Raven

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So my one year came and went with relatively no notice. It's amazing how we count the months and such in the beginning and once we start to get comfortable with ourselves we tend to stay off the computer and spend more time doing other things. I'm sad to say that my gym membership was a bit of a waste, but I've learned to live with that. I've gone through so many things in the last year it's not even funny. I've dealt with bouts of hypoglocimia (I have NO idea how to spell that, LOL) that at one point were so bad I was eating insane amounts of food just to keep my sugar at a safe level. I also have dealt with being diagnosed as bi-polar which they say was made worse by the anti-depressants they put me on after surgery. So I had a major episode last summer and then spent the rest of the year getting my life straight again and trying to come to terms with my weight.

If that last part sounds confusing well....I've been dieting since I was 13. It's just become a mindset....either I'm dieting or I'm doing the opposite and rebelling against the diet by eating everything I can get my hands on. Now trying to accept that I don't need to diet and I can't really rebel without sabatoging myself so that's out of the question as well. So I have to deal with my eating disorders.....and stop obsessing over my weight. Now to add to this....we decided right after I passed the one year mark to have another baby. Well we found out last week that I'm pregnant. I'm thrilled and oddly enough I think I'm pretty much ok with the fact that I'm going to gain weight. What I'm hoping for though is that I'm not going to gain anymore than 20-25 lbs and that it will hopefully be 90% baby stuff that will come right off afterwards. I've also decided that I'm not going to freak unless I end up out of the 170's which is just too much gain for a gastric patient less than 2 years out in my opinion. But I've promised myself no freaking out because I have to eat more....because the baby needs the nutrition. I'm also seeing my nutritionist about my diet so I'll have an idea of the calories I need to be intaking and such. So wish me luck....I think I'm gonna need it over the next few months.

So today at 11:30 I finally did what I've been wanting to do since last year and just hadn't done. I joined a gym. I have been kinda worried about doing it for several reasons...first I worried about cost...being Military we don't have the extra money for the most part. Secondly I was worried about trying to find a gym that has a kids room that doesn't cost more than the monthly dues, lol. I could always use the gym on base however there is no childcare and I really can't do anything on a regular basis without it. Then there is the "contract" that most gyms make you sign. Again being military and knowing that we are going to be moving within the next year I can guarantee that we will not be in Virginia beach in a year. However, Gold's Gym doesn't have a contract (well they do but you give them 30 days notice and that breaks the contract no questions asked)...and they have a kids room that is only costing me 28 a month for both of my kids. Def. reasonable. Plus I'm going to pay for it like 6 months at a time just so I don't have to worry about it monthly. Anyways I meet with the trainer Monday afternoon and I think I may skip tomorrow so that I can be not so sore for my meeting with her since I know I will be sore after she works me over, LOL. Well that's all for now gotta run to the store and get me a lock for the locker at the gym. I'm so excited and happy!!!!!

My newest goal is to be at 177 lbs. I'm giving myself until May 15 to hit this new goal of mine. I'm giving myself that long because I'm just not losing as fast as I was in the beginning or at least it doesn't feel like I am. So either way once I hit 177 I will no longer qualify for the surgery! Yea!!!!! That will bring my BMI into the 20's (okay so it will actually be 29.8 but it's still not 30, LOL) and I will only be considered moderately overweight! Hell yes! That's awesome...I can't wait! Wish me luck! 

Blessings on us all,
Raven

I've done it, hit onederland that is! Yea for me, LOL. May the Gods bless everyone just as they have blessed me.

Raven

I have come to realize this one fact. I am a success, a honest true success. Though I have only had my tool for just over 2 months now, I am a success.  

This is just a small list of the things I have accomplished in the last two months. 
I can now chase my children around
I can once again play with them as I have the energy.
I no longer crave the sweets
I eat to live not live to eat
I can cross my legs
I can drive comfortably again
I am wearing size 18 jeans...soon I'll be back in 16 a feat not done since I was married 6 years ago
I can look in the mirror and not cringe or cry but instead I smile
I am actually addicted not to the computer but now to a dance game called DDR for the Playstation! (This was the biggest shock for me, lol)
I am wearing clothes that fit again instead of hiding behind my fat clothes
I can drive my husbands truck and buckle the seat belt again!
50 lbs gone forever since my surgery date and almost 70 gone since last January.

