6 Months

Jan 29, 2009

I am 6 months, 1 week post-op and physically I couldn't be doing any better. I've lost 98 pounds and only have 27 more to get to my personal goal. I haven't measured in about a month, but the last time I checked I had lost around 72 inches. That's 6 feet!!! I've basically lost a teenage girl:) When I think of it like that I am still awed and shocked. I couldn't pick up a 13 year old and carry her around all day. It amazes me what we can put our bodies thru and still make it out alive.....

On a personal note, I've been away from the board for a few weeks again getting ready to move to Colorado because Trevor and I were working things out. Just to make a long story short so I can preserve what dignity and self-respect I happen to have left for myself, Trevor has changed his mind again. For the THIRD time, I have been told how sorry he is and he loves me in a way that he wants me to be okay. But other than that, he has nothing for me. I understand that people's feelings change, and that's fine. But I'm furious at him for allowing me to believe that he sincerely wanted to try to work things out. I've made peace with this twice already and he just keeps jerking the rug back out from under me. He was going to let me uproot our son out of a school that took him a long time to get comfortable with and move us both to a place where we know absolutely noone. He told me in these basic words that he mainly wanted to try to work things out with me so he could have Griffin in the capacity that he would like. Meaning I could come be his roommate and housewife while he plays funtime Daddy. I don't effin think so!!!!!!!

So, I am embarrassed, ashamed that I believed him, and feel basically like a big idiot. But I will never ever regret giving him the chances I did because I will be able to honestly tell my son one day that I did everything in my power to keep our family.

With that being said, I've had enough. He has killed anything I had inside of me for him. I don't know who this hateful person is living in the shell of the man I loved, but it is not my Trevor. I've made peace with the fact that I am in love with someone that doesn't exist anymore, and it is time for me to move on. I started attending a divorce support group at a local church last night. It will last for 13 weeks which ironically will conclude as my divorce is being finalized. Which, also ironically, will fall right around our 8th anniversary.

I can honestly say that I know for the first time in my life that I deserve better than this crap. And I'm not gonna run right out to the bars and start drinking and jumping into bed with whoever will give me an ounce of attention. I'm a good person, a good mom, I have a lot of good friends and family that care about me. I'D RATHER BE BY MY DAMN SELF THEN BE SOMEONE'S ROOMMATE AND HOUSEMAID!!!!! I LIKE MY OWN ASS ENOUGH THAT I DON'T NEED A MAN OR ANYONE ELSE TO FULFILL ME AND MAKE ME WHOLE!!!!!
I'm screaming it from the rooftop. I like myself. I'm pretty effin awesome and by gosh people like me:)

What a difference 6 months make huh?? It's been quite the roller coaster for me, but the sun is coming back out for me. I just turned 31. I'm still a baby in the grand scheme of things and I've got a lot of life still to live. I feel good, I look good, things can only get better from here.

Love always and best wishes to you all,
Lisa G.

PS I'll have Griffin take some updated headless pics tonight and post them:) I actually hope he can get my head because I got a new sassy haircut I'm dying to show off. I started feeling a little Britney-esque so I made the decision to let a professional do the cutting. I'm very pleased with my new look..
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5 Months...

Jan 19, 2009

I hope you all had a beautiful Christmas and that the new year is treating you well so far.

I have to be quite honest....I was so busy living life throughout December that my surgiversary came and went and I never even thought about it. What a victory to have come such a long way in only 5 months that I don't even remember it anymore:)

It's been quite a busy month for me. My estranged husband came to visit from Korea for a week. He arrived in TX on the 20th. My son's 5th bday party was on the 21st. Surgiversary that I forgot about on the 22nd. Christmas, Trevor went back to Korea, 5 year well check for Griffin and bday pics, etc. etc.

In this 5th month I only lost about 13 pounds, which seems to be the average for me over the last few months. Total from highest weight is 90 pounds, date of surgery is 80 pounds. I don't know about inches because I just haven't managed to find time to measure. But I can tell I'm definitely shrinking. I can fit into 16s pants, large shirts, and I bought a tankini today at Target that is a JRs large:)!!!!!!!! I only do pic updates every other month because I can't tell enough of a difference and then I mentally abuse myself over it. So new photos coming in a few weeks for my 6 month surgiversary...

On the 16th I'll turn 31. I am looking forward to what 2009 brings to my life. At this point I'm still really not sure what is going to happen with my marriage. Trevor wants  to work things out, but for obvious reasons I have reservations about his honesty and have severe trust issues with him that I don't know can be overcome. I feel like I would like to try to stay together if by some miracle we could move past the last 5 months, but I just don't know. I'm wondering if maybe he just isn't lonely because of the holidays and he's got winter time blues. So I'm taking things VERY slow with him and pretty much continuing on with my life as I've already planned without him. School, Vegas in March to see Dr. A, European tour in the summer. I will not ever place my happiness and self-worth into another person's hands for the rest of my life!!!!!!!

