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 So this Saturday marks my one year anniversary for Bariatric Surgery (Roux-en-Y).  The results are in..through the good, bad, scary, and everything in between I have gone from a peak of 260 down to 188. A decline of 72 pounds!  Not as much as I had hoped for (was hoping for 100 pounds lost) but not bad at all considering the last few months.   I know I have not been the best the last few months of working on my journal, or Blog, but it has been hectic the last 4 months.

April 30th as I was driving my brother home from his hospital appointment from the VA in Seattle, I suffered a stroke.  I felt out of sorts, not able to think clear, and I noticed my face, neck, and left arm feeling numb...like novicaine had been used.  Took my blood pressure when I got home, and it was high, and I placed a call to my primary care's office.  They suggested I call 911.  I knew that it would take them 30 min or so to get to my residence, do an eval, and prob get me to the hospital.  I opted to have my husband just take me to the er as it was only 15 min. away.  I will do a small plug here for Valley Medical Hospital in Renton, WA...they were fabulous!!!  Within 30 minutes, I was evaluated, had a CAT scan, and though it took 30 minutes to find a good vien that would not collaps, they were able to administer TPA to hopefully remove the blockage from the brain stem.  It worked!  The doctor said that I did everything right....by not ignoring the signs of a stroke, and getting to the hospital as fast as possible.  There is a 3 hour window from the onset of a stroke to when the TPA can be given to a patient to reverse the blockage and lessen if not take away completely the damage done by the stroke.  The hard part is after the TPA is given, one becomes a patient of the ICU for the next 24-48 hours.  It took 4 more days after that for me to be released home, and a couple more weeks of pretty much doing nothing but resting and gaining my strength back.  At almost 4 months from the stroke, I still use a cane when I am not in the house, as my balance has taken a hit....I have some word association issues (I seem to have trouble distinquishing the words left and right..makes fun navigating however...) and I have not been able to do much exercising. 

To top it all off, I discovered at the end of March, middle of April that I would either be losing my job at the end of June, or be transfered to the East Coast....Well, I am now living on the East Coast..litterally, 5 miles from the Atlantic Ocean...and it is nothing like the Pacific Northwest!!  I am enjoying the beaches here, and I have the best tan than I have had in years!!!! 
I have had to find a new set of doctors, including one who knows about WLS.  I believe I have found a great doctor here.  The first visit for the meet and greet ended with a Vit B shot, and a follow-up for complete blood work to check all my nutrient and vitamin levels along with everything else that goes with one year post-op for WLS.  He seems to know his stuff, and does not seem the type to shy away from the WLS lifestyle.  He knew where to find a support group, (a couple of them), and has a bariatric group that he works close with.  That is a great releife for me.  I had such a great support group in Washington, that I was afraid I would not find another one across the country.  

I guess it is time to post a new picture of me this weekend...sort of that before and after type thing..  I went shopping with my youngest daughter this last weekend while she is home from college for her summer break, and went into a couple of stores, and bought right of the rack!  a great pair of Lee jeans ($3.00 may I tell you ladies!!!) and a great dress for church!  I did not have to go to a large style store, but bought right off the rack in the young miss section!!!! Oh yeah baby!!!!!!!  That was the first in years that I could purchase right off the shelf and wear it the next day! Let me tell you that is the biggest pick-me-up for me!!!

Wel...it is late tonight...need to get some sleep as I had a hard day at the office. Will blog more in the next couple of days!

58 pounds down....have been here for a week....Size 24 down to a 16/18..  Tops from 2X to large (14/16).    So I have been asked if I am glad to have had this surgery.....Today I can say yes. 

I would make sure though that if someone is thinking about this...or thinks that this is the easy way to loose weight...I would tell them no unless they are serious about changing their whole life.  This is not just about weight loss.  The way that I see surgery and all the restrictions that  this includes it is about a life change in all areas of my life.

