LornaDoone33

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Seasons Greetings, my friends.  I went to my department Holiday Party last week.  I work from a home office, so it was the first time that most of the people I have worked with for years have seen me since my weight loss.  Well, you know, you listen to your Mom and your family telling you you look so much better, good, etc., but you think - 'heck - it's just Mom." 

I was absolutely OVERHWHELMED by the compliments and good wishes that came my way.  I called my sister later and said the one word that people said to me more than any other was "gorgeous" the other one was "beautiful."  I have to think that they all could not have been lying.  It took me a few days to absorb it all.  I really have gotten to the point where the average person I come in contact with can notice how I have changed.  It just made me want to keep going and doing better and better and better.   

My sister has promised to take some new pics so I can post them here. I haven't taken any new body shots since the summer, so I am definitely overdue.

Take care all and Happy Holidays!!

34 lbs pre-surgery

My plateau lasted five long weeks.  It was a big mind-f***.  But then one day I got on the scale and I had lost eight pounds! 

I weighed myself on Wednesday, (three months out) and saw a number on the scale that I haven't seen in almost 23 years. In fact, I remember the day in September 1985 when my then-boyfriend's mother took me aside and told me that I really needed to lose some weight.  I had gained a LOT of weight in less than a year and she was "concerned".  She wasn't concerned - she was just mean - but I went home that day, got on my scale and was shocked to see how much I had really gained.  More than 50 pounds.  I hadn't even noticed!  Not really.  It crept up on me.  But I guess it wasn't a big enough shock because I went on to gain nearly 100 more pounds over the next year or so.

So that day, that number on the scale was a turning point for me in the nightmare that was my weight gain.  To see that number on the scale now, to know that today it means the opposite of what it meant then -- that I am now going in the right direction -- is thrilling. 

I have days of such happiness now.  I didn't realize how much my obesity was impacting my mindset.  I feel such a sense of accomplishment, of joy.  I sometimes just spontaneously drop to my knees to thank the Lord for this happiness.  It's been years and years since I have felt this way.

Unbelievably, I've hit a plateau already.  For the past 10 days I have lost maybe a pound.  It really messes with your mind.  Because the only thing that makes all of the rest of this worthwhile -- all of the supplements and vitamins and mushy food and pain drinking water!! -- is losing weight at the same time.  So, if you're not losing weight, it all seems like a big bust!  I am so bummed. So bummed.  I thank heaven for two things -- the fact that my surgeon told me this was about to happen at my last visit about 2 weeks ago; (I didn't believe him) and the posts that I've read on the forums that tell how others hit a plateau at the same time. 

I didn't believe him because how can I NOT lose weight eating between than 600 - 800  calories a day AND doing good cardio four times a week. I don't mean strolling through the park cardio, (which is great, too)., I mean busting my butt doing 13 MPH on my exercise bike at high resistance for a minimum of 30 minutes each time.  Shirt and shorts soaked through with sweat exercise!    But there it is.  

Apparently, once you start the soft foods, this happens to a lot of people.  Problem is, I'm not quite sure what to do - I know the point is to boost my metabolism.  But should I exercise more, (meaning even fewer calories netted each day - won't that just make this "starvation mode" response worse??) or eat a little more?  I just don't know.

I went to my second follow-up appointment at Dr. B's today.  I'm still trying to figure out all the numbers; everything is kind of swirling around in my head. But it's all good - I know that much.  I have lost 63 pounds since I started with Dr. B's program.  Since my last appointment a week after surgery, I have lost 19 pounds. That was four weeks ago.  I lost 19 pounds in four weeks.     That is simply amazing! Since my pre-surgery weigh in I've lost 30 pounds.  See what I mean about the numbers?? There's so many!  Anyway, as I said, it's all good and I am thrilled. 

Looking down the road a piece, I'm starting to wonder about my long-term focus.  Dr. B. gave me what he called his standard lecture -- about the 'honeymoon period'.  He noted that in 6-8 months my pouch will be supple and pliable and able to hold SIX TIMES the amount of food I'm eating now.  So, he said, I need to do my absolute best with the weight loss during this period so that later it will all just be about maintaining the loss. 

As I said, I'm thinking now about how to keep it all working. I guess it's easy now and will only get more difficult.  Still, I think back to my pre-surgery weight loss and think of how hungry I was all the time.  At least now I don't have to worry  about that.  All I know for sure is that I don't want to screw this up.  I feel so good some days I can hardly stand it.  Just happy.  

