Anita D.
Playing catch-up
Nov 22, 2008
Wow, can't hardly believe it's been 2 weeks since my last post! I came through my WLS great, and went home after 23 hours. I only used my pain meds about 3 or 4 times, although I've had a significant amount of pain besides those episodes. I've always slept on my left side because it helped with the GERD, and still do so, but it does cause a bit of extra pain that probably could have been avoided. But it's all good.
I got on the scales here at home this morning, and it says 321.8, which is great, although our scales are completely wonky here, so that's not an official weight. I might run by the surgeon's office next week to get an official weight. :) My clothes are beginning to hang oddly on me, and I can physically do things that have been almost impossible for years now. That's just simply exciting. Looking forward to being able to do my own pedicures and painting my toes again! :)
On the food front, things are going good. I did have an episode a couple of days ago where I absolutely bottomed out at the grocery store, When we got home, I literally dropped everything on the floor and managed to fall on the couch - face first. Not a graceful lie-down, but a full fledged belly flop. I think it scared the snot outta poor Peter. He got me a yogurt and took me into the office and settled me in my comfy chair before he had to go back to work. His attitude has changed significantly since then, thankfully. Anyway, I'd been living on the same sf jell-o, pudding & popsicles, with the occasional cup of sf cocoa with protein powder mixed in. I'm guessing my protein intake was around 10g a day, if that, and my cals were around 100 to 300 a day. NOT the way to start.
So now my fridge is filled up with all sorts of yummy puddings, yogurts, cheeses, etc. Since I love to have something crunchy from time to time, I also picked up a couple of packages of the Gerber Graduates Puffs. They've got that crunch that satisfies, but then they melt into nothingness. 1/2 cup for 25 calories, and they've got potassium so that's cool. I got the Blueberry (Walmart brand), and the Sweet Potato (Gerber). I also got some Gerber fruit & cereal baby foods. Yum-O!!
As of yesterday, I have started setting my timer to remind me to eat. That's something that I have been crappy at for years - even though I'm fat, eating's not my idea of fun. So anyway, after I eat, I set the timer for 2 hours. That way I'm getting my protein and cals in. I wanna do this right, folks. I want to lose the weight, but healthily and safely.
I noticed the other day that my face is changing. My skin's a lot softer & smoother than it has been in ages, and my glasses aren't digging into the sides of my face anymore. I can place my fingers on my cheekbones and feel bone instead of 1/2" of padding. I'm now looking at hairstyle magazines & websites, hoping to get a new look before Christmas. :) Soooo, I'm gonna ask my Sweetie to please take a few photos of me, probably tomorrow, and I'll post when he does.
I got on the scales here at home this morning, and it says 321.8, which is great, although our scales are completely wonky here, so that's not an official weight. I might run by the surgeon's office next week to get an official weight. :) My clothes are beginning to hang oddly on me, and I can physically do things that have been almost impossible for years now. That's just simply exciting. Looking forward to being able to do my own pedicures and painting my toes again! :)
On the food front, things are going good. I did have an episode a couple of days ago where I absolutely bottomed out at the grocery store, When we got home, I literally dropped everything on the floor and managed to fall on the couch - face first. Not a graceful lie-down, but a full fledged belly flop. I think it scared the snot outta poor Peter. He got me a yogurt and took me into the office and settled me in my comfy chair before he had to go back to work. His attitude has changed significantly since then, thankfully. Anyway, I'd been living on the same sf jell-o, pudding & popsicles, with the occasional cup of sf cocoa with protein powder mixed in. I'm guessing my protein intake was around 10g a day, if that, and my cals were around 100 to 300 a day. NOT the way to start.
So now my fridge is filled up with all sorts of yummy puddings, yogurts, cheeses, etc. Since I love to have something crunchy from time to time, I also picked up a couple of packages of the Gerber Graduates Puffs. They've got that crunch that satisfies, but then they melt into nothingness. 1/2 cup for 25 calories, and they've got potassium so that's cool. I got the Blueberry (Walmart brand), and the Sweet Potato (Gerber). I also got some Gerber fruit & cereal baby foods. Yum-O!!
As of yesterday, I have started setting my timer to remind me to eat. That's something that I have been crappy at for years - even though I'm fat, eating's not my idea of fun. So anyway, after I eat, I set the timer for 2 hours. That way I'm getting my protein and cals in. I wanna do this right, folks. I want to lose the weight, but healthily and safely.
