MelissaJo
1 week til my surgery. ENTRY 1.
May 11, 2008
Well, my surgery is a week from tomorrow. After almost 7 months of tests, psych evaluations, meetings with a nutritionist, consultations with numerous specialists, I am finally here. I am finally getting ready to start my new life. I am ready to meet the new me. And it won't be without all the ugly, trying, difficult parts first. Of this I am sure.
I am going through many emotions. I have been on a full liquid diet for a week (to help shrink down my liver to make more room for my surgeon to work). I am able to have as much water as I want, protein shakes, high protein slim fast, liquid soups, juice, decaf tea, V8. I can tell you what, I didn't realize how dependant I was on carbs and pick me ups during the day just to feel a kick of energy. But I feel good about myself. I am trying my hardest to kick my addictions to horribly bad eating habits. It is a long process, but I am ready.
As far as the emotions I am going through, I guess I am grieving a little bit. Not a deep grief, but a grief you experience when you give something up you've had your whole life. I would compare it to what its like to quit smoking for a life long smoker. It's that simple habit you've had for years. The thing you rely on to calm your nerves, or "get you through a bad day". It's one of the first things you do in the morning, and one of the last things you do at night. It's the feeling of lighting up a cigarette after you have an arguement with someone.... that is the kind of relationship I have had with food. And the liquid diet has been so eye opening!! I didn't think I was a true food addict. But I am. At least, to certain kinds of food.
As I sit here typing this I am excited, yet anxious. I am proud of myself, and scared. I am nervous, and I am elated. I am ready for a change. Ready to face my demons. Ready to see myself change before my own eyes. I am ready to work hard. I want this.
Wish me luck, and pray for me if you can.
I am going through many emotions. I have been on a full liquid diet for a week (to help shrink down my liver to make more room for my surgeon to work). I am able to have as much water as I want, protein shakes, high protein slim fast, liquid soups, juice, decaf tea, V8. I can tell you what, I didn't realize how dependant I was on carbs and pick me ups during the day just to feel a kick of energy. But I feel good about myself. I am trying my hardest to kick my addictions to horribly bad eating habits. It is a long process, but I am ready.
As far as the emotions I am going through, I guess I am grieving a little bit. Not a deep grief, but a grief you experience when you give something up you've had your whole life. I would compare it to what its like to quit smoking for a life long smoker. It's that simple habit you've had for years. The thing you rely on to calm your nerves, or "get you through a bad day". It's one of the first things you do in the morning, and one of the last things you do at night. It's the feeling of lighting up a cigarette after you have an arguement with someone.... that is the kind of relationship I have had with food. And the liquid diet has been so eye opening!! I didn't think I was a true food addict. But I am. At least, to certain kinds of food.
As I sit here typing this I am excited, yet anxious. I am proud of myself, and scared. I am nervous, and I am elated. I am ready for a change. Ready to face my demons. Ready to see myself change before my own eyes. I am ready to work hard. I want this.
Wish me luck, and pray for me if you can.
About Me
Fredericksburg, VA
Location
47.3
BMI
May 06, 2008
Member Since