Happy New Year to you all!!! Sorry I've  been gone for so long. I'll update you again in about 3 weeks for my 6 month and I'll post some new pics and measurements...

Love always,  Lisa G.
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4 Months...

Nov 17, 2008

We're leaving for Hawaii on Wednesday, and I am UBER-busy until then so I thought I'd post my update in advance.

I've been shooting for onderland this month and am holding steady at 201.5. My surgiversary is actually on Saturday so surely with all the traveling and walking I'm about to do I can reach it:) I'm not going to do my measurements until the actual date, but the last time I did them I had lost 60 inches. That's 5 feet!!!! Poundwise I didn't lose a lot this month (about 10) , but my trainer informed me that when a body stalls and isn't losing pounds it is because fine muscle mass is being produced. Hence all the shrinking that takes place. So stalls are blessings in nasty disguise;) From my highest weight I've lost about 75 pounds, 65 since surgery, and I have about 50 to go.

Also this month, I have decided to go back to school and have applied for a job at my local hospital. I'm moving forward with my divorce and seem to be healing and headed in a brighter path. My days aren't filled with melancholy and tears anymore. I'd say my sadness has dropped to about 20% of my day as opposed to 1000% immediately following my trip to Korea. I'll never regret going to Korea to see Trevor face to face because I would always wonder what if. Sometimes I think I still wish he'd change his mind, but I'm ok with where I'm going on my own. Griffin and I are doing very well and have adapted to our new routine. We will survive and thrive:)

Hawaii for 10 days!!!!! Need I say more. This trip was originally supposed to be for us to meet Trevor for Thanksgiving, but since that was ruined my mother and best friend are going with us. We'll be at the Hilton Hawaiian Village on Waikiki Beach if any of you want to come have a fruity cocktail with me and lounge by the pool.

Also, I just have to add, I went to an Eagles concert Saturday night in Dallas and have fallen  madly in love/lust with Don Henley. I've always been an Eagles fan, but let it be known, if I never attend another concert, I'll be alright. I don't think they can be beat!!! And did I forget to mention I think Don Henley may need to become my silver-haired fox??:) Lust I say!!!!!!!!

I am going to have Griffin take some pics of me tonight so I'll upload some new progress pics. And when I come home I'll have lots to share from my trip. I'm so glad that I actually enjoy having my picture taken now:) I hope you all have a beautiful Thanksgiving and take a taste of everything your heart desires. I'll be thinking of you as I eat my pineapple. I can't wait to get home and hear how much progress you've all made while I'm away. Good luck to all the newcoming losers!!!! I love you all, I'll miss you, and Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!

Three Months...

Nov 05, 2008

Post Date: 10/22/08 3:51 pm
As of this morning, I have lost 58 pounds and 52 inches. I've gone from a size 26/28 to a 20. I'm working out with my trainer twice a week, and walking on my treadmill at  home daily for about an hour. In 7 more pounds I will be in onederland:)

Mentally I've had quite a setback, but I will never regret going to Korea. I needed to see Trevor face to face for my own mental wellbeing. As bad as it hurt, it needed to be done. And, I have finally caught him and I know exactly who his gf is. She used to sit in front of the barracks and let my son play with her dog. He apparently didn't realize Discover sends a paper bill to my address. I received the newest statement this Monday. He had a lovely weekend getaway with his female sgt the week before I went to see him. They had a grand time getting massages and pedicures at the spa in the hotel on base. I'm at home now trying to pick myself back up and dust off my knees. I know I'm going to make it thru. I just wish I could get there sooner rather than later. The only thing that gives me satisfaction is that she's ugly and I'm not:)

Thank you all for the unending support you always give me. Thank you for checking on me. I'm always here. I just don't feel I have anything to offer anyone lately so I'm a lurker. Good luck to all the newbies and the oldies and before long I will be back to myself and participate more....

Lisa

Two Months...

Sep 22, 2008

Today I am officially two months post-op. I have lost 43 pounds as of this morning, and last week I had lost 42 inches. I am super thrilled with my losses. With the help of upping cardio and starting personal training sessions last week, I broke a 3 week stall and lost 7 pounds:)

I am able to eat pretty much anything I want, but sliced cheese will make me vomit everytime:( I'm quite sad about this because I love to melt a little bit of cheese with my egg whites and veggie sausage, but it just can't happen at the moment. I have modified my diet a tiny bit from what Dr. A generally suggests. Instead of 3 meals a day, I have found that I need to eat 5 times a day, although it's certainly not due to being hungry. I'm assuming this is probably insulin resistance/PCOS making me hypoglycemic. And I also seem to need a bit more carbs because I get very dizzy and lightheaded. But I'm not eating white or processed carbs. I get all of my carbs from protein supplements, fruits, and vegetables.

