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So I passed my one year mark about a month or so ago..I have lost to date over 130 lbs!!  LIfe is completly different as one would assume it would be. I look different, feel different, act different and live different.
I started as a tight, depressed size 22 and am now a comfortable size 4..squeezing even into size 2's.....
I am happy with myself for the first time in well over 20 years..NO longer do I hate my body....My skin is great...my health as well... BUT  my personal and professional sphere?  YIKES!!!  I think I had become so used to settling due to my weight that that trend has definetly carried on through..I seem to settle for men that are not right, jobs that are un gratifying and just treat myself like shit..I know I need to stop settling..but that is much easier said than done...

So my weight has dropped a lil more, only by the grace of Malabsorbtion..Ugh  man nasty bad habits are still around..its like I keep trying to "tempt" it...see how MUCH I can pish it...often I end up with a very sore tummy..why?  why? why???
IM happier than I have been in probably my entire life....my kids are happy and healthy, I finally am moving into my OWN place, Im working, paying my bills, and have a Man in my life that I can honestly say is my soul mate..

Its time to get BACK ON TRACK!!!!

weight 145 size 2-6

Down to 148!!  whoo hooooo..Although I know that my malabsorbtion is REALLY the credit..IM ok with it..LOL

Im only 13 lbs from goal...

Ok so its been a CRAZY past few weeks....

Firtst off......I am LOVING  work.....LOL  OK maybe not the job so much or having to punch someone elses' clock..but getting OUT of the house, talking to REAL people..ahhhhhhhhh  its GREAT!!!!!LOL  I miss my lil one sometimes, but all in all I look forward to going..( geez I am sick!!)   LOL

being typical ME..I have gone trhough my usual string O" men..LOL  I get super hot and heavy real fast but then I also get sick of them really FASTER and then it ends.....the difference IS that 7 months ago I would have hung on, cried, took all kinds of crap from them..NOPE..Now I just Cut and release!!  Its great!!! I no longer feel like "he's the LAST one on earth"  LOL

My 16 year prison sentence..LOL  I mean my marriage, was officially over May 11th.....enough said....

I am dating 2 men at the moment..with a few in reserves..LOL...the two are wonderful...VERY similiar yet not...
One has a VERY complicated life situation..( but of course is the one I want..sh*t some things die hard huh?)< and the other is fabulous as well, sexy and wants to marry me, move me to ATL and welcomes the thought of my 4 kids..BUT  wait before you get tooo excited over door #2..he's got issues as well....SO....Lisa is just taking her time..LOL  which for those who know Lisa..will realize this is HUGE!!!!  LOL  technically I am engaged..LOL  door number two bent down and asked...

We shall see.....


I"m getting a little worried about the weight...I sem to lose NO matter what I do...I know  "boo hoo"..but no really....Im getting boney.....I eat like shit some days and STILL: lose the next day...so I need to start doing some research onto it.. So far Im down 112 lbs..size 4-6

SO....my divorce will be final on the 11th of may....we celebrate(?) 16 years of maraige this month on the 22nd...It just seems weird...I mean that day is gonna seem weird I guess..Mixed feelings..I mean Damn 16 years???  Yet I"m soo happy its over... *shrug*  I dunno..hard to explain I guess....I think I may be a lil emotional come the 22nd...
I started working at the end of last month....Now after being a SAHM for the past 14 years this is NO easy task!!  LOL But IM..well We ( the kids and I ) are muddling through as best as we can... IM just soo friggen tired!  And my social life?  Ugh they are stll around, Im just too damned tired to care!!  LOL  THis Saturady I got all dressed up to go out..and crashed at 9:30 in the bed instead!!  LOL
Anyways...I started back to the gym today,,,,my saggy skin needs a good kick in the saggy ass!!  Lmao
I"m in  happy size 7-8  with a few sixes thrown in for good measure,,,,

I"m officially down 100lbs!!   Enough said.....

So geez december was my last Blog? Sorry 'bout that!
Lets see..Its March....I"m down 93 lbs in a little undr 6 months, wanted to hit 100..but Feb wasnt a good month-
I met a great guy at the end of December; things have been well- but OLD habits have slipped back in...UGH...Why did I think 17+ years of BAD habits would be erased after a few months???  Nope their B A C K !!!
But I"m back on track now.....and was congratulated with a Nice 4 lb drop in the last 2 days....

My Ex has been an especially BIGGER pain the ass the last months; so that hasnt helped...BUT he has borrowed the money we needed to make it all official and we are finally filling for DI VORCE on Monday!!!! OMG  I"ll be FREE!!

I am starting work this weekend..Thats a BOO and  YEAH at the same time..LOL
BOO for the obvious...YEAH cause it really does feel good knowing I can DO THIS!!  I CAN support myself and my kids, and supply myself with health insurance!! I dont have to rely on men anymore..THANK GOD!!

So now I need to save my pennys so I can move here in the couple months to our OWN place!!
But as the divorce gets ready to finalize; I also need to Crack down on my fitness goals as I will lose my FREE gym..so thats a reason to crank it hard these last few weeks/months!!!

I have been struggling with the same issue for my entire life....I base my self worth of what men think....Does this trace back to not having a father? Probably...is this an excuse? probably a weak one at best.
But none the less I do it..and it is killing me literally....draining every ounce of everything.....
I wish I could battle this demon....it really is wreaking havoc on my self esteem, my self worth and my daily happiness.
Why do I need a Man to define me?
Why do I need a man to make me feel worthy?
Why do I need a man to make me feel sexy?
Why do I need a man to make ME happy?

I dont even know where to begin in working these issues......but I need too.....

So today I made my children a wondeful meal....I made homemade marinara, meatballs, french bread and pasta salad.
It was a simply beautiful meal if I say so myself.
I decided that I would have a cup of the pasta salad.....it tasted marvelous....and then 5 minutes after I ate it I about threw up all over the couch! Good grief I barely made it to the restroom...There I only puked up spit...wretching for minutes for spit...I will never understand why that happens.....none the less..Noodles No More..

My Stall that is!!  Whoo hoooo!!  officially down 65 lbs, and at a fighting weight of 197! LOL

I feel marvelous for the most part physically...working out 6 days a week..and LOVING it...in fact its my number one stress reliever...when I feel those stress demons coming on I lace up those tennis and hit the gym!  I turn on my IPod on HIGH and just lose myself in the music and exercise...
I'm down from a tight size 22 to a 12-14...

Mentally I am still in the thick of it..but working a little everyday to better myself.