PRINCESSKL
June 29, 2006
Finally after what seems like forever, I received a call from Barix Clinics to schedule my surgery. It is going to be September 19,2006
I had always been one of the strong opposers to Gastric Bypass Surgery because I thought it was altering the way God designed our bodies to work. I also thought it was the easy way out. I remember when I was working out at Curves, another one of my many unsuccessful attempts at sticking to a diet and exercise program, and a lady that worked there was showing her before and after pictures to people. At the time I was not really educated on Gastric Bypass like I am now, so I made the comment to my friend about how she shouldn’t be bragging because she took the easy way out to losing weight unlike us who were really working hard to diet and exercise. Boy am I eating those words now !
I had started gaining weight in about 4th grade after my parents divorced. I never really cried over it instead I stuffed myself with food to fill the pain. This began my struggle with my weight. I remember trying to do Weight Watchers in 5th grade. After many nicknames and teasing from kids at school, I decided to go on a diet in Eighth grade and I lost about 30lbs. I spent my high school years attempting many different diets after being told, oh you have such a pretty face, and you would be just as pretty as your sister if you would just lose some weight. By my senior year I had tried starving myself, throwing up, exercising obsessively, SlimFast, Quick Weight Loss, Redux , Meridia and Weight Watchers. My senior year, I went to see a diet doctor and he put me on Phentermine and a really strict protein diet that would take the weight off really fast. I lost 23lbs in the first two weeks. It was so hard to stick to and the diet pills made me not want to eat at all so I quit the diet but was still going back for the pills. I continued many other efforts to lose weight after that and I lost about 40lbs. When I was 20 I became pregnant with my son. I had never been over 200lbs prior to my pregnancy, but I ballooned up to 260lbs. I was breast-feeding after I had him and went down to about 230, but for the last seven years I have been losing and gaining weight never going over 253. The final straw for me was when I went to the doctor for a nasty virus I had where I had spent most of the week vomiting and not eating. I usually would pass on getting weighed but this time I thought it was safe because surely I had lost some weight since I had been sick and not able to keep food down. Wrong! Imagine my horror when she called my weight out loud and said I was 267lbs I was so upset that I decided to talk to the nurse practioner that was seeing me that day about my weight. She figured my body mass index and for a 5'6 person I should weigh 140lbs. She said my BMI was 42 which put me in the morbidly obese category. I was so devastated I always knew I was overweight, but never morbidly obese. I decided I had to do something about this and started researching Gastric banding on the internet. I scheduled an appointment with a surgeon locally to talk about Gastric Banding surgery until I found out that my insurance only covered Gastric Bypass. One day I was researching on the Internet to check the credentials of the surgeon that I was scheduled to see on March 24th and I came across the website for Barix Clinics. I was pleasantly surprised to see a center dedicated only to Bariatric Surgery procedures, so I decided to give them a call. The woman I spoke with on the phone seemed really friendly and she seemed just as excited at the prospect of me getting the surgery as I was It was February and I scheduled an appointment for March and figured I would just have to wait until then, but about half an hour after I hung up the phone, I received a call back stating that a spot had opened up for a consultation the next day and I could also attend a seminar that same night. I was so excited and felt really blessed that this was moving along as quickly as it was. I went to the office in West Chester the next day and did not know what to expect. The staff were all really friendly and helpful. I was called back in a room where I was weighed (270lbs, UGHH )and my vitals were taken. Then I had an extensive medical and diet history taken. Next I met with my surgeon Dr. Alan Brader to discuss the surgery. He was dressed casually which at first caught me off guard because I am so used to doctor’s in dress shirts, ties and dress pants, but I felt much more at ease with him. I asked tons of questions about his experience and exactly how the procedure was done. He took the time to answer all of my questions and even drew a diagram to explain it to me. Next I met with a patient counselor who had the surgery 3 years ago and asked her questions about what it was like. Most of my concerns were with the emotional aspect of going through the surgery and after you lose the weight. I am Bipolar and I was concerned about how it was going to affect my moods. That night I attended a seminar and left there feeling I was definitely making the right decision. I thought this was going to go really quickly