rene berry

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I have lost about 67 pounds (starting the week before my surgery).  It has been slow and steady. I had a couple of weeks where the weight loss just simply stalled out.  I know this is absolutely normal but it was frustrating...no wonder every time I dieted I gave up!  My face has changed ALOT...my eyes arent so puffy and I can actually see them now! lol  Of course, I dont have the stunning blue but the light brown shows some now and I am pleased.  My double chins (or was it triple) is down to almost nothing...this, would you believe, seems to make it easier to breath while I sleep!  Now I actually sleep thru the nite most nites!  Such progress!  Arms and hands not going numb anymore either! Yayyy!

I am wearing a size 24 at present but I was in a size Women's SUPER PLUS size 32 to 34 (really a 34 cuz the 32's I just THOUGHT I fit into-NOT! lol).  I bought a pair of 22 Jeans that I managed to button, but still too tight, this morning...I figure I need one thing that is a goal so they are "it" right now! Soon...

Walking into walmart and buying something  to wear is such a hoot!  Yayyy me!  Soon I'll be in the REGULAR sizes!  Wont THAT be a scream?!  Even my nursing uniforms are ENORMOUS!  I had to spend the nite during the ice storm and had to get a pair of scrubs from the hospital for the next day.  I didnt used to fit in hospital scrubs cuz they only went up to 3x.  I felt paniced! I grabbed the 3x's they had and figured I'd be in trouble with nothing to wear in the morning.  Well I put them on.  OMG they not only fit they were too big!  Lol  guess I shudda got the 2Xs?  Way cool!

I have lost a total of 62 pounds. 50 since the surgery.  I am feeling quite a bit better and havent vomitted in at least a week.  I have learned quantity and, although I sometimes miss taking and swallowing a big huge bite, I manage to take tiny bites and chew it fairly slowly.  Very chewed food just doesnt taste too great it seems!  Then again it seems I dont like the taste of too many things nowadays.  I know that may eventually get better but right now, once I eat something a time or two, I have no desire to eat it again.  My menu is slowly dwindling.  I am hoping it will get better soon!  I have no tolerance for protein drinks or milk.  Cheese, which WAS my favorite food, no longer tastes good and I dont like the consistency. I CAN eat peanut butter with a cracker.  PB and crackers actually seems to settle my stomach and I actually like the taste!  I do know, however, it isnt the best option nutritionally!  I am working on that!  Everything is a learning experience!

I can say that although I weigh 287 pounds I feel much better than I did at 349!  My pants are super baggy and I fit into everything in my closet...that is it fits or is too big!  Its weird feeling baggy clothes...It has been a really long time since that has happened.  At Christmas I got some gift certificates for clother.  I bought a size 22 pant an a 2x shirt (saved the rest).  I figured I needed something to test my size...once they fit the weight loss will seem real.  I have trouble believing the scale because the number keeps changing so quickly!  I know it will slow down as my weight drops but right now it is amazing to me!

I have no regrets at all!  Back to work on Monday!  Am actually looking forward to it!  Thinking working as a Nurse will be so much better lighter!  We will see!

 I have lost 40 pounds since surgery.  I had a week and a half where the weight loss just stopped and actually went up for a few days so I just tried not weighing myself.  Finally the weight loss started again.  I have lost 40 since surgery and 53 in last 8 weeks.  I am feeling great and think I am looking so much more comfortable/  I am getting wrinkles under my neck so I may have a turkey neck for awhile...oh well I guess it is the price I will have to pay!  It will be worth it!

I am dealing with the emotions probably more healthily than I did the 1st 2 times I lost huge amounts of weight.  I dont seem to be obsessed by anything and I have times when I really am good with the idea of having tiny portions along with a new stomach. I will not do this perfectly but I will try to live a more normal life without huge expectations on weight loss.  Being comfortable is more important then a number on a scale!  I am worth more than judging myself by an arbitrary weight chart or by skinny runway models! Yayy ME!

I do fine except when I EAT!  Food just makes me ill most the time!  I cant seem to get the protein down and I am getting soooo frustrated!  I am drinking fine but the protein just KILLS me! I am supposed to go back to work soon and the thought of doing it without being able to eat without getting ill after just seems overwhelming!  i can only eat about a bite of meat...then I get ill feeling and need to lay down!  ARGH!

I have lost a total of 48pounds since starting (includes the 12 presurgery)...36 since surgery.  Clothes I havent fit in in YEARS are now baggy...unfortunately I will be running out of clothes soon...I will be hitting the consignment and used clothing stores soon I guess!  Dont want to spend a fortune on clothes that  will be falling off of me in a few weeks! 

I am still having trouble eating...some days are good and everything stays down...I have thrown up a few times...yesterday was AWFUL!  I have hardly ever vomited in my whole life...what an awful change!  Trying to take one day at a time!  My days of eating are over!  Feels like I lost a best friend sometimes...not much of a best friend given all the harm that it caused me but a best friend nonetheless! I am learning to cope though!  I have to admit that my moods are better without the feelings of disgust having no clothing that fit and without the highs and lows of the sugar rushes!  I DONT miss that at all!

