Meryl Gustafson
My original story was lost in translation from the old format but I had saved it previously and am going to recap the highlights here (the newest entry is at the bottom):
2-20-04 I have dealt with a lifetime of obesity when no amount of "willpower" has been enough to sustain numerous diet and weightloss plans. Approaching 30 years old and would like to improve my health and lifestyle NOW. Starting BMI is 44.
10/28/2004 Went for my consultation today . I guess I can always remember that because it is my sisters birthday. I first went to a seminar given by Dr. Boyce back in February and have gone up and down with my decision since. I finally came to the realization that this is what I want and to get off the fence and just do it. I feel I have done the right thing for me...
GOING TO PARAPHRASE THE NEXT LONG SEGMENT...
Surgeon sent in my packet to insurance and they were holding it because they were in the middle of changing the criteria. I met the old criteria but was denied because I did not meet the new criteria even though I had submitted before the change. My employer is self insured and Blue Cross just holds the rider for them so I went to my insurance director with my story. I sent him a letter explaining how I feel and described the situation of my life (as I see it), a letter from my PCP and a picture of me. I was going for the whole "I am a person, not just a number" scheme. It worked and he told the insurance company to approve me. I had a few problems with my boyfriend because he didn't seem to stress much about my having major surgery. I thought he should be more worried and I actually started a fight with him. He just said he preferred to focus on my being okay and not the negative thoughts that I was broadcasting. In hindsight I felt bad and gave him an apology. That was truly my main stressing point and from there on out it was smooth sailing. It seems I don't sweat the large stuff. I never really got nervous. I didn't cry before surgery. I did say my goodbyes on paper and that was pretty tough but you do that just in case and thankfully they never had to read them! I had my nutrition class 01/28/05 and my surgery was scheduled for 2/22/05. I did have those people that were trying to talk me out of it and trying to tell me other ways I could lose weight but I just smiled, let them talk and went on my way. I had tried a lot of things. Granted, I never think people have tried EVERYTHING (even though it feels like everything) but I know myself and I had allowed myself to become a failure on every diet I tried. I would excuse my bad behavior and say I would get back on track after just this one and on and on, never getting back on track. My parents were extremely nervous but were trying to be supportive. They just didn't want to lose their baby. My mom was my support person and she was great. Made me do all of my foot flexing and knee raises in bed and made me get up and walk. She gave me my little cups of fluid and my breathing exercises and recorded all of it like she was the one being graded. I couldn't have asked for a better person to be with me during this time. I had my surgery with no complications and I am one of those people that feel pain so I am not going to say that it did not hurt. It did! My surgery took about 50 minutes and I was in the hospital for 3 days and 2 nights. The ride home was horrible. I was very nauseous and felt every bump that we went over. I had a very hard first few days at home. All the commercials on TV were about food and food was my best friend. Looking back on it, I was truly going through withdrawals. But it did pass and I finally came to accept the decision I made around one and a half months out. By that, I mean I did not regret it any more. There are some people that have NEVER regretted it but I am trying to give MY story as honestly as I can. I went back to work around 3 weeks out and was extremely tired. I would go on my lunch hour out to my car and sleep! I had some cranky times during those first couple of weeks too. One incident, my co-workers were planning a B-day party in our lunchroom and said to me "we're sorry, we know you can't eat but what are you going to bring?".That irritated me. I thought it was insensitive and couldn't they do with just ONE LESS dish to pass instead of asking me to bring something? (BTW I brought SF pudding) At four weeks out I had lost 24 lbs. and 12 on the pre-op diet for a total of 36lbs. I still had no energy at that time but I knew it would come. It was VERY difficult trying to get in enough protein and I am sure that was part of my energy problem. I know prior to surgery I had looked around for suggestions of stuff to bring to the hospital and couldn't find any so here is what I brought:
Robe, Slippers, Hair ties, Shampoo, Comfy clothes (3 days worth), Books, Toothbrush/paste, Chapstick, Lotion, Extra pillow and socks.
I used all of this stuff EXCEPT for: lotion, chapstick, books and comfy clothes. I found it far easier to just stay in the hospital gown with all the shots they were putting in my belly and all. I used the extra pillow under my knees, I showered before I went home because they had the handicapped shower to make it easier, I used one hair tie and didn't feel like reading and barely watched TV. My mom read her books though so that may be helpful for your support person. After surgery I was pretty cold and my skin was dry.
