Tee M.
My Story
Jun 11, 2009
My WLS Journey (written March 2006) I have lived my life as an overweight person. It was always who I was and defined the person I became. I was adopted at the age of 1 by a wonderful Italian immigrant couple. I was skinny by definition until I had my tonsils out at the age of three. Then all hell broke loose. Food in an Italian household represents prosperity, but also represents joy. Joy of life and joy of family. Food became the soul of our family. My mother was a phenomenal cook and our home was the base for our extended family. Sundays and holidays were never attended by any less than 20-30 people, so I spent my younger years learning how to cook everything and anything. Looking back, I am so grateful that I was able to learn to make many traditional dishes of my heritage that is lost to my generation, but I’ve learned to love to eat too much of it at the same time. Plus, waste was something I was taught never to allow. I can’t even tell you how many times I heard, “There are starving children in Africa that would love to eat the food in front of you and it would be a sin to waste it, so eat!!” Also giving food to someone in my family was a way of showing love. So I will say I was very much loved. My mom became very sick when I was 10 and eventually passed away when I was 12. Being the only female left in the household, I was required to take her place. This was, in retrospect, a huge burden on me that I didn’t recognize at the time. It came natural back then, but looking back on it, this is when I really got heavy. My teenage years were very difficult because I worked so hard at trying to please everyone else, that I never found time for myself. Then at 16 my dad married another woman. And not a very nice one (to me anyways). At 17, I found myself on my own. I was in high school, had a full time job and now was living in my own apartment. I felt abandoned by my own family. I had given up my teenage years to take care of them and now my dad had allowed her to push me out the door. This is when I really found food to console what I could not control in my life. My late teens and until I turned 26 I was a wild child. I lived my youth a little late, but I survived it and became a responsible adult. When I was 26 my dad finally realized this woman didn’t love him and only wanted “things” so they divorced. Several months after the divorce his behavior became pretty unusual, so I took him to the doctor and he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. So being the only single, female family member, I was “volunteered” to move back home and take care of him. I was working full time as a chef, so I had to get nurses aids in during the evening hours when I worked, but for the most part I took care of him myself when I wasn’t at work. When I moved in, I was at my thinnest weight in my adulthood and yo-yoed up and down for the next 4 years of taking care of him until he passed away. By his last 6 months, I was pretty thin (for me) at about 200lbs from the stress and strain of his disease. This is when I finally got to fall in love and get married. Being said that I was at my thinnest as an adult at that point, the next 17 years went down hill with my weight. By 2002 I was almost 300lbs and I was miserable and so was my husband. I never felt well, I had become a couch potato and my self-esteem was in the toilet. He tried every way he could to get me motivated, but the more he pushed the more I ate. It became a battle of will and I became spiteful, but in the end it only hurt me and I was the only one to blame. I so wanted to lose the weight, but by that point I had lost control of myself, then I found Obesity Help.com. I made myself become an expert in the process of Weight Loss Surgery. I wanted to know everything, pros and cons, but still it took me 2 years to make the leap and finally make an appointment with a surgeon. Turns out it was best decision I could have ever made.
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Personal Comments (saved from old profile)
Jun 11, 2009
10/12/04 - My appt. with Dr. Crum is next week and I cannot wait for this whole process to begin. I have accepted the fact that I cannot do this alone anymore. I don't want to consider it a defeat (I've been defeated by myself my whole life when it comes to dieting). I am looking at this as a start of a new way of life, all warts included.
This will not be an easy journey. My husband says he will be supportive, but thinks it's cheating. Here is this coming from a man that can't control any vice (eating included). But our stability has nothing to do with my weight. I need to do this. I have come to an age where my health is now an issue and I need to address it before I make it a permanent problem. I never minded being fat because I have been that way my whole life and was still a very healthy person. This is not true anymore and I cannot do it alone. I need the tool to get it done. I have been researching this procedure for almost two years. In the meantime I started Atkins and have been somewhat successful with the food lifechange. But as usual I have hit the plateau I have never been able to get past, but keep pluging on hoping it will begin again, but to no avail has not. I hope I will qualify because I'm just at 39.8 BMI and I am not sure my health issues will be considered comorbidities (I think they are) but I will keep my hopes up and will respect the decision of the doc! I'll post when I know something.
10/26 - Well I had my consult with Dr. Crum last thursday, and I got my date; December 6th. I cannot beleive it will be so soon. So many doctors to see in such little time. Wow!!!!!
I really liked the doctor. He is very down to earth and has a little sarcastic tendency to his personality, which is amusing and makes me comfortable. I guess that is important since he will have my life in his hands. I weighed in at more than I am at home, so I'm changing my begining weight to 245. My only concern now is if I have an ulcer. If I do, I'll have to wait for surgery until the gastro guy can heal it. I'll know soon.
