Monday - June 13, 2005
So here it is my online journal. The information about me, my journey and what I'll have to do to get there. Background information for me, Im 31 years old (April 2) and have been big my whole life. When I was young I was just chubby and always ok with it. As I got older I graduated high school at 180 lbs (Im 5'5").. big but not huge.. Well flash 10 years ahead and I was sitting at 265 and getting bigger. That was until June 3, 2005. I would say that was really the first day of the rest of my life. I had surgery. DS to be exact. But Im getting ahead of myself.
I have always thought surgery to be the furthest thing from my mind. I was happy fat, I ate what I want when I wanted (YUM DEL TACO). I never wanted for the affection of a man as I always had dates or boyfriends. In fact I met the love of my life in November 2002 (6'2" 205) and couldnt be happier. Sure, I wasn't as active as before, and sure it was getting harder to do the things I did before (like ride the rides at amusement parks), but I thought I was truly happy. I settled with the reality I'd always be fat.
Then last year my mom dropped it on me. She was going to have weight loss surgery. I have to say I wasn't thrilled. I didnt like the idea of my mom going "under the knife". She's was 5'6" 235 and I frankly didnt think it that big of a deal. My boyfriend thought she was fine, our family thought she was fine. But she had made up her mind to have it. She had been very thin prior to having my brother (she was about 135 after she had me) so I think she missed being thin. So she had the surgery in October 2004. Time goes on and she begins to lose weight.. Between November 2004 - February 2004 she gave me daily updates of what she ate for dinner, how I should have the surgery, etc etc. I kept saying no.. I like to eat.. no.. It wasn't until I really looked at my mom that I decided to have the surgery. She was still eating what she wanted.. she just ate smaller portions.. she made smarter choices... but above all her whole attitude changed.. She became happier about life, happier about us (the kids) and happier about herself. She actually let us take photos of her (something she FORBID prior to surgery) and my brother and sister (who still live at home) said she was nicer to live with.
So March this year (2005) I decided to have the surgery.. I decided to go with the same surgeon as my mom. I called for my consultation, got all my request for test and set out to make it happen.
I submitted my Psych eval, Letter from PCP and surgeon to blue cross sometime the begining of May and got an approval for the Duedonal Switch in less then 24 hours later..I then scheduled my Surgery for June 3. Good thing too - As of July 2005 my insurance plan (Blue Cross CA) will require you to go to one of THEIR doctors.. UGH.. just made it under the gun
Neways, I had my Surgery with Dr. Feng in San Francisco Friday, June 3 - DS LAP - Starting Weight 263.5 . My boyfriend (John) went up with me and was the most WONDERFUL companion the entire time. (He even slept in my hospital room the three nights I was there). Ooh I have to insert something here.. I had my "last meal" at some little place near the Hotel we stayed at (Hyatt Regency).. during my *soup* (how wonderful eh).. John wrote me a little letter/promise.. I thought it was the most wonderful thing so I'll share..here it is:
I will love the Boobala even when she is the ugliest, nastiest, poo after her surgery. When she curses me everytime I tell her not to eat this or that, she threatens to hate me forever or even causes me minor bodily harm. But this clause stands, when Boobala is the hottest chick in the world she owes me everything she has. It will be because of me that all this is possible.
- John Crispis
Ok, back to the story. Surgery went well, Dr. Feng said I was pre-diabetic and it was a good thing I had the surgery. The days in the hospital were great. Day One I felt like crap.. and was pretty drugged up so it's kinda a blur. I did get a CUTE little bear from John.. My get well Boobala bear (he calls me boobala).. Day two I Managed to get up and do some walking.. nothing like walking around the hospital with your pee bag saying HI to everyone. John thought I looked like a little old lady. Most of Day 2 was spent in bed.. watching TV and videos, talking to John and pushing the pain button. I did get to put my two piece PJ's on and the Pee tube out *YAH*. That night I slept with my air tube again (I do so love that thing).. and John and I joked he should use it the next night (He's a snore guy). By Day 3 I was making friends down the hall with my walking, feeling more ALERT, LESS Pain. I got a great little warm towel bath by John.. He was very funny because he handled me like I was going to break. By the last day I was trying to eat something.. Decided I LOVED the sugar free pops.. wasnt as Excited about the Jello like I thought, was having a hard time getting the water down, HATED the broth and in general no protein shake.