My Calcium and B12 were way too low, more like off the chart in the wrong direction.  So in I went for B12 shot, 4 sub-lingual B12 a day...and liquid Calcium 5000 IUs per week one day a week. I am now taking multi-vitamins twice a day...and liquid vitamin D twice a day......need to also pick up the protein, however my kidneys are putting out too much creatine.  Still need to pick up my workouts in the gym.

I have had some serious cramping in the upper area of my abdomen, and have been through a CAT scan with contrast with no herniated intestine found. (yea for something good).  Tomorrow is a colonoscopy ...oh fun.  Just the thought of having to drink this pre-procedural stuff is not fun.  As I can not drink much at one sitting, I do not know how I will drink 3 liters in a hour. 

I love seeing people that I have not seen for a year or so.  My brother came to visit from Minnesota, and could not get over the physical changes he saw in me.  When you see yourself everyday, it is hard to see the changes.  I mean I do see changes, in my face, and my clothes, but it is like watching your child growing...when you see the changes every day, it is hard to remember what they really looked like last month, or 6 months ago.    I keep pictures on my phone of what I looked like before, so I do not forget.....

Another thing that I am working on is scheduling meals better.  I work 11:15 am till 8pm....'lunch' is at 3:30.  I find myself grazing more throughout the day, trying to make sure I get the right amount of calories in.  I currently drink a Muscle milk or a 20 oz soy for breakfast....which means around 11:00 at the office.  I have soup around 1:30....and a small meal of salad or some type of beans and veggies.  I come home, and try to have some protein in the form of a soy patty or perhaps an egg with tofu.  

I have learned that Spanks or Sweet Nothings are probably a permanent part of my wardrobe from here on out.  I have more skin than I thought I would have...and am thankful that I have the ability to find these....(Discovered through my support group...thank you Sandra!)  It is important to feel good and looking good helps.  I never thought I could wear a pencil skirt..and look good.  The time has also come to cut my hair.  I have had a hard time with hair loss....hopefully shorter hair will help with the breakage.  I also am trying a new shampoo/conditioner program...NIXON....it is expensive, but it is supposed to help by keeping the follicles healthy so they can grow...my hairdresser said that with my vitamins being depleting, that it is affecting the hair regrowth.  Hoping that a month or two will see a better and thicker hairstyle.

 It is true....I have finally ended my 2 week plateau and crashed through that brick wall that was called 200 and reached One-derland!  I remember every day that I saw 200 creeping closer to the scale 21 years ago as I crossed over from 199 to 200 and above....each day I would get on the scale I would tell myself that I would Never get to 200...then 205...then 210...and well, you know...until I hit 250.  Then I thought if I just stayed there at 250 I could survive forever.....but as you have read before...my body could only hold on for so long before something had to give....and it was my health that suffered.  

I remember the days...and weeks of depression that I went through knowing I was big, but I never looked in mirrors (If you do not go clothes shopping...you do not have to look at yourself) so reality did not set in.  It was the same when I used to smoke....I started at 11 years old with my girlfriend...she would get our smokes from her parents and we would lock ourselves in her bathroom with the fan on, and window open looking at ourselves in the mirror learning how to look cool.....years passed...and while a pack was still under .75 and I was smoking a pack a day, I said I would quit if a pack cost over $1.00.  I had chest x-rays...where the tech would say....."you have the best lungs I have seen....you are sure not a smoker!"  I would laugh and figure that as long as there was nothing showing....it was proof to me that smoking was not a danger.......(Hello?????)  I did quit smoking....about 13 years ago.....I have had a couple since then....but did not like it....and think how much money I have saved!   But I digressed...

My head said that if I did not see my body, I was still the same person I was when I weighed 120......so I couldn't be obese. 
Chunky....large...larger than.....heavy...ok, fat....but not Obese. I will never forget the time I peeked into one of my medical charts that was laying open in the E.R. one day an the first words were "Pleasant, clean, obese female..." .  Man was I mad!  I thought who the heck was this person judging me?????  I knew lots of other people who were bigger than me!    But this is where only hindsight shows how denial works it's magic.  I have worked with 12-step programs in the past....took multiple classes in college about addictions, and psychology classes galore......I understand the need of a "Higher Power"....but I was still not obese.   

