MissCricket
The Dreaded Liquid Diet
Nov 07, 2011
Today, I start the liquid diet. I'm happy and optimistic currently, though I know the rollarcoaster of mood swings will begin shortly. I had what I call a "Monkey Milkshake" for breakfast. Chocolate Whey Isolate, a banana, skim milk and ice cubes. Sipping is better than chugging, and it was quite satisfying. I made Hot and Sour Soup yesterday (perhaps a bit of a cheat considering there are shrimp). I hope I wake up tomorrow with the same go get'er attitude.
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A Change
Sep 25, 2011
So, the day came when I particularly needed my husbands support and he totally abandoned me. Something inside me snapped, and it became important to me to flush this man I had loved for years completely out of my life. We had a fight and I asked him to leave. He left (somewhat) willingly, but called periodically to try and patch things up. I had none of it. This man enjoyed tearing me down every chance he got, and I began to look at him like a poison trying to get back in my veins. I ejected him from our home January 2005. My mother took me out for a "feel good" expedition. New clothes, hair and make-up restored some of my confidence and I got a new job and started going out with friends again. My emotional eating had stopped, but years of bad habits were now part of everyday routine. A desk job with no exercise and poor nutrition kept me plateaued at around 400-425 lbs. I was trying to move on with my life, but the demons in my past were haunting.. always ready to bring me down. How I yearned for the discipline, the will power and self confidence to overcome. It was not to happen. Life was better without my husband, but not really "good".
As luck would have it, a white knight was approaching and by January 2006--one year after I kicked my husband out of our home, I was falling for someone again. This one was different somehow.... it felt so good to be around him. But surely this was just a test relationship; something to get my feet wet. This couldn't possibly be anything more than that.
Could it?
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As luck would have it, a white knight was approaching and by January 2006--one year after I kicked my husband out of our home, I was falling for someone again. This one was different somehow.... it felt so good to be around him. But surely this was just a test relationship; something to get my feet wet. This couldn't possibly be anything more than that.
Could it?
A Horror of a Marriage
Sep 19, 2011
Disgusted with myself at 300 lbs., I decided to turn to my family doctor for help. He suggested surgery (by Dr. MacDonald, at the time) and I was very excited about the idea. My mother warned me that it was not as easy as it sounded. She had her stomach "stapled" in the 1970's by Dr. MacDonald and lost a tremendous amount of weight, but then gained it all back and then some. She now sits at around 450 lbs. I was and am convinced I could make the surgery work for me, but it meant a lifestyle change, not a miracle. So began the dreaded Obesity Clinic list....
Since leaving the love of my teenage life in 1998, I had not spoke to him or seen him, so you can imagine my surprise one day when I ran in to him. I remember feeling ashamed of my appearance as I had gained so much weight since the last time I saw him, but he either didn't notice or didn't care and our romance kicked back into high gear and a year later we were married.
Unfortunately, adulthood had changed him from a sweet, naive teenage boy to a sometimes bitter and angry grown-up. We thought we could get through anything as long as we were together and that love could conquer all. He became an alcoholic and very abusive in many different ways and I found myself thinking of ways i could hurt myself... or ways I could escape life because I was so miserable. He would berate me and put me down on a daily basis. He would humiliate me and succeeded in alienating me from all of my close friends. I buried myself in emotional eating and binging. So many times I would be driving home from work and knowing what was waiting for me. I would will myself to veer my car off the road and into a light pole, or over a bridge, ANYTHING to avoid going home and facing my nasty husband. It was a dark time in my life... the worst even, in fact. But, you know what they say, it's always darkest before dawn. I now weighed approximately 400 lbs.
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Since leaving the love of my teenage life in 1998, I had not spoke to him or seen him, so you can imagine my surprise one day when I ran in to him. I remember feeling ashamed of my appearance as I had gained so much weight since the last time I saw him, but he either didn't notice or didn't care and our romance kicked back into high gear and a year later we were married.
Unfortunately, adulthood had changed him from a sweet, naive teenage boy to a sometimes bitter and angry grown-up. We thought we could get through anything as long as we were together and that love could conquer all. He became an alcoholic and very abusive in many different ways and I found myself thinking of ways i could hurt myself... or ways I could escape life because I was so miserable. He would berate me and put me down on a daily basis. He would humiliate me and succeeded in alienating me from all of my close friends. I buried myself in emotional eating and binging. So many times I would be driving home from work and knowing what was waiting for me. I would will myself to veer my car off the road and into a light pole, or over a bridge, ANYTHING to avoid going home and facing my nasty husband. It was a dark time in my life... the worst even, in fact. But, you know what they say, it's always darkest before dawn. I now weighed approximately 400 lbs.