10/29/04- Well I think I will be supporting the general medical profession in my area for the rest of the year. I cannot believe how many doctors I must see for this surgery. I have already seen my surgeon, pulmonologist, sleep disorder doc (who is making me "sleep over" at the center next week just to make sure I don't have sleep apnea (which I don't think I have). Next week Radiology for chest xray, lab for blood work, head nutritionist at the group my surgeon sent me to and then he will assign me to a nutritionist which will evaluate me for the surgery. Then off to the Gastroenterologist,(first exam then go back for upper and lower GIs and endoscopy),pschyologist, Primary physician and then finally back to the surgeon. And this doesn't even count the followups everyone will want to discuss results. I don't know how this is all going to happen and still get approval from insurance before my 12/6 surgery date. My surgeon's PA said it always works with my insurance co., so I shouldn't worry. I'm more concerned if I'll keep my job since I'm missing soooooooo much work with the doctors appts. Only good thing it's in my union contract that I can leave whenever I have doctors appts. without retrobution. THANK GOD!!!!!!
11/3/04 - I had an interesting weekend with my husband. He is adamant I don't have the surgery. He thinks I'm just lazy and if I stick with a nutritionist and exercise, exercise, exercise I won't need the surgery. I begged him to come to the pre-op meeting tonight, but he won't have it. He just doesn't get it and I told him he needs to understand it because it's going to happen. This is what I need for myself. I am a food addict and I can admit it. I don't have the opportunity to kick my habit because I need to eat to survive, but this tool will help me to get to where I need to be. I have researched this procedure for more than two years and have been on this website for more than a year. Reading everything everyone has to say, good and bad. I am ready and no one will make me feel bad about my decision or make me teeter. I am finally happy about my future and look forward to a new beginning.
11/22/04 - I haven't had time to input my journal because I have spent the last several weeks at doctor's, labs, etc. I have been to physciatrist, pulmonologist, cardiologist, gastroenterologist, nutritionist, dietician, surgeon and primary physician. I've had blood tests, chest xray, endoscopy, sleep apnea overnight test and ultrasound for gallstones. I can't even imagine how much this has already cost and I haven't even gotten into the hospital yet. I give my insurance company a lot of credit for approving this so quickly, considering how many docs and tests required prior.
I finished everything last week and got my approval by ins. co. in two days. How great is that!!!!!!!! I had my final FAT meal on saturday. I had my husband drive me back to NY to my favorite pizza place. It was great, I had not had that pizza in 15 years. So today I am required to go fat free until the surgery to shrink my liver so doing laproscopic will be easier for my surgeon. I spent the last 2 years on Atkins, so this is like another treat for me because I'll be eating a lot more carbs that I'm not used to having. I've also started eating a lot more yogurt. The doc has given me some antibiotics to start taking a few days before surgery and the last thing I want during recovery is a yeast infection. I have also started my vitimin routine. The doc thinks the quicker I get into the habit the easier the adjustment will be (pretty smart guy).
Well two weeks from today I will be on the losing side. It doesn't seem real yet even after all the doctors and test. Probably around the 1st or 2nd I'll start to freak out.
11/27/04 - Well on Wednesday at 130pm (the day before Thanksgiving) my surgeons office calls and says they have an opening on Monday the 29th and they would really appreciate it if I move my date up a week. I was floored. I didn't know how to react. I told them give me 15 minutes to let it sink in and talk to my husband and boss to see if I can change things around. My Husband said go for it and my boss said as long as I got everyone else to take my appointments it was ok with him. SO I'm going in in two 2! 2! 2! 2! days!!!!!!! OMG I'm not sure how to feel, but I didn't have enough time to get worked up and I have too much to do by Monday to worry about it. I guess its a blessing. I don't think I'm going to have time to post before, so I should see everyone on the losing side. Wish me luck!
12-2-04 - Well I got home yesterday, but I couldn't go down the stairs to get to the computer. I ventured slowly today. Everything went well. I only had two problems, but nothing serious. First I didn't have a good time coming out of anthesia. I was extremely nauseus from the drugs and it took a while for the nurses in recovery to settle me down. I was very aggetated from the drugs too. Couldn't stop myself.
My second problem was I began to severely bruise around my incisions. Doc said it happens some times, but isn't something to worry about. It's just going to take longer to feel better because I am soooooo sore. I'm walking like a 90 year old woman with a hunch back. I'm going to send in a picture of the bruising. Hopefully they will post it.
