mharmon
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to melissa`s journey
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Well I am 33 year old widowed women. Right now I am at the heavyest I have ever been in my life and I can not stand it any longer.I have to do something about this so I can live a normal life again.I have always been somewhat heavy for the last 18yrs or so I just seem to keep gaining weight.I have tried several diets and I always lose some weight but when I come off it I gain it back and alot more on top of it.I believe my weight gain has come from not dealing with my depression.I lost my mom at at the early age of 15.After losing my mom is when I started to gain weight.At the age of 16 I met my first husband.We dated for about 3years and over that time I did put on weight when we started having some problems.At the age of 19 1/2 we got married shortly after us being married we had our son.Things were really good with us at first.But my husband would say really mean things to me.He would make funny of me because of my weight and the way I looked. He put me down so much it wasn`t even funny and then he started hitting on me .I put up with his abuse because I really thought that I deserved it.Over the course of our 7yr marriage I put up with alot.Thanks to him I really felt bad about myself.It came to the time that I was really tired of his crap and couldn`t put up with it no more and it was no good for my baby to see this.We seprated for awhile but then I did go back...He had me convinced that he had changed...I wanted to believe in him so much..I loved this man so much that I wanted to make our marriage work.After we got back together things were good for a while but then he started the same old thing again....Well I tried that but I`m sorry I guess being told how dumb I was and how ugly I was just got to me..He actually he told me several times that I was lucky to have him in my life that noone else would want me.That was the final straw I had to get out of that marriage that was killing me.In the course of our marriage I gained alot of weight.When we went our own ways I finally was able to lose some of my weight.Then I came across a really great man who showed me attention and loved me for me.He was good to my son and loved both of us very much.David and I got married in Nov.98. He made me happy.But nothing doing my ex would still try to cause me problems..And the bad thing was I still cared for this man who had hurt me so much.But I was happy and was trying to move on with my life even though I still had to put up with Big R everyother weekend.David my husband passed away in February2001.He was only 26 and that put me in shock..I really didn`t know how I was going to handle that.After losing him I turned to food which was really the wrong thing to be doing.I know this now.I moved back home to have my family around thinking that would help me.I kept busy with my son and with taking some classes but it still wasn`t enough to keep me from being depressed.My health is already getting bad.I have pains all the time in my hips,my knees and even my back. My docter has told me that I need a hip replacement.He does not normally do that to someone my age but I have health problems that is causing it to get worse and my extra weight don`t help matters.We have talked about me having this WLS and he is all for it.Because I have to get the weight off so I can be healthier and be able to have my hip replacement so I can finally walk around normal again.I have been looking into this surgery for a while now and am hoping to have it soon.I am looking forward to my re-birthday.
Now let me tell you about my family.I have one child he`s 14 going on 18...if you know what I mean...lol..He`s from my first marriage and he sees his Dad quite often.They seem to have a okay relationship.Ronnie which is my son loves his dirt bike and let me tell you he can ride that thing pretty good though.But he does to like to scare me on it sometimes...actually he makes me a nervous wreck on it. When he first got it he begged me to try to ride it.OH BOY that was funny too..I couldn`t figure out to get that stupid thing to stop.I almost wrecked into my car.I swear then never again...He just laughed at me..His grandparents have a four wheeler and some times they bring out to our house so we can ride it..Now I love to ride them.A couple of years ago was the first time I ever road one and my son is the one who taught me how.I think thats kindna funny now...But now I can`t even ride one now because of weight because it hurts me too bad too..I miss riding too and it was something fun my son and I could do together.We would have a ball on it.Well my second husband passed away on February16,2001.He was a wonderful man and we really hated to lose him.It`s been alittle over four years and I still miss him alot.Okay now about my Dad...Boy I wouldn`t know what I would do without him in my life.He has been very supportive of me having this surgery and plans on being there with me the whole time.God help me!!lol...Sometimes he does still treat me like I`m a baby and that drives me nuts but I am the baby of the family though.I have only one sister and she is about 6yrs older than me.I attended the WLS seminar with her back in 2003 and I learned quite a bit from it about the surgery.She had her surgery in Nov. of 2003.She is doing great and full of life.She has lost somewhere around 135lbs I believe but don`t hold me to that it might be more.She looks really good and she is very happy that she had it done.She has talked to me alot about the surgery and what it will be like afterwards.Debi has been very helpful when she did talk to me about the surgery.
