Hi! Everyone, I've been married for 16 years to a Navy guy,and I'm a mother of three, a son that will be 18 next month a twin girls that are 14 years old. I felt like I've been overweight every since I was born, but that is not true. I started to rapidly gain weight after the birth of my son. Three years later I gave birth to my beautiful twin girls and the results of my weight just ballooned. I am larger now that I was when I was carrying the twins. I tried so many yo-yo diets and going to see a Medical Physician. Other times I would starve myself for a complete 8 to 10 months, and the last time I did that I lost a full 74 pounds. I thought I could keep it off and I kept telling myself that I was never going to be fat again. I can't find any pictures of my time then, because that was like my reward, I would cut up all the pictures in half and said I would never be that size again. Then life changed and I got truly comfortable, so the weight just crept up on me once again. Two years ago we were stationed overseas in Italy and I really thought about trying to lose the weight one more time, but I remember the dreadful feelings of the last time I had lost weight and how I starved myself and I just didn't have the energy to do it again. So I convinced myself that I didn't need to lose the weight, and I told myself this was how I was suppose to be. Then I would have visions of my mother and how she lived most of her life being obese. I lost my mother about 16 years ago due to cancer, but I believe that the weight contributed to this fact. We arrived in Jacksonville almost two years ago, I really didn't notice the weight, because I had convinced myself that being overweight was the only way for me. I started to notice I couldn't fit into anything, and out in the public everything was embarrassing. I started to think that I would break anything and everything that I would come in contact with, not to mention my health was really getting bad. I'm always in pain with the knees, legs, severe back pain and just miserable. I started to wear dark color clothing, having 5 different types of black stretch pants and wearing them just about everyday. I would just find the biggest shirts possible. So I decided that it was time to really fix this for good. I went to see my Primary Care Physician and she agreed and sent my referral to Tricare. My referral was approved to see the Dr. for consultation
02/24/03 I had my consultation with Dr. Overcash. My first impression is listed below. He is a very knowledgeable doctor and knows what he is doing. He went over every risk there was and he told me what to expect. From listening to him I knew that this was the right thing for me, because I had come this far. The office gave me a package and other things I had to get done to get my paper work to my Insurance. I had to have a psy eval done, a letter from my Primary care manager, letters from my husband and myself, and a weight history of pervious attempts of weight loss and dieting. I sent all of my information in and waited to call the office on Monday the following week.
03/02/03 I called today to see if all of my paperwork was in order, and to see if there was anything that office needed from me. The reply that I got "when we look over your paperwork we will give you a call". I said okay and nothing else was said.
03/5/03 I called the Doctor Office once again to see if paperwork was in order and had it been sent to the insurance company. I got the same reply "when we look over your paperwork we will give you a call". I said okay and nothing else.
03/07/03 I called the Doctor office once again, and the reply that I got this time was that it was on the doctor's desk for a letter to be transcribed. I said okay and waited to the following week.
3/14/03 I called the Doctor's office once again, then the reply was what I got the week before "when we look over the paperwork we would give you a call". I told the nurse that I was just told earlier this week that my paperwork was on the doctor's desk to be transcribed. I really don't think that I'm being bothersome, but most people have there mind set to get something done like I do, they don't like being given the run around. I mean if there is other requirements needed I don't mind hassling to get it done, but I would like to be treated the same. I know there are other patients, but shouldn't I come before the people that came behind me. Well still waiting, that's my middle name and onto next week.
3/31/03 Okay today I'm doing the happy dance. I called Tricare hotline today and my APPROVAL!!!!!!! was in the system. I was so very happy. I was really feeling bad and wondering why I hadn't heard anything. It had been one month since my consultation and I was really getting a little upset. Well I haven't gotten a surgery date yet, but at least I know that I am APPROVED..........
Hi everyone, I'm so very excited today. I got the famous call. I have a Surgery date of April 22, 03. I just wanted to shout and cry all at the same time. Then all of sudden when I got home today, I just felt a sudden sadness. What is that, I'm suppose to be the happiest in the world, along with everyone else that got approved today smile). Anyway, everyone take care. I hope everyone is recovering well, and is loving the other side.
April 22, 2003
4/08/03 Well I haven't updated in a while since I received my official date of surgery. There are so many emotions that your mind go through and so many things that you think about. You know I haven't had friends in a long time, and generally I just stay to myself, but I do on occasion have dinner with co-workers (all guys) and their wives. Well, I was saying my farewells, and telling them that I would be in the hospital soon, and of course they already knew, and I just noticed how they sit back and snickered, and one of my co-workers said if you would go to the gym with me I know that I can get that weight off of you. They just don't know, and you know what any other time that would hurt my feelings, but I know what I want and they didn't change my mind one bit. I just amazed at the fact that people smile in your face at one minute and then the next is something totally different. Anyway I saw from a lot of peoples website the things that made them most have the surgery, or somewhat embarrassing, so I decided to list mine.
1) Tired of the numbness in my legs 2) Tired of the horrific lower back pain 3) Tired of having strong body pains all over 4) Tired of having to stand for 2 to 3 minutes before I take off walking if not my knees will bulk and I will fall or stumble. 5) Serious knee pain that can not take me up and down the stairs. 6) Not being able to sleep no more that two to three hours. 7) I can no longer sleep in my bed because I need cushion all around my back 8) Shortness of breathe when I walk 5 to 10 steps 9) Summertime is the worst, and you are sweating none stop 9) Tired of wearing all stretch pants and nothing of light colors 10) Having to find large shirts to cover my stomach and my thighs (cause I have gained four more thighs. I can make this list go on and on about my personal life, but I do think these are the deciding factors. Well countdown has started.