and by May I would be having the surgery. I received the criteria from the insurance department on the requirements prior to me having the surgery. I was quite discouraged when I saw that I they needed a diet monitored by my doctor for 6 consecutive months as one of the requirements. I thought if I could do that and stick to it I wouldn’t need to be getting Weight Loss Surgery A couple of weeks went by and I received a call from Barix’s insurance department. I told them that I was just going to forget about it because I didn’t have that documentation and I didn’t think I could do it. They encouraged me to submit what diet documentation I did have and we would see if they would accept that. I was still a bit skeptical because most of my diet efforts were done on my own and I didn’t keep any records of it. I decided to go ahead and give it a try anyhow, so I made an appointment with my primary care physician for a pre-op physical. He seemed really opposed to me having the surgery and told me that it is very risky and about 1 in 200 people die from it. He also said he had a patient who had it and gained all the weight back. He said I just need to go on a low glycemic index diet and have some willpower and I would be fine. I left his office in tears thinking here I go again one more thin person that doesn’t understand what it is like to be morbidly obese and try to lose over a hundred pounds
I decided to give it one more try without surgery. That lasted about a day when I signed up for NutriSystem. The food was so disgusting I spent the day throwing up after every meal. I figured that this was why people were successful at losing weight on this diet. You either vomit all the food up or you would rather not eat than have to eat that food. I returned the food the next day for a full refund. I contacted my doctor’s office again for another visit to have the pre-op testing and exam that I requested in my first visit. I was very nervous about going back and facing my doctor again after the way I felt about what he said the last time. This time he was really nice and gave me all the paperwork I needed and wished me luck with my surgery. After seeing how things went I felt maybe this was God’s will and everything was going to work out. I went and had my bloodwork done and also had to have a psychological evaluation done because Dr. Brader wanted to make sure that I would be able to handle the surgery since I am Bipolar. I had to have an MMPI test which is an extensive test that tells them just about everything they need to know about you and things you probably don’t want to know about yourself. I was kind of nervous because I was worried that I would answer a question wrong and the results would come back that I was a serial killer or psychopath. Everything came back good and I was relieved and thought I was on my way. I had to haunt my Psychiatrist every day for a month before he turned in my results of my test and his evaluation. I know I drove him and his staff crazy calling all the time, but that was the last thing I needed before they could submit it to my insurance. I figured either I would bug him enough and he would fax it to them or I would get committed trying. He finally faxed it and Barix called and told me that they were submitting to my insurance company and we would probably hear about it in a week. Well it turned out that they nurse that was working my case was out on vacation so we didn’t hear anything for about 3 weeks. Then to top it all off they wanted me to see a cardiologist for cardio clearance. Turns out despite the fact that I am morbidly obese, I have a pretty healthy heart for a 28 year old.
I probably drove the insurance department crazy at Barix Clinics because I called all the time to check the status of my case. They were always very nice to me and were very helpful also. One night in May I came home and there was a message on my answering machine from the nurse at my insurance company and when I called her back she said that I was approved for the surgery. I was praising God, because in all the research I have done, I have heard that many insurance companies turn you down at first especially if you don’t have any comorbidites like me. I knew it was a true blessing from God.
I can’t say that this has been easy. I have researched everything I possibly could think of about Gastric bypass on the internet and talked to people that have had it. I have seen the Before and After pictures and also read the horror stories. I have wavered back and forth about whether I want to do this because I am a single mom and if I die, who will my son have. But if I stay obese I can die and then who will he have then. I have decided to just trust God. I have spent most of the evening tonight reading stories about other’s journeys through WLS. I know that I am making the right decision, but I can’t help but have some fears. I have my pre admission testing on August 28th. This week I am going on vacation to Maine so I am going to try to relax and not think about it for a while. I find comfort in a couple of verses from Proverbs 3 :5-6- Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths.
