Martha
11/29/04
My biggest struggle in life has always been my weight, ever since I can remember. Up, down, up down, Up. It's so neat finding a place where everyone can relate. What a wonderful feeling to think for once, I won't be judged by how much I weigh! I've always hated when everyone says "you'd be so beautiful if you just lost weight!"
I've been registered with OH for a few months now and have been reading it for much longer than that. I have contemplated WLS for about three years now, but everyone was against it, mainly my husband, so I tried both Atkins and South Beach one more time. I've always been able to get the weight off, but never keep it off. Fast forward to now and I've gained back the weight I lost, plus about twenty pounds or so. Every time I diet, I have actually never reached "goal weight", but have always managed to get down to a size 16 or so. I'd start feeling really confident, and BAM! It was over. I'm not sure what I weigh right now, but I'm back in a size 24. OUCH! I haven't weighed since my first consultation with Dr. Glorsky and I'm hoping I'll get to see him very soon.
I've completed all of the pre-op tests the Doctor requested. I've called the insurance company (UHC) to see where I stand, and it's still up for review. I HATE the fact that an insurance company holds my fate in their hands. They don't even know me. Our healthcare system is so out of whack, but that's a whole other story and I won't even go there. Anyway, I'm becoming so impatient, and frankly, petrified that I won't get approved before the end of the year. Today is 11/29/04 and I've heard rumors that UHC is going to eliminate WLS from their coverage in January. What will I do if I can't have the surgery? I'm in a bad mindset, because I feel if I'm not able to have the surgery, I've lost all hope. I'm in my mid-40's and have tried everything known to mankind to get the weight off. I have high blood pressure, chronic feet pain, and I'm sure diabetes is around the corner, since my mom has it. Please, dear Lord, please allow me this priviledge.
12/9/04
I haven't updated like I should, but now I can finally sit down and try to express a little of what's happened in the last two weeks. I found out (on 11/29) that the insurance company must, by law, respond to the request within 30 days of receipt. They had received my request on 10/23/04 so I called them back a second time and talked to another person. He told me something completely different from the first person, and his news was I had been approved and my letter has already been sent to the doctor! Well, you can just imagine! Excitement, fear, confusion, you name it and I felt it all within a thirty second time frame. Luckily I had already taken my blood pressure meds. (ha ha) Anyway, I immediately called my doctor because I'd love more than anything to get this done before 2005. I don't want the insurance company to change their mind. So, when I talked to his receptionist/office manager, she brought back to reality really fast! She said it was next to impossible to schedule anything more because at this time of year, it's really busy, and hard to schedule all the other people that are needed to perform the surgery. So, I had to face facts and pray, pray, pray that it would all work out. Again, I couldn't imagine getting this far and then not getting it.
I could hardly believe it when I found out yesterday I have a surgery date of 12/30! I talked to Dr. Glorsky and he said he really wanted to try and get everyone in that wanted in before the end of the year. He knew how important it was for me and I'm so grateful it's going to happen. I'm so excited! Thank you Dr. G!
I also must say that this website is so amazing! I've already met an unbelievably amazing person who e-mailed me when she read about some of my concerns. I can't even begin to tell what a difference she has made in my life with WLS. She has given me something that none of my family or close friends could. She's been there - she's walked down this road! To sweeten the pot, she's eloquent, funny and so real! She has helped me more than I can express in words. Thanks Jill. You're my idol. Since I posted my surgery date, I've gotten some very nice notes also. It is the coolest, most helpful avenue of communication for WLS. I've been spending more time at my computer, that's for sure!
12/26/04
Four more days till surgery. I had an appointment with Dr. Glorsky on the 21st, along with my pre-op. I have been so uptight, nervous, and second guessing the decision to have surgery, but after talking to Dr. Glorsky, I was calm and confident about it once again. He has such a good aura and a calming effect on me. However, I'm starting to get the jitters again. I went through another night of absolutely no sleep! It's so strange for me, because my whole life, I've always been able to sleep so well. I must keep my mind on track - think about how it will feel to not have feet, knee and hip pain, and to get rid of all of those size 24's!
It snowed here in Houston on Christmas Eve. It was truly a sight to see. We could actually make snowballs! My 8 year old had the time of his life! Christmas was lovely this year.
1/3/05
Happy New Year! I made it! This will be the first year I will ever reach my New Year's Resolution - to lose weight! And this time, I plan on losing it all, which would've been foolish to even wish for that after so many failures.
Surgery went very well. I spent one night in intensive care and one night on the regular floor at Hermann Hospital, and then came home on the 1st of January. Every day I feel 100% better, and get more energy. I was able to go up/down my stairs six times today, and also a short walk (about 1/4 mile). I tell you I have NO REGRETS!! Not even for one second! Not even during the worst pain, which wasn't even bad compared to the nausea. Dr. Glorsky got that under control and it's been smooth sailing. Getting the protein and fluid in is all I'm thinking about at this point. Isopure is my best friend right now. I can't believe I'm not hungry in the least! The thought (or smell) of food makes is such a turn-off right now. I'm sure that will change, but I'll take it for as long as it's here!
