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I have been super busy with work, working out, kids and all this extra energy!  I just haven't had time to sit at the computer!  I was looking through my pictures and I really need to update them.  I didn't even recognize the woman there.  I do not look like her anymore!  So my goal is to get out the camera and download the last set of pictures I had taken and take some more and download them too!

Yay!  I feel like me!  My belly is less swollen, I am able to eat and drink fairly normally ( 1/4c food in 20 mins about 2 cups of water in between meals and snacks which I am trying to have 5 times a day)   I am starting to get sensation back like urinating and itchiness.  Although I feel I pushed a bit hard yesterday I feel pretty good today.  I laughed, I cried, I got mad.  Seems silly, but anesthetic robs me of everything from emotions to normal functionalitly.  I just need to get rid of the rest of this gas so that my body can finish gettting back to normal and then all will be good to go!  I am not counting protiens yet, but pretty much every meal or snack is milk based just so that I can make sure that I am getting some protien in.  I do not want to lose my hair!  On the bright side my fingernails are long and healthy so I know that I am not in trouble yet! They are never this strong!  So glad I made this decision, and so glad that it is going well.  The first day or two I was like WTF did I do?  I'm an idiot.  Why did I do this to myself?  I just want to have some chips and make myself feel better.  I'm a dummy...then I sat back and reminded myself that in a year I could be 200lbs and feel great and that is why I did this.  I am tired of food ruling my life, and there is no way food can rule it now...I don't have the deisre to eat at all, ao it is not in control!  WOOP!

that's it...18 hours until I go for surgery.  I am so excited to start this stage of my life.  I cannot begin to describe it.  I am not afraid of the actual surgery or the pain.  I have had 2 c sections and one of them I had with the second twin stuck in the breach position for two hours before they could remove her after they gave me a wild amount of pitocin to restart the contractions, I had 3rd degree burns to 15%of my body, and I dislocated my shoulder then relocated it myself so that I could drive myself to the hospital to have it checked out, so I know pain.  I am not afraid of the pain.  I am a little nervous however about my nutrition.  I feel a little stuck out on a limb with no direction.  I know that they are coming to see me on Wednesday to tell me what to eat and that's great.  But there are people who have struggled with this and I am nervous that I may be one of them.  But if that's all that I have to worry about then no problem.  I'm sure I will be sore, but there will be an end to the pain, so I can live with that:)  I just can't wait!

So I blogged about plateauing on liquids...I blogged about gaining on liquids.  I think this blog is magic!  I weighed myself this morning.  I AM OUT OF THE 300'S !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  299.1 this morning.  That is 17.9lbs since my little gain two weeks ago.  That is 9.6  lbs since I blogged about plateauing!  Every stall I am going to blog because somehow this blogging works!  I think its you guys giving me a bunch of postivie skinny vibes!  Thanks all!~

Hmmm....I don't know what to say.  For a week on these liquids I have been between 307 and 308.  Granted my activity has decreased as far as planned activity goes, so I have been doing things like parking far away and taking the long route places.  But I have been sticking to 3-4 ensure and 100cal of milk, so I am not sure about why I am staying the same.  My calorie intake is between 800 and 1200 depending on how I feel that day.  My target is between 1175 and 1378 so I am not exceeding it...I don't know.  I guess I will just keep plugging along and increase my exercise a bit now that things have slowed down at work a bit.  I have 3 days left before I am off.  I took the day before surgery off so that I can go get weighed in and organize myself for the big day!  No one at the clinic told me if there is a target amount that I needed to lose before surgery, so I hope that 7 to 10 lbs is enough if my crazy body chooses to stay this way!  Maybe I should trade my body in for a newer, younger model???!!! LOL!

OMG!  I weighed myself this am and I am down 10 lbs from last Friday:)  Thank goodness.  I was afraid that my body was going to resist the change!

So I am really enjoying the liquid diet:)  I like having my calories all laid out for me.  I was hungry the first few days but that went away after day 2.  I cook for my family and I admit I stole one fry and a taste of  meatloaf.  But I am not consuming all the Ensure I am supposed to...I just can't.  They want me to drink 5 and a cup of skim milk.  Most days I get in 4 and no milk.  Yesterday I got in 3 and A cup of milk.  Today I as down 5 lbs.  I had gained after I started this LD and was concerned that I would not lose.  I was up to 317.4!!!  Then I sat at 315 which is my actual start weight for thsi LD for a few days.  This morning I decided to get on the scale and I was down to 310.5:)  I was so relieved.  Now I feel like they won't cancel my surgery.  That was my biggest fear.  I am writing down EVERY calorie and cup of water that I consume and I have not made my target of 1378 yet, and have even been below my low end of 1175.  Whatever I am doing seems to be working.  ANd thankfully not constipation which is apparently a side affect of liquids.  Any way it is a happy day:)  I am going to pre-op today.  I have 13 days left until surgery (including today)  It is approaching fast!

I have taken control again.  I am eating what I should be, staying inside of my Points (I am following Weight Wathcers) and I have exercised 5 times since I posted the 10 minute Challenge last Monday!  I was almost able to meet my goal of 30 minutes every day this week...the weather was the only thing that stood in my way this week.  I will go for another walk this evening.  I just feel so much better this week than I did last week:)  The scale isn't showing the changes I have made, but that's ok. At least I know that I am controling my food and exercise and if the scale wants to fight me I will fight back with staying in control of what I can and not worrying about what I can't control.  So YAY ME!

I am in a bad place right now.  I am struggling with food.  Ever since I was told that I have been approved for surgery it has been hard for me.  It's like the green light went on and all I want to do is eat.  Doesn't matter that I had a proper portion size and should now be full..I want more.  And I have hit a plateau...for like 3 months.  What do I do?  I am frustrated that the scale is up 5 down 5.  And right now journalling is not my friend.  I feel like I am just being defiant..like I want to do everything opposite of what I am supposed to.  Has anyone else gone through this?  Am I all alone?  Is this my subconcious way of telling myself that I'm afraid or that I shouldn't do this?  I just don't know wat to do!