4/14/03~OHHHHHH BOYYYYYYYYY.......Time is getting closer for me. I think today was the day that I really sit down, and collective thought about I the things I need to do, or should do. I can feel my heart beating, and the same time I just really anxious for it to be over. I keep thinking all the thoughts that I told everyone has, but you just think about the what IFs.
4/20/03~Hey everyone....Not very well in keeping journals. Well I have been trying to keep myself really busy, so I can not think about the fact that I have two days. Trying to think of all of the things that I need to check and be sure everything is in order. This weekend I have been just a little to myself thinking of all the things, and hoping everything goes well for me. I had dinner with my coworkers on Saturday and I wasn't really in the mood for any of them, and of course we got around to talking about my Surgery. I didn't want to talk about it much, but I sure was ready to go. So the time is here and I'm truly ready. I may have all the nervousness and the questions, but believe you me I'm ready. So tomorrow I check into the hotel, so I may not get a chance to write, but knowing myself I will be on my laptop in the hotel. My poor husband just don't know what to do with me, he is trying to figure out if he should talk to me, if he should just leave me alone. I don't want to brother him to much, because I have drilled it in his head. I know he is saying he can't wait for this to be over too. I'm sure glad he has stuck it out this long, and have dealt with my moodiness "lord knows I have been moody" Anyway, I hope to be posting in a couple of days to let you all know how it went.
See new Post-op Updates below.
THE NEW ME
Thank you Lord, for bringing me through.
04/29/03 Hey everyone it's me. Well I have made it to the other side. I had my Surgery on 22 April 03, and all went well as expected. Just to give you all a short story of what happen. I checked into the hospital at 6:00 a.m., and got prep and they gave me numerous of test. When I laid in the bed and finally realized what I was really doing this, and while waiting on the Doctor, I got truly nervous. I started to cry frantically and just got real nervous. My husband didn't quite understand. My husband said "after all the research you are scared about this surgery or are you just real nervous". I told him I was just real nervous. Needless to say, everything went so fast, Doctor came in ask me questions to be sure that I knew the surgery was "Elective" and that I was ready to do it. I really began to cry, and they rolled me to the Surgery room. The nurse came me medicine to help calm me down, which didn't work right away and he then gave me more. Soon as I knew it I was out. I remember waking up in the Recover Room with a breathing mask on my face. Once again I panicked. I could not get my breathing under control. The nurse kept telling me to calm down, that I was just about on my way to the room to see my husband. She asked me about the pain of the incision, on a scale of 1-10, and I told her it was about a 8. She then put then button in my hand and told me every time I felt the pain to push the button. I remember being rolled down to my room and looking at the door and seeing my husband, and then I was out again. Well I woke during the night after that, and I couldn't stand that tube in my nose, another panic moment. The tube just felt like it was in the way. I felt like I couldn't swallow, and it really annoyed me. Day two was one of the worse days I thought for me. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I did began my menstruation cycle at the same time. What a awfully time for her to visit me. So of course everything got on my nerves. I kept spitting in a napkin because I couldn't get that taste out of my mouth, and I really couldn't swallow either. When I went to sleep at night I was breathing through my mouth which made my mouth just horrible to taste in the morning. By this time you up and getting around on your own, and you do have to walk and walk. I am so thankful that my husband was there, because I really needed help, because my little friend came to visit. After day two, the nurses feels that you can pretty much handle it on your own. Or should say the night crew, because the day crew was really good to me. Day three. The tube was slipping out of my nose and was halfway down my throat and nose and once again feeling awfully. To be honest, the pain for the incision wasn't bad at all. I had expectations of the pain, from my early years of c-sections, and to me it felt very similar. As a matter of fact, the second day I used the pain button very little, and I don't remember using it any on the third day. I did get a little nausea and the nurse came in with medication that she put in my IV. Day Four. I had to go take a swallow test, and chest x-ray to be sure everything was going back to normal. The swallow test was the worse. You have to take a sip of something awfully, and keep swallowing while they look at you through the machine. Well all test went well, and the the tube is gone. I thought I was going to jump across the room. Can you say "Burn". Day Five. Dr. O's partner thought I was very low on blood and was going to give me two pints of blood. Then he didn't against it and give me two pints of iron instead. At this point I was so sick of IVs and needles. They come and get your blood every morning, and half the time you are sleep, so sometimes the nurses would miss or just scrap up my arm. My right arm at swollen up so bad, they had to move to the left hand. Finally doctor said I could go home. I arrived home and I really missed my home. "Home is were the heart is". My husband made up a nice place for me, because the rocking chair was just not comfortable for me. I had another long chair that worked great. Okay, the new diet is okay. I am on clear liquids. I think the worst is the fact that I am home and when I watch TV, I start to believe that I am hungry. I know it is the "head hunger" and I am not really hunger, but it sure does play with your mind. You find it hard to get all of your liquids down, and your body is weak. I try to walk at least 10 minutes at a time and then I rest and go with another 10 minutes, then I rest, and then with another 10 minutes. This part a little difficult because of shortness of breathe. All is okay at this point. Yes you deal with a lot of emotionally issues, and just things go through your mind. but each day is a better day. At this point after getting the new that one of our own "AMOS" family member passed away, I thank the lord that he has carried me this far.
