Lisa B.
My Weight Journey
I'm a 42 yr old female who weighs over 550 lbs. I have asthma, sleep apnea, reflux and severe lower back and knee pain,incontience and not to mention the female problems I have suffered with. I was what they call a normal size child, when I was a teenager. I was not over weight but I was a little larger then the other girls my age. I guess my horror started when I was concieved my father wanted my mother to terminate the pregnacy, he didn't want me and when she would'nt do it he left us, and as of today he has no idea if I'm alive or dead then when I was 13, I ran away from home to escape a cousin who had been molesting me since I was 4 yrs old. I never had a father or any brothers around to help me. And my mom was a single mother she had to work day and night to keep a roof over our head, so it was just me and my older sister at home. My mother had to work two jobs just to keep us fed and clothed. My sister is 8 years older then me, so when mom was gone she was out in the streets with friends and boyfriends. I met a man when i was 13 he was 20 yrs old ( 7 yrs older then me ) I ran away with him hoping he would protect me, just to find out later he was to abuse me also but in a different way. I was beaten almost everyday that i can remember. I went from broken bones and ribs, black eyes,concusions, even kicked in the face and getting thrown out of a moving truck with my 2 yr old son in my arms,when i was 16. I was told I was ugly and fat and no one would want me and that I should be thankfull he was with me. But even though I went through all this I stayed with him because I was more afraid of my cousin then I was my ex husband. I was never allowed to work and since he had a good job he felt that I had everything I needed so to him there was no reason for me to work. If i even looked at a man passing or he at me i was beaten for flirting he said, I was beaten almost every weekend for 20 years, I lived in fear every time I heard the top of a beer can pop. So all I did was eat in a deep depresion hoping I would choke and die, always wondering if I was going to get beaten again tonight. I cant tell you how many times when I heard the top of a beer bottle open, I would run to the bathroom to beg and pray and ask God to please not let me get beaten again tonight. I would sit on the edge of the tub rocking back and forth shaking,crying asking God to please hear my prayers and not let him hit me again. My life was filled with hurt and pain from when i was born. Well I finally divorced my ex after 20 yrs of abuse. I finally felt what it was like to be free! Then after being single for 4 yrs I met and fell in love with a wonderfull man who loves me for the way I am and best of all he has never lifted a hand to me, he supports me and helps me with my health problems without ever saying a hurtfull thing about my weight. I've been blessed. We've been married now for 9 yrs and now I have all this weight to deal with and i cant enjoy my new husband the way i would love to. Because of my weight..I need to have this surgery so i can get my life back (well i mean have a life i did'nt have one before ) and enjoy my new life with a wonderfull man. I at one time wanted to die ...now I want to live and enjoy life. I will get this surgery if i can find a Dr who can work with self pay..God is good and i know if he gave me the strength to over come the horrible past i lived, I know he will give me the strength to fight for my life
September 8th 2006
Well here I am 3 years after surgery healthy and happy about my weight loss but not happy in my life. I finally am able to run,walk,clean house and buy nice clothes and feel good about myself again but now my marriage is hanging on by a thread all just because i can't get pregnant. I'm almost at the point to where I'm about to go home to Texas and say good by to the man I love and start my life over all because I can't get pregnant I am so pressured into getting pregnant there are times I feel like I'm no good as a female and I feel tired of trying to please my husband. It took me many years to feel good about my self again and now I'm getting back to where i was before feeling worthless. I have loss over 260 lbs and I'm still loosing but real slowly but at least I'm still loosing. This surgery was the answer to my prayers My life is so much better now health wise and it feels great to be able to where nice jeans again and not from the big side i can actually where nice sexy clothes again. Now if I can just get my marriage back to the way it was. But if not I will overcome this to.