8/9/06
I can’t believe how time has flown by since I got my date. I have gone through so many emotions this month. I was eager and now lately I have been scared to death. I have been really sick to my stomach for the past couple of weeks and thought that it was just stress, but I found out that I have some GI bug. My doctor started me on an antibiotic so hopefully it will clear up quickly. Last Wednesday I started having really bad Panic attacks. I finally broke down and called my psychiatrist and made an appointment to get some help. He said it is very normal to have anxiety before surgery and doubled my anxiety meds. What really flipped me out was reading the Memorials on this website. They are so sad and after reading some of the family comments to really think before having this surgery really affected me. I am a single mom and don’t want to leave my son behind. It was really scary to read some of their profiles to see that they were feeling some of the same things I have been feeling before having the surgery and then to know their worst fears came to pass. I know my life is in God’s hands and I just have to have faith and trust him to bring me through this. That all sounds good on paper, but I am only human and can’t help but be fearful. I was so upset on Friday, that I almost called and cancelled my surgery. Thankfully my boss and coworker helped to calm me down talking about different surgery experiences they had and how scared they were. Like my boss said I have come too far to quit now. God help me I hope and pray that you will not one day be reading my profile under the Memorials. Gotta stop thinking that way and stay positive. Please pray that God will get me through this safely and give me peace and strength to do this. I know Phillipians 4:13 says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I feel like I am going crazy. I wish my surgery was tomorrow instead of having over a month to think of all the crap that could happen. Is this normal to feel this way or am I just messed up? I have spent every night for the past week just looking at how great everyone’s before and after pictures are to help encourage me. I could really use some support. I feel so lonely right now going through this. I am thinking about joining a support group by my house just so I can talk to someone who’s been through this. I know a couple from my church who had it done, and have talked to them a couple of times but I don’t know them well enough to keep going to them for support. The lady told me to just follow what the doctor tells me to and I will be fine. My nurse practioner and the lady who took my blood said I should do fine. Boy I sure hope they are right! Well it is almost 3am and I need to get some sleep.
8/20/06
I can't believe how fast time is flying! My surgery is only one month away! I just want to thank everyone that sent me an e-mail. I really appreciate the support. My nerves have subsided a little. I met a lady at work who had the surgery a couple of months ago. She sat and talked to me for almost two hours and she answered every question I wanted to ask. I really appreciated it especially since I had never met her before. I plan on going to a Support Group tomorrow. I've just been trying to stay busy so I don't think too much about it. Plus I am busy getting my son ready to begin second grade at a new school and I also have signed up for school. I decided to go back to get a degree in Human Services. My original major was business, but it definitely is not what I want to be doing anyway, and I am supposed to be getting laid off from my job in December from a company that I have worked at for 11 years. I guess God has a different plan for me. I just have so many changes going on right now that I can't help but sometimes feel slightly overwhelmed. God is in control though and I am ready to go along for the ride. My pre-op testing is in a week so that is another thing to look forward to. Please keep me in your prayers.
8/28/06
I never made it to the Support group because my son was sick. It's 1:36am on the morning of my Pre-op testing and I can't sleep. I am definitely getting less anxious and more excited. I can't believe only 22 days until my surgery!
I went to my cousin's suprise party on Saturday and everyone I talked to about my surgery was really supportive except for my grandfather. He said you know I don't want you to have this surgery, but I will still pray that everything goes well for you with the surgery. He is eighty years old and I know I can't change his or anybody else's opinion of WLS, so I don't even try. I feel that God has answered a prayer that I have been praying for since I was in 5th grade! I hope that I can use my weight loss experience to glorify Him and that he will help me maintain my weight loss and deal with my food addiction. I am so scared that I am going to fail. I guess that comes from failing so much at so many other attempts to lose weight.
For the first time ever I was not running from the camera at her party because I know that I am not going to look the same next year. That is such a good feeling to have hope for the future and to know that finally I will be able to lose weight. I know it is not going to be easy, but nothing in life worth achieving is ever easy. I have to try and get to sleep now. God bless!