03/02/03 Hi everyone...Last night I had a big scare. I stood up to go to the restroom and my night gown was wet in the front. I thought OH MY GOD. I pulled up my night gown and I had liquid leaking from my incision at the bottom. Now I still have the staples in. Oh God I was a basket case. My husband, god bless his soul, was so calm. I called Doctor Overcash and he knew exactly what to do. Doctor Overcash is so knowledgeable and I'm so glad I choose him. Anyway he asked what color was the liquid, and I told him it was a little clear. He said it sounded like it was an infection. He told me to go to the emergency room or wait and come to Ocala tomorrow. Because I panicked so bad I went to the emergency room. I had the ER Doctor call Doctor Overcash. After the ER Doctor talked with Doctor Overcash, he explained to the ER Doctor to remove 5 of the staples from the bottom and let the infection come out and then pack the hole. OH God I thought I was going to faint. I was looking at the liquid come out, and my husband just kept telling me to turn my head. I just get so scared real easy, and so many thoughts went through my head. Anyway I have a follow up with Dr O tomorrow. You know I feel so much better after he open the infections. I didn't have a fever or anything since I have come home from the surgery, I just didn't feel completely right. After returning from the Emergency room last night, today I do feel a lot better. Now I have about a 2 inch hole in the stomach. I have a home care nurse come over to pack my wound. The wound does hurt or give me any problems just have to be cleaned twice a day. I went to see Dr. O and he said just a small infection, and what I would have to do to keep it clean and everything. He told me that he was going to set me up on Home Nurse Care. Good news over all this.....I lost my first 26 pounds.
Hi Everyone.....Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Just really trying to get use to this new body of mine. Trying to find the right things to eat and drink. Making sure you get the right amounts of protein in, making sure you taking all the right vitamins. It all is kinda overwhelming until you get use to it all. I am on my 5 week and I really don't want to weigh myself because I have so many bad memories of weight loss attempts in the past that I just watched the scale everyday. This time I wanted it to be different. I know if I would get on the scale now and didn't see a difference that it would send me into a mood of starving myself just to see a lost and I know that is not good. I have learned that during this surgery you must eat and getting in all the necessary require medicine to make it really work. The new eating habits is a bit of adjustment. The first four weeks my Doctor has you on liquids, clear the first couple of weeks and then soft puree the next couple of weeks. Boy was that really hard being on those liquids. The first couple of weeks didn't matter because your appetite is gone, but those next couple of weeks when you start to get an appetite is the hardest. Not to mention that you are watching every commercials on television and just thinking about all of the good food that you use to eat. Then you think to yourself soon I will be able to notice a difference in health and size and it will be all worth it. Well I have a doctor's appointment June 3, and then I will know for sure my weight. That will be my 6 weeks mark. Anyway today we got some sad news. Another one of our beloved sisters from AMOS has passed. She was actually apart of the same support group that I am involved with. Boy did this news hit so close to home. I am just so sad, and scared at the same time. I keep telling myself not to panic when I hear things like this but I all can do is think crazy thoughts in my head, such as is this going to happen to me. I know when the time is right and the Lord is ready for me, then it will be my time, it just so hard to accept. I am praying for her family and hopes that will be able to make it through this tragedy. Well I will update everyone after I come from my checkup and hopefully I will have meet my goal of 35 lbs
06/09/03 Hey Everyone, Just a quick update. I had my checkup on June 3. I meet my goal and exceeded by 5 lbs. My total lost is 46 lbs. I talked to the doctor about my feeling still a little weak and no having that much engery. I reminded him about my iron being so low in the hospital that I had to have two pints of iron. He told me to make an appoint with my primary care physician. I was trying to wait until I got a copy of my operative report from the hosiptal to give my primary care physician a better idea of all my tests.
06/11/03 Hey Everyone, Just a quick update. I have been steadily trying to get use to my new tummy. I have been trying to find things that my tummy will agree with or that I at least feel a little filling. I have gotten sick at least three times because It can be so many things that maybe sometimes the food gets stuck or times that you just eat too fast. I have been kinda down because I don't feel as though I am losing. I haven't weight myself since doctor visit. Don't have one in my house that really goes pass 300 lbs. I looked in the mirror everyday and try to see a difference but I don't. I do know this, because I have been feeling a bit yucky lately I haven't been eating like I should. Most people would say well that is a good thing because you will lose. That is totally the opposite. You can't skip meals, you body needs those meals for the nutrition. If you don't eat your body goes into that starvation mode. I know this and I keep telling myself this, but I'm still skipping meals. Usually after I get off of work I am so exhausted that I just lye down for a second or two, and that second or two turns into hours and then dinner time has passed and gone, and it is time for bed. Which means I didn't get dinner in. I have to really schedule my appointment with my PCP to get an idea of where I am, and tell her about me being so tired. I think what I need is to set my palm pilot with alarms when it is time for me to eat. For instance last night I started to eat, and then I started to feel bad. I think I was feeling bad because of the calcium pill that I took on an empty stomach. I was trying to pin point those times that I do feel bad. So yesterday I traced everything that I ate and the calcium was the last thing that I had so I thought it was that. We will see today. No report on weight loss because I truly don't know. I am trying to get as much protein in as I can, and water. I have found a real good protein drink, Nectar, and I can drink that three times a day, but I think I have been slacking on that as well. Today it is 2:30 and I feel like I got a little more energy. We will see. Later
Well It has been awhile since I last updated. Well lets see what I can report. I have been waiting to get my blood work results from my PCP since the 06/16/03. Wow what a long time. I think if I get those results back and start my B12 shots and Iron I would feel a 100% better. I have been going on about my daily routine as usual. I have picked up my exercising. I have free membership to the gym through my job, so I couldn't resist taking advantage of that. I go to the gym doing my lunch period, and after I get back to work is when I feel very exhausted. Again I said it has to do with my iron. You best believe I will be on the phone tomorrow insisting that I get those results back. I will report that I am now down 57 lbs. I'm kinda happy about that, it just I want to see an instant change in everything and it just doesn't happen that way. My family tells me they see a difference, but I want to see the difference. I know I am a pretty large women, and it is going to take at least a 100 lbs before I really can notice a difference and I hope that's makes me a lot happier. Then I have to look at past diet experiences and say when have I lost almost 60 lbs in 2 months and 7 days. I am not a scale jumper, I just get too upset when I do get on the scale so I try and wait maybe a week to ten days out. I just keep trying to eat all the right things, exercise and protein and hope and pray that I see a difference in the scale. I notice in my clothes, but not as much as I would like to see. I am not shopping for new clothes yet I just don't think it is time. My husband tells me to get something new, because others are hanging. My eating is still the same, some days I can eat pretty good and other days my appetite is just not there. So I have a problem with still skipping meals. I try and remember everything that you have to get in (water, vitamins,protein, food), but sometimes your appetite is missing. Other times that I am at work I get extremely hungry, and then when I eat it not the same. Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining at all. I love the fact that I can eat a little an then push it to the side. I just wish I can find things that I like. Your taste buds to change. What you like today you might not like tomorrow. Or what you use to like pre-op you may not like post-op. It depends, and it depends on the person as well. I am experimenting with more things, and then I go back to the safe things I know about. Also water is so important, but I am bad at that too. As long as I was home after the hospital stay I was good to go, and then when I went back to work it is a bit slow. I take along with me everyday a 52oz jug. It is a big jug and I try to finish that before coming home from work and it doesn't work. I'm lucky to get half. I do get in at least 3 proteins drinks a day, boy that can be expensive, but the Nectar is something that I love. It taste just like drinking cool-aid, not too sweet and no cals, no fat, and no carbs. Anyway I will update later about blood work.