These last few months I have learned more about myself with this journey of regaining my life back than I think I have learned in the last 20 years.  With my children now grown...(my youngest just turned 20 this week), I have the time to focus on me....What am I really feeling, What am I really doing....Where do I want to be....What do I want the rest of my life to be like?  Not sure if I have stated this before, but I was adopted when I was 7 years old....so I never knew what my biological issues were...what genes I would battle.....growing up we ate well, good portions....my siblings and I were all very active in playing, swimming, bike riding, walking and sports....lots of veggies...not a lot of fast foods...or fried foods, nor too many sweets.....Kudos to my mother....she did great in that area!  What I have learned however in meeting and getting to know my biological siblings and other extended family members, was that I come from a long list of heavy set (obese) women...and 54-55 years was all that my birth mother, two aunts, and an uncle survived to.  So to hear last May that I would die in a year if  I did not loose drastic weight by then was not a good thing to hear.....Those are odds I would not want to take to Vegas.

As I have looked at how I eat, and my lack of exercise, and really look at myself in a full length mirror, and stand on the scale every couple of days (sorry...I am one of those people who need a daily show of weight to help motivate me) I began to get excited about watching the 200 mark come back into the picture....from the other side.  Now that I have crossed over the "Bar of No Return" as I call it...I am getting excited.  I have gone from a size 24 or 3X to a 17 or L...I have looked at my self and can see my legs..and feet without bending over...I can run up 2 flights of stairs without being winded...I have ribs that can be felt...and bony knees....I like what I see when I am dressed in jeans and a cute top...I have gotten rid of all of my "Mom Jeans"  and even own a pair of low ride jeans....(those may take some getting used to).  For the first time in a very very long time...I get excited at the idea of going shopping...knowing that I do not have to be stuck in the "old lady clothes" as my daughter called it before.  Words like cute, sexy and hot are the terms my daughter uses now to describe how I look when I get dressed.  

I know that people who have not gone through this experience can not fully understand how it feels to be 198!!!!  It is like trying to explain what childbirth feels like in all of its stages to someone who has never experienced it for themselves.  The words are there...and are descriptive, but the emotion...that connection feeling is not there like it is to someone who has delivered a child naturally.  I am SO EXCITED to be back in the land of Onederland...As soon as I can remember how...I will post a new picture of myself here in my size 17 jeans....  I still have areas to work on...my new goal....is my wedding weight (178) and that was in 1989.  I also have plans to hit the gym again...on a consistent pattern.  I still struggle with food....meats are very hard still....I have added couscous this week...with veggies in in and a small bit of Bombay Curry and mixed types of raisins are good...and Soy Garden burgers ( I get them at Costco) is my new favorite dinner...I use a small bit of Katsu sauce on it...yummy.  

I am off for a girls weekend this weekend (my 53rd birthday by the way) and am looking forward to going for a great walk along the bay weather permitting (can you say rain in the Pacific Northwest....)  Until I get home....I will let you know that there is No place...like Onederland!   Deborah 1/26/2012

 I remember when I was young...trying to stay up to watch the new year roll in.....knowing with some excitement that some mysterious occasion was waiting to happen.....the belief that a new beginning somehow would wipe the slate of all the bad that had happened and a new life was just waiting to walk through the door. 

I was a few years that went by when I realized that I was the catalyst of that new beginning...not the stroke at mid-night.  With my birthday also in the month of January, I believed again that here was a new beginning...a perfect time to start new habits...and to end bad ones. Now with my gastric bypass in August, there was a new beginning again.  

I used to tell myself that it was safe being overweight...those that liked or loved me....loved the inside...and the outside did not matter.  I would not have to question any ones motive...and my children...they would love me because I was their mother...I would feel the same about myself at any weight....I had a nice smile...and a pretty good personality.....I was a good person and that was enough.  

