lisalcj13

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So I am now 100 pounds down (yeah!!!)  and one of my dreams was to see my ex's when I lost the weight. I pictured them with they're mouths hanging open when they saw me and they would want me even more and I would feel so good about that. well it happened I saw my ex's and they're mouths hung open, I've been gettings text messages from them saying how good I look. but instead of feeling good about it, I felt nothing! nothing at all! I feel so good about myself and so proud of what I've done for myself. I realized that I don't need they're approval, never did. so I guess this would be my "wow moment" 

well here it is another year and for course I made my resolutions for 2009. so here it is:

1. Learn to say the word "NO" and "I don't have it!"

2. reach my goal weight of 180 pounds

3. exercise more

4. take driving lessons ( face my fear)

5. save money

6. take classes upgrade my skills at work

7. attend a good church

8. fall in Love

9. help others who are thinking about WLS.

10. take a vacation, I want to go to an Island and just lay on the beach

since Oct. I've been at the same weight 250. it's been tuff for me with all the holiday foods and meeting friends after work and everybody's telling me how great I look, so I got relaxed and off track. in other words I fell for the oldest trap in the weightloss handbook!   I lost focus for a minute, but slowly but surly I'm getting back on track. a lot of times I get so tired of trying so hard to stay focused, but I know I've come too damn far to fail. pray for me ya'll.........

this month will be 6 months since my surgery and I feel great! I got on the scale this morning and I weigh 255! WHAAAAT!  I can honestly say that I can't remember when I was 255. I do know it was before my son was born ( 13 years ago! ) I've been seeing changes in my face and body, I have a WOW moment every day. I feel so much better about myself more confident, my co-workers and family see the happiness on my face. I thank God for my surgery,  the me thats been trapped inside this ( fat suit) for all these years is finally coming out!

Saturday I went with my mom to a Lobster/ crab feast (all you can eat) now mind you I had my surgery on 4/14. I can only eat but so much.   anyway I had my little plate of food then I watched people go and get 2 and 3 plates piled high, and I actually felt sad because I couldn't eat anymore. they had every kind of dessert you could imange, and I couldn't eat it. that had to be the first time I felt sad because I couldn't eat. I kept  saying to myself " are you  crazy? why are you so sad?"  is this what it's going to be like from now on?  I know it will get better, but i just really felt like an outsider, ya know?

so far I'm 60 pounds down since my surgery ( thank you god)

What's going on family! well tomorrow it will be 11 weeks since I had my surgery ( my re-birth) and !I feel fantastic! I'm down 45 pounds, I feel so good sometimes I say to myself "man if I'm feeling this good at  45 pounds down imagine when I reach goal!  I thank God everyday for all of his blessings I feel like I got a second chance in life and I don't want to mess it up.

don't get me wrong I'm so happy I had the surgery. this is the best decision I made, but .......I WANT TO EAT!    example, I took my son to see the new Iron Man movie and I couldn't eat anything there! I swear I felt like crying. I did bring my protein shake and water but its not the same. so i was a little bumbed out about that but I also was proud of myself because I did give in.

today I went on the scale and it said 309. WHAT!!!! I shook my head because I couldn't believe it so i went on the scale again..... 309.  wow!!!  I'm down 21 pounds! 

well I had my surgery on 4/14 and was released from the hospital on 4/16. so far so good. I'm in a little pain but nothing major. ( thank God) the hospital stay was very pleasent except for my roommate. she was this older lady that had a neck fracture so she was helling and in a lot of pain. there were times when I really didn't think she even knew where she was at! i kept saying to myself ( just calm down girl you only got one more day in here) because at one point she was making so much noise I was like oh hell na I got to change rooms! but I ended up staying, I mean really she was in pain and couldn't move so I just had to put myself in her place. I'm eating ok, not sure what "full" feels like now. some food smells I can't take now, it makes me sick. I've been trying to walk, even if it's just in my apartment. :o)

Well, It's finally here! I can't believe how quick it's been. last month it seem like nothing was happening, I didn't here from my insurance company, didn't here from the doctor, everything seem to be at a stand still. then the wheels started turning again. so far I don't feel nervous, there were times when I did and when that happened I just remembered that God is in charge! :0) so today I have to eat just "clears" and it's killing me! I am soooooo hungry right now. :o)