07/20/03 Wow it's been a minute since I last updated. Well lets see..... I am down 67 lbs and the 22 July will by my 3 month anniversary as well as my (born to this world) birthday. So I guess I'm celebrating two for one. I hoping to get to the "Century Club" by my 4th month. That's 33 more pounds to go. Trust me, then I still have to make "Century Club #2" number two cause I have one more (100) to go. Well I tell you life is just different. I still haven't found a great amount of energy, but I will say it is changing. I go to the gym everyday for Lunch since I have a membership pass through my job, and I will say no matter what, I'm at the gym. That is so wonderful about me, because before surgery I didn't have the energy to do nothing but eat. I always found time to eat even if I didn't want to go out for Lunch, I would find something. I do feel that I am hungry a lot, and when I eat it just doesn't feel (fulfilling or I want to say it doesn't touch my taste buds. I don't eat but a few bites and then I want to put it away. I want to get something and say "Now that taste good". Not in this case, I think I want to say everything taste the same. NO real taste. While I haven't change my clothing yet, I'm stubborn on that part. My husband can't stand it. He wants me to stop wearing the baggy clothes. I told him at the rate I'm going I just don't want to go out and buy some clothes that I don't think I'm going to be in for a long time. I did go buy a few shirts, and some workout clothes. You know what I think it is: I think I am truly scared of finding out the try size I wear. I know me all too well, once I find out then I am going to get crazy about the weight loss and I feel like I going to do exactly what I did about 7 years ago. 7 years ago I stared to lose the weight and I got so excited once 50 lbs came, that I just went crazy, I wanted it more and more and more. I stopped eating, I went crazy on the clothes, I didn't want to stay home. Oh my life was crazy then. Well now that I am wiser and older I just want to take a different approach. So I trying to take things slower, and that's why I think I am scared. I haven't taken any pictures yet of the new look. Some mornings I look in the mirror and I say to myself, "wow my is my face is getting big again" and It's not just on that particular day it looked big to me. My mental mind just haven't caught up to the rest of me yet. Well still taking one day at a time. I found out what I can eat and what I can't. I stay away from dry food. If it is not in some type of juice I won't try it because it is just to dry and it will get stuck. Anything that I have noticed, actually it is two things: One I can barely sit down. My butt hurts so bad when I sit down. Some people say it is because I'm losing the padding, but it something that I haven't felt before. Sometimes it hurt so bad it stops me from getting up and down in my chair. Secondly, I every now and then fell a slight pain around my incision. I constantly feeling around it to see if anything is growing. Hoping that I don't get a hernia. Well I figure that's all I have to report at this time. Until next time 9/16/03 5 Months out on 9/22/03 Okay this is really ridiculous. I haven't updated in about a month, going on two. Now you know that is truly bad. Okay where do I began. I guess I can start off by saying I am -95 lbs less. I'm almost in the famous "Century Club". Well I know I have plenty to go, and now if I can just get that feeling in my mind that this has truly happened. Maybe because I was so heavy, I really haven't been feeling the glory of the 95 lbs. Don't get me wrong I am so totally happy that this has happen. It has improved my quality of life 100%. I have more energy, and I most definitely can move around easily. I have had people at work tell me they see me flying down the hall when I use to creep and wobble. Well they say we didn't have surgery on the brain, only on the stomach. I just feel that total insecure feeling that I'm at a point that I was before when I was on Weight Watchers, and eventually reality will pop back up, and the weight will start to add back. Maybe once I get closer to my goal weight or pass the amount of weight that I lost before that I can really start to enjoy it. Well because I can move around more and feel a lot healthier I have been doing more things and that is why I haven't updated in over a month. That is so bad. My blood work and everything is good. It is so very important to get that done at least every three months. As I figured though, my iron is very low. My PCP is giving me until November to improve with taking Iron supplements, but she says since we knew that I had this problem before surgery, it is kinda expected. I have the energy, but I haven't gotten that big "BURST" of energy that I hear so much about, and partly that is because of my iron. Well lets talk about the weight, the weight is coming off pretty good I think. When I went for my 3 month checkup with the surgeon he was very impressed. Within those three months I had lost 48 pounds. He said he was very proud. I did feel proud as well, but I knew in my heart that I had truly work hard. I mean I didn't feel like my weight was just going to fall off like some have, I felt like I had to work hard at exercising and eating . I exercised everyday at lunch, because I got a "free membership" through work, I just knew I had to take advantage of it. Also I knew that I had always stayed true to "PROTEIN". I started the protein early on when I got the open wound, and I stayed with it. The Nectar is my favorite and I don't think I could change from that. I drink three 20 oz drinks a day which is a total of 60 oz plus the other protein sources that I get in. I will tell you this, if you hear all around that if you do get on a plateau just up your protein to break the plateau. I will tell you that it is so true. Since it has been so long since I have updated my journal I have been on many plateaus, one I thought for sure I would never break and that is when I got to 80 mark. Yes it was so very depressing. But sure enough I kept drinking that protein, getting in protein bars and everything and the plateau broke. So it truly does work. Well my husband says that I look kinda funny, in a good way. He says I have a small head now and I used to have a big head. How is that possible to loose weight in your head. ha.ha.ha. Well I think it is just a little slim face now, where as it use to be a big round face. Well that part has to grow on me. What else exciting. Oh yea, I think I'm loosing my tail bone. You know the one you sit on everyday. About my three month it became very hard to sit down sometimes, and it is still hard to sit down today. I asked the surgeon when I saw him last week for my three month checkup and he told me it sounds like I'm losing my tail bone. I know everybody is thinking well she is just losing all that padding that she had back there, but trust me that is not it. Sometimes I can barely get up and out of my seat or barely sit down. I manage by moving around all the time or sitting on something soft. I really hopes this improve. The surgeon said sometimes the tail bone is removed. I have never heard about that, but I said ok. I just know it really do hurt. Well I've given you all the update and I hope to update sooner this time.
