully I will be 10 pounds lighter (smile)
Love Robin
8/20/05
Hello Iam doing pretty good I caution everyone who is thinking about this surgery not to lose sight of the end result and not to get caught up in the weight loss only. I have been to see my surgeon and was shocked to find out that I am not doing as well as I thoughtI was not in the weight loss but in well being physically. I have gone into muscle wasting and did not even know it I have been so caught up in the actual pounds lost that I did not see the skeleton that I am have become. This can be fixed thank God by uping my protein to 80 grams a day for now per my surgeon. I am now wearing a 12 14 depending on the outfit and untill I have extra skin removed thats where I ll be but that is okay with me since I was a 32 34 5x I am so please that I don't ever have to but another piece of clothes again that has a x attached to it.
I had to go have a endoscope oh boy thats fun. everything looks okay no ulcers from acid but per the DR stress is causing my pain by causing my esophagus and pouch to clamp shut. have three new medicines to help with acid reflux and pain . I statred taking protein supplement again twice a day 40 grams each no weight gain yet. But surgeon says I will probably gain a few pounds and then level out and that is okay cause muscle wasting is not pretty. Do not get caught up in the happiness of losing the weight remember the whole picture. being skinny is no fun if your not healthy also.
Dec30 2005
Well another year has come and gone I am proud to say that I have kept my weight at 186 with a flucuation of 5 pounds thru out the month for 12 months now. I will never get to 155 but am not upset about this being my height and build i look good (smile) I do need to get someskin removed but have been really lucky with my exercise to keep in pretty good shape. I do not think of myself as a fat person who is now thin. I think of myself as a thin person who must be careful not to mess up and gain weight. When the cross over happened in my spirit I mean crossing over from a used to be fat to just an ordinary middle aged thin person i smiled really deep inside. i walk by a window now and see my reflection and don't think oh you still look fat I think gosh i need to tighten up my tummy or my hps just a little. I don't even check the mirror any more to see if i look okay or if i look fat. I use the mirror to see how good i feel and good i look to myself not to anyone else. I do have some muscle wasting and must be very very careful about my protein but i stay on top of it most of the time.
It amezes me when I meet someone new and I know in my heart they are judging me for me and not for 400 pounds. I am so very proud of myself. I wish that everyone who wants this chance to save themselves from the prison of fat will have their surgery and be happy healthy and thin forever.
Love to all keep the faith and keep the journey in your heart and you will make it.
Ps I forgot to mention I have gained an inch it height in the last year. the 400 pounds was compressing my height so much i measured at 5 9 now Iam 5 10 which is where i was when i was 17 years old its amazing.
May 2006
Hello just an updat I am 28 months outand weigh 186 pounds I have staye dbetween 186 and 200 for thelast 15 months depending on the time of the month i gain 5 or ten pounds then quickly lose it i feel that I eating as much in am meal as i was before surgery the difference being what I eat. there are many many foods I cannot eat taht still make me sick the moment I eat it like pork can not eat prok of any kind cook any way. I dohave toadmit though if i did not have reflux as bad as i do( still on 80 to 120mgs a day of protonix and zantac) i probably would be in trouble and gain some weight back. But the acid keeps me from eating the wrong foods most of the time. I do crave carbs mostly bread but I force myself to stay away. I amhaving fun dieting (smile) wow dieting is such a strange word. But in my world it means eating the correct diet for me. I don't worry any more about gaing weight i weigh about every two weeks or so. I do still have muscle wasting and must be very careful about protein. but at least I can look forward and see a happy healthy person. Now shopping is fun chosing what Iam going to wear every day is fun. being me is fun. It almost to bad I'll be fifty on my next birthday and that i have to deal with those changes too i'd be having a world of fun if not for that. Still no man in my life but at least I am alone and healthy instead of alone wieghing 400 plus pounds in a wheel chair or worse dead.
I feel a little self doubting about the excess skin I probably would have a very hard time getting naked for the dr or any one else but that is okay. I am still happy. just being me at 186 and not me at 426.
well gotta go untill next time.