Exercising at least 30 minutes at or above my target heart rate every other day.  Now that I'm further out, I feel like I can pump that up a little.  My healing has gone very well, so I will start with crunches and other muscle-building exercises, too, on top of the cardio.  Thank goodness I like to exercise.  Let me rephrase - -thank goodness I've learned to like to exercise.  God is good.

34 lbs pre-surgery

What an ugly term that is -- super obese.  It sounds like you are the failure of failures at weight control.  Well, I haven't gotten weighed, officially in a few weeks but according to my scale, which is pretty accurate, my BMI is finally under the big Five-OH, (50). I now join the ranks of the morbidly obese.  That term is not too much better, but it's definitely a milestone for me.

34 lbs pre-surgery

Three weeks out now.  Hating pureed foods.  Nothing tastes good; I'm doing mostly liquids as the loss of texture really is a big loss for me.  I can not wait to chew something next week.   Still dreaming of fresh, cooked spinach, a little rice and a little broiled chicken.

I weighed myself here at home a couple of days ago and was soooooo happy!  I have to wait for the offical count at my doc's appt. next week, but I do believe I've lost another 10 pounds or so in just the past couple of weeks.  It's amazing.  

My very thin and very beautiful cousin Shelly came to visit from Texas last weekend.  We grew up together and I love her like a sister.  We're walking through the mall and she goes, "baby girl, you really have to get some new jeans!  Those are so baggy they look bad."

I was floored!  These jeans "fit" just a few weeks ago.  But she said they were so loose in the back now that they looked really yucky.  I knew they felt bigger, but I didn't know they had gotten THAT big. It was a nice moment for me. 

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I've started this online program called "Shrink Yourself."  It focuses on combating the reaons for emotional eating.   They say something along the lines of if you are 25 to 50 pounds overweight, you probably use food a little too much for comfort.  If you are 50 to 100 pounds overweight, you have made food a big part of your emotional makeup.  And if you are more than 100 pounds overweight, you have learned to use food as your primary emotional support.  Then, they go about helping you figure out why you have used food to clamp down your emotions rather than facing them.  I'm trying work the program hard, because, darn it -- I am not going through all of this to sabotage myself two years from now!

The 'head hunger' thing is all a part of the emotional eating cycle. BAM! the desire for "something good" to eat flys into you head.  You're not hungry, but you want that reward, that comfort of that good taste in your mouth.  Cooking for a teenager doesn't help any.  My son's four basic food groups are: pasta, chicken nuggets, pizza and ketchup.  It is so hard to get him to eat a decent meal and even harder right now to cook him one.  So, to help keep myself sane, I've been letting him make whatever he feels like for dinner, (as long as it's reasonably healthy) and taking myself and my head hungry nose to another part of the house while he does that.   

Peace to all of you beautiful people - I truly, truly appreciate you.

I told my son yesterday that I almost feel human again.  Almost, not quite.  But I'll take it.  I went to my surgeon's office today to have my jackson-pratt tube removed and got my first post-surgical weigh in.  Maggie ushers me over the scale saying, "I'd like you to meet your friend!  You are going to start to LOVE getting weighed!"  Well, not quite yet; I wouldn't say I love it yet but I am down 11 pounds    since my pre-surgery weigh in.  I hoped for a little more but Maggie says I am still very bloated from the 24-hour fluid IVs I got in the hospital.  That makes 45 pounds total (34 in the pre-surgery diet, plus the 11 last week),  I must say, I am proud of myself. 

What's most exciting is that I'm finally out of pain!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I've had a baby; I've had migranes all my life and I've had four previous surgeries.  But I can honestly say that the pain I had post-WLS was the worst I've ever experienced.  Do not be put off by my comment -- don't ever let that stop you from doing what you need to do - but just a little bit of reality for ya!

I drove to the doc's office today, (no problem since I hadn't taken any painkillers in more than 24 hours) and a little later treated myself to a little shopping spluge at CVS for bandages and stuff.  I actually love shopping at those big drug stores!  Better than the mall to me-- call my crazy, I don't know. 

I guess I've adapted to the liquid diet.  Still on full liquids for another couple of days.  I haven't eaten solid food in 13 days!  I can't say I have been hungry at all - that's really strange and wonderful and amazing!!! But I haven't.  I do look forward to my first pureed food this weekend, though -- I can't wait to scramble an egg and puree it.  Eggs are my all time favorite food, (luckily, my cholesteral is always ok). 

Getting my protein in, thanks to these miraculous 3 oz protein "bullets" by nu-Whey.  They come in a bunch of flavors and have 42 grams per bullet.  I mix one in a big glass of water and sip it for hours until it's gone.  Tastes like very weak juice.  I like it! 

