mrsfrogdr

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		Weight	Loss (month)	Total Loss
Pre Op	9-Aug	229
Day of wls	4/29/2010	214	-15	-15
1	5/29/2010	197	-17	-32
2	6/29/2010	186	-11	-43
3	7/29/2010	176	-10	-53
4	8/29/2010	168	-7	--60
5	9/29/2010	160	-8	-68
6	10/29/2010	152	-8	-75
7	11/29/2010	146	-6	-81
8	12/29/2010	140	-6	-87
9	Jan-11	135	-5	-92
10	2/28/2011	130	-5	-97
11	3/29/2011	126	-4	-101
12	4/29/2011	122	-4	-105
13	5/29/2011	118	-4	-109
14	6/29/2011	114	-4	-113

This is my plan, modified for the new scale.

I have read so many posts about mourning food.  So, I let my self have a few ...well many food funerals before surgery.  I did not feel guilty for it.  I thought it was something that would help me to be at peace with my new eating lifestyle.  I read about head hunger and really thought I understood what to expect.  I was looking forward to the restriction.  I could not fathom who someone would turn down this opportunity.  Why wouldn't everyone to have this magic inside them?


Here I am 2 months out from surgery.   All of the soreness and tiredness is gone.   From my highest  weight I am down 48 lbs and since surgery I am do 33 pounds.  I am wearing smaller clothes and feeling so much better.  I am working out and while I do not love it, I am proud of myself.   I feel like a human again.  I feel stronger, thinner, and happier.  But I have began to realize,  I find no comfort in food.  I do not hurt from eating nor do I get sick.  I just do not find great joy or solace in food any more.   Short of chocolate ice cream, nothing taste so great that it is worth eating just for the sake of eating.  I am learning food is fuel and that I am going to have to get used to that.  I have not really accepted it.  I keep waking up and thinking of food.  I keep trying to find variety in my eating because I am not enjoying food.  Yet each thing I try is the same.  It's just food...not the party in my mouth I am looking for.

  I am truly understanding in the last few days that I have some choices to make and these choices are more difficult than the choice to have surgery.  These choices are also more important.  I can simply lose weight or I can change my life.   I can accept food in its new role in my life or I can keep searching for things that will bring me comfort.  I am sure if I look hard enough I will successfully find it and successfully destroy my chance at a new life.  I have to let my friend go....GOD help me have the strength to let it go....PLEASE!!!

Writing a "blog" sounds so presumptuous to me.  How can I expect to write something worthy of reading, of  adding to the community of WLS....I guess I don't have to...I am only writing for myself.  Writing to help me remember.  I have already forgotten too much. 

In the spring of 2008, I was involved in a car accident and was lead to believe by an attorney that I would be receiving a reasonable settlement.  I decided if I did receive money, I wanted to do something important with it, something that would change my life.  In looking at myself, I knew I was getting older and heavier.  I knew I faced a family history of premature heart disease, as my mother had a cardiac bypass at 40 years of age.  I also faced an increased risk of diabetes due to enduring two pregnancies with gestational diabetes. 

I had been obese for most of my adult life.   I can not say I was really very happy with myself and my husband was really not happy with my weight either.  I felt resentment at him for not being happy with my fatness.  Yet, I resented being fat, too.  He resented my lack of effort and lack of success to do anything about it.  So, there we were, caught in a web of resentment. 

I tried low carb and diet pills, got down to merely obese and thought I had done a great job.  I was so proud to be shopping in regular stores even if I was buying their largest sizes.  I felt I was a success and was ready to live and eat again.  My husband knew what I would not see till pictures would pop up.  I was still fat.  He tried to keep me going but, I would loose motivation.  The morbidness of obesity came back.

So, I started researching WLS.  I first dreamed of a band in Mexico.  After a few weeks a former "BubbleButt" lead me to OH.  Oh we never spoke.  I just started reading her posts on a Yahoo group and followed her post here.  After weeks of reading I decided the band was not for me. However, I started discussing WLS surgery in Mexico with my family.  They were not thrilled by the idea of traveling so far. At the time I felt I had no other choices.  

Then of course the settlement process dragged on and on and eventually was no where near the amounts suggested by the attorney. My hopes were dashed.