The biggest struggle for me thus far, as most of you know, has been my marriage ending. I was 2 weeks 3 days post-op when my husband dropped the bomb on me. For a while, I truly felt like someone was smothering me to death. It's been 6 weeks, and I have to say that I'm kind of shocked that I'm doing as well as I am. But I really have no other choice because I have a 4 year old that needs to be taken care of. This has definitely been my saving grace. I am so thankful to have him, and I know we are going to be ok. I still have an occassional really bad day. I have quit taking my lexapro because it seemed to be making things worse. I was very zombie-like and sleeping away most of the day while my kiddo sat beside me on the bed and watched cartoons. And it occurred to me, my taking anti-depressants isn't going to make my husband any less of an asshole. I do still take xanax after dinner because nighttime/bedtime is still a very hard part of the day for me. But I'm lightyears ahead of where I was a month or even a week ago. Thank you all that have held my cyber-hand through all of this. I've gotten a lot of great advice and support from a ton of you and I will be forever greatful...

I'm excited to see what month 3 has in store for me. I'm doing 2 training sessions a week, and I walk about 3 miles a day at a decent speed. This weekend I have tickets to attend a celebrity dinner/fundraiser for our local famous country singer. I'm taking my best girlfriend with me and we are going to have a fabulous time. We'll get to mingle with about 10 famous folks and 100 other froo-froo people in a private jet hangar at our airport. There will be a buffet, open bar, and a private informal concert. I've been to this dinner I think for the last 5 years and met some really really cool people. My all-time favorite was meeting and getting a big smackaroo from General Tommy Franks.  For the rest of the month I just plan on eating well and exercising and enjoying the simple things in life. I am Griffin's preK party mom so I'll get to start planning his class's Halloween party. We're going to TRY to carve pumpkins. And I've joined the PTA!!

Thanks again to all of you. I appreciate all the advice and hugs I've received. I truly enjoy coming to the board everyday to see how everyone is doing, and I hope at some point I can pay forward all the kindness and care that has been shown to me here:)

One Month...

Sep 22, 2008

Well, what a bittersweet month this has been. My surgery was absolutely flawless, and my gallbladder being gone has made me feel 100 times better. On the other hand, my husband decided for us that we are very unhappy and informed me over the phone and thru email that he thinks we need a divorce. He's not open to trying to work things out whatsoever.

With that being said, as of this morning, I have lost 30 pounds and 33.25 inches since the day of surgery!!!! I have a collarbone and the hint of a waist. People are commenting on how lovely my cheekbones are again. I feel better. I know I look better. I'm down a pant size and a half already. I actually dare say I feel a little bit pretty in spite of all that has happened.

I want to apologize to those who have given me advice or left me messages that I didn't respond to. I'm not ignoring you on purpose and I take into account everything that you all have offered. I'm just mentally unable to cope with much of anything at the moment and sometimes reading and replying to posts is just too much for me to handle. That sounds really selfish and crappy and I do truly apologize. I am so thankful and grateful for all my friends here, and I am on my way to getting better.

Griffin and I are doing well. He starts preK on Monday so we're going to meet the teacher tonight. Once he is settled into the new routine I'm joining the gym and getting a personal trainer.

I hadn't planned on it so soon, but now I am pre-planning what ps I may possibly need once I get to my goal. I am NOWHERE near a dating phase, but when I do get there I am going to be a vixen;) I almost cut off my hair last week because my husband is a pain about it being long and flowy and beautiful. I am very blessed to have great hair. But then I rethought it. I like long hair too. So I'm going to leave it that way and have it layered and textured a bit and I'm going to have knockout porn star hair when he gets back to the states!!

That's all for me at the moment. I still lurk around, but I've been so down I just haven't felt like I had anything to offer anyone. I miss talking to you all and hopefully I'll be in a better place sooner rather than later. Thanks again for all the support and love and prayers you've given me....

Pre-Op Plans

Jun 21, 2008

As of tomorrow, I have 4 weeks 2 days until my surgery in Mexico. I technically don't really need to do a pre-op diet, but I figure it would be silly and a waste of a perfectly good month not to. So, I've come up with a list of things I'm going to work very hard on so I'll be one month ahead of the game before my bday(bariatric rebirth day).

1. Begin replacing one meal a day with a protein shake.
2. Get in at least 30 mins of hard exercise EVERY day.
3. Take all vitamins/meds/supplements daily on schedule.
4. No more eating anywhere with a drive-thru window.
5. Drink at least 64 oz of fluid a day.

These are my strict goals for the next month. It shouldn't be overly difficult as I'm already doing decent at these challenges already. However, I'm going to be brutally strict with myself. I feel like if I get on top of these things before surgery my chances for succeeding will be much greater. And my withdrawals won't be so painful once I actually "can't" have whatever I want. So, good luck to me:)


About Me
TX
Location
40.3
BMI
VSG
Surgery
07/22/2008
Surgery Date
May 10, 2008
Member Since

Friends 26

Latest Blog 7
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