I've been lucky since I have no nausea from intake. THANK GOD! I haven't adjusted to all the different feelings inside me, but I guess I'll figure them out and time passes. Well I'm getting uncomfortable so I'm signing off.
12-4-04 - Feeling much better today, I think I'm recovering faster than I expected. I'm starting to get those false hunger feelings (with my eyes and head not my stomach). I want to chew, chew, chew. I know once I start chewing I'll be sick of chewing, but right now I wouldn't care. Plus these clear protein drinks are disgusting. I bought the Atkins fruit punch mix and mixed it in to help the taste (still not great but better). I had two great accomplishments this morning: 1- I had a very small but significant bowel movement YEAH!!!!!; 2 - I got on the scale and have lost 16lbs since Monday. UNBELIEVABLE. Only complaint is I am always cold. I guess I'll get used to it. Well until next time, SEE YA
12-9-04 - Well Believe it or not I came back to work today only 11 days out and 23 lbs off. I feel great. Still adjusting to drinking a little too much at a time sometimes. My fault though because I should be using my little cups the doc gave me. I am gaining energy everyday and feel much better than pre-surgery and best of all my husband says I have completely stopped snoring. Yesterday morning he had to come in closer cause he thought I was dead. My stomach is still very swollen and tender, but it is very livable. Everyday it feels a little better, so by the new year I should be on the mend.
12/13/04 - 2 weeks out and down 25#. Today I started on pureed foods. Breakfast was a soft scrambled egg. I ate the whole thing and won't be trying that too soon again. I felt like a sumo wrestler landed on my chest. Didn't get sick, but it took about 3 1/2 hours to feel a little better. I just kept sipping on crystal light lemonade (after I waited the 45 minutes with no liquids). So lunch I was less daring. I had 4 teaspoons of pureed cottage cheese w/pinapple and ate very slowly. I stopped when I felt just a little full and eventually I felt very full. Thank god I stopped when I did.This afternoon I feel much better and got my protein drink in (which I usually do in the am, but I tried and it wasn't working). My stomach is still swollen, but doesn't really hurt anymore. I am aware of the incision areas from the lap, but they only hurt if they get "poked". So when I look at my last post, I thought this would take a lot longer than it did. Somewhere up there someone is looking out for me. I'll post back with more progress.
12/21/04 - First day of winter and it was 5 degrees this morning. Welcome to the world now freeze to death for fun. That has been my biggest complaint from this surgery. I am ALWAYS cold.
Well I am happy to report down 29lbs in 3 weeks. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Only problem is feels like it was all in my boobs. It will be interesting what they look like when I'm done. Plastic surgery here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Started on real food yesterday (soft foods) and it is interesting. I was able to get in a lot of liquid prior to yesterday, but food is another story. A couple of small bites was all I could handle, but now I realize why my doctor said to take at least a half hour to eat those couple of bites because you don't feel full as soon as you are full, but feel overly full ten or fifteen minutes later and it is extremely uncomfortable because everything is sitting in your esophagus. YUCK. You must really pay attention to taking your time. This is gonna be a challenge because I could be one of those people that could eat 20 dozen hot dogs in five minutes. But this to shall pass. Have a happy holiday everyone.
12/27/04 - 4weeks ago today I was heading for the operating room. I am now down 31 lbs as of this morning WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!! Started on soft foods last week and it has been a struggle. Things don't sit too well in my tummy, plus the dreaded constipation has begun. It was so bad on wednesday, I had to use a fleet twice. Christmas day I cooked all day and got myself dehydrated (don't ever, ever do that). I felt soooooo bad and had the worst headache the world could ever give someone (and I'm used to getting migraines). But I'm still happy I had the surgery and still feel better than I did with all that weight on. I will learn how to eat to meet my pouches fancy and it will get better. the only thing that's driving me crazy is I have lost weight everywhere but my stomach. I should be down 2 sizes with this much weight loss but all my pants still fit in the stomach area. Piss me off!!!!!!!!! Hopefully the doc will let me start doing exercises soon. Until next time...
0 comments
This will not be an easy journey. My husband says he will be supportive, but thinks it's cheating. Here is this coming from a man that can't control any vice (eating included). But our stability has nothing to do with my weight. I need to do this. I have come to an age where my health is now an issue and I need to address it before I make it a permanent problem. I never minded being fat because I have been that way my whole life and was still a very healthy person. This is not true anymore and I cannot do it alone. I need the tool to get it done. I have been researching this procedure for almost two years. In the meantime I started Atkins and have been somewhat successful with the food lifechange. But as usual I have hit the plateau I have never been able to get past, but keep pluging on hoping it will begin again, but to no avail has not. I hope I will qualify because I'm just at 39.8 BMI and I am not sure my health issues will be considered comorbidities (I think they are) but I will keep my hopes up and will respect the decision of the doc! I'll post when I know something.
