martinoa

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So I guess I am really late with this post.  I was 2 years out my RNY on Nov 7.  Since my last post I have gained a grand total of 16 lbs which I am very upset about.  I went to see my nutritionist and doc a few weeks ago and they told me not to worry Im doing what I should be doing and the weight gain is expected.  I walked out of that office feeling very down and very low.  Lately I have been dealing with a possible chemical inbalance and also feeling of depression.  I do have regrets some days of having this surgery and wanting to feel normal again.  Im tearful and anxious and lately I just want to crawl under a rock if I see one more person who tells me I look fabulous.  If they only knew the journey it took me and is stil taking me to look and feel FABULOUS!  I decided after that appointment that I really need to pay specific attention to what I am putting in my mouth and really amp up the cardio.  So I also decided that I need to set a goal like I did when I first had the surgery and that is to now try to do a 5k at some point next year.  With all of this being said, and my mood fluctuating, my honey and I are suppose to be planning our wedding for Sept 10, 2010 and with the way we are going I honestly dont knwo if that is still going to take place.  I am having so many self image problems lately that I sometimes feel he can do better and find someone else who is not so obsessed with food, diet and excercise.  I know he gets sick of me talking about it and tells me at times I need to see someone for my chemical inbalance.  HELLOOOOOOOOOOO i HAVE SEEN PEOPLE AND THAT HAS DONE NOTHING!!!!!!!  So with this passing year I know realize 2 things.  I need to start thinking like I did when i had the surgery and number two I need to start helping myself and taking care of me and not care about others.   With this next coming year I plan on being on this site more often because i found it is a type of therapy for me, and I also need to set more goals.

So its been officially 18 months s/p my surgery and my current wieight is 174.  Ive gained 14 lbs within the past couple of months ( maybe the last 3)  only cause I have really fallen off the band wagon.  So Ive gained basically 14lbs since my lowest which was 160.  I have slacked on my workouts,  I do workout but I am not obsessed with it anymore like I used to be, as long as do some sort of workout regardless of what it is about 4 times a week I am ok with that.  I find when I am at work I am able to stay on a diet but on the weekeneds is when it is killer for me.  So I started to the dreaded slim fast again and havent lost anything in the past 3 weeks of being on it.  So thank god for the appt on friday with nutrition cause maybe she can tell me something that I am doing wrong and what I can do to change it.  cause I am very concerned that I have gained because once again im having a former fat girl moment where the clothes are starting to feel tight and Im starting to get depressed and self conscious of how I look. 
Other then that depression is under control I take one pill a week of prozac and that seems to be the trick, i tried to go cold turkey with it but that just wasnt happening. 
Fiance and I have worked out our differences and realized we cant go on in life without each other so we both are really trying to understand where each one of us is coming from and he is still trying to learn to deal witht he new me like I am still. But he makes me feel good about how I look and how I am as a person in whole and I lvoe him to death and cant live without him. 
Other then that not much else new to report when i go to nutriton i will keep u posted on friday about that.

So from the looks of things it has been a long time since I got on here and told you all how I felt.  So on my one year anniversary ( Nov 7, 2008)  I actually took some pictures of the old me and burned them cause I no longer wanted to see or be associated with that face or body ever again.  I also went out and bought a new outfit and actually went and had my first beer for the first time in a year on that exact same day.  Needless to say after half of it I was drunk and ready to sleep.  So I been going slow with the alcohol intake. 
So im now currently 16 months post op and I havent really been careful or I should be saying sticking to the rule book.  I  have gained about 10 lbs from 160 now up to 170 but for now im content but am being very careful and just really watching what I am putting in my mouth.  Also I have started to write down what I am eating and it really does open your eyes as to what you are putting in your body.  I had slacked off on my workouts for a few week here or there but I have pretty much stayed on track trying to get excercise in whenever possible.  Its been hard because I started back to school again in January so needless to say I have to balance school, work and excercise into my days. 
I also went through a rough patch with my fiance, him and I actually did have issue and it was mostly due to the surgery but I am happy to report that we are happy and really working through things.  We have started the research on looking for a home and then also doing as much research on being able to get pregnant after having gastric bypass.  I want to get pregnant in the future and def. have started doing alot of reading online from people in my same situation.  I know I need to wait and I plan on it but I want to be prepared for when the day comes in the next year or two. 
So from this day on I am looking toward the future and moving onward and upward.  I no longer really stress about my protein or water but I am conscious of my new body and what I need to do to maintain it now and int he future.  I am happy, and content with life and I have such a great outlook on life.  Funny thing is last night I looked at pics of myself from 2004 and started crying becuase I never wan to be that 300lb girl again, and I will do anything to stay the new person that I am TODAY!!!!!

so i went to the nutritionist appt today totally feeling bummed like a failure and she totaly lifted my spirits im doing better then average, lost over 77% of my body weight which she said was above average, so that totally made my day, other then that she thinks im doing extrememly well just need to stop the minless eating and get back with my workouts.  time to kick butt into gear again.

so ive seemed to have jumped start the weight lose again i lost another 1lb so im down to 165 from 268 presurgery.  so overall ive lost 103 lbs.
funny thing since ive thrown my back out i havent been really able to work out so maybe i was just weighing muscle since ive been pushing so hard at the gym these days. i dunno will see.

so i finally lost today, regardless it was only 1lb i still lost, after weeks of not loosing anything i finally lost.  this whole thing is making me a nervous wreck and im seeing my old habits come back into play.  also ive been over emotional lately and i have no clue why. i feel like my hormones are on a vacation

So i had my first former fat girl moment this saturday at cedar point.  It was the first time in 4 years that i was able to ride a roller coaster and actually fit!!!! but i did pull a fat girl when i was waiting for the one coaster i turned to my friend and told her i didnt think i would fit onto the ride. she told me to shut up and get on and guess what I DID FIT YEAH!!!!  It felt so good to be able to walk on to all of the rides and nothave to to actually worry if i was or wasnt going to fit. 
I have a new addiction to Ann Taylor Loft and absoluteley love there clothes.  Im finding Im starting to actually love to shop for clothes and go whenever i have a few extra bucks on hand.  Its a bad addiction but its so satisfying to be able to walk into any store i choose and actually pick something of the rack and be able to wear it.

so i totally belw the enite diet last week, and i stepped on the scale and wanted to cry what the heck, i GAINED 2 lbs omg im flipping out. course i ate nothing but bad food this weekened in canada and have been laxs on my workouts, so i guess i gotta go back to my food diary

So it finally happened i stepped on the scale today and Ive lost 101 lbs as of today all toghether.  I almost cried but held back cause i was at work.  so new goal is to run a 5 k so lets hope thats goes as planned.

so major dumping syndrome this weekened and the bad habits keep coming and coming.  taco bell - no good, pancakes with regular syrup instead of sugar free - no good either.  ugh im so disgusted with myself .  On a lighter note ive decided to train for a 5 k, i think i need something now in my life to look forward too!!!!!