10/23/03 Yesterday marks my 6 month anniversary. Well I'm down 107 pounds and I'm feeling better and better each day. I still going to the gym everyday. My energy I'm still waiting for that big burst. I will say though that I do far more than I every could. I have built my wind and endurance when he comes to breathing and exercising. HORMONES I will say this though, I'm not sure if my hormones are all out of wack or what. I mean I have children so I know what it is to have your hormones change. I want to know, why I'm I so mad at the world. I wouldn't say mad at the world I'm just very short tempered and ready to tell someone off in a heart beat. Some people say that is when your B12 count is low. I'm not taking the shots, my PCP doesn't think it is time to have them because my count was good. I am taking the B12 sublingual. I had my B12 done almost two months ago, and I go back in November, but I just don't get that part. I feel like all the people that I hang around had taken advantage of me, and now I see it. Why didn't I see it then? I am not as willing as I use to be, I'm just sometimes out right rude. Maybe it is not the hormones and maybe it is the new me. This part I don't like about myself, but I think of all of the things that I gave into or was willing to do without a fight, and now it is totally the opposite. So I really got to get my B12 checked. COMPLIMENTS ON WEIGHT LOST I have gotten a lot of compliments this week about me looking good. (THAT SHOULD MAKE ME HAPPY IN ITSELF, AND I TRULY AM HAPPY BECAUSE I'M HEALTHIER THAN I HAVE BEEN IN YEARS) I mean people are really noticing my weight now. You would think after losing 107 pounds that they would notice. Did it had to be after the 100 lbs. I starting to get to the point where I don't want to tell people how much I have lost. Oh I'm shouting from the roof tops, and I'm getting use to the new body, but I think there are too many people out there watching me. That part is making me mad too. I see them looking at what I eat, looking to see if I'm going to the gym during lunch time. Just trying to figure out exactly what I'm doing. That's why I think I don't want to continue to tell them how much I have lost. I feel like I'm under a magnifying glass. I think from now on I'm going to say well I've lost a lot and hope to lose more. I think that is a good answer. FOOD AND APPETITE Okay six months out and my appetite is increasing, but only on certain days. Some days I feel very full but others feel like I'm hungry right after I eat. My daily routine usually consist of Protein Shake in the morning, 6:30 a.m., Oatmeal in the morning. Depending on how I feel, it might be fruit. Lunch is a turkey or tuna salad. I love them. Half a protein bar or Protein drink. Dinner most of time I get the Wendy's chili and right before bed time another Protein drink. The chili from Wendy's they say it is filled with protein. Okay I still can't do some chicken or steak. I'm more of a person that loves to drink or drinking is easier to go down. 7 months Post Op 22 November 03 Hi Amos. Well today is my 7 month Anniversary, and I'm down 117 lbs. I'm feeling pretty good, but still haven't felt that big boost of energy. Maybe I have been just haven't noticed it. All busy all during the day, I'm still going to the gym during lunch time using that wonderful machine the elliptic. That machine is awesome. I use the treadmill and now have been doing a little weights.; So maybe I do have the energy, just looking for it it in a different way. I go for my 3 month bloodwork checkup and I'm hoping that my Iron count is up, and I'm also hoping for the B12 shots. I just hear so many people say that they get that energy from the B12 shot. My PCP says my B12 was just fine, my count was in the 600 and anything below 400 is considered low. So she said I'm doing well in that area. So it has to be the fact that I'm anemic and maybe that is why the energy is bursting out the sky. Well it is funny I finally went through my closet today and packed a great big box of all my size 32 and 34 clothing. I held onto them long enough, but you know what I said to myself as I was packing the box I said "I sure hope this is my last time doing this&";. Because as most of you know we have done that sort of thing so many times. I can remember doing that same thing and saying that this will never be me again. I had told myself that, and I tried so hard, but I did, I went right back to the place that was forbidden by me. So I pray to god that this is not another time of packing and unpacking the clothing. That this will be my last time to try and not be overweight. As before yes it all falls of me, I can either do the right thing or I can do the wrong thing. So I guess time will tell. Going out for clothes is still an adventure. It depends on what store you are in, what the texture of the material, etc.,. On a good day I'm happy to report that I'm wearing a size 16. I still can't believe it and I won't venture out to the small people store. I still shop in the Lane Bryant and the Ashley Stewarts or anything that I use to shop in. I walked one time by New York Lerners, and I turned to go inside, once I got in there I asked myself what in the world I'm I doing in this store. Now mind you I'm not a teenager any longer, but that store frighten me. I thought for sure that people was looking saying what in the world is she doing in here. So I turned around and went right back out. I went to a Support group meeting today, and I wanted to post this The Top Ten Reasons why Weight Loss Surgery is NOT "the easy way out" 10. It's very expensive. Many health insurance companies don't pay for the surgery, and even when they do, co-payments and other costs add up quickly. Also, it can become very costly to constantly replenish wardrobes as the weight comes off. 9. Recovery can be very painful. Besides the pain from the surgery wound, patients may experience nausea or severe gastric distress. Patients with sleep apnea may become sleep-deprived, with all of the associated adverse affects, when they must discontinue use of their CPAP machines to avoid disturbing the staples creating their tiny new stomach pouch. 8. Recuperation can take a long time. Patients may be "out of commission" and absent from work for a prolonged period of recovery time. In some cases, patients may not be able to return to work or normal pursuits for up to 10 - 12 weeks. 