I noticed the other day that my face is changing. My skin's a lot softer & smoother than it has been in ages, and my glasses aren't digging into the sides of my face anymore. I can place my fingers on my cheekbones and feel bone instead of 1/2" of padding. I'm now looking at hairstyle magazines & websites, hoping to get a new look before Christmas. :) Soooo, I'm gonna ask my Sweetie to please take a few photos of me, probably tomorrow, and I'll post when he does.
Almost there!
Nov 08, 2008
Wow, I'm scheduled for RNY the day after tomorrow!! It sounds so "official" when it's stated like that! I had my EGD and all pretesting done on Wednesday, and had my final preop surgeon's appt on Tuesday. I got a little gift bag with goodies in it. Got a tiny silver spoon to use, as well as a pill crusher, a bottle of water, some herbal teas, and most importantly, my card to use when I go out to eat, to be able to get a child's meal. Yippee!!!
Peter went to the store tonight and brought juice & jello home. We went and got my liquid Lorcet the other day, and I also got the mag citrate. NOT looking forward to that!! But my vitamins came in, and I also got some BA biotin, hoping not to lose all my hair. So I think I'm set. Gotta go p/u the phenergan supps yet, but I'm so phyched!!
I'm a little nervous, but really am looking forward to starting the rest of my life and becoming healthy, happy and a productive member of society again. We took my "before" photos today. I'm so thankful for this site and the encouragement that everyone provides. See ya on the flip side! :)
Peter went to the store tonight and brought juice & jello home. We went and got my liquid Lorcet the other day, and I also got the mag citrate. NOT looking forward to that!! But my vitamins came in, and I also got some BA biotin, hoping not to lose all my hair. So I think I'm set. Gotta go p/u the phenergan supps yet, but I'm so phyched!!
I'm a little nervous, but really am looking forward to starting the rest of my life and becoming healthy, happy and a productive member of society again. We took my "before" photos today. I'm so thankful for this site and the encouragement that everyone provides. See ya on the flip side! :)
Life can be rough...
Nov 02, 2008
The past couple of days have been miserable here. Nothing but OptiFast and water has passed my lips (except for the 3/4c of decaf Joe I had yesterday) in a week. Last night I went to bed, but couldn't sleep because it felt like my stomach was trying to gnaw its way to my spine. Yep, I am HUNGRY!!! I've been up all night because I couldn't sleep due to the hunger pains. Ugh.
This is the first time in a week that I've been really tempted to eat some real food. Not to gorge or binge or anything, just to eat some meat & veggies. This is rough. I've been really good all week, and I'm hoping that the 22 lbs the Dr. wanted me to lose before my surgery date has come off. If not, he's promised he'll reschedule, and I don't want that. I want to get this surgery over and done with so I can begin my new life.
I have to go see him on Tuesday, and then have my endoscopy scheduled for Wednesday. I also need to go do my pre-registration at the hospital as well. The other big factor in whether my Nov 10th date goes ahead or not is my H&H. I've been doubling up on iron to get my levels up, so hopefully that's working.
I did take a leap of faith today and ordered my BA vitamins for afterward. I got the multivitamins, calcium, iron & B12. Wow, expensive! But it's still cheaper than a 5-day supply of OptiFast, so it's a good trade-off.
I'm just SO anxious. It's like my life is hanging in the balance, full of uncertainty, doubts, second guessing, temptation, hunger & frustration. Is this normal? I just wanna be done already!!
Please send good vibes my way. I really need some support & encouragement right now.
This is the first time in a week that I've been really tempted to eat some real food. Not to gorge or binge or anything, just to eat some meat & veggies. This is rough. I've been really good all week, and I'm hoping that the 22 lbs the Dr. wanted me to lose before my surgery date has come off. If not, he's promised he'll reschedule, and I don't want that. I want to get this surgery over and done with so I can begin my new life.
I have to go see him on Tuesday, and then have my endoscopy scheduled for Wednesday. I also need to go do my pre-registration at the hospital as well. The other big factor in whether my Nov 10th date goes ahead or not is my H&H. I've been doubling up on iron to get my levels up, so hopefully that's working.
I did take a leap of faith today and ordered my BA vitamins for afterward. I got the multivitamins, calcium, iron & B12. Wow, expensive! But it's still cheaper than a 5-day supply of OptiFast, so it's a good trade-off.
I'm just SO anxious. It's like my life is hanging in the balance, full of uncertainty, doubts, second guessing, temptation, hunger & frustration. Is this normal? I just wanna be done already!!
Please send good vibes my way. I really need some support & encouragement right now.