4 months post Roux n y .... 47 pounds lighter...5 clothes smaller I wake up with each day now being a new beginning for me.  I am hoping on a new lease on life to coin a phrase.... I put on pants (size 18) that I never thought I would wear again....and my shirts have gone from a 3x or 24W to an 18 or Lg.  I love when I look in the mirror and see that I look younger...and others tell me that I look younger as well.  I can walk up the stairs at the office without being winded multiple times during the day.  My feet do not hurt from standing or walking through the day - even if I wear heels...  My cardiologist asked me last month if I was glad I had this procedure yet.....  I still have issues with my blood pressure, and still can not eat meat very much if ever, I still throw up every few days, am having trouble with getting enough fluids and have had to double up on all vitamins and supplements.  I am still loosing hair in the shower and my hair brush....but yes...I have come to believe that I am glad that I have been given some new tools to gain my new lease on life.  

 So in the spirit of the Christmas holiday...ho ho ho...
I am 3 1/2 months out of RNY and attended my first holiday party....Success!  I had a small piece of ham, and 3 pieces of salami..the nice thing is that I was wearing a pair of my daughters jeans (24 down to an 18...yea) and I felt better than last year...I even stood to the front of the family group picture instead of in the back....those who knew of my procedure were surprised to see the difference...and I was glad they could see a difference.  My oldest daughter has not seen me for a year, so I am excited for her to see the changes....And I am just excited to see both of my girls home!

I had to miss my support group this week due to my work schedule...and feel a bit of a loss for that.  I really do like my group, and it is great to hear others and different stages of their journeys going through similar struggles and success....and when I share there is a comfort to know I am not the only one....

One of the things I am known for is my holiday cookie gifts......I had made the decision that the changes I have decided to make, does not mean that everyone else has to change...so....I am surrounded by flour, sugar, butter, pans, recipes and a wide variety of cookie tins....I still need to do what makes me happy....cooking makes me happy.  

I went this last Tuesday morning to do my first set of blood work.  I have my results on the 19th...my hope is that in one week and 2 days...I can hit the 200 lb mark....Thinking that may be workable IF I get back to the gym....It was good the first couple of weeks, then, due to my work schedule, it is hard to get up early to work out.  I have been thinking about it this week, and know that I need to do more than what I am....so the plan is 3 days to the gym this week...Each session is about an hour and a half....still at the starting out stage.  A friend asked if I was taking the 100 challenge at the gym.  It is a commitment to either walk, swim, bike or run 100 miles in 4 weeks.  20 miles a week, 5 per work day...I asked her if she was nuts!  I am however, willing to to walk or bike 2 miles a day 3 times a week..  I figure 36 miles in a month is just fine at this time.  I have learned that with the 42 lbs that I have lost already, that my joints hurt especially my shoulders which have both had rotater cuff repair. Someone told me that as I loose weight, not only do the muscles change definition, the joints have to realign themselves with the muscles.  Interesting thought.  

I will report back when I have my results.  My cardiologist (who got me this far) sees me on Wednesday (OK..I see him) and it will be interesting to see if I can stop any more of my current medication.  Fingers Crossed!  Till then..May the holidays bring good memories to all!  

 So I have had a few openers these last couple of weeks.  I have still had trouble after eating protein and many foods.  I was looking at myself after reading about everyone else's great weight loss, and thought I was once again failing at another weight loss.  I went and made an appointment with my surgeon who decided we would do another EGD to see if I had ulcers, H-pylori, or if the lower opening needed to be stretched a bit more.  Results....I need to wait another 4 weeks to see if things calm down.  And he told me that I have lost 35 pounds...(I am now at 41 pounds )  and that I need to stop comparing myself with others.  I started at 250 lbs....I would not loose as fast as those who weigh 300+ that I am doing great and he is proud of my success so far!  Not only is he my great doctor, but now he is one of my best cheerleaders! (never knew they studied cheering in med school ! )