I know that this list seems very silly to some but to those who have been where I have well you know just how much it really truly means to have accomplished these things. So I leave you all with this thought.....the journey while not yet over is well worth the costs...

May the Gods watch over us all and hold us gently

Blessings Always,
Raven

Well today is my 2 month mark. I've lost a total of 33 inches in the last two months. That in itself is just unbelievable to me. I weigh 217 only 3 lbs away from the 50 lost mark. I'm hoping to be in onederland by the time I hit 3 months. That means I need to loose around 20 lbs this month however that's very doable, I just have to get up and move and I have no doubt that I will be able to do it. I'm wearing size 20 pants and some workout clothes that were tight when I got them before I got pregnant with my second daughter. I'm around the same weight as I was then, that was 4 and a half years ago. I am in heaven, let me tell you. I just bought a size 16 shirt as well and that went from a 26/28 to a 16. Soon I should be able to buy some from the regular parts! My size 20's are stretch but they fit very good almost starting to get a little lose I figure by this time next month I should be almost into 16's. At least that is what I'm hoping for, LOL. When I get down into 16's I will be where I have been unable to get since I got pregnant with my very first daughter. This journey is just unbelievable sometimes. I can eat most things chicken and salad and soup seems to go down the easiest. I also eat cheese and I've finally got some unflavored protein for my soups and stuff so I can hit that 60g a day without feeling like I'm constantly eating (which I was, lol...just not very much) I have also realized that I no longer really want sweets. I have in my cabinent 2 containers of sugar free cookies, some sugar free candy, and some sugar free ice cream bars. Now before you say anything, lol...these have been in my cabinent/freezer for almost 2 months. The candy was from x-mas but the rest I've had. And I've eated none of the cookies, maybe 5-6 peices of the candy and 1 ice cream bar. I just don't want it anymore. That in itself is a testimony of how much this surgery has done for me. I no longer have heartburn and I am now addicted to something new. It's a game, video game actually...however this is one that I would have never even thought of playing a few months ago. It's called Dance Dance Revolution, and you actually move around on this pad dancing to the steps on the screen. I play it all the time with my girls who love it as well. Yes that's right...me addicted to a dancing game! I can dance again, that alone makes it all worth it. I can play with my girls, chase them whatever...I can play with them again. I remember sitting down on the couch crying because I couldn't play with them anymore. The things I remember being upset about...well most of them are just a memory now. I can also cross my legs again...when I realized that I spent 2 days after that with them crossed, LOL...just because I can do it again. I am in wls heaven, hehehe. But that's all for now as I'm taking my girls out for a walk since it's a beautiful day out today! (Yet another thing I wouldn't have done a couple months ago.) May the Gods watch over each and everyone of us on this journey, and hold us gently in their hands guiding us alone the path. 

Blessings to all,
Raven

Today I'm 23 days post-op. I feel very strange right now. I've lost approx. 10 inches just in my middle section alone. I've gone from 24/26 stretch pants to the jeans I'm wearing today are 22s. I feel as if I'm melting away. I looked in the mirror this morning at me from the side and I didn't know who it was in the mirror because surely it couldn't be me...I'm much bigger. But I'm not anymore and I realize that this is just going to keep happening until where I am now will just seem huge compared to where I will be. I am also finding that I'm having a hard time eating just because nothing sounds good and I'm just not hungry at all. I just tried to eat a chicken patty and well...lets just say that my little pouch didn't like it at all. So now I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat wondering if it is going to come up or stay down, lol. Either way though I just can't seem to eat anything anymore. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm sick and the choices that stay down well will make me even more congested, yogurt, pudding, and soup. I'm going to try Steak-Ums for dinner despite the fact that they aren't very good for you. But I'm going to pat all the grease off of them and hope for the best. I know I shouldn't be doing that but I can handle beef and I'm not going to eat very much of it anyways and I really really want it. I've been good and haven't had all the fattening foods from anywhere fast food and I even watched my dh eat a monster burger from hardees yesterday and I really wanted to have a bite but I knew that it would make me sick, so I stuck with my soup. I'm so scared that I'm going to gain the weight back because I'm eating the wrong types of food. Plus I was eating about 4 oz. at a sitting but now for some reason I think I'm only getting in about 2-3.  This is definetely a weird journey for me and it's only beginning. What's really weird for me is that I knew that I was going to lose all this weight and I knew I was going to look different but yet I still look in the mirror and I'm afraid I'm going to just melt away into nothingness. Yes I know it's foolish but it's still the way I've been feeling today, lol. I guess that's all for now, have a great blessed day!

