Marzipan
Just like most of us, I have battled with obesity all of my life...33 years to be exact. (37 now!) I think I had my first offical "diet" at 12 years old. Obviously, this was the first of many to come! I am seeking Lap-Band surgery from Dr. Jessee in
I have a support system made up of a 100% supportive husband, a great dad and the best friends anyone could ask for. I am lucky!
12/11/03
I just got a call from the Sleep Lab. I have to go back! My O2 levels were too low. There were many disturbances, but no official "apneas". Of course there were disturbances! how can anyone sleep with tape, probes, wires and strings all over them?!?! Good Gosh! Anyway, I go in tonight at 9:00. I have already told the boss not to expect me since I was useless after the first test. If this keeps up, I will be nocturnal!!! I'll let you know how it goes.
12/15/03
Well...I did the second study with the CPAP machine. I got a whopping 2 hours of sleep during the study. I beleive it was enough sleep to determine the correct pressure. It was barely any! I pray that the weight loss will get rid of whatever problems are causing this. It kills me to know that I need one of these machines!
I am looking forward to Christmas and the New Year. Why? Because I know soon after that, I will have my first consultation with the surgeon. I am hoping that with the proven co-morbidities, I will be approved on the first round. I have Cigna Insurance. I hear that they are LapBand-Friendly nowadays.
Hubby and I have done a good deal of talking about the changes tht will be taking place in our lives. I am already very confident and outgoing...that will only increase once I start shedding the weight. He has to brace himself for that. He knows that he too will lose weight. Our bedroom life will improve, I am sure. And as a result, maybe we will have a few little ones soon. I want kids so badly. I'll update soon!!
12/22/03
There really isn't an update to report. I am just anxious. This week I will schedule my first appointment with the surgeon. I have a few questions. I am confident that I have done the homework and understand the pros and cons. I have fears of the small things. Will she give me meds to relax me the night before and the morning of? Anesthesia always makes me vomit...can she be sure that the meds will work? Stuff like that.
I went to lunch with two of my closest friends today. Both significantly overweight. I felt uncomfortable...as though others were watching us eat. I no longer want to feel this way. I know that God has given us control over all of the plants and animals...that includes food. I no longer want them to have control over me, so I am going to utilize a tool to give me back the control. I pray that it will work. As soon as I have my appointment with the surgeon, I will update!
12/23/03
OK. I have the appointment scheduled. January 12th is my appointment date. I am anxiously looking forward to it. Hey, if nothing else, the surgery will give Hubby and I an excuse to get a room on the beach! The hospital and doctor's office is only a few blocks from the Gulf Coast Beaches of sunny Florida!! Ahhhh. recovery on the beach...not a bad thought huh?? I will update soon.
1/9/04
Happy New Year! There really isn't alot to say. I got my CPAP machine, and I really don't want to use it. I know I have to. I have decided to work myself up to it. 15 minutes one night, 1/2 hour the next until I can fall asleep with the thing. If nothing else, I have something to blow balloons up with for parties. I'll be the envy of all!!! I am anxious about the appointment on Monday. I have one physician who did write an actual letter of clearance, but forwarded notes that indicate that I am in need of sx to releive my hypopnea symptoms. I am calling the office today (Friday) in hopes to get a letter by the end of the day...can anyone say "Miracle"?? I am growing more anxious as the days pass. I just want it done! I'll report back after Monday's appointment!
1/12/04
OH MY GOSH! I went to my first appointment with the surgeon. She was on-call this morning and ended up being called to the hospital. Luckilly, her office is on the same property as the hospital is. We waited for two hours!! The staff actually went to lunch!! (All but the RN) I came prepared with EVERYTHING that she requested in her seminar packet. I even had each section labled with a cover sheet. She said that I was the first patient to ever do that! The papers are being submitted for approval.
In the mean time...I HAVE A DATE! FEBRUARY 26, 2004! I am SO scared. I am now on a diet that consists of 2 shakes and one low carb meal for the next 5 weeks!! ICK! I have a minimum of 30 lbs to shed...she'd like to see 50 lbs, but she knows that may be a bit much to ask. I will aim for 50 and see what I do. I will start the shakes tomorrow. Bye Bye spaghetti, Bye Bye Twinkies, bye bye potatoes....
1/14/03
I am on day two of the new diet. (2 shakes and a meal). I am not going to kid you. I feel terrible. Some people have called this the "Atkins Flu". I am apparently going through sugar withdrawal and my body is letting me know. I'll bet I consumed no more than 800 calories yesterday. What a shock. I am sure I was consuming 4 times that just a matter of days ago...