I want to tell you about three of my closests friends.Chrystal is my bestfriend here in town.We met about 3 years ago at work and we always seemed to end up hanging out together even when we were not working.She has 3 kids for now but she is getting ready to have number4 here in Jan. and I can not wait to spoil that baby either.She has been there for me through alot of stuff and I would not know what to do without her in my life..She has been very supportive of me having this surgery and she is even going to go with me to class when I have to go.Tasha is my bestfriend from New York.We went to high school together so I have known her for about 18 years now.She has lived just about everywhere but we still manage to keep up with each other and we talk on the phone all the time.Gayle is my other close friend..she is more like my sister.She use to live in lexington but she moved to PA 8 months ago.We talk on the phone all the time and see each other when we can..I am very lucky to have friends that are supporting me on this surgery and said that they will be here to help me when I need them too.
This one of my close friends Gayle&Me June 2005
July 23,2005
Well I was on the phone first thing this morning trying to find a docter that will take kentucky medcaid.Man was I lucky I did find one and it is alot closer to me then where I had been going.
Today I talk to Kim from Cambell Hospital from Dr.Blaine Nease office.She has me signed up to go to their next seminar on August4.She sent me a packet of papers to fill and to bring with me the night of the seminar.She told me that if I could my referrals from my docters about this surgery and bring them with me the night of the seminar it would help move things along better.
I called Chrystal and told her all about it and she was so happy for me to have found someone that would take the medcaid.I told her boy I can not wait until August 4 now.
July 27,2005
Today I recieved my packet from Kim.I was so excited.I started filling out my papers.I called my family Dr. to see if he would write me a referral letter so I could have the surgery.He said he would and that he would make sure it was ready when I needed it.
August 3,2005
Well I can`t believe it`s school time again.Today was my sons first day of school.He wasn`t ready to go back and neither was I.Summers sure do go bye faster than they use too.Anyways I dropped of my son and ran to town for the morning.I stopped by my docters on my home to get my referral letter.
August 4,2005
My father and I attended the seminar at Ramada Limited. We met Dr.Nease there.I really enjoyed listening to him talk about the surgey.He went over everything very well. I think he`s wonderful. Before the seminar started I talked with Kim and turned in all my paper work and she said she would do her best to call me tomorrow with my app. with Dr.Nease.
August 5,2005
Kim called me today with consult app..My app. is August 26 at 9am.She also told me I had to schedule my psych eval. but I told her I already had one done.Will udate more later after I have my consult with Dr.Blaine Nease.
August 20,2005
I am feeling alittle down today.My husbands birthday was today he would had been 31.He passed away on Feb.16,2001.I still miss him so much.He was a wonderful man and we had a good relationship.He treated me so well.I was lucky to have him in my life for the time that I did.Everyone tells me I need to move on and find someone new to share my life with and their right.David would want me tool. But like I tell my bestfriend how can I do that if I`m not happy with myself.I feel that I need to be happy with myself first before I try to find the right one to move on with.But time will tell.Well I`ve got to be going for now will update more later.
David & Melissa After Our Wedding Nov.1998
August 23,2005
Kim from Dr.Nease office called me today. She was just letting me know that she got my psych. eveluation today and to tell she was looking forward to seeing me on friday at 9am.Boy I can`t wait either. My Dad and my bestfriend is going with me. They both have been very supportive of me having this surgery.
August25,2005
Well not really much to say.Tomorrow I go to my first consult with my docter.My bestfriend was going to go with me but something come up that she can`t.I really wanted her to go with me because she has been very supportive of me having this surgery.But she will go with me next time.My Dad is going to be taken me tomorrow so wish me luck that he don`t drive me crazy on the way there or on the way back.Don`t get me wrong I love my Dad but if you knew him you would know what I was talking about.Well I need to be going for now.I will update after my consult with Dr.Nease tomorrow.
August 26,2005
Well I had my consult with Dr.Nease today.I really think that I am lucky that I am going to have him do this surgery.We went over my information and then he asked me about my support system.If my family was behind me having this done.He said that he did not see any problem with me having this surgery and that I did not need to have any other tests done right now.On my way out I was set up for my dietician class which will be Sept.26 at 9am to 1pm.She also told me that I would probley hear from her about my surgery date before I even went to the dietician class.Boy I was really glad to hear that too.Well I`m going to get going for now.I will update more when I hear something.
