Ginger M.
I'm pretty sure that I would never have done this except that, on April 2, 2008, I fell and broke my back in 5 places. Also broke 3 ribs and conked my head pretty good. I fell from the loft of a barn while rescuing a cat. As I lay there on the floor, one of the first things I thought was, "This wouldn't have happened if I weren't so fat." I also thought, as we were waiting for the ambulance to come, "Well, I can keep on like I've been doing, or I can use this opportunity to take a major right turn here." All my extra weight (I am 5' 1" and was approx. 285 lbs at the time of the accident) made everything -- the paramedics lifting me into the ambulance, the surgery, long stay in the hospital, even longer rehab -- waaaay more difficult. Even before the accident, I was so heavy that I was having a hard time walking, so you can image how it has been for me after breaking my back. But despite my promises there on the floor that day to change my ways, I continued to overeat and gained even more weight. Finally, at 300 pounds (on a small frame), I had had enough. After giving it everything I've got since I was 18 (countless diets, various types of therapy, OA, hypnosis, energy healing, food diary with a nutritionist, personal trainer), I realized it simply is not within my power to do this thing on my own. I have a lot of shame and carry a big sense of failure about this, which is part of what I will be working through.
I had been thin when I was in high school and my weight has yo-yo'd pretty wildly (which is extremely hard on the heart) over the years, so I do know how different the world (it's not just men--it's women too!) treats you when you're fat. I have always told myself that I would start "having a life" when I got thin. But the years went by and I never could get thin and life passed me by. That is the thing I am most upset about -- all the lost years. I am almost 40 and feel like I haven't lived.