3/24/2005 Doing great on vitamins but TIRED! Eating lots of protein SF pudding
3/28/2005 I think I did too much this weekend. Felt great so I worked in the yard. Did too much and am now paying the price. Ready to go to bed and it is only 4:00! Robert is being more affectionate to me also. That is nice! He does stay on my butt to eat my protein first so good for him. Just hope he doesn't get weird about it.
3/30/2005 Went for checkup and am now even more convinced to stick to the puree for two more months. They have a way of motivating you I have to say! I think the dry whey protein is gross, gross, gross! I hate the smell but what can you do?
4/07/2005 Shrinking all over. Still on pureed foods. Having major mood swings but I expected that. Robert and I fought alot last weekend but in the end it was okay and he even bought me a new necklace! Pretty good seeing as I usually get jewelry only on special occasions!
4/19/2005 Energy level is okay now. Still take naps at lunch just because it is nice to do. The main incision scar where he did most of the lap work out of still is tender to the touch but I am putting aloe on it and maybe it will go away completely. That scar and the two drain scars are the most prominent ones.
4/26/2005 This morning I woke up naseous, took my pepcid, started to brush my teeth and...OOPS! Threw up the water I used to take my pepcid with. That is the first time I have thrown up and have no clue why. Took some Zofran anyways just in case to calm my belly and we will see how it goes. So far down 53 lbs!!!!!!! Clothes are getting baggy and face is starting to thin out a little.
5/02/2005 Went to the drag races this weekend and had to face the 'vendor demons'. You know the smells...Italian beef, Gyros, Italian sausage, funnell cake, etc. But I won!!!!! I snuck some protein shakes into Robert's beer cooler and a grilled chicken breast to nibble on and I was good to go! All that walking around must have helped too because I got home and my scale had moved down 5 pounds!
5/04/2005 Robert now says I am 'coming out of my round face'. He is certainly enjoying the new changes in my body which in turn makes me enjoy them too (wink, wink)! My hips are hurting and those in support group think that maybe my body is readjusting. The exercise physiologist thinks it may be tendonitis from increased activity. I have to watch it and see. Take my doctors pre-packaged vitamins (they smell) and have also added his hair and nail vitamin pack too because my nails are getting pretty funky. Really weak, rippled, splitting and pulling away from the nail bed.
6/28/2005 I am battling head demons. It is a daily struggle to eat right and I am not always winning. I don't want to fail. I do look good! I have lost 75 lbs. so far. But because of my food problems I feel I am stuck at the same weight. I know I can do this, it is just a harder journey than I had imagined. Had my 3 month checkup on 5/23 and everything is okay (65 lbs at that point) My hip still hurts. Have to get that figured out!
6/28/2005 I have not been behaving very well... by that I mean I have not been recording my food and water intake and so I really don't know how much I am taking in. I have been getting lightheaded so apparently it is not enough! I nibbled on some sugar and found out that it did not bother me at all. Don't know why I did that . I was better off not knowing at all. Now I have to work at saying no. To others as well as myself. I now look like the 'me' I remember! That is nice to see in the mirror. WOW, to think that I will even get smaller than this... do I dare dream? HELL YES!
7/29/2005 Weight loss has slowed... But I am okay with that. A lot of it has to do with my activity level. I have to make it to the gym more often. I am getting a lot more attention from men but Robert seems okay with that since I have always been an extrovert and have ALWAYS been faithful. Stomach skin doesn't seem like it will be too much of an issue but that remains to be seen. My legs may be another story though. I have heavy legs so we will see what happens to my thighs. I have a large vericose vein running all the way down the front of my left thigh and behind my knee and two other poofy spots on my other leg. May have to get those fixed in the future.
8/08/2005 WOO-HOO!!!!! I broke 200 over the weekend. Sat the scale read 199 but I waited until Sun just in case and the scale said 196! YES ! Not a fluke. I have reached that milestone and can now go to the spa for a well earned massage!
9/01/2005 6-month checkup today and it was uneventful. Lots of compliments from the staff though! Had some blood drawn to check my levels. Waiting on those results.