Sept.9,2005
Boy I have had alot going on since I last updated.My father almost 2 weeks ago had a massive heart attack and they had to go in and replace 2 of his stems.He is out of the hospital now and doing okay.He has to quit smoking and change his eating habbits.He is having a really hard time with his not smoking.He has smoked forever it seems like and I am really worried that he wont stay with it.He is so hard headed!! But I am very proud of him he has done really good about doing what the docter has said to do so far.
My best friend Tasha came in from New York this past week.She brought her boyfriend in with her.He really seems like a great guy.We grilled out and took her boyfriend out to show him around here.He seem to really like it here. This was the first time I had actually got to hang out with Tasha in a long time.The last time she was in town I had to work the whole time which sucked because she only comes in once a year and sometimes not even that.I was really glad to see her because I really was stressing out about my Dad and everything else that is going on.Well I better get going for now.Will update more when I hear something about being approved or not!!!
This is my bestfriend Tasha &Me when she came to visit me.
Sept.10,2005
Thank You Tracie! I love my new profile.
Sept.12,2005
Well I have had a really bad day! My bestfriend Chrystal is on the hospital with a blood clot in her leg.She can`t even walk because of it.They have her on meds to try to help get rid of the blood clot.It`s on the outside of her leg and said she will be fine as long as it don`t move up.I am so worried about her. They are even talking about sending her to lexington to see a docter there.I was up there most of the day with her she is really down about all this and I just really hope that she will okay.
Well I couldn`t stand it anymore and I called Diane with Cambell Hospital this afternoon to see what she has found out.She said she sent it in either thursday afternoon or friday morning for approvel.She said she was going to call them in the morning when she came in if she did not here from them today.So here I am keeping my fingers crossed.PLEASE let them approve me.I`ll update more when I here something.
Sept.14,2005
Daine called me this morning to tell me I GOT APPROVED!!!!!!! Thank goodness! She said I will be hearing from Dr.Nease office in about a week to schedule my surgery. Boy I can`t wait to hear from them either.Will update more when I hear something.
Sept.20,2005
Tabitha called me today!!! YAHOO!!! I`VE GOT A DATE!!!!!OCTOBER 5 !!! Boy I was suprised that they got me scheduled that quick for a surgery date.Tabitha gave me my dates for education class and my pre op`s stuff.I go on 9/28/05 to the education class at 9am and my appt. with Dr.Nease is October 4th at 9am.I`m excitied but also getting alittle nervous about having this done.
Just alittle up date on my bestfriend.She is out of the hospital and is doing okay.Still in alot of pain.They wont do surgery on her until she has the baby in Jan. so she has to be really careful with her leg.She is still planning on getting married the 15th of October. I`m looking forward to go to her wedding I just hope I`m not that sick.When I called her and told her about my date she was so happy for me.She wants to be there with me but I don`t think she will be able too because of what is going on with her leg.But we will see.Also,I just wanted to add alittle note about my Dad he is doing okay..Well as far as he has told me.But you know how that goes...He`s so hard headed...lol...Now I see where I get it..Well thats all for now I will update more later...
Sept.24,2005
Well it`s just 12 more days until my big day!I`ve been busy trying to get my homework done.(I am taking college classes)My son is gone with his Dad this weekend so I figured it was the perfect time for me to work on my house too since he`s gone.Tonight I going out to eat with my best friend and her boyfriend!It`s the last time I`ll get to go out to eat with her before I have this surgery done.So I guess it`s like a last meal...lol...Anyways I need to be going for now. I will update more later.
Sept.28,2005
Well I went to the dietician class on 9/26.I learned alot about what we could eat and how things were going to be after surgery.Marsha went over things really well.I really liked her she seem to really care about us and making sure we understood the different stages we would be going through.