9/7/06
I am having a pretty crappy day today. I was receiving so much support before, but now all the negative comments are coming out of the woodwork. It started with a friend of mine and her husband. They came to visit my church and her husband asked how I was doing. I said pretty good. I asked him if he could pray for me because my surgery was coming up on 9/19. He was like no its not I have been praying against it and then walked away. I was so hurt. Come to find out my other friend told me that when she was at a Bible Study and asked them to pray for my approval for the surgery those two and another lady said that they were going to pray I didn't get approved! How rude is that! It really hurt that they would gather together to pray against it. So I confronted the two of them and they said they were only doing it out of love and concern for me because it is not safe. I said well plenty of other people we knew had the surgery even the pastor's wife and they were like well that doesn't mean it is right for you. My friend was like well why don't you just try dieting and exercising. Now mind you this is from the friend who can't seem to lose the 20 pounds she gained after having her son 6 years ago. I felt like screaming, wow that is something I never thought to do, diet and exercise! I love how so many people feel the need to give me advice on weight loss and not a darn one of them have been successful at losing it. And what I try to explain to them is I actually eat less now then I did when I was 100lbs lighter in high school. Also I was talking to my older sister yesterday. She has always been around a size 4. She just had a baby 6 months ago and was complaining to me how she can't fit into her old clothes and she is only 6lbs above her pre-pregnancy weight. She said she had to buy new clothes 3 sizes bigger. So I said well once you get back to the size 4 can you save me some of your clothes that you just bought. She called my mom and was all insulted and said I asked her for her old clothes. She said doesn't she know I wear a size 4! She will never fit in my clothes! What a witch. She's not a size 4 now, she is in a size 9/10. She is so snotty. I hope I get even smaller than her so she can eat her words. Oh well, I know you can't please everybody, and that I will face alot of jealous negative people along my weight loss journey so I am just going to keep my head up and look forward instead of dwelling on their negative comments. I know God is with me and with his help, I will be successful. 12 days and counting!!!!!
9/17/06
Only 2 days to go....I don't feel as anxious as I did before, but this all feels so unreal. Friday was my last day at work before starting short term and everyone was wishing me well and were all very encouraging. I have been very emotional this past week. I feel like I am on the verge of tears all the time and any little thing sets it off. I cried when I said goodbye to everyone at work, and I just know I am going to lose it when I have to say bye to my son. We live about an hour and a half from Barix Clinics so I probably won't have many visitors and my son will not be able to come since he will be in school. I would love to see his precious face when I wake up, but I know that is not possible. I am sitting here crying as I type this. I am just so scared that if something happens to me my son will go to school and come home and not have a mom anymore. I plead with God to protect me and bring me out of this safely and successfully. I am also feeling a little overwhelmed with everything I have to take care of before Tuesday. I haven't even done my grocery shopping yet. I am going to do it today after church. It is 2am and I just can't sleep. I have been up doing laundry and cleaning. Please say a prayer for me. Thanks!!!
9/25/06
Thanks so much to everyone who contacted me and prayed for me. Thank you God, I made it through the surgery! The first two days after my surgery I did really well, but on the second night I started experiencing some severe pain. It was so bad I could not sit or lay down. I had been doing so well before that. I got up about 2 hours after my surgery and started walking. I continued walking very often and the nurses were calling me their star patient and teasing me that I was running a marathon because I was walking pretty fast. That is why I didn't understand why I was having so much pain. At around 11:30 the pain got so bad that the nurse called Dr. Brader to see if she could give me an enema. They had already given me two suppositories that did not work. The nurse was pretty sure it was gas and even stayed with me and rubbed my back trying to relieve the pain. Dr Brader suprised us and showed up to check on me. He said he was pretty sure it was gas but wanted to send me for more stomach x-rays that morning. Everything looked good, but before he would release me he wanted me to go for some more x-rays because the pain would not go away. Well later that afternoon I passed gas and had a BM and felt a lot better so he released me. I can't say enough good things about him and the nurses. Well since I have been home for the past couple of days and have been experiencing some very bad pain. I have to go back tomorrow and get some more tests. At times I have been in so much pain that I have questioned my decision to have this surgery. I will update more tomorrow. I am really dizzy right now and need to lay down.
11/15/06
It's been a while since I was in here. My computer was not working so I haven't been able to update. I am almost 2 months out and I have lost 45 pounds. This was my second week back to work and I had a really bad day. I have a new manager and we had a fire drill today and wouldn't you know with my luck my lunch did not go down well and I knew I had to throw up. Just as I was heading for the bathroom, the alarm went off. My new manager would not let me go to the bathroom and throw up. She made me go down nine flights of stairs and out on the street into another building to throw up. God must of been with me because I have no clue how I made it to the bathroom! I almost threw up in the bushes out in front of the building! As if that was not bad enough, she followed me in the bathroom and stood outside the stall while I threw up! What ever happened to privacy? I felt like crap for the rest of the afternoon, and when I try to drink or eat it burns my throat. Oh well enough complaining. Gotta go to sleep.
