Peacewithin

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Hello OH family, I know it  has been a while since I have posted anything on here but I have kind of been a little down. But I'm Back thank God for family and for all the crazy support they give. The weight loss has slowed down alot but it has not stopped so that's good. I am working really  hard to get to onederland. I should be there within next month. I am eating healthy alot of protien and excercise often now so that's a big help. I have been having problems posting pics so dont know when i can put them on. Everyone says i am small but I just can't see it all I see is fat but I am thankful that I am smaller than I ever remember being. Well i will write again soon wish me luck on reaching my goal.

Boy has this whole thing been life changing for me. I am so thankful that god has blessed me to be healthy and smaller. I thought that I was finished loosing weight but i'm not. My nut told me I was but then I asked the oh family they told to increase my calories..... I did and I have been loosing every since. As far as protein goes I am really into getting in all of my protein and it is really really helping me stay focused. I have been writing down everything that I eat and drink and taking vitamins just don't seem as hard as they use to. Sometimes I can't believe that I am the person that I am counting calories, proteins and watching my food intake. I must say that I did not do all of this from the start although I wish I would have. The way I see is it is never too late to get it together but I am still glad I have learned to do it early out. I can say it has not been the "easy way out" it has been hard but well worth it.

So I'm eight months out now and still loosing weight just not as quickly. I have picked up this terrible habit of weighing myself and I can't seem to stop. At first it was once a day now every time I go to the bathroom I have to weigh crazy huh. I want to just throw it away but I can't because my husband needs it to weigh daily because of a heart condition (making sure he does not loose or gain to rapidly). Other than that things are good I did start to get a little more help around the house that's a plus. I'm debating on when I want to put facebook pictures up not sure if I'm ready for all the comments. Well I started this thing at 430lbs and I am now 267lbs so now thats why I am happy. I couldnt have done it on my own thanks God, RNY, family and friends, and,Oh family!

Ok so it seems to me like everything comes up in life all at once, allthough I had the surgery and I feeling like I have more energy it doesn't mean that I wanna spend all my energy working to make others happy. I'm I little fustrated because every time I clean the house it gets right back dirty. I don't have any kids yet and everyone here is old enough to pick up behind themselves. Everyone sit and wait for me to do everything and i am soooooo tired of it I just wanna bury my head in the sand. I didn't even wanna comeback home today because I knew what was waiting for me. I am trying my best to see the possitive in this situation but I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The first thing I thought to do while avoiding coming home was to go and get something to eat but I didn't because luckly I could see that I wasn't hungry just was reverting back to my old ways of relieving stress by eating. Well if there are any advice please feel free to comment.

 Ok so as I said in my last blog things where good and they are however, out of no where comes an over whelming sense of sadness. After all this time and progress I would have never guessed that I would be sad over food. My family and I went to the macaroni grill (one of my old favorites) and there was nothing at all that I could eat. Now if I was not on blood thinners from having clots after the surgery I could have had some options but because I can't have green veggies it makes doing things right ten times harder. So I went to subway and got a six inch with the middle taken out of the bread ( still didn't eat hardly any of the bread that was left)and I ate it all plus I went to Mc Donald's ( something I never do) and got a small fry and ate those too with ketchup. I felt bad but not right away for a long while I just plain out did not care. Now that I have reviewed my feelings on this subject I am scared, scared that I will continue to have that type of attitude and it will lead me to failure. I go to a weight loss therapist and now I know that we got a lot more to talk about than I thought. Just venting to my Oh family

I can't believe that it has been half a year already! I am excited about how much my life has changed and how much it is gonna change in the days and months even years to come. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I can't believe what I am seeing. I look completely different not quite six months and 140lbs down I never ever in a million years could have done that on my own. I am so thankful and grateful for this opportunity. all I can say is if you are thinking of having WLS but your fearful please don't let fear rule your life take a step out on faith and see what  a great difference life will be. I thought I loved life and myself before but  I really love and adore life and myself now. Well just thought i would catch you guys up on me stay tuned for more to come.....................

Well it's been 5 months and i can see a big difference in me and the way I live my life. I love to get out of the house and have fun something that I never use to do. As far as eating, food is no longer my bestfriend and for once I am happy about that. Don't get me wrong i still like food I'm just not in love with it anymore. I have been going to couseling and support group they both help me to deal with my new life.  I love shopping and dressing up. I am 1 pound away from getting into the 200's and i am excited. Well thats it for now i will up date you later say tuned.........

So today I was suppose to start the 5-day pouch test but I didn't I woke up soooooooo hungry and I knew or at least I thought that I would not make it on liquids all day. However I am still proud of myself  i made spaghetti squash and meatballs with carrots and cabbage it came out pretty good. Now that I have more energy I have been able to clean up more, cook healthier and get out more without it being such a hassle. I would have never thought that I would get myself together but i am wls has really helped me get out of that depressing dump I was in and I am greatful to God that he made it available to me. Thank you lord Jesus for saving me from myself destruction.

Well been out four months and loving it. I have been in a stall a couple of weeks but i am still good because i know the weight will come off. Everything is happening so fast I feel like a whole nother person. I was so touched that i can go to the store and try on clothes and they fit. I feel so blessed i just need to stay out of the stores cause all of a sudden i love to shop. Well thats it for now and i will post four month pics stay tuned..............

Ok so I have been under the hunting for months now and today was it's final day. I gave in  I totally feel like a failure. For mouths I have been wanting taco's from Jack in the Box, I use to eat them all of the time. After surgery I avoided eating them because they are fried and not the best thing to eat. Well it just seemed like every day these taco's were on my mind so today I decided to get them out of my mind by eating them. I feel like the haunting is over but I would hope and pray that another haunting dont come along. How do I deal with this? How can I not give in no matter what? I didn't get sick and Im worried that that will make me want them or something else again. They were not even good like I remember so I hope that will help me to never eat them again. I don't wanna fail, I can't fail this is my last and only chance to save my life.