10/26 - Well I had my consult with Dr. Crum last thursday, and I got my date; December 6th. I cannot beleive it will be so soon. So many doctors to see in such little time. Wow!!!!!
I really liked the doctor. He is very down to earth and has a little sarcastic tendency to his personality, which is amusing and makes me comfortable. I guess that is important since he will have my life in his hands. I weighed in at more than I am at home, so I'm changing my begining weight to 245. My only concern now is if I have an ulcer. If I do, I'll have to wait for surgery until the gastro guy can heal it. I'll know soon.
10/29/04- Well I think I will be supporting the general medical profession in my area for the rest of the year. I cannot believe how many doctors I must see for this surgery. I have already seen my surgeon, pulmonologist, sleep disorder doc (who is making me "sleep over" at the center next week just to make sure I don't have sleep apnea (which I don't think I have). Next week Radiology for chest xray, lab for blood work, head nutritionist at the group my surgeon sent me to and then he will assign me to a nutritionist which will evaluate me for the surgery. Then off to the Gastroenterologist,(first exam then go back for upper and lower GIs and endoscopy),pschyologist, Primary physician and then finally back to the surgeon. And this doesn't even count the followups everyone will want to discuss results. I don't know how this is all going to happen and still get approval from insurance before my 12/6 surgery date. My surgeon's PA said it always works with my insurance co., so I shouldn't worry. I'm more concerned if I'll keep my job since I'm missing soooooooo much work with the doctors appts. Only good thing it's in my union contract that I can leave whenever I have doctors appts. without retrobution. THANK GOD!!!!!!
11/3/04 - I had an interesting weekend with my husband. He is adamant I don't have the surgery. He thinks I'm just lazy and if I stick with a nutritionist and exercise, exercise, exercise I won't need the surgery. I begged him to come to the pre-op meeting tonight, but he won't have it. He just doesn't get it and I told him he needs to understand it because it's going to happen. This is what I need for myself. I am a food addict and I can admit it. I don't have the opportunity to kick my habit because I need to eat to survive, but this tool will help me to get to where I need to be. I have researched this procedure for more than two years and have been on this website for more than a year. Reading everything everyone has to say, good and bad. I am ready and no one will make me feel bad about my decision or make me teeter. I am finally happy about my future and look forward to a new beginning.
11/22/04 - I haven't had time to input my journal because I have spent the last several weeks at doctor's, labs, etc. I have been to physciatrist, pulmonologist, cardiologist, gastroenterologist, nutritionist, dietician, surgeon and primary physician. I've had blood tests, chest xray, endoscopy, sleep apnea overnight test and ultrasound for gallstones. I can't even imagine how much this has already cost and I haven't even gotten into the hospital yet. I give my insurance company a lot of credit for approving this so quickly, considering how many docs and tests required prior.
I finished everything last week and got my approval by ins. co. in two days. How great is that!!!!!!!! I had my final FAT meal on saturday. I had my husband drive me back to NY to my favorite pizza place. It was great, I had not had that pizza in 15 years. So today I am required to go fat free until the surgery to shrink my liver so doing laproscopic will be easier for my surgeon. I spent the last 2 years on Atkins, so this is like another treat for me because I'll be eating a lot more carbs that I'm not used to having. I've also started eating a lot more yogurt. The doc has given me some antibiotics to start taking a few days before surgery and the last thing I want during recovery is a yeast infection. I have also started my vitimin routine. The doc thinks the quicker I get into the habit the easier the adjustment will be (pretty smart guy).
Well two weeks from today I will be on the losing side. It doesn't seem real yet even after all the doctors and test. Probably around the 1st or 2nd I'll start to freak out.
11/27/04 - Well on Wednesday at 130pm (the day before Thanksgiving) my surgeons office calls and says they have an opening on Monday the 29th and they would really appreciate it if I move my date up a week. I was floored. I didn't know how to react. I told them give me 15 minutes to let it sink in and talk to my husband and boss to see if I can change things around. My Husband said go for it and my boss said as long as I got everyone else to take my appointments it was ok with him. SO I'm going in in two 2! 2! 2! 2! days!!!!!!! OMG I'm not sure how to feel, but I didn't have enough time to get worked up and I have too much to do by Monday to worry about it. I guess its a blessing. I don't think I'm going to have time to post before, so I should see everyone on the losing side. Wish me luck!
