loggerin
It's Been Awhile
Mar 13, 2008
I am preppy. Who knew? Buying clothes is so completely overwhelming. There are so many choices. I have a hard time picking up mediums. I keep thinking they won't fit.
I joined a hockey team. I love skating and playing. I am up a lot more, as in more hours of the day.
I am terrified of re-gain. I am going to see an eating disorder specialist because of the fact that my brain has not caught up to my body. She calls it the cart before the horse; my body (cart) is new but my brain (horse) hasn't gotten with the program.
I think I will always struggle with weight and eating. I like eating. I like all parts of it, chewing, swallowing, selecting.
I have certainly had days where I have eaten 2000 calories since this operation. Everyday? No, some days, yes. More days than I would like? Sure. But, I get up everyday with the thought that today will be one where life is good. And mostly, it is.
2 Months
Apr 30, 2007
I feel like sometimes I lose control. Today was a day that I lost control. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't have to.
Grrowl.
My Ticker
Apr 17, 2007
Grr.
I don't get it.
On A Roll
Mar 15, 2007
I have lost 20 pounds. It kind of feels like it, but I still feel like I can't see a difference. I will have Andrea take photos so I can post them.
I love my ticker.
I had mashed potato soup last night! It was like heaven in a soup.
One Week
Feb 22, 2007
I got really excited last weekend when I went over to my mom's house and saw all the clothes that I had saved under "someday" that hopefully will be fitting me again soon. Someday may be not so magically far away.
I don't feel scared right now. I feel excited. I feel so super ready. I ate mac and cheese for lunch today, and I kind of fell into that oh poor me this is the last time I will ever eat mac and cheese ever again trap, but then I realized that (a) that didn't have to be true, but more importantly, (b) I am not really going to be missing a whole lot. I've had mac and cheese a lot, so I think I can move on from it.
I tried some sugar free jello today too. It was not so bad! A little sticky sweet, but I can manage it for a month.
I can't really focus on anything at work. I am pretty much already all checked out of here. I have my programs farmed out, my paperwork turned in. I work Sunday for 4.5 hours, Monday night and TuesDay and then I am off to Skinnytown.
Shamelessly Stolen
Feb 13, 2007
The 10 Most Common Mistakes Weight Loss Surgery Patients Make
While weight loss surgery (WLS) is considered the most successful treatment for morbid obesity, it is just the first step toward a fresh start. Weight regain is a common phenomenon, as is illness when weight loss surgery patients do not follow recommended guidelines.
Breaking old patterns, establishing an effective post-WLS lifestyle, and addressing the emotional issues that often complicate obesity takes more than commitment; it takes support, information, and resources.
The National Association for Weight Loss Surgery (NAWLS) helps WLS patients shape new lives. We teach people what they need to know and help them makes the changes they need to make to achieve long-term WLS success -- physically, mentally, and spiritually.
In a November 2005 poll conducted by NAWLS, the following were identified as the top 10 mistakes WLS patients make:
1st Mistake: Not Taking Vitamins, Supplements, or Minerals
Every WLS patient has specific nutritional needs depending on the type of surgery you have had. Not only is it a good idea to ask your surgeon for guidelines, but also consult with an experienced WLS nutritionist. Understand there is not a standard practice that all surgeons and nutritionists follow in guiding WLS patients. So, it is important to do your own research, get your lab tests done regularly, and learn how to read the results.
Some conditions and symptoms that can occur when you are deficient in vitamins, supplements, or minerals include:
Osteoporosis; pernicious anemia; muscle spasms; high blood pressure; burning tongue; fatigue; loss of appetite; weakness; constipation and diarrhea; numbness and tingling in the hands and feet; being tired, lethargic, or dizzy; forgetfulness, and lowered immune functioning.
Keep in mind, too, that some conditions caused by not taking your vitamins, supplements, or minerals are irreversible.