I got under 210....have not seen that in I do not know how many years.  I was going to my nephews home for Thanksgiving..but had nothing to wear. All of my pants including jeans were all falling off my hips and I had no belts at all. I was one of those women who thought no one who was as large as I should ever wear a belt.  I was talking with my youngest daughter about my new weight, and clothes dilemma and she told me to look in her dresser..third drawer down and try on her jeans.  I laughed and told her that I would never fit in her pants!  She told me to try anyway, so I did.  The first pair, a size 20 fit good...not too tight at all.  I looked in her full length mirror and liked what I saw.  Then I tried the next pair...size 17 "skinny" style....not only did I get my legs in, they went over my hips...and buttoned...they really buttoned!  I had my husband take pictures of my backside and sent that to my daughter...LOL.  (I am not letting either of my daughters see me until they come home for Christmas break from their colleges...late December)  I must say, my family could not believe how good I looked..and it was fun being told I was the little sister for the first time and believing it!  I even won a few Wii Dance offs!  Not too bad for an old big Aunt!

I am still having trouble getting all the water in one day that I am supposed to drink...but I am drinking more herbal teas...Will do my blood tests this next week...will be interested to see where I land. I have gone back on soft foods while at work, soups, cheese and muscle milk.   I have also found a new website that was shared at my support group  http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/p/links.html.  I can see why so many in my group like this...It is filled with so many good and practical information, recipes etc.  There is even a contest she has going on right now till Dec. 4th,   it is called the MAX Holiday Giveaway hope others like it as well.

I spent this last month putting many posts on my face-book page of things that I was thankful for each day.  I have decided that I must look at the positive in life..that is who I am...I believe that there is good in all people, and that I can learn from every situation that I am in...good or bad...and all learning is good. It makes for a much better life to look at the positive...the cup is always 1/2 full for me, and that makes all the difference.  May we all have a wonderful holiday season that we are embarking on...

Deborah

 I would not say that I was being boastful when I state that after my first day in the gym with my trainer Annmarie, I was able to complete all she requested of me (1.25 mile walk on treadmill at a 2.5 - 5% incline at a pace between 3 and 3.5 mph in 22 minutes) along with 2.5 weights, semi-squats and some core Band workout without being exhausted.  I had a great day at work, and nothing hurt....yet! 

I planned on being back in the gym the next morning.

Reality check.....

Next morning...I discovered that muscles I never think about were now screaming loud and clear....."What the heck were you thinking?????!!!"  LOL
From my shins..to my hamstrings (yes on both legs) to my poor waist/side (thank you purple band!) to my forearm (come on..they were only 2.5 lb weights....I used to carry 2 children on my hips, in my arms all day ...at the same time... Oh wait... that was 20 years ago.... ha ha.

Needless to say...the gym did not see me today.  I did use the stairs at work instead of the elevators....and I did at least walk around the outside of the buildings during lunch (thank you sun for still being out at 4:45pm today).  

Tomorrow will be better.  I will be at the gym (I already told my trainer I would meet her there at 9:00 or so) and work some more.  I remember running 3-6 miles at night when I was 19-21...just because I had nothing else to do, and it gave me time to myself to think and plan...amazing how slow life gets when you add 100 pounds, and 30 years to a body.

I am still no where near where I should be as far as water intake, and protein intake.  On the good side, I did not throw up today...this is a first in 8 weeks...I have called and made an appointment with my surgeon for next week to see if there are some ideas of why I have not been able to hold down protein in a non liquid form.  
And now...time for a soak before bed!

 I have found it invaluable to go to my support group!  The group meets twice a month, but due to my work schedule, I am only able to go once a month...I always come away feeling better, or at least feel that I am right where I am supposed to be!  I saw the cardiologist last Friday, and was able to be taken off one of my medications...and due to the type of surgery, (RNY) have been reduced to baby aspirin in place of the 324mg each day!  