7. It's hard work and a major time commitment. For optimal results, patients should engage in aerobic exercise for up to an hour daily. For bodies unaccustomed to vigorous exercise, this can be very hard. It's also a real challenge for WLS patients to learn all they must about nutrition so they can assure that their food and vitamins are sustaining their body. Finally, it can be exhausting to consciously, carefully and painstakingly chew every bit of food that enters your mouth. 6. Vomiting isn't fun. Nor is diarrhea. It may take patients many months (and frequent episodes of vomiting or diarrhea) to identify incompatible foods and to learn the practical limits of their newly reduced stomachs or digestive systems. 5. It takes extraordinary courage to consciously limit food choices for the rest of your life (and potentially limit social opportunities built around meals). For many patients, life after WLS means treating food as a fuel, not as a source of drama, excitement, comfort or a central life focus: i.e. eating to live rather than living to eat. While some procedures may be reversible, for most patients WLS is a lifetime commitment, requiring a lifetime of major lifestyle changes. 4. Weight loss surgery can be dangerous. As many as .5% of surgery patients may die from the procedure, and up to 5% may experience debilitating medical complications (especially if they listen to their peers' advice more carefully than their doctor's.) 3. It takes great bravery and strength to deflect other people's judgments and society's myths about obesity. Fat people are often blamed and shamed by family and friends with simplistic advice, unrealistic solutions, and uninformed prejudices. Whether it's for genetic or metabolic reasons, diet and exercise, willpower and discipline have never, by themselves, been enough. Our appetite regulators simply don't work. Without WLS, we don't know when we're full! 2. What gives anyone the right to judge which path is right for another? Is a person who runs a 10K taking a "better" or "tougher" route to wellness than the person who walks vigorously every day? Is working with weights better than water aerobics? Different strokes for different folks. Each of us finds our own right way, and how dare others judge our path to health and longevity! By their reckoning, the most courageous thing would be for us to suck it up and die young. 1. For many morbidly obese people, WLS may be the ONLY realistic alternative for achieving a long, healthy life. The newest research provides irrefutable evidence that body weight is largely a function of genes - just like height or a family propensity for cancer. These genes help regulate appetite and metabolism. People prone to obesity seem to gain excessive weight easily, while finding it difficult or impossible to lose it. That's why diets almost always fail and why WLS is currently the only viable weight loss option for many morbidly obese people, according to endocrinologist David Cummings of the Veterans Affairs Puget Sound Health Care System. Most people can lose no more than 5-10% off their "natural" body weight by exercising and eating wisely. Decades of diet studies show that more than 90% of people who lose weight by dieting gain it all back within 5 years. "! There are exceptions, but when you are speaking of general rules, the only people who are able to lose more than 10 percent of their body weight and keep it off are people who have had gastric-bypass or other bariatric surgery," Cummings notes
JANUARY 2004
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 01/01/2004 Well I made it through the year. I had my weight lost surgery as planned. That was last year resolution. All went okay and so far going ok. I am 8 months post and down to 130 lbs. I feeling ok, but still no strong energy. My PCP is trying a different iron pill and having me eat liver twice a week. Giving me 4 months to bring up my red blood cells. GYN has me on a birth control pill to see if the bleeding can stop(don't have to worry about getting pregnant anymore that is definitely not the problem). Well after taking them for 30 days so far I thought oh wonderful, only a little here and there but that was a joke. I'll try them for three months like she said and see what happens. The only thing with birth controls pills is I remember long ago the weight gain, but she said I will not have a problem with these, and so far she is correct no weight gain still losing. Well I might be developing gallstones. I had an ultrasound right before Christmas. The Doc says that she notice Sludge. So now I have to go for another ultrasound to be sure there are no forming gallstones. I am really not ready for that surgery if that is the case. I was hoping for one more surgery and that will be the plastic surgery. That in itself scares me once again. I just don't let surgeries or getting sick for that matter. Just don't like it. Well the weight lost guys is great, I can actually say now that I can see the weight lost. After 130 lbs I can really see a difference. I tried on a dress yesterday to wear to a New Year's Eve party and I took a look at the side view and it kinda shock me. I said to myself well maybe I am getting smaller. There are no new years resolutions for me, just to continue on the path that I have been going. I do say though I'm going to work extra hard to finally be under 200 lbs. Boy I haven't seen that in a long, long time. The skin though is something that is not likeable by me. I mean I think I can deal with the arms but the thighs and stomach has to go. I think that right their will bring me below the 200 for sure. Everything else seem to bounce back, because I don't look real saggy. I mean the clothes cover things well, and I look like I have shape, but boy you take off those clothes and BAM. Oh well I hope everyone has had a wonderful hoilday season and continue on the losing side. For Pre-ops considering WLS Surgery continue on your path, and as the saying goes "
"If God brought you to it, then he will bring you through it"