I am weak, dizzy, lightheaded, can't concentrate and crying all the time. I hear that this will pass, but in the mean time, I am miserable.
My husband is so good to me. Last night, without even asking, he cleared the kitchen of all tempting foods. Down the sink they went. He is behind me 100 percent and I can't thank him enough for this. He is my biggest supporter and I don't want to let him down. That right there is my motivation to keep going.
I know this wasn't a pleasant post. I hope that future posts will be more pleasant.
1/15/04
OK. I feel a bit better. This is the best that I have felt since I started. It looks like my body is getting the idea that it isn't going to have sugar anytime soon. I will update soon.
1/20/04
One week and not a carb has passed my mouth! (Well, only those from meats and green leafy veggies). I can't beleive this. I have gone ONE WEEK! I didn't think I'd make it past the first two days! The weekend was difficult. VERY DIFFICULT. I had a funeral and a women's group event on Saturday. Both of which revolved around food. I simply left the funeral early (before the spread was placed out) and I didn't go to the women's group thing. I don't have the strength to be social with food around yet. It will come though.
I went to the nutritionist yesterday. She reviewed the post-op diet with me and gave me reference materials. I don't think I'll have too difficult of a time with it. THE GOOD NEWS!! In just one week, I LOST 8 POUNDS!!!!! That's a quarter of what the doc wants me to shed in 6 weeks. I think I will make it.
I have realized who my friends are this week. I have two separate groups, one from church and one in the women's group. I have received phone calls, hugs and an abundance of encoragement from my church friends. From the other group, I don't hear much. Matter of fact, one of them actually said "Why don't you just do this the right way"...meaning Why don't I have the Bypass rather than the Banding. It goes to show that people don't understand. I beleive my relationships with this group will be changing soon. I think I am OK with that. I am sad about it, but I don't really have the time or energy to worry about it now. I will be with those who want to be with, and support me. I am selfish right now. Normally, I think of others first...not now. I deserve a little "me, me, me!" time.
1/27/04
My surgery is less than 30 days away. I am scared. I am having thoughts like "Is this really the right decision?" or "Can I live with the band forever?!?!". I think the prescribed Xanax will help answer these questions.
To date, I have lost 17 pounds on the protein shakes/one meal diet that the doctor has ordered. Two weeks and almost 20 pounds! WOW! I notice a difference already. The first thing I noticed were my ankles. I went to shave my legs and noticed that there wasn't as much surface area down there! People are starting to ask if I am losing weight. I TOOK A PAIR OF JEANS OUT OF THE DRYER AND PUT THEM ON WITHOUT DOING STRETCHING EXERCISES FIRST TO STRETCH THEM!!! I know thin people who can't do that! Things are going well.
1/30
one word..DENIED! Can you beleive it?!?! What's with this mess? Denied?
Well, my hubby did some phone work and called my doc's office. It appears that they sent only a fraction of my chart to the insurance company since the info I brouht to them was well over 100 pages. CIGNA wants to see the whole Kit-n-Kaboodle. The bariatric coordinator has already set up a phone conference with a Medical Director of CIGNA for Monday at 1:00. LET THE APPEALS BEGIN!!!!!!
(By the way...to date on the choco-shake diet I am down 22#s!)
2/2
Over the weekend I received a phone call and an e-mail from my doctor. She needs additional information and questions answered before she speaks with the medical director of CIGNA. Some of the information was already in my file. Granted, there was SO much info in the file, I can understand how a couple of pages could be overlooked.
I am so nervous. I feel sick to my stomach. To me, this is one of the most important calls of my life. An enitre new life of mine hangs in the balance. I could be looking at a lifetime with children, great health and a better sense of me OR I could be looking at the same struggles with my weight along with inevitable health risks. Yes, I can try to do this on my own, without the band, but statistically, I will be a failure. That's not so great to say about yourself, is it.
I have done a lot of talking with God. I have told him that I know that His Will will be done and I must accept his answer to my prayers...even if that answer is "no".
I am just tired of this struggle. The insecurities, the glances from people, the feelings that I have which tell me that I don't deserve some of the things that the "thin" or the "pretty" people have.
If these people from CIGNA could only get to know me and understand that I am the least lazy fat person they could ever meet. I am on the go every day and I don't stop. The fact that I LOVE life or that I have dreams (those dreams don't include me being as heavy as I am) Other than the weight related problems, I am in good health. I am wondering if this is a good thing or a bad thing in the eyes of CIGNA. Do I have to have more serious co-morbidities in order to be worthy of this surgery? God, I hope not.
