Lisa U.

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You ever have one of those days where you just need to cry and let it out? Well I'm having one of those weeks. My weight loss has stalled(I know I'm pre-op but I have to lose 10 more pounds), my mother is cranky and unsupportive,  I'm trying to raise my sisters son who has emotional and behavioral issues, and this same sister has no respect for me. And there's more but I won't even bother talking about it. The one week I don't have a therapist appointment lol It's taking everything I have to workout. I feel so drained. 

I just feel like I'm not allowed to be happy. Or that my happiness means nothing to anyone else. Part of me wants to run away as far as I can once I get this surgery. But I had always dreamed of sharing it with them and that maybe it would fix things.

It's not. It's only going to fix me. 

Le sigh!

I could barely do 20 minutes last week lol

A funny thing happened last week at the support group I attended. I was sitting next to an older woman. The surgeons were asking if anyone else had any questions. I was contemplating whether or not to raise my hand(speaking in front of a large group of people has always been a phobia of mine), when the woman next to me asked the EXACT question I was going to ask. It was so odd. Out of all the questions she could possibly ask, and of all the people in the room! Anyway, the question was how long after we get the surgery could we start working out again, because she didn't want to the lose the routine she had started. I was so shocked that I completely missed the answer! So if anyone can answer this for me, please let me know ;-)

It was very interesting. The room was packed. I came back feeling a little less enthusiastic, but a bit more realistic. Which I think is good. The saddest thing was hearing about how some family members and friends treated them differently afterwards. One guy was in shock that could happen. Makes perfect sense. You're not the reliable fat friend/sister/daughter anymore. I heard one post-op woman say under her breath, with a sad look on her face, "You're no longer a doormat."

I think this is going to be a serious issue for me to deal with afterwards.......le sigh.

Also, my cab driver was an ASSHOLE. And he looked like Joe Dirt 

Plus an extra pound

 But since that was water weight, I'm pretty sure I can't expect a 1-2 pound loss every day from now on. 

Off to do Richard Simmons! By the way, has anyone ever said the phrase "I'm doing Richard Simmons" without laughing immediately afterwards? Doubt it.

I have AT LEAST 12 appointments this month!  3 to the therapist, chest X-ray,2 support meetings, 2 education sessions, pulmonologist, bloodwork, checkup, and nutritional evaluation. Excuse my French, but what the eff was I thinking?! Eh. I better get used to it :-/

I used to think my biggest hurdle would be my insane obsession with food. Now I think it's going to be pretzels and my Mother.

Went to see the PA and dietician at Albany Med yesterday. I ADORED them. Especially the PA. She reminded me of Mrs. Garrett from Facts of Life lol Anyway, they made me feel so incredibly comfortable. I'm happy I went with Albany instead of Ellis, at least for now. I have so many things left on my checklist. It's a tad overwhelming.

-Lose 20 pounds

-attend 2 support groups

-4-6 Bariatric Program visits

-see a Pulmonologist

-nutrition evaluation

-pre-op psychological assessment

-pcp letter of support

-2 education sessions

But I'm happy that the process is rigorous. It's not something you can just jump right into. I'm so excited :-)