01/28/2004 Well here I am again, 10 months out. Man how times flies. Well how I'm I doing other than staying extremely busy, I guess ok. Weight lost is moving very slowly now. I'm at a total of 140 lbs. Kinda bummed about that though. I had hope to be a 100% by April, my one year anniversary. But that will never happen that would have to be at least 40 to 50 more pounds. You see I had more than the 100 to lose, much more. Well in my ten months I will say that your old habits do try to creep right back into your life. Your hungry pain gets stronger and you desire more and more things that are not good for you. I stay away from them, and I try to focus on what will keep me healthy. My major biggest problem is not eating thinking that it is bad or that the first slight of good food is going to make me gain weight. And this is probably why I do have hunger pains, because I not feeding the source. This truly doesn't help the weight lost efforts not one little bit. Pre-ops and newly post-ops you have to eat, (all the right foods of course) but you have to do it. This helps with your weight lost. If I could take my own advice I would be dangerous. I am still taking my supplements, and definitely my protein drink. If I could get by with just having the protein drink I would do it, but of course that is just a supplement. Okay just feeling kinda bummed out this new year. My new body still is just not where I want it to be. I think it is official I do have to go for Gallbladder surgery. Didn't want anymore surgery until I start to think about Plastic surgery. So that is bumming me out. The birth control- hormone pills that my GYN put me on is really making me so irritable. I'm talking "BIT........." from hell. I argue with everyone, I'm actually though standing up for myself for once, and I will comment or disagree on just about anything. I asked my GYN why was this happening and was it because of the pills she told me it was all my fatty cells and everything is just going crazy from losing so much weight rapidly. I just wish I can get out of this funk. I don't talk about my Weight Lost Surgery anymore. People at work and neighbors are just wondering what in the world is going on. People at work knew I had the surgery, they are now just being very nosy. I have people come to my desk and ask "Well how much weight have you really lost". At first I was all excited about telling them I lost 80lbs, than the next month 90lbs, and then after that you know the numbers went up. Well I'm starting to feel that it is really none of their business. I very rarely talk with my neighbors, I come home from work come in my house or whatever, we never really talked. I would speak and everything but nothing further. Neighbor asked right around Christmas her exact words were "Well what did you do to lose the weight, how much did you lose". Do you want to know what my reply was, I told her I was on a low Carb diet. I think I am tired of people wondering, and maybe it is because I'm tired of them looking at me so closely and seeing if I fail. It is sad to say that when I see someone that hasn't seen me in the small body that I tend to try and get away, not wanting them to ask me what I have done. You all out there are probably saying that I should be shouting to the mountain top about Weight Lost surgery. I am truly happy for having this operation, but my motivate was to get healthy again. The looks came with it, and I'm truly thankful. Just still have those same old fears of regaining or doing something to jeopardize what I have done. Another surgery was not on top of my list either. So while the weight lost surgery was perfect in my mind, it just doesn't fix all of the issues that you have to deal with. There are strong underlining issues that we all must deal with or they come back with strong swift power knockout. Also my baby boy left for the Air Force. He had already finished boot camp and everything but now he is at his first duty station. He went all the way over to Korea. He has stay a year at his first command. You know a mother's thought is to try and make sure everything is alright. Just worry about things when he is your baby. He writes emails to me and he sounds good, but a mother just wants to be able to take care of there children always. He will do fine I'm sure. Strong personality and very smart. So all in all the new year as got to get a little more exciting for me. I will say this, and I never forget that "I'm truly Blessed". I have health, life and family. All a person should want and every need. Thank you Lord.
Well I guess this ends it for now. Talk to you all soon. Stay on your journey whatever that maybe and just stay focused.
February 2004
Gallbladder Surgery
02/07/2004 Hi All, Well I had been having tests for my gallbladder and it was confirmed that I had to go into surgery. Went into surgery Friday morning at 9:00 a.m. I have to say once again, I was oh so very nervous. I had to sit and count the number of times I went under the knife and this time should have been a breeze for me, but it was just like any other time, I was nervous and crying frantically. I know I had so many things on my mind, and the main thing that was sticking to my thoughts was the lost of one our dear AMOS members. My heart goes out to "Jade Greene" and her family. May god be with them in this time of sorrow. Of course as normal my Dear Husband was there by my side, to see me go through this thing once again. I wasn't looking forward to this surgery, it just felt like it was too soon after Gastric Bypass Surgery. But I went through it, and it was so funny Dear Husband told them as soon as I got there "please give her something cause she is going to act crazy in here" I just had to laugh, but he was so right. I did good all the way up to the Male Nurse came to wheel me down. I have to give a shout out to him, and I forgot his name, but he stayed with me all the way until I went under. They wouldn't let my husband go behind the surgery doors, so the Male nurse was there for me. Guezz I wish I remember his name, but I will stop by the hospital when I go for my follow-up to go and thank him for his support. Anyho....The surgery was so fast, after all my panic moments, it was over and I was looking at the nurse telling me to wake up. I got to my room and I felt great. Just a little groggy, Be again I knew I was truly blessed to be able to see my husband and family again. That gave me more engery. The pain was minimal, like a small cramp, nothing really strong, and by 1:00 p.m. they were getting me ready to go home. I could get up and move around, walk and do all the norms. I came home and of course got back on my computer, but couldn't stay for long. Today is just a sore day. My throat and neck, back and shoulders are hurting. But of course the drugs help me tremendously. Don't have to take them that much though, and I will say it is because I have lost the weight and have been more active, so I'm hoping that this recovery be a fast one. Still can't eat too much though. I can't figure the eating thing out. Just every time I try to eat I fell pretty sick. I tried soups and popsicles. Trying to go back to the beginning, but everything just gives me a nauseated feeling. So I have to stay with the liquids. I guess I have to wait until this thing is over before I get back to food that is healthy. Just can't figure the food out.