I hadn't had a BM by the time I left the hospital but the Doctor said that was normal. So I got my discharge, and went back to the hotel with John.
This is where my doubts all started. I was having a hard time getting the liquids down. John was very concerned. I was concerned and not a happy camper - the first day outta the hospital I just slept. By the second day back My mom called and I finally broke down, cried how I couldnt drink, couldn't poop, couldnt stand it.. she told me to calm down.. take it easy and just try.. Btw I probably talked to my mom 50 + times the week I was away in San Francisco.. I only called her twice during her surgery.. Im a bad child =(.. and yes, since then I have apologized to her... Neways, The first two days at the hotel were the hardest for me. It was VERY hard getting fluids down so I was scared. Finally by the end of that day... I got more fluids then the day before, finally pooped.. (Did ya ever think you'd be soooo happy you pooped you'd call your mom to tell her??? She was on speaker phone when I told her so my brother said "YAH" for me too :P)
By the time we saw Dr. Feng when we left San Francisco June 9 - 2005 I was feeling about 80%, drinking more fluids.. another poop or two (I like talking about poop) and that was good enough for me.
So I won't bore you much with the details this last week. Just kinda me getting used to everything. Im now getting to sleep on my stomach (FINALLY!!!) without pain. Drinking protein shakes (Actually enjoying these), Found out I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Sugar Free Swirl Stix from Sam's Club.. Love Snapple Apple and homemade Crystal Light Slushies. I haven't eaten much soup.. Although John made me Soup tonight that was HEAVENLY.. He decided he was gonna have Spagetthi and meatballs.. So since we wanted to eat together.. he took my Ralphs Cream of Broccoli soup, mixed with with some parmesean and puree'd it nice and smooth.. added some garlic, salt, and Whala.. simply the best soup I've had in a long time.. Best part is he made enough for me to have a few meals.. =) Btw did I tell you how wonderful John is????
I've been taking the dog on a walk (he's overweight.. go figure) for about 30 minutes everyday so far. Except yesterday.. we went to disneyland for a few (Yes disneyland, I have an annual pass and it's a benefit to living in So Cal.) While we were there I did get a little dizzy.. However I think my blood sugar was low so I sucked on a small piece of candy and I felt better.. Came home, did a protein shake. etc..
Oh yeah.. Weight.. So as of today it's been officially 10 days since surgery and Im down 15 lbs.. *YAH* for me!!! I talk to my mommy EVERY DAY.. she loves to tell me what she eats (I think she's obessed now).. I can't wait until I can have an egg or something solid. It's weird.. Im not HUNGRY in the least bit.. just WANTING Food.. Like Saturday, I watched the Food Channel almost all day.. thinking.. yumm, wow that looks good, sigh, etc. It was like seeing a line up of all your old friends. Yes friends.. I'll see you again someday.. just in small portions :P.
I finally started my weight / food chart.. Looking at it I was able to see I need to cut a few carbs down.. (less JUICE) and maybe PLAN my day more.. (THE LINK IS AT THE TOP).
Well that's it for now.. thanks for reading and I'll give you another update as soon as I hit the "SOFT FOODS" mark :).
09/26/05
Forum Posting: My body is ONEderland! :) My Wow Moments and Goals!