I feel very weak, even my voice cracks!  Can do about 3 hours worth of activity and then have to rest.  My Doc sez it gets worse at 6 weeks...that seems scarey to me!  Im not used to feeling like I cant do what I want to!  Trying to learn to pace myself!  I know it WILL get better...it will just take time and patience!

Same old turkey and gravy this year!  Funny how it didnt taste as gud I it used too! lol  I ate a tiny shredded amount in gravy...was hardly worth it but at least it stayed down!  My appettite isnt all that great but I am trying!  Finding getting my protein in is all but impossible!

I am -42 pounds as of today (including the -12 before the surgery).  Still above 300 but almost below it and that is at least one goal!  My size is dropping DRAMATICALLY!  Losing a pound a day right now.  Dont know what I will be wearing in about 30 days.  I dont have ANYTHING in sizes smaller than HUGE! lol

I am trying to be patient but although I KNOW jeans fit now and didnt before I just dont see alot of difference.  Saw pix from Tgiving meal today and still look huge...hard to think I lost 42 pounds and STILL look THAT big!  How did I get that BIG?!  Scarey!

Well gotta go...Im exhausted!

Ive had a couple of ruff dayz!  Nausea!  Drinking plenty actually!  Water mostly!  Anything with taste makes me a little ill feeling!  Just spent some time in the chat room on this site to find a distraction from my pity-party!  Feeling a lil bit better!

I keep wondering when do I start feeling NORMAL again...funny thing is Im not sure what NORMAL is!  Maybe not wanting to put ur face into a gal of ice cream IS normal!  Maybe eating when HUNGRY ONLY is normal!  I got to remember Im not ENTITLED to eat anymore!  My life CANT BE THE REASON I EAT...eating has to be the method by which I maintain life!  I confuse this all to often!  I cant live to eat...I must eat to live.  Simple!  This is like losing a best friend though!  What shall I do with ME if I cant eat?  I might have to get busy doing something else!  LOL  what a concept!  So today I will busy myself with putting the laundry in and painting a new gift for xmas for my stepdaughter!  Today I want to be doing something other than being bitter over the lack of my FOOD (friend)!

God give me patience!  This is not about the weight that I carry...It is about living long enough to be able to enjoy life by being able to suit up and show up for LIFE...I couldnt do that with food as my focus!

Got out of CMMC hospital yesterday (thurs) with my surgery having been on the prior Monday.  Surgery didnt get done till about noon that day.  All in all it was kinda lousy. Dont want to lie to you!  The good news is the PCA pump helpd alot and the more i moved the better I felt.I had some probs with hi-temps upto 103.4 deg (but I tend to run hi temps anyway) and with my O2 level.  Sats running 70's and up (again that is normal for me).  Those were the 2 things they had to work on hardest.  Otherwise the surgery went prefectly and I went home right on schedule.  I have had no vomitting and only a little nausea.

Worst place that hurts is where they put the "stapler" thru...second hole from the left (think we were told that at class).  There is some bruising but it is feeling better and better. Gas is pretty annoying right now...after surgery I looked 10 months pregnant!  Now just about 8mos pregnant, so making progress in that department!  Trying to get up and move around in the house to make sure I dont get any DVTs/Clots going.  Took my own shower last nite and today and got dressed by myself (except for getting socks on-feet too far away-LOL).

Nurses were pretty darn good.  Just one I didnt care for.  The unit manager is named Kathy.  She will resolve any problems you might have.  She is very sweet!  One of the nurses, Ruth, was like an angel in scrubs!  She had such a sweet demeanor! If you dont receive the very best of care ask for Kathy!  She will see to it!

I will be praying for you!  If I can do it so can you!  Yayyy!  We are almost half-way to HEALTHY!
Rene

I am having surgery (RNY) on Monday 11/8, just 2 days from now I should be coming out of the recovery room.  Like everyone else I am nervous, not sure what the future holds.  So many things went wrong with this journey...not one appt. went smoothly, not one piece of paper, nothing...so I am counting on Karma to bring all the good things to my surgeon on surgery day!  I am a nurse at the hospital where I am having surgery.  I know the Doc and the nurses, to my favor, so I should be able to count on knowing "what's next".  Even though I have all this added information...I am still nervous!  I have decided to weigh the fact that I started at my highest at 367 punds...right now I am 334.  Cant wait to start peeling the layers that kept me hidden inside.  I have lost 150 punds before...strict high protein lowcarb food plan.  Kept it off almost 8 years but alas...gained it back over time.  This time I want to peel back the layers that really arent ME.  I am somewhere lost inside and I am tired of all the layers hold ME captive!  Here's to ME finding ME again! Yayyy!