Anyway glad to be reporting back in, and hoping that everyone is moving forward on their journey. Take care and God Bless. "Things I have Accomplished or I hope to Accomplish" 1. Finally able to be into size 12, 14 pants. Some Medium size tops, mostly large size. 2. Able to sit comfortable in any chair without having the fear of breaking the chair. (Still a slight fear, but not as great). 3. I'm able to walk into normal size clothing stores, and shop on the misses rack.(still go to the women or large size section). 4. Went to Mardi Gras this year and had a ball. 5. Slowly getting to the point where I can cross my legs comfortable and they are not sticking high in the air. 6. Haven't taken a plan trip, but plan to. I want to sit in that sit and feel the space on both sides of me. Not having to move the arm rest. 7. I really want to take a cruise. In the 18 years that my husband and I have been together, I have never taken a cruise. Not real fond of water/ocean. Never have been. Update on things Accomplished: 8. I have taken several plane trips. 9. Went to Key West 2004 and rode on a little motor bike. Had the time of my life. 10. Went to South Beach and walked and walked. Went on the beach with a two piece top and underpants type with a skirt. Oh man I was so self conscious I couldn't do anything but worry about who was looking at me. 11. March 27. 2004 Well Everyone I have hit my 11 months post-op. I'm down 150 lbs. I am ready to see the plastic surgeon. I have an appointment for April 19, 2004. This is only three days shy of my One year anniversary. I really think it is time. I have more than 2" of panni hanging, and my thighs are just awful. It is sad to say that I am ashamed once again to look at myself. Oh I'm truly happy about the weight lost. I mean I'm so happy about the weight lost you will never know, but I truly didn't know that I had gotten so large that I would have that much hanging skin. I guess you say what do I expect when I have lost an entire person. That much skin much show. I guess........just so very long and not appealing at all. I have taken numerous of pictures to take with me to the surgeon. I'm trying to get the ball rolling before my Insurance starts to deny request related to Gastric Bypass. I have Tricare Prime and I understand that they may eventually follow behind BCBS. So I'm on a mission again. The bad part is this there are so many people that will do this surgery in a heart beat. If they need this tuck, that pulled this fixed. Why I'm I so scared to have this surgery, not to mention all of the others. I guess when I had my children I was too young and not really thinking of the consequences related to the surgery. Since I have gotten older and on this journey of Gastric Bypass Surgery, then my gall bladder surgery, why does everything freak me out. I want this surgery so bad. I have never had a small tummy, I'm not even looking for the flat part, I'm just looking to not have a hang. I have had a hang every since I was 18 years old, maybe earlier than that my teenage years in school, but after I had my baby boy it was not the same. See I had the old C-Section, which mean I got cut vertically. So I have always had a fold right in the middle and the panni which hangs. So I had a two section stomach. I looked forward to just feeling like I have one stomach. I'm not going to say normal, because what is normal to one person is not normal to the next. But this surgery scares me. I'm looking at all of the TV shows of the Extreme Makeover and then reading people's journal of Plastic surgery and just thinking how everyone I've came across says it is so bad. I'm not looking forward to getting cut again. So everyone says, well how bad do you want it, then you would go through with it. I'm just thinking of all the awful things that happens, like the drains, and possible infections, and the pain of course. I know that small infection that I had after Gastric Bypass surgery scared the you know what out of me. I will say this though if it was meant for me, I guess I will get it.
20 April 2004 Hello Everyone. I had my Plastic Surgery consultation was yesterday. Well paperwork off to insurance for abdominoplasty surgery. I felt pretty good about meeting Dr. Doolabh. Was surprised that she was a lady plastic surgeon, so I felt real comfortable about that. She checked for all of the necessary rashes and things and saw that I had extreme chaffing, lots of moisture that I can never keep dry in that area. So you can imagine the hygiene. She told me to stand so that she could get a good look, and then she immediately said yes that I had an extreme amount of skin. She then took out her little camera and started to take pictures. She noted everything that was wrong on my chart. She said that it would definitely help, and the fact the my skin hung pass my public area. She then said that she wanted to go all the way around with the surgery. The surgery wasn't going to be a body lift (something that I wish I can get to get it over with) but she said this would be to get the extra skin around my back area all the overlapping skin. I thought that was a very big plus. We talked in general, and she said that when and if insurance approved it that I would come back in with all of my major questions and we would schedule dates. She told me that the procedure we be around 4 hours on the table, and of course that just freaked me out. I am just scared of being under anthesia for that long. For my Gastric Bypass surgery I was on the table for 35 minutes. Dr. Overcash gets you in and out. I remember him telling my husband to not go anywhere that he was going to be done in 30 minutes. I thought the longer you stay on the table the longer you have chances of blood clots. Dr. Dooblah told me that if she was going to cut me all the way around that the majority of it is she does the front part first, then she has to turn the body over, which mean she has to clean and sterilized that area to get to the back part. She said that would take at least 30 to 40 minutes and the rest of the things was just basically sewing you back up. So I do know that I want this procedure done. I'm just getting to the point now, I'm tired of doctors, and tired of surgery, and just tired. I just have been feeling real down the last couple of weeks. I want this procedure and I want to feel complete. I asked about my thighs and of course the breast, and she said she prefers to do one surgery at a time. Less time on the table, and better recovery. I don't know, maybe after the tummy tuck, I probably feel better and be ready to do the other things. I think another reason to be down, I am wanting to get my energy level back up to speed. I have been tellin