2nd Mistake: Assuming You Have Been Cured of Your Obesity
A "pink cloud" or honeymoon experience is common following WLS. When you are feeling better than you have in years, and the weight is coming off easily, it's hard to imagine you will ever struggle again. But unfortunately, it is very common for WLS patients to not lose to their goal weight or to regain some of their weight back.
A small weight regain may be normal, but huge gains usually can be avoided with support, education, effort, and careful attention to living a healthy WLS lifestyle. For most WLSers, if you don't change what you've always done, you're going to keep getting what you've always gotten -- even after weight loss surgery.
3rd Mistake: Drinking with Meals
Yes, it's hard for some people to avoid drinking with meals, but the tool of not drinking with meals is a critical key to long-term success. If you drink while you eat, your food washes out of your stomach much more quickly, you can eat more, you get hungry sooner, and you are at more risk for snacking. Being too hungry is much more likely to lead to poor food choices and/or overeating.
4th Mistake: Not Eating Right
Of course everyone should eat right, but in this society eating right is a challenge. You have to make it as easy on yourself as possible. Eat all your meals--don't skip. Don't keep unhealthy food in sight where it will call to you all the time. Try to feed yourself at regular intervals so that you aren't as tempted to make a poor choice.
And consider having a couple of absolutes: for example, avoid fried foods completely, avoid sugary foods, always use low-fat options, or only eat in a restaurant once a week. Choose your "absolutes" based on your trigger foods and your self knowledge about what foods and/or situations are problematic for you.
5th Mistake: Not Drinking Enough Water
Most WLS patients are at risk for dehydration. Drinking a minimum of 64 oz. of water per day will help you avoid this risk. Adequate water intake will also help you flush out your system as you lose weight and avoid kidney stones. Drinking enough water helps with your weight loss, too.
6th Mistake: Grazing
Many people who have had WLS regret that they ever started grazing, which is nibbling small amounts here and there over the course of the day. It's one thing to eat the three to five small meals you and your doctor agree you need. It's something else altogether when you start to graze, eating any number of unplanned snacks. Grazing can easily make your weight creep up. Eating enough at meal time, and eating planned snacks when necessary, will help you resist grazing.
Make a plan for what you will do when you crave food, but are not truly hungry. For example, take up a hobby to keep your hands busy or call on someone in your support group for encouragement.
7th Mistake: Not Exercising Regularly
Exercise is one of the best weapons a WLS patient has to fight weight regain. Not only does exercise boost your spirits, it is a great way to keep your metabolism running strong. When you exercise, you build muscle. The more muscle you have, the more calories your body will burn, even at rest!
8th Mistake: Eating the Wrong Carbs (or Eating Too Much)
Let's face it, refined carbohydrates are addictive. If you eat refined carbohydrates they will make you crave more refined carbohydrates. There are plenty of complex carbohydrates to choose from, which have beneficial vitamins. For example, if you can handle pastas, try whole grain Kamut pasta--in moderation, of course. (Kamut pasta doesn't have the flavor some people find unpleasant in the whole wheat pastas.) Try using your complex carbohydrates as "condiments," rather than as the center point of your meal. Try sprinkling a tablespoon of brown rice on your stir-fried meat and veggies.
9th Mistake: Going Back to Drinking Soda
Drinking soda is controversial in WLS circles. Some people claim soda stretches your stomach or pouch. What we know it does is keep you from getting the hydration your body requires after WLS--because when you're drinking soda, you're not drinking water! In addition, diet soda has been connected to weight gain in the general population. The best thing you can do is find other, healthier drinks to fall in love with. They are out there.
10th Mistake: Drinking Alcohol
If you drank alcohol before surgery, you are likely to want to resume drinking alcohol following surgery. Most surgeons recommend waiting one year after surgery. And it is in your best interest to understand the consequences of drinking alcohol before you do it.
