Mewwy

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Got through the 5 day pouch test. Actually did it in 6 (yes weird but I did). Lost an amazing 10 pounds. Am proud of myself. Then at the 11th hour on the 6th day I caved :( Not to say I didn't get back on the wagon, but I caved. I realized by redoing this test it made me see. I am not hungry. I am never hungry. Heck I got out the timer and made myself drink and eat. What I am is a eater. I like to put things in my mouth. I like to chew. I like to swallow. Then do it again. My arm is like an oil pump up and down up and down. As the 5th day drew to a close I started to feel like I was missing something. That 6th day it found me. Everywhere I looked I saw food. Not because I was hungry but because my arm missed it pumping motion. Went to the gym, kicked its butt, but still that pumping motion was all I could think about. So today I allowed myself to cave. To give in. Eat crap. Okay not fully crap (I kept myself under 1500 calories ALL day long) but still snacked. Used that arm to pump food into my mouth. Shovel actually. Tomorrow I go back to soft foods. I don't have the liquids in the house. Can't get them till after payday. But this butthead, okay me, is going to get her arse back on the bandwagon. I want 40 pounds gone. I want to be back to 181. I want to get that excess skin removed and make my husband like me in a cute little dress. Most of all I want to remember what it was like to enjoy eating, but not shoveling. Damn somewhere I lost that LOL But I am going to do it. 25% down and 75% to go. Heck if I can do this I am going to attempt running again. If it doesn't hurt my back too much LOL Maybe I will take up bowling ;) I do have the Nintendo WII in the living room. There is boxing too! But more of all I want to enjoy not shoveling. No more shoveling for me. Heck that is my news years resolution and I am making it early! WAHOO 1 day at a time 1 pound at a time.

Mew out

Well, today is a hard day. Not sure what caused it or why, but I am a touch sad. Today is a day about family and friends. A day to be thankful. I am not sure why but I am sad. Tomorrow I am starting my 5 day pouch test. Working on black Friday. Getting ready for the holiday season. But tonight as I sit here I feel sad. Life is strange isn't it?

Mew out

Well, I am trying to start over again. I have gained almost 40 pounds since the lowest size of my life. I am trying to get control again.