Today...I joined a gym.  My work has a gym on campus, complete with 3 personal trainers.  I have always been embarrassed to go to a gym due to my size...and what I will look like to others who are oh so much smaller than me.  I have been walking on a treadmill from home three times a week, but know that I need to have help to get healthy in all aspects of my life.  So here was the special the gym is running....If I attend 12 times in one month, my membership is free....and this will go on until the month comes when I miss the 12 times, and then, I will only be charged $15.00 per month...and I can meet with one of my trainers at least once a month.  How good is that????  So after going through my last 8 weeks with my trainer...getting all the paper work done, I meet tomorrow morning at 9:00 am to get measured and get a workout plan started!  My goal...to loose another 30 or more by the next 8 weeks!  Wish me luck!

For the eating....Still having issues with any form of solid protein....the drinks are fine, as is cottage cheese...and sometimes cheese sticks or an egg....but any meat comes back up.  There has not been one meal that stays down....ugh!  Many have said to be careful of a stricture...and that I need to call my doctor....hard to do that as I have a busy week at the office, and have already taken so much time off (5 1/2 weeks) due to the surgery that I hate to ask for time off.  Funny that I am almost afraid to call the doctor....I hate hearing bad news...but...if this continues I know I will have not choice but to call!

My youngest daughter wanted to skype tonight...I told her that I did not want her to see me until she comes home from school for Christmas....LOL   So I sat to the side and let her see her dad...and I just talked with her..ha ha....  

I have talked with a co-worker who I had shared my surgery with, and she is going to Dr. Lauter as well...her surgery is scheduled for December 9th.  I have invited her to the support group, and hope she will sign up for this web site..... Love what I have found here....  Well, it is late, and the gym is early...so Ta-Ta for now!

 So, it was a long first week at the hospital.  I knew that this would not be easy, but I was not prepared for not being able to even drink a sip of water without being sick for the first 4 days...ugh.  But the good news...I have not thrown up since day 4!  I have been so tired though...I seem more tired in week 2 than week 1...but a nap in the late morning, and then another in the mid afternoon help.  I am hoping this passes as it will be hard to go back to work since I work 12-9pm.

I have been trying to decide what all I should be having at this point.  I seem to not have lost anything for this week :(  However, I am down 13 lbs since the week of surgery.  I was taken off my water pills, but still look like I am retaining water....
I am having a hard time writing down what I have eaten or drank each day.....am going to try a new site that was suggested by my support group last night.   I am still looking for a good powdered protein drink that taste good...I have learned that using more water than the almond milk dissolves the powder better than just the almond milk.  I am also able to add fresh blueberries that my daughter picked and froze for me before she left back for college this morning.

For exercise....I am starting to walk again.  Have not done too much, as I stated before, I get exhausted so fast but I have been walking about 20 minutes every day.  Time to start picking it up I think, knowing that I need to do everything I can to help the tool do its job.   The stitches are healing well....six incisions are looking good.  The worst part is that my stomach itches like crazy!!! (Hello Aveno lotion).

The other thing that I was not prepared for was either the feeling of loss as I look at my clothes and relaized that I will need to get rid of all of them.....and just the crying....My son and husband have stated I am short tempered..or snapping at everything. I have  been assured this will subside as my body gets used to all of the new changes....TIme will tell  

 So, I am doing laundry...and thinking of what I want for my last dinner...ha ha... 

Trying to complete all I want before surgery.  I have some soups, jello (sugar-free) and Pudding (sugar-free as well), and a couple different types of protein drinks.  I bought a special blender, GE Single Serve Blender, similar to the bullet so we will see how that works (was only 19.99 at WalMart) and I have my first 30 days of the multi-vitamins from Bariatric Advantage. I am trying to keep the positive thoughts going, but it is hard not to be nervous.  

Still not sure what to expect for the first few days/weeks, but it sure must beat the alternative to living!  I am glad to have this site suggested to me, as it seems that all here are genuine.  Will try to post later today, but if not...in a few days when I get back from the hospital.