The call to my doctor is in an hour and a half. She is asking me questions. Her call to Cigna is at 1:00. I hope the medical director at Cigna has a good lunch and is in a good mood today.
2/2 Continued - Well, the surgeon didn't have much luck with CIGNA. One Medical Director stated that this would not be approved. The next one she spoke with stated that appeals result in turned over decisions every day. She needs more notes from my primary as well as information from Inamed, the makers of the LapBand. She seems more optimistic than I do...
To be honest, I am not feeling optimistic at all. Matter of fact, I am down in the dumps. I will appeal until I can no longer appeal then I am going to seek assistance from an attorney who specializes in obesity law. (www.obesitylaw.com) We'll see.
2/4
I am so down in the dumps. These have been the most depressing days so far. I am still on the diet and doing well. Actually, because I am so down, I really don't want much to eat. I am officially down 25 pounds. That's amazing. I am only three weeks into this diet. If I continue, I will be down 50 pounds by the scheduled surgery date...whether or not I have it.
People say..."Well, just continue on that diet and you'll lose the weight without the surgery." Well thank you very much for that insight Dr. Obvious...but as we all know, the key is KEEPING IT OFF! That's how the band works!!!
According to CIGNA, this sx is listed under the now-denialble "Lifestyle Changes" category. As if we are supposed to push the plate away and take a walk around the block. They do not consider it an addiction. Yet they consider smoking, alcohol abuse and substance abuse addictions WORTH covering. I guess they figure that an addiction to food is a character flaw rather than a disease. We'll see.
2/12
It has now been one month from my first appointment with Dr. Jessee. What a month. Ups and downs. Emotionally I am somewhat of a wreck. I am excited that I am shedding the pounds (28 to date!) but the fight with CIGNA is disheartening. I am NOT giving up the fight though. I am in the first appeal process right now. I expect to hear any day.
2/16
I have done it. I reached the 30 pound point! I can't believe it. This is the most weight I have lost in one "diet" since I was in college (I am 33 now). I notice a difference in myself. Cigna appears to have lost my appeal paperwork...wait...let me correct that. They haven't "lost" it, but they sure can't tell me where it is. After days of calls, my hubby found a caring customer serice rep who was very helpful and put a trace on it with the tracking number. I have to call back on Friday the 20th.
2/20
I have been calling CIGNA every day, at least once a day about the status of the appeal. I wasn't going to call, but something kept nudging me to call. Well, my call happened to go to Amy...amazing. She put me on hold for a while and came back. She said that my file has not only been found, but it was assigned to a reviewer and a determination should be made on Monday. I am not getting my hopes too high, but I really hope this is it. We'll see. You'll hear from me on Monday, regardless. (33 pounds down now!)
2/24
Nothing...nothing...nothing. I have called CIGNA twice a day for the last couple of weeks. The latest update is that it is in the hands of a reviewer. Good gosh...I can't beleive how long this is. I just looked back in my notes and noticed that it has almost been a month since I found out about the denial. If I have to appeal again, this could go on forever! 35 pounds lost now. Three more pounds and I will have reached my first goal.
2/26
Today is the day when my surgery was scheduled...yesterday I learned that my first appeal was denied by Cigna. I am awaiting a copy of the letter outlining my denial. I am so upset about this. Regardless, I am not giving up. I am discouraged, but I am going to exhaust ever right that I have under Cigna and any right I have through the state insurance commission and AHCA, the Agency for Health Care Administration. I have contacted Walter Lindstrom, an attorney who represents morbidly obese patients in their fight against insurance companies. (www.obesitylaw.com). I have only submitted a request, I have not spoken to him or his wife.
3/1
I received my denial letter from Cigna. They tell me that I didn't complete 6 months of supervised weight loss tratment. I read my notes, and there is a technicality. I missed one month's weigh in from April to November...I missed September. Not only did they deny the surgery based on that, they stated in the letter that they don't cover the LapBand procedure anyway. I don't know how true that is. What a nightmare. My husband and I are thinking of changing insurance companies. We'll see.
3/5/04
OK. We decided not to change insurance companies and stick it out with Cigna. I hear that there is hope. I am going to appeal and explain that i did reasonably comply with the weight loss plan. Missing one month in eight has GOT to be rasonable. Gosh...people go on vacation and get ill. Things happen.