12-2-04 - Well I got home yesterday, but I couldn't go down the stairs to get to the computer. I ventured slowly today. Everything went well. I only had two problems, but nothing serious. First I didn't have a good time coming out of anthesia. I was extremely nauseus from the drugs and it took a while for the nurses in recovery to settle me down. I was very aggetated from the drugs too. Couldn't stop myself.
My second problem was I began to severely bruise around my incisions. Doc said it happens some times, but isn't something to worry about. It's just going to take longer to feel better because I am soooooo sore. I'm walking like a 90 year old woman with a hunch back. I'm going to send in a picture of the bruising. Hopefully they will post it.
I've been lucky since I have no nausea from intake. THANK GOD! I haven't adjusted to all the different feelings inside me, but I guess I'll figure them out and time passes. Well I'm getting uncomfortable so I'm signing off.
12-4-04 - Feeling much better today, I think I'm recovering faster than I expected. I'm starting to get those false hunger feelings (with my eyes and head not my stomach). I want to chew, chew, chew. I know once I start chewing I'll be sick of chewing, but right now I wouldn't care. Plus these clear protein drinks are disgusting. I bought the Atkins fruit punch mix and mixed it in to help the taste (still not great but better). I had two great accomplishments this morning: 1- I had a very small but significant bowel movement YEAH!!!!!; 2 - I got on the scale and have lost 16lbs since Monday. UNBELIEVABLE. Only complaint is I am always cold. I guess I'll get used to it. Well until next time, SEE YA
12-9-04 - Well Believe it or not I came back to work today only 11 days out and 23 lbs off. I feel great. Still adjusting to drinking a little too much at a time sometimes. My fault though because I should be using my little cups the doc gave me. I am gaining energy everyday and feel much better than pre-surgery and best of all my husband says I have completely stopped snoring. Yesterday morning he had to come in closer cause he thought I was dead. My stomach is still very swollen and tender, but it is very livable. Everyday it feels a little better, so by the new year I should be on the mend.
12/13/04 - 2 weeks out and down 25#. Today I started on pureed foods. Breakfast was a soft scrambled egg. I ate the whole thing and won't be trying that too soon again. I felt like a sumo wrestler landed on my chest. Didn't get sick, but it took about 3 1/2 hours to feel a little better. I just kept sipping on crystal light lemonade (after I waited the 45 minutes with no liquids). So lunch I was less daring. I had 4 teaspoons of pureed cottage cheese w/pinapple and ate very slowly. I stopped when I felt just a little full and eventually I felt very full. Thank god I stopped when I did.This afternoon I feel much better and got my protein drink in (which I usually do in the am, but I tried and it wasn't working). My stomach is still swollen, but doesn't really hurt anymore. I am aware of the incision areas from the lap, but they only hurt if they get "poked". So when I look at my last post, I thought this would take a lot longer than it did. Somewhere up there someone is looking out for me. I'll post back with more progress.
12/21/04 - First day of winter and it was 5 degrees this morning. Welcome to the world now freeze to death for fun. That has been my biggest complaint from this surgery. I am ALWAYS cold.
Well I am happy to report down 29lbs in 3 weeks. UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Only problem is feels like it was all in my boobs. It will be interesting what they look like when I'm done. Plastic surgery here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Started on real food yesterday (soft foods) and it is interesting. I was able to get in a lot of liquid prior to yesterday, but food is another story. A couple of small bites was all I could handle, but now I realize why my doctor said to take at least a half hour to eat those couple of bites because you don't feel full as soon as you are full, but feel overly full ten or fifteen minutes later and it is extremely uncomfortable because everything is sitting in your esophagus. YUCK. You must really pay attention to taking your time. This is gonna be a challenge because I could be one of those people that could eat 20 dozen hot dogs in five minutes. But this to shall pass. Have a happy holiday everyone.
12/27/04 - 4weeks ago today I was heading for the operating room. I am now down 31 lbs as of this morning WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!! Started on soft foods last week and it has been a struggle. Things don't sit too well in my tummy, plus the dreaded constipation has begun. It was so bad on wednesday, I had to use a fleet twice. Christmas day I cooked all day and got myself dehydrated (don't ever, ever do that). I felt soooooo bad and had the worst headache the world could ever give someone (and I'm used to getting migraines). But I'm still happy I had the surgery and still feel better than I did with all that weight on. I will learn how to eat to meet my pouches fancy and it will get better. the only thing that's driving me crazy is I have lost weight everywhere but my stomach. I should be down 2 sizes with this much weight loss but all my pants still fit in the stomach area. Piss me off!!!!!!!!! Hopefully the doc will let me start doing exercises soon. Until next time...