Thanks to everyone who has cared and shared their stories. It has helped so very much!
1/15/05
I'm almost 2.5 weeks post-op and have lost 13 pounds. I had a little set-back this past week. I woke up Wednesday morning with an excruciating pain in my back area, right at my waist, and lower flank. Every time I took a deep breath, burped or sneezed it sent me through the ceiling. I called Dr. Glorsky and after listening to my symptoms, he said to go the The Methodist Hospital Emergency room. I called my husband who was on his way to work and he came home to take me. My experience in the emergency room was excellent. They were very quick to get the ball rolling and start trying to figure out what was going on. The ER doc and Dr. Glorsky examined the area and then decided to run a CAT scan on my kidneys. They were thinking kidney stone. It came back clear, so then they did another CAT scan with the die contrast on my lungs, just to make sure it wasn't a clot. That scared the heck out of me!! Well, it wasn't a clot. PHEW! It was diagnosed as pleurasy. I don't know how long it will take to heal, but It still hurts like heck every time I take a deep breath, so the walking has come to a screeching halt. Anything that makes me breath deep has stopped. I'm starting to get really bummed because it's the most pain I've experienced during the whole surgery, and it's not getting any better! I'm going to pursue it further on Monday.
Now, as far as the liquid diet goes, I've been getting in my protein with no problems, thanks to Sugar Free Carnation Instant Breakfast, mixed with a product called Carb Countdown milk. The skim milk has 12 grams of protein in 1 cup, then the Instant Breakfast adds another 6 which is 18 grams in one cup. I'm able to drink two of those in a day, along with my water/liquid consumption and other full liquid items such as Cream of Wheat, yoghurt and soup broth. I just wish I could start excercizing again! I feel so good other than the excruciating pain in my lower back/waist area when I breathe deep or burp. GRRRR! Hopefully it will go away as quickly as it came! Anyway, I also want to say how amazing Dr. Glorsky is. He was genuinely concerned about me and made sure there was nothing going on with the bypass. I still can't believe my good fortune to have this surgery and to also find such a phenomenal surgeon.
2/1/05
My pleurasy is gone and I feel great! I found a protein supplement powder that I can live with by optimum nutrition and I mix it with the Carb Countdown skim milk and come up with a protein shake that's 35g of protein in one cup! That alone makes the slightly weird taste go away quickly. I can easily live with it.
I've lost 22 pounds, but my weight loss seems to come in spurts. Oh well, at least it comes! I still have a hard time believing that it's not going to come back again. I mean, after all the diets I've failed, it's really hard not to think like that. When I realize I've done something that will help me keep it off for life, I get SO EXCITED!
The hardest thing for me right now is the constant thought of what I need to be getting in nutrition-wise. By around 4:00 or 5:00 sometimes I think "Oh no - I've only done 35 grams of protein and 40 ounces of liquid! I need to get on the stick! One thing you can't do is rush it. It takes careful planning and organization! Any little thing that throws off your schedule can mess you up, so I've been trying my hardest to stay on schedule with the intake. By the end of each day, my goal is to get 70-80 grams of protein and 64 ounces of liquid. I usually get my protein, but the liquid I'm usually about 5 - 10 ounces under goal. I always wake up the next day with a new attitude and tell myself I'm going to do it today. It helps!
I'm going to the support meeting tonight. I'm really looking forward to it. It's time to talk to other people that are in my same shoes. It will surely help to hear their point of view.
2/25/05
I weighed this morning and I'm at 250! I'm happy to keep seeing a steady loss, but the unrealistic side of me wishes it would all be gone tomorrow! ha ha I'm walking 3 miles a day, but missed two days in a row due to rain. I know that's a crummy excuse - I need to get tough about it and just do it every single day! I feel so darn guilty missing the walking, because I know that's what will make the difference. My feet and hips still hurt from the walking, but I'm counting on that going away eventually. I wear my headphones and listen to music the whole time, which makes it enjoyable. It takes the boredom away.
I have never dumped or thrown up, so I'm happy about that - I've followed the rules without fail, and I'm sure that's why. There have been just a few days that I've come up short on my protein and liquid intake, but not by much, and then I'll make up for it the following day. I took a suggestion from a fellow WLS friend to make a spreadsheet/checklist that has all of my supplements, just to make sure I get everything in. It helps alot! It feels like a "mini-accomplishment" every time I check off an item. I have all my vitamins, protein, liquid, exercise etc. on the list. I feel so in control and it feels really, really good. I just hope I can stick with it. I've failed so many times at trying to lose weight, and I can't get it out of my head that this is different, even though I KNOW it is. It still feels like it's too good to be true!