YEAH!!! Officially 198 today!!! Was switched June 3 2005 (263.5 technically) and as of today I'm 198!!! That's 65 lbs in almost 4 months!! So I wanted to write here some of the WOW's and goals I've met so far. Im hoping that other PRE-surgery people will see this and get excited for themselves and I hope other post-surgery people will see this and *remember when*... 1. Can Cross my legs... COMFORTABLY!!! I can now do something SOOOO womanly!!! 2. Stopped pulling on my shirt. Yep, I was the typical big girl who pulled and pulled on her shirt ATTEMPTING to hide the rolls of fat.. 3. Take a photo and LIKE IT! Im a little camera diva now. There are more photos on my cell phone of me then anyone else!! 4. WOW moment - went to the Venice street fair this weekend.. And saw a couple who used to sell next to me at the Pasadena Rose Bowl. Well I said hi, how are you.. how have sales been etc... and they were pleasant.. About 5 minutes later the husband said.. OH MY GOD.. I didnt recognize you! I told him about the surgery and he said HEY! it took me a while to figure out who you were but you look really good!!! 5. WOW moment - My boyfriend (who's 6'2", 210 , 36 waist)... grabbed my long jeans on accident and asked me if he was getting fatter??? I asked why.. he said these jeans are too small for me!.. HAHA I laughed because they were my size 14's.. before he never accidently put my jeans on because they were OBVIOUSLY bigger than his! 6. WOW moment - having people in my family call me SKINNY!!! This is a biggie for me.. I was always told , "you're gaining weight, getting big, etc".. Now everytime someome in my family sees me they tell me how good I look.. even calling me skinny!!! Heck even my little sister (who's always been thin..) said I was skinny.. *SMILE* 7. WOW moment - Went to dinner with my mom.. When I was done she kept telling me to eat more protein (she's had the surgery too).. I told her I was full.. she said just eat more... "EAT MORE???" Mom's never told me to eat more.. she's also said over lunch "You did good Monica.. you ate a good chunk"... hehe Im used to "Do you need to eat that much??" and "Put the bread down!!!"... 8. WOW moment - Laid in bed on my side today.. ACTUALLY FELT MY PELVIC BONE!!!!! 9. I can wear size 10 shoes!!!! not 11 WW.. I can wear NORMAL BRACELETS!!! no more extenders!! All necklaces ARE NOT chokers!! 10. Goal - Wear a size LARGE!!! I did it.. I can get into some larges!!! It's hard to break the habit when I walk into ROSS or TJMAXX or TARGET to not AUTOMATICALLY go to plus size.. I have to admit.. I kinda miss it.. I miss it because it was comfortable for me.. Now, I have more choices.. However I still have to try EVERYTHING on.. ONLY because when I look at it on the rack my brain says "Uhhh that's too small for you".. When I try it on.. IT FITS!!!! 11. Goal - Fit in an airplane seat - COMFORTABLY!!! Did this about a month ago when I went to vegas.. I would ALWAYS sit by the window so I could LEAN AGAINST IT and not impose too much of my "FAT" on the next person.. this time.. I fit comfortable... I was able to put my arms on the arm rest and my friend even slept on my shoulder on the way back!! There was room enough for part of hiM!... 12. Goal - KILL THE SNORING!!!! - My boyfriend now tells me I sleep sooo quietly it's freaky!!! Additionally.. I can now sleep 7-8 hours and feel good.. Neways.. Im sure there is much more.. that's all I could think of right now.. Im HAPPY, THRILLED and in BETTER HEALTH since this surgery.. A year ago I woulda Never thought I could be this happy.. I never thought my weight really hindered my life... But my mom had this surgery first and encouraged me to do it too (and paid for a LARGE chunk of it).. and for that I will ALWAYS be grateful.
Im in! Century Club & New Thoughts
Original Post by Monica Monique at 12:41 AM PST on 01/13/2006Okee here my info.. MOst of how I came to the DS decision is in my profiles so I won't bore you with that.. So this post will be mostly revalations and ramblings! What I can tell you all is that at 7 months out I am now down 100 lbs.. 100 FRIGGIN lbs. I'm still in shock. I don't ever remember being this weight in my life. I always feel I went from a size 6X as a child to size 14 women's IMMEDIATELY! Life has changed though in ways I never imagined or thought. I remember when I started this journey thinking to myself. Wow.. I'm gonna be so happy when Im 180 lbs. I'd be happy at that weight forever even if I don't make my goal (which was always 150). I was 180 in high school and happy! Well kids. 180 lbs came and went.. 170 lbs came and went and as 160 lbs comes (I'm 163.5 now).. I've had to start rethinking my goals. My weight goal.. as in "In a perfect world" I always wanted to be 150...Somehow though I think I'll end up in the 140 lb catagory and I have to admit that is a bit scary. 7 months ago 140 lbs was a number other women were. It was a number my girlfriends said they were "fat" at.. 140 lbs was a number I never even imagined I could EVER be. And now that 140 is coming closer to being my number.. I started to get scared...
Scared how people will look at me.
Scared if my boyfriend will still be attracted to me.