Regardless, I feel good today. I went to my first support group last night and really got alot out of it. I met some of the nicest people. My new buddy, I'll call her "J" found out that she was approved while in the meeting. How exciting for her. She is only three weeks away. I am excited for her. I see a new friendship forming.
I will be working on my appeal in the next couple of weeks. I plan on making it a good one.
3/29/04
Long time, no update. I need a boost. I received the letter from my primary doc last week and I have to sit and write my appeal letter. I need motivation. I have done well with the weight loss. I have officially passed a HUGE weight goal. I am down 41#'s now. I feel great and I am told that I am looking better. Many people are noticing the change. I have dropped several clothes sizes. My body shape is still the same...lumpy. That will change with time.
I will file my appeal and update then. WAIT! I didn't mention. On the same day that I received the letter from my doctor, I received a letter from Cigna telling me that they received my appeal...what appeal??? I merely sent a letter telling them that I WOULD appeal within the 365 days that I have...ugh.
4/27/04
Well, I have done nothing yet. I am somewhat frustrated. I have to sit down and write this appeal letter. I have slipped away from the protein shakes, but I know I have to go back on them. I have nothing much to say. When I have more, I will update.
10/15/04 - I feel like a failure. I hate myself for this. I haven't filed the appeal and I have gained a good deal of the weight back. I question myself daily, hourly. I am worth so much more than this. I started the shakes again in hopes to shed some of this weight again. Hubby has begun the search for an insurance plan offered by his employer that covers the band. I'll post when there is more.
1/24/05 - Well, here I am. A year and a half after I started my journey. Still no surgery, but now, I have a new insurance company that appears to be a bit more LabBand friendly. Who knows. I am going to begin this again and see where I go.
7/18/07 - Well lookie here...I am back! And no, I haven't had surgery. Today, my husband came home with information indicating that our new ins. co. BCBS has made changes and now considers the LapBand a reasonable WLS and covers the sx. My hubby and I are planning on attending an upcoming seminar at TGH. My original surgeon, Dr. Tiffany Jesse, is not a BCBS participating provider under the bariatric program. I know, though, that the doctors who are on the program are also great. (TGH - Dr. Murr)
So here we go again. I am at the beginning of a new journey with a different outlook, more education, and a bit of anxiety. Doing all of the work, seeing all of the doctors, having all of the tests only to hear "Denied" isn't something that I want to do again.
We'll see what happens.
8/9/07 - I went to the TGH Bariatric Center's Orientation this evening. It was packed! We were given some great information on how to decrease wasted time in the pre-surgery process, as well as incease the chances of insurance approval.
If you are reading this, and you have not attended your first orientation regarding WLS, may I suggest that you keep your questions down to only those which affect everyone in the room? Questions like "How long before we go back to normal activity" and "Should I expect a great deal of pain?" are great questions. However, on the flip side, questions like "In 1956 I had sugery to remove a mole from my left big toe...can I have surgery" are not good questions for the group...we DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT stuff!! Having been through several orientations (three in 2003 to introduce different family members to the idea of me having surgery) I have found that there are always at least TWO people in every orientation who try to "one up" each other on the medical ailments they have. Please, don't waste the doctor's, coordinator's, or fellow potential-patient's time with these. ASK THE DOCTOR WHEN YOU SEE HIM/HER!!!
OK, enough about that.
Anyway, I think I have decided that Dr. Murr's partner, Dr. Gallagher may be the one who I want to schedule my appointment with. It seems as though there will be a better personality match. He made an appearance at the orientation and he seems, warm, caring, sincere, and funny! (Humor is extremely important to me.)
So off I go again. Check back later.
8/13/07 - I made my "first" weight loss appointment with my primary care doc (ARNP actually). If all goes as planned, I will be finished with that in January. After that, I'll schedule my first appointment with Dr. Koche at Spectra for the surgery clearance. That's the extent of my update. Nothing much more to say.
8/17/07 - Today marks 17 years that my grandmother passed away. I still miss her to this day. Time has healed the grief pains, but it hasn't made me miss her any less.
I am on my way down this path again. I have had my first Weight Loss appointment with my ARNP, made a pulmonology appointment as well as my OBGYN appointment. I haven't had "cervix with a smile" since 2002. That's not good, nor is it like me. I went to the OBGYN religiously every January until recently. I think being embarrassed about my weight had something to do with that....well, it had almost everything to do with that! Because of the surgery, as most of us know, a reliable form of birth control is required.