Alcohol is connected with weight regain, because alcohol has 7 calories per gram, while protein and vegetables have 4 calories per gram. Also, some people develop an addiction to alcohol after WLS, so be very cautious. Depending on your type of WLS, you may get drunker, quicker after surgery, which can cause health problems and put you in dangerous situations.
If you think you have a drinking problem, get help right away. Putting off stopping drinking doesn't make it any easier, and could make you a lot sicker.
Doubting
Feb 02, 2007
It is so hard for me to take this as a reality. Maybe after my PATs I will feel more like this is real. Right now, I feel like it is still something that isn't happening, even though it will be here in 4 weeks. Yes, 4 weeks from this day, I will be in the recovery room. 4 weeks from that day, I hope to be back at work 25 pounds lighter. I don't know how I will do that. It seems like a wish and dream, not a reality.
I just feel like this is pretend.
Lists
Jan 25, 2007
What I Want To Do
1. Cross legs
2. Wear beautiful old dress from 2000 formal
3. Play DDR and do the up/down arrow jumps without feeling stupid
4. Lose muffin top
5. Climb stairs and breathe
6. Roller coaster riding (I worked at a weight loss camp where we took kids to a Great Adventure. That is mean. Half the campers couldn't ride any rides.)
7. Shop all around the town
8. Stand for long periods and not be exhausted
9. Stun myself with pre/post photos
10. Rollerblade and bike outside
Things I Find Amazing
1. My new bebe cousin will never know me as a fat person
2. I am the boss of how this goes.
3. I am tiring of food in general.
Worries
1. Andrea and her relationship to food. Really worried about how this will go for her and I and food
2. Attention from all sources
3. Addiction substitution (I can be a real slut)
4. Still won't be able to get pregnant on my own
5. Will still need anti-depressants
6. Failure
Ammunition
1. Books
2. Protein shakes and bars
3. OH
4. Teri and Jen
5. Myself and my determination
6. Single serve soup
Emotions
1. Excited
2. Terrified
3. Nervous
4. Overwhelmed
5. Anticipatory
6. Excited
Weight
Jan 13, 2007
I weigh 270 pounds. I never talk about how much I weigh. Remember how when you were a kid people would say how much they weighed and I'd always be like I don't know, but the real answer was like 75 more pounds then everyone else and of course I knew it.
Now, people don't ask or talk about exact weight anymore. People just say they are fat.
I weigh 270 pounds. That's all mine. I own it.
I don't feel like I weigh this much. Yesterday, I was in a salon and I was in the chair and my muffin top was soo out of control and at that moment, I looked, felt and really admitted that I was 270.
I am excited to not be that anymore.
I went to a new therapist. I was telling her my irrational fears, and I wanted her to calm them, but she didn't. I was like what if I am the only person that has this surgery and doesn't lose any weight? She said that could happen. And I was like no it really can't and she was like sure it could and then I realized that she doesn't know shit about GBS, so I don't really want to go see her anymore.
This entry is kind of all over the place, but I suppose that is how I am feeling. I am working on steps so I can do this. I know I can do this. I'm drinking IsoPure Apple Melon today, sipping sipping sipping. Now I see what this looks like, what it will feel like. It is taking like an hour to drink about 3 ounces. This is really going to take up my time; I won't have any time to be hungry! I will be constantly putting things in my mouth.
It is just so much to wrap my head around.
I am getting nervous about relationship stuff. I am not so sure how Andrea and I will handle this. She really likes to feed me. She gets really insulted when I say no. I told her that I can't have that. She is not allowed to be mad if I don't want to take her food. It is not a rejection of her. It is a rejection of the food. Not even her food per se, just food in general at that time.
I am on the phone at my job with an annoying patron.
I am still typing here and she never noticed. I wish she would be quiet.
Date!
Dec 12, 2006
I got a date today: March 1, 2007.
I really can't even believe it. I am making all the arrangements with work and telling my friends and family. I only have like two and a half months! This is getting intense.