Scared that the $$ I spent on clothes was truly wasted.. (Yeah I really thought in my head.. Size Large is gonna be it for you girl.. EEEk I was wrong).
Scared that one day I'll wake up and it will have all been a dream. Scared that although my fat falls off.. so does my skin.. Can you say Shar Pei Puppy Legs!???
Scared that when my body changes when I have children (I dont have any yet) I'll gain weight.
But what I realize is that it's the same fears I had being big..
Scared how people looked at me.
Scared if my boyfriend was REALLY attracted to me.
Scared that the $$ I spent on that new Size 22 shirt was wasted as I might grow out of it?
Scared that one day I wont wake up and will be gone..
Scared that as my fat packs onto my body my skin will look worse and worse.. Can you say Stretch Marks?
Scared that when I have children my body will change and I'll gain weight.
So I'm the same person.. same issues just twisted differently. I had to really sit down and think about all of it. What I realized that I am only as beautiful as I want to believe I am. Only as normal as I want to feel I am. And only as scared as I let myself. I'm in control, I'm the captain.. And knowing this gives me comfort I have before never known. Wow... That only took 7 months to figure out!
On a lighter note I had previously posted some "wow" moments (you can see them in my profile).. I now have new ones I wanted to share. 20 to be exact... Enjoy:
1. I have a clavicle bone.. Yeah.. go figure it's not just fat.
2. When I take off my bra I dont see those horrible red marks from the straps and band...
3. When did my boyfriend get strong enough to pick me up!?
4. I fully fit in the bathtub .. yeah I know.. the WHOLE tub.. UNDER the water and bubbles.. YAH ME!
5. I no longer take photos with my hair pulled down to the sides of my face (to hide the double chin).. or torso only photos.. I'm also showing my teeth more now!
6. I'm not ashamed to eat. I don't care who watches. I love food and have found a new respect for it.
7. My divorce from Bread is final. Although I sometimes have custody of the "tortillas".
8. Who knew a size 10 could be just that. 10 not 11W, 10 WW or 10 W.. Just 10..
9. Did you know they made panties with strings, ribbons and bows???
10. Fat really DOES insulate you.. GOSH IM COLD!!!!
11. I never did believe my mom when she said what you eat escapes your pores.. but HOT DOG i have great skin now!!!
12. I never thought gas was funny or ladylike. But until you've scouted out your favorite department store for an out of the way place to expel what you need while praying someone DOESN't come around the corner - you haven't lived.. =) Additionally did you know that gas actually has a tail and will follow you no matter how fast you run???
13. Did you know those mirrors at the mall really are accurate!???
14. Did you know when men are smiling at you it's not because they are just friendly but because they actually might be hitting on you?
15. I am more then willing to talk about my DS with anyone.. Just give me the slip in. My favorite is "did you loose weight"?.. OHHH YEAH LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT HERE.. btw here's a website, card for my doctor, information on how to get through insurance and my before and afterphotos. What? you're only the girl at Del Taco who just realized I was the same girl you used to see every day!?? Sorry.. take the info anyway
16. Did you know you could actually be the "skinny" friend???
17. What the heck is an elevator? Or better yet.. Taking the first available parking vs. circling for 25 minutes for "CLOSE" parking has added much needed time to my life
18. I've read Lucky magazine this month. There was a GORGEOUS top I wanted.. Didn't think twice and ordered over the phone.. Came the other day.. and fit.. FIT. as in buttoned, fit my perfectly and was officially out of a magazine..
19. Did you know that a single chicken taco from del taco is actually considered "LUNCH" to some people??? Yeah.. I know....
20. Went to the mall the otherday and walked by a store.. As I passed the window I noticed their mannequin had the same jacket as me.. As I backed up to check it out again I figured out It was actually me walking by a mirror window. I didn't even recognize myself. I walked back and forth and back and forth for a few minutes.. try to see if it was really me.. YEP.. was me.. Size 9/10 and all.
Lastly I want to thank everyone on here for all the information, laughs and support you guys provide.. I may be gun shy to post often.. BUt I feel like you guys talk to me personally sometimes even if you are just venting yourself. Best of luck to you all and I'll give me next book when I hit goal
MUCH LOVE
-Monica Monique
Switched June 3, 2005
263.5/163.5/150 |