Today I had that education class.There was only 3 of us in there for it and the other 2 people that were in there with me are having their surgery on Oct.3rd. I wish them both the best of luck.Anyways I learned all about the tubes we were going to have coming out of surgery and what all was going to happen the day of surgery.She gave us plenty of information to read about having this done.I learned alot but I have to admitt I am getting to get even more nervous about having this done.But I am sure everything will be fine...I guess it`s just normal to be nervous.Today I also had blood work done,a ekg, and a chest extra.I wont find out about the results until next tuesday when I see Dr.Nease.On the 4th I get to find out what time my surgery is on the 5th. I just hope all my test were okay.Well I need to be going I will update more after I see Dr.Nease on the 4th.
Sept 29,2005
Well I am bumbed out! They called me today to tell me my EKG that I had done yesturday was abnormal and that I need to go to another one on the 30th.
Sept.30,2005
Went for my second EKG.Man I hope this one turns out okay.
I CHOOSE
to live by choice
not chance,
to make changes
not excuses,
to be motivated
not manipulated,
to be useful
not used,
to excel
not compete.
I choose self-esteem,
not self pity.
I choose to listen
to the inner voice,
not the
random opinion
of others.
Oct.3,2005
Well Tabiatha called me today to tell me the my second EKG was abnormal.So the have to postpone my surgery.Which was the 5th two days from now.I was so upset with this news...I can`t believe this is happening to me...This really bites....I was so ready to have this surgery....Now I am told I have to go get a stress test done now...Now I am very worried that something might be wrong with me...But I guess we will see what happens on thursday when I go have that stress test done.
Today I get the wonderful joy of meeting my ex.OH Joy!!! lol..Our son don`t even want to go visit him but I am making him go.He asked me the other day when he could quit going to his Dad`s.I told him he would have to talk with his father about that and that I did not want to be in the middle of all that.Anyways since my ex got remarried this past May my son really don`t like going there anymore.My son wasn`t really happy about his Dad getting remarried again...But that is a long story and I really don`t feel like talking about it.All I can say is every dog has there day!!!Anyways my son all the way to natural bridge was mad at me for making him go..It made me feel so bad!!But Big R does have the right to see his son even though he is a jerk.I`ve tried really hard to make piece between him and I but anymore I just don`t really give a flying hoot if he gets mad or not.I think he thinks that my life should still revlove around him...thats a joke too...The only thing that matters to me is that our son knows that we both love him even though were not together anymore...Sorry for rambling on....
Well I will update more later...
Oct6,2005
I leaving to go have my stress test done today...
Well when I got home can you believe my ex has already called wanting to bring our son back.It`s only thursday and he is supose to keep him until sunday....He said Ronnie is still mad and wants to come home...I was like well your the parent...But whatever...
Oct.7,2005
Well I went for my stress test yesturday and today Kim from Dr.Nease`s office called me with my results...Everything looked good.So that I meant I was back on schedule to have my surgery set back up.The only thing is that Tabiatha that schedules the surgery`s will not be back in the office until Monday the 17th.Which really sucks but I guess I can handle waiting another week before I get my new surgery date.I was just glad Kim called me with the good news about my stress test.
Will update more later on...Have a good night everyone...
Oct.11,2005
Well I just thought I would update alittle about everything that is going on in my life.Well my best friend Crystal just fount out that they are going to have to remove part of her leg after she has the baby.That growth in her leg is all tangled up in all her veins in her right calf...I am so worried for her and I hate the thought of how she is going to handle raising those baby`s of hers.It makes me really think about how you should never take life for granted.Because you just never know what can happen.I am going to be there for no matter what happens.I just wish they could help her by doing something else for her.But I love that girl and I will be there no matter what happens.I do have some good news about her though she sneeked of the other day and got married.They didn`t even tell noone..Donnie is a really good guy and atleast I know he will be there to help her with whatever happens.So that is good news..
Well I am so looking forward to Monday the 17th.That is when I will find out my new surgery date.She said she was going to get me in as soon as possiable as soon as they got my results back from my stress test back.But she is gone this week so hopefully I will still get in soon.I will keep you all posted as soon as I find out something...Goodnight!!
Oct.17,2005
Well Tabitha call me today with my news today.My new surgery date is Oct.26.That is next Wednesday not far off from now...I can`t wait I`m so excitied.. I have my pre op appointment the 21st with Dr.Nease.They are going to have me do more blood work and give me what time I have to be at the surgery on the 26th.Well I need to be going...I will update more later on.