9/12/2005 WOW! I got asked out to lunch by a guy at work today! He also told me I was 'pretty hot' WOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOO! Of course I had to say no, I have Robert, but I smiled for the rest of the day. And all my bloodwork came back okay. Gotta love it.
10/02/2005 It is funny the things that can escape you when you are busy living your life. I got on the scale this morning and it said 189. well, about 4 HOURS later I realized that I was in the century club. 100 lbs lost! What a great feeling. Could not have even imagined this just 7 short months ago! Still fighting those head battles every day! One step at a time!
11/17/2005 Have had two episodes of extreme pain in the past month. Called the Dr and they think it is clumping but have scheduled a CT scan just in case. Hope nothing is wrong! Have not had any complications so I have nothing to compare the pain to so I guess I have to wait and see.
2/06/06 Really having to watch the eating lately. I let it get out of hand sometimes if I don't keep my 'eye on the prize'. The farther out you are the more 'normal' a diet you can resume. Please use this time to retrain yourself. I have for the most part but I do have my faults. I eat sugar. That is my main struggle. But I still try to fight it. I have a second job now and my energy is out the roof. It is funny, my full time job is quite conservative at a bank but my second job is as a cocktail waitress at a sports bar. And they only hire cute women and they hired me! Of course they don't say they only hire cute women but all I need to do is look around at my co-workers to see! I have come back to this website to re-up my dedication to this surgery. Back on the bandwagon for me! I am down to a size 10-12. Never thought that would happen. Even on the GAINING side I only remember being a 14. Watch out world! (CT scan showed nothing... it was clumping!)
2/22/2006 My ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I cannot believe a whole year has passed. I am sort of sad. I am happy with all that I have accomplished but am sad that such a milestone has passed... I want to do it again! I have a Dr appt tomorrow. I have been abusing food. I have been working those two jobs and have not been attending my support groups. I told work the other day that I had to start going and they will have to work my schedule around them. They agreed so I am thankful for that. Send me your prayers. This gets tougher as time goes on and your mind plays tricks on you, but I will SUCCEED!
3/06/2006 I don't know what my problem is! I had my one year appointment and they were very proud of me and all my bloodwork was beautiful.... But I am abusing food. Really bad this last week, too! Am I sabotaging myself?AAARRGGHHH! HELP!
01/05/2007 I look back at those last posts and what I see there makes me sad. I do continue to struggle with food but it is a struggle I am winning. It is so true the saying that this is stomach surgery NOT brain surgery. YES.. it does fix our bodies but the rest of the transformation is up to us. I still battle my sugar intake but I am getting better. The rest of my diet is pretty balanced so that does help. I am good with my protein and am getting better with my exercise. I have recommitted to this and have decided to make a slow career change. I feel this website is a wondersul resource on-line. I have relied on it many times. There are many times I have needed an extra push in my personal life that wasn't really available to me (or if it was, I couldn't find it). I am going to spend this year studying fitness and nutrition and focusing on my own body. By this time next year I plan on having my certifications in place and have the know-how to help the bariatric community in my area by being a personal trainer. What a better way to share my experience?!?! Over the last year I have had to have two surgeries related to my gastric bypass. Last March, I thought I was getting a horrible stomach flu over and over again. I ended up in the hospital for a week with Pancreatitis due to gall stones blocking my pancreas tube. That is the most painful experience of my life to this date. But, they removed my gall bladder and all was fine. Last week I had an outpatient surgery to fix a very small hernia. Not too much pain but that is now better too! I think I look fantastic and am so excited with my life at this time. Oh, and I did end up fixing the vericose veins on my legs! I am still with Robert. We have been together for 5 1/2 years and just this past Christmas morning he has asked me to marry him! I said yes. What a blessing that we were able to make it through this journey together. There were times when I wasn't sure we would make it, but we did. I know others aren't as fortunate and I can fully understand why. It is a truly wonderful time in our lives but sometimes our partner isn't there for the right reason or maybe they just can't fathom why we are becoming a different person (coming out of our shells). If they leave (or you ask them to leave) then count your blessings that they won't be there to weigh you down with your new life. You need to be surrounded by positive and supportive people to make this a true success and I wish everyone the best. I plan on staying a part of this on-line community and I hope I can make some friends here!