md131s

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Starting today, I will start what I call my real journey. My weight has plateaud and I need to lose the last 30 pounds. At 179.8-182 people tell me that I should not lose anymore. But I yearn to be at a "normal" weight, not overweight.  I've  abandoned all the rules that my surgeon told me to follow.

Emotionally... this is the hardest part of the journey, fearing that the weight will come back.

I am back on diet soda

Alcohol(wine sometimes beer)

Not following 30/90 rule

Eat whatever the I want

Starting today I will start my exercise plan.

Thinking back in retrospect, I was a hot mess. I gained 20 pounds during my 6 month nutritional meetings with the nutritionist. I tried to eat my way through every food that they tell you you will never eat again. Big Mistake! I should have used that time to lose a few pounds. 14 months out I do not miss a thing. One regret, I could have reached goal by now if I used that time to lose weight.

Whew for a moment there I thought I would go bald. But my hair lost has stopped shedding. I losed so much hair that I had to snake my shower drain weekly. I lost clumps and clumps of hair. I continued to condition and chemically process my hair. Although my hair is thinner, I noticed that it managed to grow about an inch since the last time I processed my hair.

So for the record... my hair began to shed at the 4th month. It peaked around month 5 and 6. And now in month 7 the shedding  ceased.

Now I need to get my mental alertness back on track.

What made me literally obsessed with losing weight was the death of my mother. Seeing a loved one die slowly of complications from diabetes, high blood pressure and then kidney disease is the hardest thing to live through. Diabetes itself is an insidious disease. It kills painfully and slowly. Even though my mother controlled it her whole life, she was plagued by diabetic neuropathy, gangrene of both her feet, and then finally end stage renal failure.  She always monitored he sugar levels and ate very very healthy. Looking back in hindsight, growing up my mother cooked with very little salt, never ate out and boiled or broiled most of her meats.

Although I do not have diabetes or high blood pressure, in comparison, I was 100lbs heavier than my mother.  This had me thinking, if she had so many health issues, then her fate is my future.

I can not believe my surgery is in a few weeks. This is so surreal to me.

I could not believe it. It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I will be undergoing real surgery. This seemed so foriegn to me. All the tests, meetings with the nutrician, and my bouts with eating things on my "bucket list". The mental up and downs and excitement, now anxiety is rearing it's ugly head. 
 
Well, any hoot, yesterday I had my prep visit.  It wsn't that bad but I was extremely exhausted from the fasting  and  overall anxiety the night before. I had an Upper GI, chest x-rays and blood work done. It was suprising, I actually liked the taste of the barium shake. Who would knew.... It tasted alittle like strawberry muscle milk but heavier. I thought it would be so nasty I would gag, but it was suprisingly pleasant tasting. The only problem I had with the upper GI was trying to move my "fat abums" around on the hard examining table. Overall, the UGI was not as bad as I imagined.

The next set of test was the blood work. The phlebotomist was amazing, she hit the vein and was able to draw all 14 vials of blood on the first try. That's incredible because  I have terrible viens.  The last session was to speak  with the anaesthist nurse who will be part of team of anesthitist, she was very nice. She explained the whole process from their point of view and answered all my questions.

My next appointment is next week. I will have to sit in a four hour class and be tested on the material. Also I have to start the 2 week liver shrinking diet. I estimate that I will start this Wednesday, June 23, 2010. Counting down the hours........



 

My name is Marian and I will be 43 in a few days. February 22nd I have my fourth apt with the nutritionist. After that I have two more appointments, psych. evaluation, mammogram and consultation with cardiology to complete.  I am so tired, I have asthma and sleep apnea.