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Ok - surgery is done. That's a little surreal, actually. I really did do this.  Recovery is a bitch. And while they tell you that, maybe you don't hear them. At least I didn't.  Yes, I heard there would be pain. Of course, there's pain. It's major abdominal surgery. I guess I didn't really "hear" it, my mind clogged as it was with thoughts of rapid weight loss.  But pain there is.  Lots and lots of it for me. I know everyone is different, but I'm a quick healer, typically, and so I didn't expect all of this. 

Surgery Day --  I got to the hospital, Abington Memorial, at abut 6:20. All by my lonesome.  I knew anyone I brought at the front end would wind up waiting and waiting for hours. They took me back right at 6:30 and I got into the infamous gown open in the back, (too small, of course).  No nerves whatsoever.  Dr. Bonanni strolled by about 6:45, looking chipper and ready for action. Great guy.  He asked me a bunch of questions, then said he'd see me in surgery.   Next, Dr. B's lead medical assistant, Manny, came by.  Same drill; different questions.  Finally, the Abington nurse came by and began the very thorough questioning for the surgery.  All done at about 7:30, including a visit from at least two anesthesiology team members.  Then, they sped me back to the OR, where two very kind nurses were waiting.  They took my contacts, (drat - I'm as blilnd as a bat, so I hated that), had me slide onto the OR table and then poof, the next thing I remember is waking up in the anesthesia step-down unit.  I felt ok. Not a lot of pain at that point.  Still under most of the anesthesia. 

Dr. Bonanni appeared bedside, as cheerful as ever,  but told me what a difficult surgery it had been.  He said that my liver and spleen were both horribly oversized, and despite the week on liquids, they had a massive issue to deal with.  They had to hold the big organs up the whole time, causing them to swell.  Still, they had managed to complete the procedure laproscopically and I was very grateful for that. 

My mom came by, despite my asking her to just chill at home, and I was glad to see her.  No matter how much of a trooper I think I am, I still need my Mommy, (lol).  Later, in my room, (beautiful by the way - what a lovely hospital Abington is), i got the mad rush treatment by a team of very competent professionals.  Had the foley catheter in, (no biggie), but had to advise the team that they needed to help me take care of my period, too.  Timing is everything, I guess.  Got a couple of shots -- one for heparin, anti blood-clot, which Dr. B is very obsessive about, and another for pain.  The pain medicine was fantastic, and I drifted off into a nice, drug-induced sleep for hours.  

Then, it wore off.  I asked for more and got it, about every four hours.  My lips and mouth were so dry that I could actually peel the dead skin off the top.  I had no saliva in my mouth and was advised that I should not try to swallow even a sip of water.  I asked for swabs and was vigilent about not swallowing any of the water that winds up in your mouth when you use them.  

Fast forward two days.  I kept water down, then broth, then Jello with no problems, walked around the floor a few times each day, bathed myself, etc. and so Dr. B. said I could go home if I wanted.  I wanted.   Manny and Maggie, Dr. B's physician's assistant, had also come by during my stay.  I swear,  the three of them were so on top of things that I halfway expected one of them to show up at my door once I got home with a picnic lunch of Actigall and chicken broth. 

So, I'm home now.  As luck would have it, (or that darned timing again), my soon-to-be ex husband is moving out this weekend.  I've wanted that to happen so much for so long that it's odd it should happen on probably the one weekend I could have done without it, but there it is. He's been nice enough. Enduring dirty looks from my mother when she stops by.  But whatever, that will be done with, too and I really will be starting on a fresh slate in more than one area. I'm sure the Lord knows what He's doing. 

Well, the pain is kicking in again.  Took a sip of water about an hour ago and had a violent burst of naseau; first one.  Time to take more of that horrid Tylenol with codeine. Sucks.

I said that to myself so many times.  Before starting the next diet. Before trying the next exercise. But this time I'm saying it because tomorrow is my surgery day. 
It really has come. I would walk to that hospital on my knees if I had to; I'm so grateful. I'm praying but I don't even know what to ask the Lord for. I feel like he already knows everything I need. 

See you on the losing side.

Second day of liquids only, presurgery.  I'm hungry, have a headache that won't go away and feel lightheaded at times.  Either I'm doing something wrong or this is just really difficult.

Monitored protein intake carefully yesterday.  Got in 125 grams, mainly through powder and a protein bullet drink.  Ate tomato soup, which was probably a mistake, since looking at the label today I see that there were 12 grams of sugar in one serving. That's a little too much.  Think I'll stick to broth today. Had a little greek yogurt with a little Splenda a couple of hours ago.  A lot of coffee.  Hope today is better than yesterday.