I was a teenage goth queen.
Sep 15, 2011
Maybe if I look like a total freak, no one will focus on my weight! And it was true... the comments and ridicule I suffered as a teenager were due to the torn panty hose on my arms, my white face paint and black lipstick designs smeared all over my face. I was moved again to an even SMALLER village (one of the smallest in Nova Scotia) and I definitely got some attention... although not the best kind. When I was 15, I met the (then) love of my life. We were a real us-against-the-world kind of couple. I weighed around 190lbs at that point, and due to my obesity was still very insecure. I managed throughout high school, though it was tough at times.
Unfortunately, my behavior became erratic (as teenagers sometimes do!) and I became quite combative with my mother to the point that we felt our relationship could not continue as long as I lived with her. I moved out and away in the summer before I was to start grade 12. This meant moving away from my family, my high school sweetheart, and moving away from the healthy cooking my Mom provided.
When I barely graduated High School a year later, I weighed significantly less and was totally miserable, so I decided to try for a life with my father who lived in Halifax. My father was a man that harbored incredible guilt for the failed relationship between him and my mother and therefor indulged my every whim and desire. After my body going in to starvation mode, I was ravenous and ate everything I had wanted but couldn't afford over the past year. About 6 months later, I realized I couldn't fit into the pants I had worn in high school. An additional 6 months after that, I stepped on the scale to discover I had gained over 100 lbs. in 1 year. I was 19 years old and I weighed 300 lbs.
To be continued......
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Unfortunately, my behavior became erratic (as teenagers sometimes do!) and I became quite combative with my mother to the point that we felt our relationship could not continue as long as I lived with her. I moved out and away in the summer before I was to start grade 12. This meant moving away from my family, my high school sweetheart, and moving away from the healthy cooking my Mom provided.
When I barely graduated High School a year later, I weighed significantly less and was totally miserable, so I decided to try for a life with my father who lived in Halifax. My father was a man that harbored incredible guilt for the failed relationship between him and my mother and therefor indulged my every whim and desire. After my body going in to starvation mode, I was ravenous and ate everything I had wanted but couldn't afford over the past year. About 6 months later, I realized I couldn't fit into the pants I had worn in high school. An additional 6 months after that, I stepped on the scale to discover I had gained over 100 lbs. in 1 year. I was 19 years old and I weighed 300 lbs.
To be continued......
In the beginning....
Sep 15, 2011
So, here goes nothin'.
I'm a Nova Scotian, 30 years old, mother to a little girl and I weigh 522lbs. This is my first crack at blogging and I'm not aware of the etiquette, so I'm basically just going to use this as a kind of public diary.
I'd like to start with a little bit about myself..... well... actually... a lot...
I was born to an obese family and grew up overweight. I don't remember it being a problem until Grade 3 when I moved to a small village and found myself being made fun of at my new school. Luckily, I had a friend almost the exact same size as me to share my misery with, and we were unhappily fat together. We told ourselves we would never end up like our fat mothers. To this day, this lady is only slightly overweight and BOTH of our mothers are even larger than they were in 1989 when we first met.
Junior high came and my family moved yet again to a larger town. I was incredibly self-conscious about my weight by this age and was the kind of girl that would cover myself head to toe; usually in jeans and some kind of movie or comic t-shirt. In retrospect, I was a very pretty girl, but if anyone had told me that then, I would have assumed they were making fun of me. I was looking for something in my appearance to draw the attention away from my weight, so ...
ENTER THE GOTH YEARS and High School!
To be continued....
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I'm a Nova Scotian, 30 years old, mother to a little girl and I weigh 522lbs. This is my first crack at blogging and I'm not aware of the etiquette, so I'm basically just going to use this as a kind of public diary.
I'd like to start with a little bit about myself..... well... actually... a lot...
I was born to an obese family and grew up overweight. I don't remember it being a problem until Grade 3 when I moved to a small village and found myself being made fun of at my new school. Luckily, I had a friend almost the exact same size as me to share my misery with, and we were unhappily fat together. We told ourselves we would never end up like our fat mothers. To this day, this lady is only slightly overweight and BOTH of our mothers are even larger than they were in 1989 when we first met.
Junior high came and my family moved yet again to a larger town. I was incredibly self-conscious about my weight by this age and was the kind of girl that would cover myself head to toe; usually in jeans and some kind of movie or comic t-shirt. In retrospect, I was a very pretty girl, but if anyone had told me that then, I would have assumed they were making fun of me. I was looking for something in my appearance to draw the attention away from my weight, so ...
ENTER THE GOTH YEARS and High School!
To be continued....