Blessings, 
Raven

Wow what a difference a few days makes now. I weighed myself this morning and I'm down to 240.5!!!! I am so excited, I can't wait to get down into the 230's. If this keeps up I'll def. be back in onederland soon! I haven't been there in 6 years, I don't know what I'll do when I get that small. However I don't know where all this weight is coming from because I'm not really losing inches yet (so sad about that...;( but I'll get over it, lol). Well I know where I've lost some of it but I can't wait until I'm in a size smaller than 24's. That's where I spent so very long stuck at and then last year jumped up to 26's but I'm slowly working myself out of those, YEAH!!!! I've got my first support group meeting on Thursday which is good cuz I feel like I need it. Other than that not much is going on. May the gods watch over us all as we walk our paths.

Blessings,
Raven

So I'm at a week and a half exactly today. One week from when I came home from the hospital. And in that one week I've gone from 259 (that's what I weighed last thursday) to 246.5. Wow I don't even remember the last time I could say I lost 13 lbs in a month not to mention a week! I'm so happy and excited. I just hope I keep losing this fast. I seem to be losing about a pound a day or so which is fine by me, lol. The only real problems I have is sleeping (I'm a side sleeper and can't seem to get comfortable in bed anymore :( just toss and turn all night) and well this is kinda gross but sorry it's my only other problem I can't seem to stop my period. They told me it's normal for a woman's cycle to get all messed up but I thought I'd be okay since I have an IUD and haven't had a real period since mine was put in. Well that was until now...I've been going for a week straight now, nothing much and it's not like my periods used to be but it's still there with cramps (this soo does not help after stomach surgery, LOL) and I'm worried that if it doesn't slow down soon I'm going to have to start taking iron pills. Hopefully it will stop so that I can get back to not being so sleepy and everything. I'm going to try and drink a protein drink today they help so much with the energy I just haven't been able to drink enough to get enough protein down but I know that at least some is better than none at all. Other than this and being bored with my list of purees that I can have I'm doing well. I'm going to make some vegetarian chili in the next couple of days and hopefully that will be good and I should have lots left over so i can eat it over and over again, lol. Well I need to run so I guess this is all for today. Blessings on those having surgery today and tomorrow and all of us who had their surgery already. May the Gods watch over us and protect us all as we walk our paths.

Blessings,
Raven

I've been home for a few days now and I'm not doing too bad. I find that I'm rather grouchy with my girls (could be due to the "Mommy are you eating yucky stuff for dinner again?" comments at every meal) and I'm getting slightly overwhelmed due to the fact that I can't eat normal food anytime but breakfast. I was okay until Friday when my roommate/best friend decided she wanted McDonald's and of course I can't eat anything from there even on purees I'm screwed there so I about flipped but I made her stop at Taco Bell and get me some plain beans which I can have. They were good but that started me getting upset about everyone else eating what I want...then for dinner last night they all had tacos and I had egg salad (I'm dying for some freaking beef about now, lol). Today it was back to McDonald's and Taco Bell. I'm worried about tonight because there is a cookout and they are having bubba burgers which i think I would kill for right now...and again I will be having either pureed turkey w/gravy or some sort of salad (egg, chicken, or tuna). I am definitely going to be dying for some real food after another 5 weeks of this stuff. Well I'm going to go before I get mean on here which is what I'm trying very hard not to do...May the Gods watch over and protect us all as we walk on our paths.

Blessings,
Raven