At my next weight loss appt, I'll make the appointment for the stress test and cardiac evaluation too. yippee. I hear that the doc requires a chemical stress test and that scares me. I would much rather have an exercise test...at least I am in control. I have heard horror stories. Well, I've heard horror stories about taking a drive to the store too.
So that's where I am. Appts. Appts. Appts.
9/13/07 - I have just attended the required support group where post-surgery patients sit with pre-surgery not-yet-patients and talk about everything. It was enjoyable, but because I am going through this a second time, most of the questions asked were either very basic (and covered in the previous orientation already), or they were questions that would have been beter asked of the doctor.
I truly appreciated the time that these folks took to share their experiences with us. Their words were encouraging and brought hope to many. I am still left feeling scared. Having had many surgeries as a child, the thought of just being in a hosptial bed makes me incredibly anxious. I will share this with the doctor and see if there is a way to keep me calm the days prior.
My MIL had the surgery on the 5th. She had minor complications but was home in about 48 hours. She is doing well and will soon be moving to puree'd foods.
I still haven't mentioned this to those close to me. Only my husband knows. I did meet with a friend who had it done, but she knows no one in my circles, so I don't think they'll find out. I did have a close call though. I had information about the orientation in the visor of my car. A friend who was riding with me found it and read it. She didn't ask me anything about it. Either she knows and isn't saying anything, or she thinks that possibly that was from my MIL.
Tomorrow is WL appt #2 with my PCP. I will be requesting a script for a chest X-ray for my pulomonology appt. next month.
That's all I have going on...I'll update soon.
10/17/07 - WOW...how time flies. My MIL is now 6 weeks out from her surgery and is doing well. The only things she has found that she doesn't tolerate well are steak and chinese food. (The chinese may be a fluke though. It went down alright but she felt like crud for a day following.)
I have attended most of the appointments that I have scheduled. The WL appointments are going well and I found the BEST OB/GYN office. The Women's Group of Tampa Palms. What a great office. The staff was wonderful and the doctor is too. She's up front and honest. There's no guessing with her. I like that. OH...and according to her scale, I lost pounds!!! Hey...it's a start.
I still have pulmonology which will probably include a sleep study (ick), and the stress test. That scares me too. But I will do what I have to.
When talking to my husband about how he plans on changing his eating habits once this happens, it seems as though he's willing to make changes around me, but while at work...it's McDonalds and Long John Silvers..away! Hmmm...we'll see if I can convince him otherwise. He may not believe it, but he also would qualify for the surgery if it were based on weight alone. (That was an eye opener for him...and funny to watch).
So, that's where I am. Just chugging along. Feeling pretty good and looking forward to a possible new life. See you soon!
10/25/07
Whoa...what an awful week. My hubby and I are going through a very rough time and to top it off, we had to put my dear cat Marzipan down. She didn't suffer for long, but we knew it was time. I have been very sad and weepy.
Today was WL appt #4. I am waiting on a call to schedule a stress test. I was reassured by my doctor that it will be like the one I had previously, NOT chemically induced. Thank God. Next week I'll set the pulmonology appointment to get that handled. Oh how I dread that sleep test.
To date, I haven't shared this news with any friends. I did have to tell a business associate since one of his staff is a chef specializing in nutritional cooking. She said she can help me be prepared and not lose much hair. Woo Hoo. (I have good hair).
So that's it for right now. Soon, I will be calling to make my appointment with Spectra Health to get the ball rolling to my official visit with Dr. Murr and Dr. Gallagher.
3/16/08
It's been a while, huh? Well, I have my appointment scheduled with Spectra. It's Wednesday, the 19th. I don't have my Med. Nec. letter from my PCP even though I have asked for it several times. I'll call in the morning and hopefully have it on Tuesday. To date, I still haven't told anyone. Just DH and I know. I haven't even told my MIL who has had the surgery. I just don't want to yet. Honestly, I don't want to tell anyone at all until it's done, but my hubby won't let me do that. He thinks that others should know. We'll see how that's handled. We do agree though that if anything is going to be said, it won't be until I have a sx date scheduled.
I have debated whether or not the band is the right surgery. I have A LOT of weight to lose and I wonder if the band is going to help me lose what I need to. I know that there is only a slim possibility that I will lose ALL of my weight with the band. I am willing to live with that. I'd be happy if I lost 100#s. Even that much weight would improve my heath tremendously.
I'll let you know how the Spectra appt. goes. I am nervous. Because DH got a promotion (go hubby!!) he is unable to go to the Spectra appt with me. So far we have done all of the major appts together...I will miss having him by my side.