No other way to put it....
Oct 21, 2008
I am officially exhausted. I get up and do what I can, which isn't much. I'm losing weight on the OptiFast, but it's taking a toll on my energy. My daily calorie intake is between 640 and 800 calories. I've been drinking water with my shakes, but that's it. I haven't been cheating since Saturday, and I'm just plain wiped out. I'm also taking vitamins daily.
The shakes give me gastrointestinal distresses and I get so tired of sitting on the porcelain throne. They also make me sleep. Lately, I've been sleeping up to 15 hours a day. I thought the weight loss would give me energy, but instead, it's sapping me. I've become secluded in my home. Not because I want to be, but because I'm too stinking exhausted to go anywhere. My family seems to think I've become a hermit, but I don't think they understand the sheer magnitude of the exhaustion I'm experiencing. This is definately one of the hardest things I've gone through in a while.
I'm ready to get my surgery over with, because goodness knows, I couldn't feel much worse than I do now. I want to do things. I'm excited about actually being able to get up and clean my house. I'm excited to be able to cook and entertain again. I'm looking forward to being a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and aunt, because right now I feel like I'm just plain lousy at all of them. I don't want to be so tired. I just don't know any other way around it. When I do go somewhere, after an hour or two, all I want to do is come home and crash, which I usually do for several hours.
On a brighter note, since I've lost over 40 lbs, my back no longer hurts nearly as much as it did. I realized this the other day when Meg was here. I stood out in the yard and spoke to her for around 10 or 15 minutes, and my back didn't spasm once!! That in itself is SO wonderful. I'm looking forward to a future that's much less painful than the past 20 years have been. :)
The shakes give me gastrointestinal distresses and I get so tired of sitting on the porcelain throne. They also make me sleep. Lately, I've been sleeping up to 15 hours a day. I thought the weight loss would give me energy, but instead, it's sapping me. I've become secluded in my home. Not because I want to be, but because I'm too stinking exhausted to go anywhere. My family seems to think I've become a hermit, but I don't think they understand the sheer magnitude of the exhaustion I'm experiencing. This is definately one of the hardest things I've gone through in a while.
I'm ready to get my surgery over with, because goodness knows, I couldn't feel much worse than I do now. I want to do things. I'm excited about actually being able to get up and clean my house. I'm excited to be able to cook and entertain again. I'm looking forward to being a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and aunt, because right now I feel like I'm just plain lousy at all of them. I don't want to be so tired. I just don't know any other way around it. When I do go somewhere, after an hour or two, all I want to do is come home and crash, which I usually do for several hours.
On a brighter note, since I've lost over 40 lbs, my back no longer hurts nearly as much as it did. I realized this the other day when Meg was here. I stood out in the yard and spoke to her for around 10 or 15 minutes, and my back didn't spasm once!! That in itself is SO wonderful. I'm looking forward to a future that's much less painful than the past 20 years have been. :)
A Date!
Oct 12, 2008
After almost a year of delays, Dr. appointments, depression and feeling like my life is at a complete standstill, my surgeon has finally set a date. I still need to lose 22 lbs (at minimum), although I've already lost around 40#. I've been doing OptiFast, but now I've really got to buckle down and dedicate myself, because he is adamant about me meeting the WL goal he's set before he'll operate.
I never thought I'd complain about having to drink a "milkshake" or anything sweet, really. But this is HARD. My addiction is food, and to not be allowed to eat and be restricted to 5 8-oz shakes a day is rough. I miss the chewing action, so I'm going through almost a pack of gum a day right now. It wouldn't be so stinking hard if I weren't so hungry. I keep reminding myself that it's just temporary. Another month and I won't be hungry all the time anymore.
I thought I'd be elated when I got the date, but oddly, it hasn't been that way. I know in my heart that it's a wonderful thing, but for some reason, the refrain that keeps running through my head is.... "I can't eat _____ or _____ EVER again." It's frustrating, and I don't want to have those thoughts, but I don't seem to be able to make myself stop thinking that way. I am happy to have the date, though. To know that I'm going to get another chance at life, to be able to LIVE and do things is exciting.
It's frightening in a way, as well. I've become accustomed to living life on the sidelines. There are all sorts of thoughts barraging me all the time. They range from "Will I have to deal with guys hitting on me all the time again?" to "How's my husband going to react when I have loose skin hanging off me". Is this normal???? Is fear of the future and wavering self confidence part of the process????
I'll keep trying to think positively. What more can I do?