3/12/05
Today I weighed 237. That's 50 pounds! YIPEE! I've settled down and have stopped obsessing with the scale and I feel so much better about that. I've come to terms with knowing that the weight loss will be steady, even if it is slow (in WLS-land.) How could I not lose weight when I am making the right food choices and eating such small portions? When I think about what I used to put away, I just can't believe it! It's amazing what I can survive on, and actually feel so much better!
I'm in a size 18 now, and these are actually a little too big. I cleaned out my closet a few weekends ago and it felt so good! We're remodeling our kitchen right now (actually the kitchen, breakfast room, bar and laundry room) and it was amazing how much junk I had stuffed in every cabinet! I swear I could furnish five kitchens! It feels so good to get rid of everything! I heard someone say you spend the first half of your life trying to accumulate things, and the second half trying to get rid of them. If that's true, then I'm already approaching the second half of my life. I'm 45 years old but feel like I'm getting younger every day! I refuse to think I'm middle-aged! I just got used to the grocery-store sackers calling me "ma'am"! In my head I've always felt younger than my age, and now my body is starting to feel it too.
I dumped a couple of weeks ago, for the first time. I ate some flax/pumkin seed granola type cereal. I think it was the carbs because it only had about 10 grams of sugar (from what I can remember - I threw it out already.) Anyway, I now know what dumping is, and for me, I felt like I was having a heart attack for about one hour. It was horrible! I was flushed and my heart was racing. I had to lay down until it passed. I thought it was a good food choice, but lo and behold, NOT! Live and learn. The only good thing about it - it make me poop! ha ha I can eat anything at this point. I haven't thrown up and I chew the heck out of whatever I put in my mouth so I guess that's why I haven't had any problems. Everything is really good. My body is happy.
5/19/05
Today I weigh 225 pounds. The weight loss is soooo slow, but at least it's steady. I'm trying to talk myself into not being discouraged. Sometimes it's tough to remain positive about it and not wonder why I'm not losing like everyone else, since I'm following the rules so closely. However, the huge tell-tale sign that I need to stop crying in my soup is all the positive feedback I'm getting from everyone. I'm up at my son's elementary school alot (I'm on the board of the PTO) and when I see people I haven't seen in a short period of time, they compliment me on how great I look and they are so encouraging. I've never had anyone say anything negative about how I'm doing it (if I tell them) - they are all so happy for me. I also am able to walk four miles in under one hour, and I do that at least five times a week. I can cross my legs, I can sit in a normal chair! I can turn down food and NOT feel deprived, and better yet, not have the internal war of resistance. I really think I've changed my focus. After awhile, food just isn't as important.
My birthday is the 28th of this month and I'll be 46 years old. I'm actually looking foward to it this year! We're going tubing over that weekend (Memorial Day weekend) and I'm excited about it. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I don't feel too self-conscious to wear a bathing suit in public. My big goal is that by the time I'm 47, I weigh 140 pounds or less. I know I can do it! Who'da thunk it?
9/29/05
The weightloss has slowed down to a snails pace, but it's still happening so I'm happy. As they say, the "honeymoon" is over, but it's a great marriage, so all is well. I finally reached "Onederland" - I'm at 199 today (actually a few days ago,) and I hope to be at my goal at the beginning of next summer. I want to lose a minimum of five pounds per month until I get to a maintenence level. I think that's realistic, and the fact that I feel 20 years younger and have so much more energy is in itself, a HUGE accomplishment.
Some days I freak about the extra skin, and some days it doesn't bother me at all. With fall/winter approaching, I'll be more in the "doesn't bother me" mode. I'm still not sure about plastic surgery. If I could only get one thing fixed, it would need to be my arms, and that's the one area that you can't get around a scar. So, I don't know... I might just not do anything - I'm so tickled that I even have this to worry about!
My wonderful surgeon Dr. Glorsky has gotten out of bariatrics. I miss him so much and hope he finds happiness in whatever he does. If anyone in this world deserves inner peace, it's him. He's been so instrumental in giving it to so many people, that I hope it comes back to him tenfold. I've often wonder about all the different reasons we, as weight loss surgery patients, feel such a strong connection to our surgeons. At any rate, he gave me the strength to believe in myself, and provided me with the knowledge to ensure that I made the right choice to have WLS. I will never forget him.
I'm now going to Dr. Garth Davis for aftercare. I like his support group, and I like that he's always in attendance. He has some wonderful insight and it's very refreshing to hear his input. I'm learning a lot from him and feel I'm exactly where I need to be. It's very well rounded - the group includes a nutritionist, a bariatric coordinator, and a psychotherapist, Mary Jo Rapini. She hits the nail right on the head with everything she says. I really feel that I have all the help I need right at my fingertips.