Oct.21,2005
Well I went for my pre ops today with Dr.Nease.Well I am not having surgery on the 26 now...My new surgery date is 10/24 at 8am.Boy I was suprised when they come in and asked me if it was okay that they changed my date...I am so excitied now it`s only a couple more days from now.
This is my bestfriend Crystal&Me taken the week before my surgery.Man I didn`t realize that I had gotten so big.
Oct23,2005
Okay this is going to be the last time I get to post before my surgery.I am a nervous wreck.I just pray everything will go good tomorrow and be uneventful surgery.I `ll update when I can when I get back.See you on the losing side!!!!
Oct27,2005
Well I made it I`m on the losing side now.I go back to the dotor on the 2nd and I`ll update more when I feel like it.
Nov1st
Well let me tell you I am so glad to be back at home now.I came home last wednesday on the 26th feeling pretty good and then the on the 28th I was sicker in a dog.I went back to the hospital because I wasn`t able to keep nothing down all day.I got there and thought that they would just keep me overnight to see what was wrong with me.Boy was I wrong.I had something wrong with my bales and they thought they were going to go back in.They had me on so many meds it wasn`t even funny.I had to get up and walk around as much as I could stand.Finally on monday the 31st they let me have liquids back.I was able to keep them down and I was told that sometimes after surgery this happens to people if the swelling don`t go down.I feel much better now andwas really glad that they let me come home tonight.Even though I was pretty sick I am still glad that I had this surgery done.I am supose to be going back to the doctor next week so I`ll keep you all posted on how I am doing.
Nov.8,2005
Well I went to my 2week appointment today and I have lost 23 pounds.I am so happy with that too....I am feeling pretty good but sometimes I still get tired and need to take a nap during that day.But of I`ve been up since 5am.Well I`m going to get going will update more later.
Nov.11,2005
I went and saw Dr.Nease today just for a check up.He said everything was good to go with me.I lost another3.5 pounds which is great.The dietican came in and talked to me to see how i was doing with my protien and my water.Anyways I am feeling good and am very happy with my loss so far.I go back and see Dr.Nease on Dec.13.So I`ll keep you all posted on how I`m doing.
Dec.9,2005
Well I haven`t updated in a while.I have been feeling pretty good for the most part.My mood swings are getting to me sometimes and I find myself depressed alot now days.I`ve heard this will pass but we will see.Anyways I just wanted to update in alittle bit.I`ll have more to say next week after I go to the doctor.
Dec.13,2005
Well I went for my 7 weeks check up today.I am down 37 pounds so far.I was hoping for more but it will come off in time.Anyways Dr.Nease said I was right on track and to keep up what I was doing.I don`t go back to see him until Feb.14 so I will be excitied to see how much I lose by then.I`ll update more later on.
Dec.19,2005
Well not much to say just wanted to tell everyone that I am down 40lbs now and boy am I happy about it.I`m feeling really good now days.I was hoping to have lost more by now but I am really happy with what I have lost so far.I will update more later.
Dec.28,2005
WooHoo I`m down 45lbs as of today.In alittle over 2months.I`m feeling alot better now days.Some times I find it hard to get all my protien in but for the most part I get it in.I don`t go back to the doctor until Feb14 but I can`t wait to see how much I lose by then.I will keep you guys posted.
I do have some news on my best friend Crystal today.She had her baby boy this morning at 7:45 in Lexington. The baby and her are doing wonderful.I can`t wait to see the baby either.Donnie Jr weighed in at 6 1/2 lbs and 19 inches long.He`s got brown hair and blue eyes.I bet he looks like his mom.I`ll post a pic as soon as I get one of him.I will update more later.Just wanted to tell everyone the news.
This is my bestfriend and her baby boy!!! He was born Dec.28,2005
Jan.4,2006
Well I finally lost 50 pounds as of today since I had my surgery.I was starting to think I was stuck again.Anyways I just wanted to share my news.I`ll update more later on.
Jan20,2006
Well I`ve lost 55 pounds so far and feeling great.I`m looking forward to going and seeing my doctor in february.I`ll update more later.
This is pic of my son Ronnie &Me.I`m down 53 pounds in this pic and feeling much better.
Feb.4,2006
Well I haven`t updated in a while.I have lost 60 pounds so far and feeling great.I don`t go back to see Dr.Nease until the 14th so I`ll update after
