michellencali
Hello,
My name is Michelle.
I'm hitting the big 40 this year.
I live in California
I am married.
I have been obese for the last 10 years.
I was very abused as a child.
As I got older I wanted the control.
I realized because of the way I looked I had control.
I controlled my appearance.
I controlled my body.
I had sex on MY terms.
I made every man I dated fall in love with me.
Then I would leave.
Ultimate control.
I lost my control and fell in love with my husband.
I broke all of my own rules.
He made me feel safe for the first time in my life.
We had two beautiful boys.
I was the mother I never had and more.
I was involved in every activety with them.
I was a Baseball Coach, PTA President and President of their Little League.
I was "The Cool Mom" "The Pretty Mom"
I was blessed.
Until one night when my husband was out of town.
A man broke into my home and took everything away from me.
My safety was gone.
I had no control.
Suddenly I was six again.
We moved .
Every time a man would smile at me I felt ill.
I started eating more.
I stopped going to the gym because I was still getting unwanted attention from men.
I kept eating more.
We had our little girl.
I gained weight with my pregnancy.
I started feeling safer because men were no longer giving me attention.
But now I'm unhealthy.
My husband feels better now that I'm heavy, he used to be crazy jealous.
But now... my humor and personality returned and I'm the life of the Party again.
I have hidden behind this wall of fat long enough!
I am safe now, because I know how to be.
I want to be sexy again.
I cant stay in this self imposed prison any longer.
